This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set about what they actually look like. But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy. So... just batteries aren't included.
quote by Kevin Sorbo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
All the Jokes
All the jokes have already been told
And so instead, we tell jokes about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
So instead we tell jokes about how
All the new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
Because they remind us about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these jokes get old very quickly
So we make up new jokes about how
The jokes about the new jokes about how
All the jokes that have already been told
Are starting to get quite old
But after a while, once these jokes
Have gotten quite old themselves
We sit and listen to the silence
And wonder about the past, and how
All the jokes have already been told
Then suddenly, out of nowhere
Somebody comes up with a joke
That had been forgotten long ago
But is so funny we can't even breathe
So we roll on the floor, gasping for air
poem by Derek Ouyang
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Batteries Not Included
Six oclock in the morning
Wake up by the bed
There sits a japanese toy
And I like it
See the name on the wrapping
Cant read yet but I know
Its made for me (lucky boy)
And I want it
Lights that flash, wheels that go round
Digital display
Fresh silicon chips to enjoy
And I need them
(wheres the batteries? )
Sitting silent and empty
Wish I could breathe life
In my new friend whos terribly still
And I like him
Just like me. prhaps hes hungry.
Six volts make him smile
And twelve volts would probably kill
How I like him
Daddy, wheres the batteries
I cant find my batteries
(theres no batteries)
Seven oclock in the morning
They find me by the bed
With my friend the japanese toy
I am with him
Mummy, daddy --- cant see you,
Hear you. batteries not
Included in this little boy
(wheres my batteries? )
song performed by by Jethro Tull
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'
quote by Demetri Martin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
quote by Steven Wright
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The revelations of great men
If you do something good in return,
You aren’t good; you settled a due.
If you do something good intently,
You aren’t good; you simply invested.
If you ask pardon for a fevour,
You aren’t great; it’s a strategy.
If you give pardon to one mightier,
You aren’t great with no alternatives.
If you speak truth when comfortable
And be honest when convenient
You cannot boast of yourself as great
As any mean one could do them at ease.
You aren’t great being just in matters
Where being otherwise of no advantage.
You aren’t great with the veil you’ve made
Of good deeds to hide the ill gotten.
You aren’t great with philanthropy
From the undue or unfair wealth got.
But for few, all great men may forgive me
For the revelations made of them.
19.10.2008
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
quote by Bernard Manning
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Personally, I'm not interested in making device drivers look like user-level. They aren't, they shouldn't be, and microkernels are just stupid.
quote by Linus Torvalds (25 May 2002)
Submitted by Simona Enache
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Love Toy
Doo wop bop
When it comes to boys
Mamma always said
Never let any temptation
Go to your head
Doo wop bop
Oh but its so tempting so delicious
When I kiss your lips
When I feel your fingertips
Cause ooh, you my love toy
No batteries required
Ooh youre my love toy
Wind me up and I start to move
Ooh youre my love toy
No batteries required
No, no, no Id be so ashamed
Beisdes Ive got my reputation to maintain
Must you be so darn persistent
Tryin to make me weak
bout to knock me off my feet
Ooh, you my love toy
No batteries required
Ooh youre my love toy
Wind me up and I start to move
Ooh youre my love toy
No batteries required
Doo wop bop, ooi ooi doo wop, doo wop bop
You are always on the sly
When I see you smiling
With that look in your eyes
Whispering those little secrets
You really turn me on
Doo wop bop
Makes me wanna have more fun
Ooh, you my love toy
No batteries required
Ooh youre my love toy
Wind me up and I start to move
Ooh youre my love toy
No batteries required
Ooh...que rico
Ooi ooi doo wop bop
No batteries required
Ooi ooi doo wop bop
Love toy
Ooi ooi doo wop bop
No batteries required
Ooi ooi doo wop bop
Love toy
song performed by by Gloria Estefan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
quote by Carrot Top
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.
quote by Rue McClanahan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Your Smile For Me
Your smile could change my mood.
And that time I used to feel so good.
And your smile could even make me smile.
Although I was crying I would laugh for a while.
Funny thing and jokes, which I used to tell.
You would laugh and my jokes never did fail.
I am sorry that I never laughed with you.
But still your smile means lot to me and it's true.
You didn't seem to be okay yesterday.
Your parents? ? tell me what did they say? ?
I told you joke and even made fun of myself.
I didn't hear you laughing; I know I am not deaf.
What I am making you angry? i just can't see you,
Unhappy do you even know how much I love you? ?
Are you there? ? why are you not replying? ?
Please reply, without you here I feel like dying.
If I am making you angry then fine I m going
I won't talk to you ever and I am not crying.
You told only I used to make you smile, care about
You while other made you angry and give you hated.
I m just sorry that I thought I was your everything.
Without me you would not be even breathing.
Sorry that I cared about you and tried to make you smile.
Let's see how would you live if I m gone for a while
poem by Sushanta Rokka
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
quote by David Letterman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Kin of great men
Great men are known but their wives aren’t.
Great women are known but their husbands aren’t.
Great men’s parents and children too aren’t known.
Great men don’t bother but their kin would.
31.08.2010
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers.
quote by Armistead Maupin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My brother was a great audience, and if he liked the picture, he would laugh and laugh and laugh, and he would want to keep the picture. Making people laugh with an image I had created... what power that was!
quote by Lynn Johnston
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Only Wanna Laugh
(william jacob / shannon shor)
Change the mood Im in
For a little while
Let me see that grin
Let me see you smile
No soulful tales that fret and frown
No woeful wails that get me down
No rights or wrongs
Sing no sad songs for me
I only wanna laugh
No time for crying
I only wanna laugh
No time for tears
I only wanna sing
A song thats happy
Thats why I only wanna walk a street thats sunny
I only wanna see the side thats funny
Im saving all of my tears until tomorrow
cause crying all my tears
Just aint my style
Im acting like a clown
But let me be
cause even though I know
The jokes on me
I only wanna laugh
Only wanna laugh
Only wanna laugh
Im saving all of my tears until tomorrow
cause crying all my tears
Baby, just aint my style
Im acting like a clown
But let me be
cause even though the jokes on me, oh
Tell the girls goodbye
cause I dont wanna cry
Hey
I only wanna laugh
Only wanna laugh
Only wanna laugh
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A smile again n again...
A smile again n again...
So many things happen in life,
n u smile,
People ignore u,
u smile,
they dont like u,
but u smile,
u feel bad,
still u smile,
They do it again n again,
but u keep up ur smile.
u aren't great as them,
u aren't wished like them,
u aren't talked like them,
still u love them,
n welcome them,
with a smile.
Time keep movin',
n u need them,
they laugh at you,
they put u aside,
n u have it all,
with a smile.
U feel alone,
u feel exhausted,
tears keep flowing,
but u hide them,
n instead, show your lips,
carrying a smile.
-Prankul
poem by Prankul Agarwal
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Falling For You
I see you,
You see me.
We look at each other,
And just keep on staring.
I want to hear your voice,
But I cant start
Because I cant find courage,
To open my mouth.
As if you've read my mind,
You start speaking.
You ease the tension,
You remove the awkwardness.
You crack jokes,
I laugh at them,
Even though they aren't funny,
But I still do it, for you.
You say my name,
It sounds so sweet.
I am falling hard,
And I'm falling for you.
poem by Anushna Satapathy
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Laugh
If you can’t laugh at yourself a lot,
You’re not enjoying the life you’ve got.
The greatest source of humor on earth
Has followed you all around since birth.
Into your mirror laugh or at least smile
And be happy for at least a while.
A good laugh will slow that clock down;
Just as it speeds up with every frown.
Laugh at things that make you sad.
You’ll find out they really aren’t so bad.
poem by Gregory Huyette
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Dedicated To Laughter!
Dedicated to laughter! Yes!
It gives your brain a tickle!
It brings a lotto happiness,
You've gotto have a giggle!
Don't hold it back! Let it be free!
Roll on the floor as well!
Then other folks will laugh with glee -
And think it's wonderfell...
Children are known to laugh the most -
They've learnt to tell jokes, too...
With limericks from coast-to-coast
To get the message through!
Yes, laughter lifts the lungs like songs...
Thus tensions melt away...
That's why all comics should get gongs
When honours are given in May...
If I get knighted, as it were,
The day I leave The Mall,
Be kind enough to call me, SIR!
Not Mister, mate or pal!
All wise-cracks pour from lightning brains
That see life's ironies,
Sifting out truths from lies like grains
With food for thought to please!
I'd like to think that humour spreads
Like smiles as joy imparts.
Some jokes are like fine thoroughbreds -
They're trained to thrill our hearts!
Blessed is the soul that's learnt to laugh
Yet cares for other folks -
It proves a noble epitaph
That one was known for jokes!
A precious pun's not always cute!
But sometimes it's OK...
So do your best to be astute!
You'll make somebody's day!
poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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