If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, 'Boy, these are good cigars'
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Les Cigares Volants
We are here waiting
A few know this place
With our lens were looking
Scrutinize the space
Flying cigars
A given name for UFO:s
Flying cigars
Fire this one and watch the show
In the sky dancing
They are telling a story
Back and forward moving
An awesome scenery
Flying cigars
The coolest name for UFO:s
Flying cigars
Up in the sky, anything goes
Makes me high!
Turns me on!
There are some making loops
There are some spinning round
There are some caught in flames
And some land on the ground
Flying cigars
Give me a ride to Mars on these flying cigars
song performed by by Voivod
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One Meat Ball
(l. singer-h.zaret)
The little man walked up and down
To find an eating place in town
He read the menu through and through
To see what fifteen cents could do
One meat ball, one meat ball
Well, he could afford but one meat ball
He told the waiter near at hand
A simple dinner he had planned
The guests were startled one and all to hear
That waiter loudly call
One meat ball, one meat ball
Well, this here gent wants one meat ball
Little man felt very bad
One meat ball was all he had
And in his dreams he hears that call
Ya gets no bread with one meat ball
One meat ball, one meat ball
Well, you get no bread with one meat ball
Well, he could afford but one meat ball
One meat ball, one meat ball
All he could afford was one meat ball
One meat ball
song performed by by Ry Cooder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I did the cover of Cigar Aficionado, so I'm supposed to talk about loving cigars. I've smoked them a couple of times. My father used to smoke cigars. I love the idea and the concept, and I love the smell of cigars.
quote by Gina Gershon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Thanksgiving Feast
The table is set for our thanksgiving feast
and all have taken their place
The meal of the year, is finally here,
and oh, how great it will taste..
Potatoes and gravy and cranberry sauce,
and rolls that are made fresh and hot.
Turkey with stuffing, right out of the oven.
Pumpkin pie that hasn't been bought.
Our family is anxiously gathered around
in a circle of love hand in hand.
A scene reminiscent of thanksgivings past.
A tradition we all understand.
Dad offers a prayer of thanksgiving to God
for abundance of blessings we share.
Tears touch his cheeks as he humbly gives thanks
for much more than the food that is there.
Though stomachs are empty, each heart is full
while united as family we pray,
Thanking dear God for His wonderful love,
and our blessings this Thanksgiving Day.
When this day is gone and life carries on,
may gratitude live on in me.
Lord help me, I pray, to make every day
a day of thanksgiving to Thee.
poem by Ron Tranmer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Analysis Of Baseball
It’s about
the ball,
the bat,
and the mitt.
Ball hits
bat, or it
hits mitt.
Bat doesn’t
hit ball, bat
meets it.
Ball bounces
off bat, flies
air, or thuds
ground (dud)
or it
fits mitt.
Bat waits
for ball
to mate.
Ball hates
to take bat’s
bait. Ball
flirts, bat’s
late, don’t
keep the date.
Ball goes in
(thwack) to mitt,
and goes out
(thwack) back
to mitt.
Ball fits
mitt, but
not all
the time.
Sometimes
ball gets hit
(pow) when bat
meets it,
and sails
to a place
where mitt
has to quit
in disgrace.
That’s about
the bases
loaded,
about 40,000
fans exploded.
It’s about
the ball,
the bat,
the mitt,
the bases
and the fans.
It’s done
on a diamond,
and for fun.
It’s about
home, and it’s
about run.
poem by May Swenson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Catfish
(bob dylan, jacques levy)
Lazy stadium night,
Catfish on the mound.
strike three, the umpire said,
Batter have to go back and sit down.
Catfish, million dollar man.
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
Used to work on mr. finleys farm
But the old man would not pay.
So he packed his glove and took his arm
And one day he just ran away.
Catfish, million dollar man.
Nobody can throw that ball like catfish can.
Way up where the yankees are
Smoke a custom made cigar.
Catfish, million dollar man.
Nobody can throw that ball like catfish can.
Reggie jackson at the plate
Seeing nothing but the curve.
Swing too early or too late,
Got to eat what catfish serve.
Catfish, million dollar man.
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Catfish
Lazy stadium night
Catfish on the mound.
Strike three, the umpire said,
Batter have to go back and sit down.
Catfish, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
Used to work on mr. finleys farm
But the old man wouldnt pay
So he packed his glove and took his arm
An one day he just ran away.
Catfish, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
Come up where the yankees are,
Dress up in a pinstripe suit,
Smoke a custom-made cigar,
Wear an alligator boot.
Catfish, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
Carolina born and bred,
Love to hunt the little quail.
Got a hundred-acre spread,
Got some huntin dogs for sale.
Catfish, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
Reggie jackson at the plate
Seein nothin but the curve,
Swing too early or too late
Got to eat what catfish serve.
Catfish, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
Even billy martin grins
When the fish is in the game.
Every season twenty wins
Gonna make the hall of fame.
Catfish, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
song performed by by Bob Dylan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Greatest
Little boy, in a baseball hat stands in the field with his ball and bat.
Says, "I am the greatest player of them all" puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
Now the little boy doesn't say a word, picks up his ball, he is undeterred.
Says, "I am the greatest there has ever been" and he grits his teeth and he tries it again.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
He makes no excuses, he shows no fear, he just closes his eyes and listens to the cheers.
Little boy, he adjusts his hat, picks up his ball, stares at his bat
Says,"I am the greatest, the game is on the line" and he gives his all one last time.
And the ball goes up and the moon so bright, swings his bat with all his might
The world's as still, as still can be, the baseball falls and that's strike three.
Now it's suppertime and his momma calls, little boy starts home with his bat and ball.
Says, "I am the greatest, that is a fact, but even I didn't know I could pitch like that!"
Says, "I am the greatest,that is understood, but even I didn't know I could pitch that good!
song performed by by Kenny Rogers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Small Cigar
A small cigar can change the world
I know, Ive done it frequently at parties
Where Ive won all the guests attention
With my generosity and suave gentlemanly bearing
A little flat tin case is all you need
Breast-pocket conversation opener
And one of those ciggie lighters that look rather good
You can throw away when empty
Must be declared a great success
My small cigars all vanish within minutes
Excuse me, mine host, that I may visit
A nearby tobacconist
To replenish my supply of small cigars
And make the party swing again
I know my clothes seem shabby
And dont fit this hampstead soiree
Where unread copies of rolling stone
Well-thumbed playboys
Decorate the hi-fi stereo record shelves
If you ask me theyre on their way
To upper-middle-class oblivion
The stupid twits, they roll their only
One cigarette between them
My small cigars redundant now
In the haze of smoking pleasure
Call it a day
Get the hell away
Go down the cafe
For a cup of real tea
By the tube station, theres a drunk old fool
Who sells papers in the rush hour
I hand to him ten small cigars
He smiles, says, ''son, God bless you
A small cigar
Has changed his world, my friend
A small cigar
Has changed the world again
A small cigar . . .
song performed by by Jethro Tull
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ball & Chain
I've been on this roller coaster just too many times
And always it seems like
The blind keep on leading the blind
Tried to get them on the 'phone
Tried to find my way back home
Tned and failed, and tried and failed, again
But baby i don't want you 'cos you look so good
I don't want you 'cos i know i should
I don't want you to come in f rom the rain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Ah just lately i've been roaming from town to town
I've been setting them up, setting them up
And i've been knocking them down
I was born to live, it seems, a fugitive dream
Make things always better than they seem
And i stop and start, and stop and start
And stop and start again
Baby i don't want you for your money
I don't want you 'cos i love you honey
I don't want you to ease this memory pain
No, i want you to be my ball and chain
Yes, i want you to be my, be my ball and chain
When i see you in the garden once again
Baby you'll be standing in the summer rain
Laugh and cry and say what it's all about
You can even jump and shout
And you'll smile and say how are you again
I don't want you 'cos i'm so blue
I don't want you 'cos you know what to do
I don't want you because all my love seems in vain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
Be my ball and chain, be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
I want you.....ball and chain, etc.
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Raise Your Arms Up
Hey,
Let's strike a deal here!
You promise to pretend,
You give a damn about me.
And I'll pretend I am here,
To end your suffering.
We've got to do something.
Our commanders are running out of cigars,
And bluff!
And you are making our technology,
Appear like Toys R Us stuff.
And our folks back home,
Will never believe you are this tough!
So...
What do you say?
Let's strike a deal here!
You give us back our video equipment...
With our integrity, okay?
And all of you raise your arms up,
Like that guy did on TV last night
When Denver got those touchdowns,
Over the Patriots.
We'd like to leave here in good graces!
'Captain,
Let us know when you want the cameras to roll! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Taking in and blowing out smoke? And now you see girls smoking cigars. It got to be such a fad. Girls on the covers of magazines, smoking cigars. Give me a break. I didn't want to be a part of that. I don't like ""popular.""
quote by James Coburn
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Them Heavy People
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me.
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me.
They arrived at an inconvenient time.
I was hiding in a room in my mind.
They made me look at myself. I saw it well.
Id shut the people out of my life.
So now I take the opportunities:
Wonderful teachers ready to teach me.
I must work on my mind. for now I realise:
Everyone of us has a heaven inside.
Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot.
Them heavy people help me.
Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot.
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me.
They open doorways that I thought were shut for good.
They read me gurdjieff and jesu.
They build up my body, break me emotionally.
Its nearly killing me, but what a lovely feeling!
I love the whirling of the dervishes.
I love the beauty of rare innocence.
You dont need no crystal ball,
Dont fall for a magic wand.
We humans got it all, we perform the miracles.
Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot.
Them heavy people help me.
Them heavy people hit me in a soft spot.
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me.
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball, rolling the ball to me.
Rolling the ball, rolling the ball...
song performed by by Kate Bush
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I always smoked cigars. I've smoked cigars with everybody in show business.
Ball Chain
Ive been on this roller coaster just too many times
And always it seems like
The blind keep on leading the blind
Tried to get them on the phone
Tried to find my way back home
Tned and failed, and tried and failed, again
But baby I dont want you cos you look so good
I dont want you cos I know I should
I dont want you to come in f rom the rain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Ah just lately Ive been roaming from town to town
Ive been setting them up, setting them up
And Ive been knocking them down
I was born to live, it seems, a fugitive dream
Make things always better than they seem
And I stop and start, and stop and start
And stop and start again
Baby I dont want you for your money
I dont want you cos I love you honey
I dont want you to ease this memory pain
No, I want you to be my ball and chain
Yes, I want you to be my, be my ball and chain
When I see you in the garden once again
Baby youll be standing in the summer rain
Laugh and cry and say what its all about
You can even jump and shout
And youll smile and say how are you again
I dont want you cos Im so blue
I dont want you cos you know what to do
I dont want you because all my love seems in vain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
Be my ball and chain, be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
I want you.....ball and chain, etc.
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lets Have A Ball
(bunn)
I wanna ball like I never did ball before [before, before, before]
I wanna ball like I never did ball before [before, before, before]
I may never get a break like this in life no more
Well, I wanna ball like I never did ball before [before, before, before]
I wanna ball like I never did ball before [before, before, before]
I may never get a break like this in life no more
Got money in my pocket
I aint begging for bread
Cadillac el dorado
Well, its gone to my head
I got a short time living and a long greasy time to pay (play) dead
Aint doing no favours, aint asking for none
Honey, I got money, I can pay for my fun
Thats the way I want it, thats the way it must be done
[because]
I wanna ball like I never did ball before [before, before, before]
I wanna ball like I never did ball before [before, before, before]
I may never get a break like this in life no more
A certain little mama [you ? ? ? ? for me]
Gonna jump and shout [oh, yeah]
When the el dorado rolls up [ ah]
And Ill come walking out [? ? ? ]
Gonna tell ya pretty baby [say you like nothing]
You dont know what its all about
(Ive got) no special woman [no special woman]
Want no special friend [no special friend]
Want a good time today [good time today]
Tomorrow may be down again [may be down again]
Dont dial my number [oh, lord]
Ill tell you when [Ill tell you when]
I wanna ball like I never did ball before [before, before, before]
Really wanna...never did ball before [before, before, before]
I may never get a break like this in life no more
song performed by by Ry Cooder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Plump
He shakes his damn rattle
Spittle on his bib
But I dont do the dishes, I throw them in the crib
Im eating you, Im overfed
Your milks in my mouth
It makes me sick
Now Ive stumbled here
Failed to make it mine
They say Im plump, but I throw up all the time
Im eating you, Im overfed
Your milks in my mouth
It makes me sick
Do you fake it for me like i
Do you fake it for me like i
Do you fake it for me like i
My babys in her arms, crawling up her legs
Like a liar at a witch trial
You look good for your age
Im eating you, Im overfed
You milks in my mouth, it makes me sick
song performed by by Hole
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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For Ball
At home
my dog and child
play the foot ball
Dog kick the ball
Clild also kick
Ball was...
Run to run...
Suddnley dog
Bite the ball
The ball was blast...
Chil was cry
Dog was wow...wow...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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(Getting) Sorrows
And even now you're who I will miss
Guess you are why I don't face any bliss
Guess it's brilliant
How fell for you before I'd hit that sack
But it was just a cumbersome fact
Tears are streaming
Tears always now steaming
For there's only waits when I sit in these old bars
For blind again just due to the smoke of cigars
Form fades from good when I cry from afar
As for now I'm getting sorrows
Fight against chances that are gone
Here I am again as getting sorrows
Fight that are gone
Has got no new good fun yet no new good fun
As you're the reason why I still heave
For maybe you're the reason why I feel deep
Who to even be…
At the moment I dunno me
For there's only waits when I sit in these old bars
For blind again just due to the smoke of cigars
It fades from any good when I cry from afar
When I cry from afar as I'll cry from afar
As for now I'm getting sorrows
Fight against chances that are gone
Here I am again as getting sorrows
Fight that are gone
Has got no new good fun yet no new good fun
Coat my eyes with that of wool
As there's always lies
Won't expose my heartfelt pines even though it's a while
May not show it a while
As for now I'm getting sorrows
Fight against chances that are gone
Here I am again as getting sorrows
Fight that are gone
Has got no new good fun yet no new good fun
But I cannot break myself yet so free
Yet you're how I did misconceive
Just stuck to be
As there's nobody else I can be
poem by Rich Downes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I like René Descartes' theory about a ball of wax. You can change its form from solid to liquid, but it's still the same ball of wax. With acting, you are the same person in a different form. You can only be what you know, and you only truly know yourself.
quote by Emmy Rossum
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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