My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
quote by Steven Wright
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you'
quote by Steven Wright
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cinderella 's Ramblings
Tonight I am Cinderella
And my roommate is my fairy godmother
I bathed in scented soap given to me by my bestfriend
My roommate curls my hair
I struggle with what to wear
Most of my clothes make me look fat
I settle for a safe outfit
My roommate accentuates my blah outfit
I put on make up and cologne
I wear my nice shoes
I'm all set
My friends pick me up
We all go to the party
I look nice, some friends tell me
I thank my roommate in my head
The dancing begins
I try the two step and the polka
I'm not very good at it
Played the frisbee tortilla
Almost won but not quite
Talked to people
Danced some more
And time flies
Now it's time to leave
And I must say goodnight to a dream
Until the next time when I will be Cinderella again
But unlike her, I came home with my shoe
And no prince's heart in tow.
-Ramblings. Not quite a silly rhyme, not even a poem. Just ramblings.
poem by Mavreen Rose
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Jumbo Jet
I saw a little elephant standing in my garden,
I said 'You don't belong in here', he said 'I beg you pardon?',
I said 'This place is England, what are you doing here?',
He said 'Ah, then I must be lost' and then 'Oh dear, oh dear'.
'I should be back in Africa, on Saranghetti's Plain',
'Pray, where is the nearest station where I can catch a train?'.
He caught the bus to Finchley and then to Mincing lane,
And over the Embankment, where he got lost, again.
The police they put him in a cell, but it was far too small,
So they tied him to a lampost and he slept against the wall.
But as the policemen lay sleeping by the twinkling light of dawn,
The lampost and the wall were there, but the elephant was gone!
So if you see an elephant, in a Jumbo Jet,
You can be sure that Africa's the place he's trying to get!
poem by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Child Is Born: From Far
there was a TV commercial
about saving a child
from a miserable deadly fate.
as soon as thecommercial popped up,
I asked my roommate:
why you do not help
with a dollar or two to save
that child?
look at her,
she is a beautiful child!
-there is no ugliness in a child, just look close. The ugly part is when one remembers oneself as one looks at a child.-
My roommate
became angry and agitated
when he saw an African, Latino, or Asian starving child
he always say:
''let them die
you can not help them,
just wait, they will grow up and
will kill each other anyway.
let them die,
it is a waste.''
poem by Atef Ayadi
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Bob
I had a friend that took a blet, took a blet and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
His woman and his little bro came home from the grocery store
Only to find him dangling in the apartment where he lived
I had a friend who shaved his head
Put his doctor martins on
And drew such wondrous pictures in the apartment where he lived
He praised my creativity, though he spoke sarcastically
Oh, the conversations in the apartment where he lived
I had a friend that took a blet, took a belt and hung himself
Hung himself in the doorway of the apartment where he lived
Rock, she thought him spiteful; ler, he thought him pitiful
Me, Ive never been back to the apartment where he lived
song performed by by Primus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Waa
Rat was
Play for
Elephant...
Elephant also play
for rat...
Suddenley
Angry mood
Elephant
Told rat
'Go to play for cat'
Ok...
Ok..
Told the rat bite
The elephant leg
And run to run...
With smile...smile...
Very soory
Elephant was cry
With lough for rat...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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For example, after developing a sound similar to an elephant trumpeting, I wrote the song Elephant Talk which gave my elephant sound an appropriate place to live.
quote by Adrian Belew
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Incubus
Who wants a nice white elephant,
Quite fit in wind and limb?
An ornament for any gent
Who can find use for him.
It won't pay us to kill the cuss;
But we can't afford his keep.
Who wants a nice white elephant?
We'll sell or lease him cheap.
Who wants a nice white elephant?
He'd make a lovely pet.
In rich, fat days we loved his way,
But in these times of fret
He's sort of grown too big for us
To fondle, groom and feed.
Who wants a fine white elephant
Of most exclusive breed?
Who wants a nice white elephant?
Of noble lineage he.
His breed is by State Jealousy
Out of Prosperity.
The rich years thro' he grew and grew,
And, ah, we loved him so.
But we can't afford his bed and board,
And we'd like to let him go.
Who'll buy a nice white elephant?
No decent bid refused.
We love him yet, altho' our pet
Has often been abused.
But come on, gents, walk up, walk up.
Our funds, alas, are scant.
Altho' we once were sold a pup
Who'll buy an elephant?
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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Someone skipped on the rent and they left behind a huge upright piano, which got moved into our apartment so the other apartment could get rented out. I took to it and started playing.
quote by Cy Coleman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Elephant Bar
I have a simple question to ask you
Have you ever been to an Elephant bar?
Oh, you must, because it’s so quaint
One of my favorite restaurants so far
Why, everyone loves the Elephant
The statues in this place are so neat
And the food, oh such food they have
Each morsel is a scrumptious treat
I’ll tell you more about the food
Delicious in both taste and sight
Elephant size portions they advertise
They create meals that are perfectly right
Chicken salad that’s so good for you
They create the perfect blend of flavors
I always eat mine so slowly
Because it’s food that I truly savor
Take time from your busy schedule
No matter where you are
Because you MUST visit a restaurant
That is called The Elephant Bar!
poem by Marilyn Lott
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Elephant On The Telephone
There’s an elephant on the telephone
Who wants to make a trunk call
To the elegant but pleasant gent
That he calls his negligent uncle
Who had forgotten, since he’s not
An elephant with great foresight,
To tie a tight knot upon the spot
In his cotton handkerchief, a fortnight
Ago in November, so he’d remember
That December’s the time for going shopping
For expensive gifts he intends to fit
In the elephant’s huge Christmas stocking.
poem by C. Richard Miles
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An elephant has enormous dung -- don't try to defecate like an elephant. Don't try to wipe someone else's ass if yours is unwiped.
Although he who walks behind an elephant may feel very secure, he is likely to get splattered with elephant dung.
Every elephant contains two elephants, one who learns what he's taught and another who insists on ignoring it all.
Jose Saramago in The Elephant's Journey (2008), translated by Margaret Jull Costa
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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And How Did He Put The Elephant In The Refrigerator?
simple enough
he first
finds the door
of the ref
opens it
lifts
the elephant
using his hands
and then
puts the elephant
inside the ref
and then
he finally
closes the
door
that is how
he does it
and everyone
who hears
him says
he is one
mighty right
the next
problem is
how to put
the giraffe
in the ref
and he says
it is very simple
open the ref
take the
elephant out
and then
put the giraffe
and do not
forget
to close the door of the
ref
is it not
that simple?
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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All this happens without him knowing - they actually install cameras in his apartment and hire this girl to get him to fall in love with her so that she can be in the apartment and present him products without him knowing.
quote by Caroline Dhavernas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When an elephant becomes as small as a monkey, it ceases to be an elephant.
An elephant hunter usually gets killed by an elephant.
Elephant Heaven
The sun was hot, the breeze was cool,
The day had just begun...
The elephant must find a pool
Where he could have some fun!
So off he went, his trunk held high,
Remembering the past!
With one huge twinkle in his eye
Till he arrived! At last!
The water waited patiently...
Warmed by the sun above...
The giant slipped in daintily...
His heart so full of love!
'This is the place! I'll stay awhile...
I'll rest and take my ease...'
He slurped the water with a smile,
'I'll do just as I please! '
With that, he splashed and thrashed around!
The fish fled for their lives!
They'd lost the sense of peace they'd found!
God knows how each survives!
The elephant then had a whim...
Submerging like a whale...
'I'll show these fishies how to swim! '
Flat out, he swished his tail!
The fishies looked enthralled, amazed!
Astounded he could float!
If men had seen this, they'd be dazed,
For he was like a boat!
The elephant went on his way...
Refreshed, revitalised!
At last, he bid them all good day...
Gob smacked... and still surprised!
Denis Martindale, copyright,2011.
The poem is based on the magnificent painting
by Stephen Gayford called 'Elephant Heaven'.
More Stephen Gayford poems here:
denis-martindale-dot-blogspot-dot-com
poem by Denis Martindale
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My first college roommate greeted me with a shocked silence followed by, 'So... you're black.'