If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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For One His Age He's Not Learnt Much
The old fellow Bill he spoke quite loud he must have had drank a few beers
And it would seem he does not have that much between his ears
And anyone of Irish race at him would take offence
For one his age he's not learnt much and he doesn't make much sense.
Of his fellow golf club members he did not like they are Irish he did say
And these of course are put down words when used in such a way
And by putting down a few he disliked he put down a whole race
As he spoke into a microphone in a very public place.
To Bill it might have seemed a joke but such a joke can go too far
When used in a golf club rooms or tavern or in a public bar
One would think he would have more sense that he'd have reached that stage
But to him it doesn't seem to apply that wisdom comes with age.
At the Eastwood Golf Club rooms in Kilsyth he took the microphone
One who ought to have better sense he should have stayed at home
For by putting down a few he disliked he put a whole race down
And the victims of racism not always black or brown.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Paradise Knife & Gun Club
(chick rains)
Joe bob was rough as a cob
And prone to blow his stack
Kenny dean was in a suicide scene
Sneaking behind joes back
Sneaking around with joes girl, june
She liked the boys in the band
And when they all got together on saturday night
It was easy to understand why
They called it saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
And theres drinking and dancing to the music of bobby lee and the blackjacks
It was saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
Now the only other place was a man named jack
And he wouldnt take talking back
He was married to a woman named may
She took up the slack
Well he knocked you out and shed drag you out
And leave you in the parking lot
And when you wake up in the morning with a busted head
Youre just happy that was all you got
On saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
And theres drinking and dancing to the music of bobby lee and the blackjacks
It was saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
Well the night joe bob found out
That kenny dean was sneaking around with june
He caught bobby lee and the band
In the middle of an old hank williams tune
Bobby lee cried out your cheatin heart
And that was just the spark it took
And when the fighting got started
Everybody took part and that whole damn building shook
Until the sheriff came out and stopped the bout
Hauled everybody to jail
When the judge saw the blood and the chewed up ears
He turned a whiter shade of pale
He said, good God yall
Whats happened here, somebody start a wwiii
Well kenny dean just grinned the best he could
Said your honor it seems to me
Like it was just another saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
And theres drinking and dancing to the music of bobby lee and the blackjacks
It was saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
On saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
And theres drinking and dancing to the music of bobby lee and the blackjacks
It was saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
On saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
And theres drinking and dancing to the music of bobby lee and the blackjacks
It was saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
Lord, if you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
song performed by by Lonestar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The South Fork Boys and Their Dam
The boys of South Fork Country Club
Raise glasses to their health
And laud the speech of Carnegie,
His grand gospel of wealth.
Then breaks the dam and floods the homes
Of Johnstown's humbler ranks.
Two thousand and two hundred nine
Lie dead upon the banks.
The South Fork Fishing-Hunting Club,
A guilty brood of rooks,
Hear solace from ole Carnegie,
The patron saint of books:
'Our dam is breached, but who dares blame
'The fishing-hunting guild?
'Two thousand and FIVE hundred nine
'Libraries we shall build! '
The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Paradise Knife And Gun Club
Joe Bob was as rough as they come and prone to blow his stack
Kenny Dean was in the suicide scene and sneakin' behind Joe's back
Sneakin' around with Joe's girl June she liked the boys in the band
And when they all got together on Saturday night it was easy to understand why
They called it Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
There's drinking and dancing to the music of Bobby Lee and The Blackjacks
It was Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
Now the owner of the place was a man named Jack and he wouldn't take talking back
He was married to a woman named Mae she took up the slack
He knocked ya out and she'd drag ya out and leave ya in the parking lot
And when you'd wake up in the mornin' with a busted head you're just happy that was all you got
Come Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
There's was drinking and dancing to the music of Bobby Lee and The Blackjacks
It was Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
Well the night that Joe Bob found out that Kenny Dean was sneakin' around with June
He caught Bobby Lee in the band in the middle of an old Hank William's tune
Bobby Lee cried out your cheatin' heart that was just the spark it took
And when the fighting got started everybody took part and that whole damn building shook
Till the sheriff came out and he stopped the bout hauled everybody to jail
When the judge saw the blood and the chewed up ears he turned a whiter shade of pale
He said good God ya'll what's happened here somebody started World War III
Kenny Dean just grinned the best he could and said your Honor it seems to me like it was just another
Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
They was drinking and dancing to the music of Bobby Lee and The Blackjacks
It was Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
They was drinking and dancing to the music of Bobby Lee and The Blackjacks
It was Saturday night at the paradise knife and gun club
If you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
Lord if you was looking for some trouble you could find it I guarantee
song performed by by Lonestar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Fork To Take
I had pegged you as
protégé, adoptee,
someone I could save.
The last thing
I needed
was
another lover.
You call yourself
'an accident
looking
for a place
to happen.'
I call you
my sweet, my love,
not only
because you carry knives
for me
& want to beat up
all my
ex-husbands-
but because
you can laugh
at yourself
for wanting to.
We dream
of the baby
we will never have.
The little Jewish WASP
with golden blue eyes,
poems on the tip of his tongue.
your height, my hair,
& jokes that hit
their targets
on a slant.
He will never be
in the Social Register.
But will he know
which fork to take-
as you did
when you drove
off my road,
slyly taking the wrong fork
in order to stay
the night?
O you are sly,
my sweet wheat
looking for
a harvest.
Shall I reap you?
Shall I do to you
what the hurricane
does with the waving
grain?
Shall I thresh & bind you,
run barefoot
through your body
trying to stamp out
death?
Or shall I merely
let you
lift me up
like the wind spinning
an errant seed,
& let it
take me
where it will,
right fork,
wrong fork,
no fork
at all,
since we will take
the same path
through
the air
after all?
poem by Erica Jong
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Kissing My Disgrace
Cut her into little pieces
Move her round the plate
Knife and Fork, Ill dream you're all talk
I'm kissing my disgrace
Kissing my disgrace
Older fragments with no meaning
Cloaked her smiling face
Today I eat myself a breakfast
I'm kissing my Disgrace
Cut her into little pieces
Move her round the plate
Knife and Fork, I'll dream you're all talk
I'm kissing my disgrace
Kissing my disgrace (repeated)
song performed by by Queen Adreena
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Our Car Club
Ive been cruisin round the town now with the guys for quite a while
We been thinkin bout starting up a club that shows some class and style
And well get the finest cars
We got a deuce coupe, a stingray, a rail job and an xke
(well start a car club)
Well be the fastest at the drags, man, well really cut some low ets
(well start a car club)
And wipe out the other clubs
Well set a meet, and get a sponsor, and collect some dues
And you can bet that well have our jackets on wherever we cruise
Well get the roughest and the toughest initiation we can find
(well start a car club)
And if you want to try to get in well really put you through the grind
(well start a car club)
This clubs the very best
Well set a meet, and get a sponsor, and collect some dues
And you can bet that well have our jackets on wherever we cruise
Well get the roughest and the toughest initiation we can find
(well start a car club)
And if you want to try to get in well really send you through the grind
(well start a car club)
This clubs the very best
Start a club, a car club
(start a car club)
Start a club, a car club
(start a car club)
Start a club, a car club
(start a car club)
Start a club, a car club
(start a car club)
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.
Knife Party
My knife - its sharp and chrome
Come see inside my bones
All of the fiends are on the block
Im the new king, Ill take the queen
cause in here were all anemic
In here - anemic and sweet...so...
Go get your knife, go get your knife
And come in
Go get your knife, go get your knife
And lay down
Go get your knife, go get your knife
Now kiss me
Oooh...well I can float here forever
In this room we cant touch the floor
In here were all anemic
In here - anemic and sweet...so...
Go get your knife, go get your knife
And come in
Go get your knife, go get your knife
And lay down
Go get your knife, go get your knife
Now kiss me
Ohh... I could float here forever
Ohh... anemic and sweet
Ohh... I could float here forever
Ohh... anemic and sweet...so...
Go get your knife, go get your knife
And come in
Go get your knife, go get your knife
And lay down
Go get your knife, go get your knife
Get filthy
Go get your knife, go get your knife
And kiss me...
song performed by by Deftones
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork
quote by Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Teaching a monkey to eat with a fork and knife will never make it a man.
Rays
As shadows tap danced
'Cross a dappled sunset
A forest of Mesquite came alive
By a Guitar quartet
But oblivion soon set in
Head high in the grass
The Wizards concotion-toxic
From sips of the glass
As if gripped by a knife
Tummy hemoraged-burgandy to bright red
Close enough to death-to see the Light
Awakening to inciteful Rays- upon my sick bed
poem by Theodora Onken
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Take the Fork
I take the fork,
And select what I choose to eat.
I sample the vegetables...
To then sip on juice or spring water.
I slice the meat with a knife.
I taste for seasoning.
To see if it pleases.
It does...
And I repeat.
I take the fork,
And select what I choose to eat.
I sample the vegetables...
To then sip on juice or spring water.
I slice the meat with a knife.
I taste for seasoning.
To see if it pleases.
It does...
And I repeat.
I might have dessert,
With coffee.
I use a spoon,
If icecream is served.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The path leads one.
On my way in the path
When I met the first fork,
I took at random an arm [of the fork]
Which led me to the next fork,
From where taking an arm,
I met another and so on
Till I reached where I am now.
The path led me than I led myself.
06.02.2007
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Enough religious talk!
Just pick up your knife and fork
And eat some pork!
haiku by John Thorkild Ellison
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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031010 Control Yourself
i imagine face of my club
perpendicular to center
of my golf ball, when i hit
to release all my coiled
energy at full speed
it's a learned instinct
that you know if you
have a good contact
by the sound and feel
be calm no matter
what's the outcome
i'm offended by people
smoking cigar while playing
it chokes me, smell lingers
people who show their
temper, slamming clubs
voicing reason for bad shots
you're one of the above
you're the person i
rather not have
poem by Manonton Dalan
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The Last Poem Shall Tinker With Mood And Meaning
silence silenced, and dreams dreamt,
and the speaker that listens upon the beatings of his heart
like a little drum inside his chest.
it is this resounding. this re-echoing
that like a spoon and knife to a porcelain plate
tinkers with the meat and beans,
segregating, and choosing little things
in colors and smell, and swallowing some and
throwing out the rest of what we
like to have inside us. sorrow and pain.
joy and bliss. yours and mine. you and i.
these are categories that we see and feel,
and care and care less and choose.
we tinker with mood. we like always to choose,
and discriminate, the spoon is a spoon and the fork is a fork.
and the knife that cuts,
we are careful enough. There is meaning now.
Blood drops out from your veins, and some beans
turn red. You cull out, what you want to believe.
you leave and carry with you
what is painless. That is as simple as that.
more or less, either/or. write the name of the person
that you love. Burn those that hurt you. Close the door.
Open the window. See the sun. And let always the moon
to kiss you by your window. It does not know what a door is.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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We Love All The People
We love all the people
And we love to rock the house
No one knows were coming
So no ones coming out
To this particular rock club
Have we played this club before?
Ysee I cant remember
If weve played this club before
Put your hands together
Get on your knees and pray
Next time we come around here
We wont be back this way
Or to this particular rock club
Is that really the p.a.
Or just somebodys radio
Left in the corner of the room?
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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