I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
quote by Bernard Manning

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Related quotes
My Nordic Christmas Story
I bought boots for Christmas to tread the icy plains.
I bought toys for Christmas with Santas in my trains.
I lit my home for Christmas with a Cedar bright.
I made cup cakes for Christmas for my love's delight.
I bought Jane a dress for Christmas with ribbons pink.
I bought for my grandma a cozy Christmas mink.
I bought for Jill two amazing Christmas Sparrows.
I bought for Jack a toy quiver full of arrows.
I bought an Elk for Christmas with nose giving light.
I bought for Christmas, candles for a solemn night.
I made for Christmas a warm and sweet lemonade,
and I sang on Christmas morn, a sweet Serenade.
poem by Joseph C Ogbonna (18 December 2020)

Submitted by Joseph C Ogbonna
Vote! | Copy!

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
quote by Steven Wright

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Father Christmas
When I was small I believed in santa claus
Though I knew it was my dad
And I would hang up my stocking at christmas
Open my presents and Id be glad
But the last time I played father christmas
I stood outside a department store
A gang of kids came over and mugged me
And knocked my reindeer to the floor
They said:
Father christmas, give us some money
Dont mess around with those silly toys.
Well beat you up if you dont hand it over
We want your bread so dont make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
Dont give my brother a steve austin outfit
Dont give my sister a cuddly toy
We dont want a jigsaw or monopoly money
We only want the real mccoy
Father christmas, give us some money
Well beat you up if you make us annoyed
Father christmas, give us some money
Dont mess around with those silly toys
But give my daddy a job cause he needs one
Hes got lots of mouths to feed
But if youve got one, Ill have a machine gun
So I can scare all the kids down the street
Father christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
Well beat you up if you dont hand it over
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
Have yourself a merry merry christmas
Have yourself a good time
But remember the kids who got nothin
While youre drinkin down your wine
Father christmas, give us some money
We got no time for your silly toys
Well beat you up if you dont hand it over
We want your bread, so dont make us annoyed
Give all the toys to the little rich boys
song performed by by Kinks

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Batteries Not Included
Six oclock in the morning
Wake up by the bed
There sits a japanese toy
And I like it
See the name on the wrapping
Cant read yet but I know
Its made for me (lucky boy)
And I want it
Lights that flash, wheels that go round
Digital display
Fresh silicon chips to enjoy
And I need them
(wheres the batteries? )
Sitting silent and empty
Wish I could breathe life
In my new friend whos terribly still
And I like him
Just like me. prhaps hes hungry.
Six volts make him smile
And twelve volts would probably kill
How I like him
Daddy, wheres the batteries
I cant find my batteries
(theres no batteries)
Seven oclock in the morning
They find me by the bed
With my friend the japanese toy
I am with him
Mummy, daddy --- cant see you,
Hear you. batteries not
Included in this little boy
(wheres my batteries? )
song performed by by Jethro Tull

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Kids
Kids - kids, Christmas i-is for kids
Look around and you will see
Kids from one to ninety-three
Laughin', lovin' life and bein' kids
Kids - ki-i-i-ids, Christmas i-is for kids
Kids like you and little brother
Aunts and uncles, dads and mothers
Grandma, grandpa an' all the other kids
Daddy runs the 'lectric train
While all the children wait in vain
To take their turn
At playin' engineer
Grandpa catches grandma's cheek
And all the family sneaks a peak
And suddenly
Their wrinkles disappear
Take a look at Betty Joe
Underneath the mistletoe
Pretending that
She doesn't know it's there
And in the front yard Uncle Mike
Just fell off brother's brand new bike
There's Christmas cheer
And laughter everywhere
Kids (kids) - ki-i-i-ids (kids)
Christmas i-is for kids
Christmas time is here again
And now it's when the fun begins
This time of year we all turn into kids...
song performed by by Kenny Rogers

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'
quote by Demetri Martin

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
The Christmas Song
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
Dressed up like eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that Santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from 1 to 92
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies
On his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from 1 to 92
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you
song performed by by Lee Ann Womack

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
whats Christmas
Christmas isn’t about toys
Christmas isn’t about money
Christmas is about giving food to the needy
Christmas is about loving your family
Christmas is to get time to spend with your family
What’s Christmas
Christmas is about the holiday
Christmas is about loving what you get
Christmas isn’t about sending cards
Christmas is about love
poem by Jeffery McNutt

Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Toy Drive Public Service Announcement
Oooooooo
Merry christmas, children
Bring your toys to crystal ship
Oooooooo
Well, down in eugene we got girls and boys
Who wake up on christmas morning but dont find any toys
If theyre lucky their healthy mom and dad come to chat
About how theyre missed, but you can change all that
Bring your toys to crystal ship
Oooo, for the children
Bring your toys to crystal ship
Oooo, for the children
Yeah, were the beach boys for crystal ship and toys
cause this christmas we want you to help spread the joy
It would feel so good, it would make them feel well
It would cheer em all up at childrens hospital
Bring your toys to crystal ship
Oooo, for the children
Bring your toys to crystal ship
Oooo, for the children
Oooooooo
Merry christmas, children
Bring your toys to crystal ship
Oooooooo
Merry christmas, children
Christmas toys to crystal ship
Oooooooo
song performed by by Beach Boys

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Christmas past
Christmas past
We always had a Christmas tree
My wife would decorate it without me
So many gifts by the tree
No empty space could you see
Our little ones would crawl all around
They would try climbing the gift mound
Year after year on Christmas morning
Kids tearing open gifts and I’m yawning
The kids woke early on Christmas day
We told the kids your older so go away
With the years going by
We could sleep longer my wife and I
Now since its just me
No more do I need a Christmas tree
My kids now grown and they see
What its like to do the Christmas tree
poem by Michael Gelb

Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
The Christmas Song
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed like eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so i'm offering this simple wish
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many way
Merry christmas to you
They know that santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of toys and goods on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so i'm offering this simple wish
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry christmas, merry christmas, merry christmas to you
song performed by by Amy Grant

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
The Christmas Song (Chestnuts)
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed like eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so i'm offering this simple wish
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many way
Merry christmas to you
They know that santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of toys and goods on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so i'm offering this simple wish
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry christmas, merry christmas, merry christmas to you
song performed by by Amy Grant

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
What’s Christmas?
Christmas isn’t buying new toys;
Christmas isn’t wearing new clothes;
Christmas isn’t eating good foods;
Christmas isn’t sending great cards!
Christmas is sharing what you’ve got;
Christmas is giving those without;
Christmas is showing God’s love to
Poor, downtrodden, unlucky ones on earth!
poem by John Celes

Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
The Season of Christmas
You hear trees rustle outside in the winter wind
Ornaments cling as you decorate the Christmas tree
Church bells ring as Christmas comes near
The season of Christmas is here
Your family talks while the food is served
Plates clink as they are passed down the table
Teeth chew on the delicious food you made
The season of Christmas is here
Your excitement grows and you rip the wrapping paper
Children laugh as they play with their new presents
The season of Christmas is here
Its time for bed and kids yawn
Toys crash together as they are put away
The season of Christmas was here
poem by Deanna Buendia

Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
Dressed up like Eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that Santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Choir:
They know that Santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies
On his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you
song performed by by Martina Mcbride

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
The Christmas Song
chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
Dressed up like eskimos
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that santa's on his way
He's bringing lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so i'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from 1 to 92
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry christmas to you
Choir sings: they know that santa's on his way
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies
On his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly
Martina sings: and so i'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from 1 to 92
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry christmas to you
Merry christmas, merry christmas
Merry christmas to you
song performed by by Martina Mcbride

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
The Christmas Song
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Youltide carols
Being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like eskimos
Everybody knows
A turkey and some mistletoe
Can help to make the season bright
Tiny tots, with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep, tonight
They know that Santas on his way
Hes loading lots of toys and goodies
On his sleigh
And every mother's child
Is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly...
And so Im offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although its been said
Many times, many ways
Merry Christmas, to you
They know that Santas on his way
Hes loading lots of toys and goodies
On his sleigh
And every mother's child
Is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly...
So Im offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two..
Although its been said
Many times, many ways
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas, to you
(Justin)- Merry Christmas
song performed by by N Sync

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
The Christmas Song
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack frost nipping at your nose
Yule tide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like eskimos, everybody knows
A turkey and some mistletoe help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow will find it hard to sleep tonight
They know that santa is on his way
Hes loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And every mothers child is gonna spy to see if reindeer really know how to fly
And so Im offering this simple phrase from kids from one to nintey-two
Although its been said many times many ways merry christmas to you.
And so Im offering this simple phrase to kids from one to ninety-two
Alhough its been said many times mamny ways merry christmas, merry christmas, merry christmas to you
Merry christmas to you
Merry, merry, merry christmas
song performed by by Gloria Estefan

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Unwritten Christmas (feat. Sum 41)
(Unwritten Law]
Remember when, I was ten,
lookin forward to Christmas again,
everything, I enjoy,
like the family Christmas tree and the toys,
and Id wake up early morning
while mom and dad still snored in bed,
so I crept, down the steps,
couldnt wait to see what Santa had left now
[Chorus]
I could not wait for Christmas day,
wait for Christmas day now
[Unwritten Law]
Don't want to wait, gettin late,
march up stairs to give my parents a shake,
get out of bed, sleepy heads,
Christmas doesn't start till you are awake,
as we gather around the tree
I open everything they gave to me,
so I stay, end up late,
why cant it be Christmas everyday now
[Chorus]
I could not wait for Christmas day,
wait for Christmas day now,
but I, but I, will have to wait for Christmas,
I will hafta wait for Christmas,
I will always wait for Christmas day
[Sum 41]
Now wake up Christmas morning, guess what I saw,
it's Unwritten Law and Sum 41 rock it raw,
with the message for kids sayin they should be nice
not naughty cuz, Santa knows karate, he's on the cross Vader,
hip hop hoorayder , got wade on the beats,
like AC Slater, if you good like Wally,
or bad like the Beev, only Santa know the score
come Christmas eve
[Chorus]submitting the lyrics.
Unwritten Law - Unwritten Christmas (
But I, but I will have to wait for Christmas,
I will have to wait for Christmas,
I will always wait for Christmas
day now yeah, I could not wait for Christmas day
song performed by by Unwritten Law

Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Two For Christmas
Kids all grown and have their own thing
Family too far away...
Just two for Christmas this year
Never been just two
No need for trees and shiny things
Or all the presents and food
Just two for Christmas this year
Never been just two
Quietly to bed on Christmas eve
Wont feed the reindeer this year
Just two for Christmas this year
Never been just two
Strange to wake on Christmas Day
No laughing kids to watch
Just two for Christmas this year
Never been just us two.
poem by Alison Smith

Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!