There should be a detective show called 'Johnny Monkey,' because every week you could have a guy say 'I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY,' but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Feed The Monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
She likes the monkey
Well gather 'round and let me tell you all a story
About a boy and his monkey
He's got that kind of monkey that the girls wanna know
He likes to take his monkey every place that he goes
(Can we pet your monkey?)
Hey, ho, you see the monkey?
Did you know you made my monkey hungry?
I didn't really know how it get so hungry
I'd like to know
Would you feed the monkey?
Well you can pet my monkey
'Cause my monkey don't bite
But when you pet my monkey
He get funky all night
My monkey ain't no ordinary orangutang
'Cause my monkey likes to do the wild thing
My monkey don't scratch
My monkey don't bite
My monkey don't swing no tree
My monkey don't hit
My monkey don't drool
My monkey be swing with me
My monkey don't freak
My monkey don't trip
My monkey don't wear no cape
But you can tell what my monkey wanna eat
'Cause it turn into a big ol' ape
Yeah...
Hey..
The monkey's getting hungry
Hey, hey, why don't you feed your monkey?
(REPEAT x 3)
What she want?
She wants the monkey
(REPEAT x 3)
You know she want
You know she want
You know she wants the monkey
(REPEAT x 3)
Hey, hey, she likes to feed the monkey
Ooh, she's sayin' it's time to feed the monkey
Everyday she wants to feed the monkey
All through the day she likes to feed the monkey
She likes to feed the monkey
(REPEAT x 7)
Feed the monkey
(REPEAT x 19)
She likes to feed the monkey
song performed by by Infectious Grooves
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Look Out Johnny
(sylvester / clarke / hicks)
Johnny was a pusher on the east side
Pushing anything to be pushed
Laid something on a guy who didn't get high
Didn't know the guy was a hood
Wheeling-dealing johnny got frightened
Thought the best place was out of town
Packed up his bags and threw them in the back
Packed up his bags and threw them in the back
Of his chevy put his foot flat down
Look out johnny there's a monkey on your back
You better beware there johnny
'cause the monkey's packin' a gat
Drivin' over red lights speeding down the freeway
Johnny johnny get away
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Johnny thought he'd do something clever
Turning south on the old coast road
Pushing 94 swerving leaning on the door
Trying to shake off his heavy load
Crossed the state line feeling safer
Drinking in the corner of a bar
In walked a guy looked the barman in the eye
Said "hey is johnny in here"
Chorus
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Be good
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Look out johnny 'cos the monkey's packin' a gat
Drivin' over red lights speeding down the freeway
Johnny johnny get away
You better beware there johnny
There's a monkey on your back
Look out johnny there's a monkey on your back
(repeat)
song performed by by Hollies
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Too Much Monkey Business
Running to and fro,
Hard working at the mill,
Never failed at the mill,
There come a rotten bill.
Aw too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved again.
Salesman talking to me,
Trying to run me up a creek,
Says you can buy it, go on try it,
You can pay me next week.
Aw too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved again.
Blonde hair, good-looking,
Trying to get me hooked and married
Get a home, settle down by the book.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved again.
Been to yokohama, baby,
Fighting in the war,
Army bunk, army chow,
Army clothes, army car.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved again.
Same thing every day,
Getting up, going to school.
No need for me complaining,
My objection's overruled.
Aw too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved again.
Working in the filling station,
Too many tasks,
Wipe the windows, check the oil,
Check the tires, dollar gas?
Aw too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business
Don't want you by the race,
Get away and leave me.
[original has one more verse:
Pay-phone, something's wrong,
Dime gone, will mail.
Oughta sue the operator
For telling me a tale.
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business,
Too much monkey business
For me to be involved with you
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Too Much Monkey Business
Salesman talking to me tried to run me up a creek
Says you can buy it, go on try it, you can pay me next week
Uh-uh, too much monkey business, too much monkey business
Too much monkey business for me to be involved in
Oh-ho-ho
Blonde haired, good lookin tryin to get me hooked
Wants me to marry, settle down and get a home and and write a book
Uh-uh, too much monkey business, too much monkey business
Too much monkey business for me to be involved in
Oh-ho-ho
Pay phone, somethin wrong, dial gone,
Well me ought to sue the operator for tellin me a tale
Uh-uh, too much monkey business, too much monkey business
Too much monkey business for me to be involved in
Oh-ho-ho
Oh-ho-ho ...... oh-ho-ho ...... oh-ho-ho ...... oh-ho-ho
Been to vietnam, been a fightin in the war
Army bar, army chow, army clothes, army car
Uh-uh, too much monkey business, too much monkey business
Too much monkey business for me to be involved in
Oh-ho-ho
Workin in the fillin station, too many tasks
Wipe the windo, check the tires, check the oil, dollar gas
Uh-uh, too much monkey business, too much monkey business
Too much monkey business for me to be involved in
Oh-ho-ho
Blonde haired, good lookin tryin to get me hooked
Wants me to marry, get a home, settle down and and write a book
Uh-uh, too much monkey business, too much monkey business
Too much monkey business for me to be involved in
Oh-ho-ho
Too much monkey business, oh-ho-ho, too much monkey business, oh-ho-ho
Too much monkey business, oh-ho-ho too much monkey business, oh-ho-ho
Too much monkey business, oh-ho-ho too much monkey business, oh-ho-ho
song performed by by Elvis Presley, music by Chuck Berry, lyrics by Chuck Berry
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Shock The Monkey
Shock the monkey to life
Shock the monkey to life
Cover me when I run
Cover me through the fire
Something knocked me out the trees
Now Im on my knees
Cover me, darling please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Dont you know when youre going to shock the monkey
Fox the fox
Rat the rat
You can ape the ape
I know about that
There is one thing you must be sure of
I cant take any more
Darling, dont you monkey with the monkey
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Dont you know youre going to shock the monkey
Wheels keep turning
Somethings burning
Dont like it but I guess Im learning
Shock! - watch the monkey get hurt, monkey
Cover me, when I sleep
Cover me, when I breathe
You throw your pearls before the swine
Make the monkey blind
Cover me, darling please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Dont you know youre going to shock the monkey
Too much at stake
Ground beneath me shake
And the news is breaking
Shock! - watch the monkey get hurt, monkey
Shock the monkey
Shock the monkey
Shock the monkey to life
song performed by by Peter Gabriel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Monkey Around
So, your friends have been telling you
I'm outta my mind
Actin' all wild and weird
Shoutin' and screechin'
Bouncin' off the walls
Swinging from the chandeliers
I've been running thru the neon jungle
I've been chasing every woman in town
When you turn a man into a monkey
That monkey's gonna monkey around.
Now, wait until you see my new girlfriend
I picked her up down at the zoo
She's got rings in her nose
Glitter on her toes
And a very well placed tatoo
Now that I been up on the highwire
You ain't ever gonna get me down
When you turn a man into a monkey
That monkey is gonna monkey around.
Well, once you had me dancing
At the end of your chain
Begging for your small change love
I was jumping thru hoops
Doing loopty loops
Yeah but, girl I finally had enough
So when ya see me out rockin
In my little red hat
Going eight ball over town
Ya made a man into a monkey.
Yeah, once you had me dancing
At the end of your chain
Begging for your small change love
I was jumping thru hoops
Doing loopty loops
Yeah but, girl I finally had enough
So when ya see me out rockin
In my little red hat
Going eight ball over town
Ya made a man into a monkey
That monkey's gonna monkey around.
Yeah, Baby
You made a man into a monkey
This monkey's gonna monkey around...
song performed by by Travis Tritt
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Orange And The Green
There were two Soccer teams
They were Irish and were called
The Orange and the Green
But alas, every time they played
They brawled and fought
And the playing of Soccer
Counted less then nought
When the match was over
They always travelled home by Bus
They were found early in the morn
Scattered and battered and most surely
All of them were dead
Much deader then all the dead
The police were baffled
As to how it all came about
The only clue was the Orange Mascot
So named Irish the sole survivor of the crash
He sat lonely by the road
Detective Green who was in charge
Of the investigation
Endeavoured to test the intelligence of the Monkey
So he put to him some questions
That could solve the mystery of why the Bus did crash
And the death of the Orange and the Green
He asked the Monkey what they were all doing
Just before the crash
The Monkey Irish grabbed a glass
And raised it to his lips
And what was the driver doing
Just before the crash, asked Detective Green
The Monkey smiled and raised the glass
Straight to his hairy lips
Just one more question said Detective Sargent Green
Who was driving the said Bus just before the crash
The Monkey smiled and showing all his pearly whites
He grabbed the battered steering wheel
And turned it to the right
poem by Allan James Saywell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Hotel Detective
She's got her ear to the walls and she's tappin' the calls
If you've got a secret boy, forget about it, 'cause she's a
Hotel detective
My little
Hotel detective
Yeah she's a
Hotel detective
Why don't you check her out
Well the bellhop is funky
The dumbwaiter's a monkey
If there's a knock at the door, boy, forget about it, 'cause she's a
Hotel detective
My little
Hotel detective
Yeah
Hotel detective
Cone on and check her out
She says she likes my face
She says she owns the place
Forget about it, 'cause she's a
Hotel detective
My little
Hotel detective
Come on her
Hotel detective
Why don't you check her out
Hotel detective
Come on and swing with me
Hotel detective
From the top of a tree
Hotel detective
And make me feel like a bee
Hotel detective
That's where i want to know you
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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(She Was A) Hotel Detective (single Mix)
She's got her ear to the walls and she's tappin' the calls
If you've got a secret boy, forget about it, 'cause she's a
Hotel Detective
my little
Hotel Detective
yeah she's a
Hotel Detective
Why don't you check her out
Well the bellhop is funky
The dumbwaiter's a monkey
If there's a knock at the door, boy, forget about it, 'cause she's a
Hotel Detective
my little
Hotel Detective
yeah
Hotel Detective
Cone on and check her out
She says she likes my face
She says she owns the place
Forget about it, 'cause she's a
Hotel Detective
my little
Hotel Detective
come on her
Hotel Detective
Why don't you check her out
Hotel Detective
Come on and swing with me
Hotel Detective
From the top of a tree
Hotel Detective
And make me feel like a bee
Hotel Detective
That's where I want to know you
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Proudest Monkey
Swing in this tree
Oh I am bounce around so well
Branch to branch,
Limb to limb you see
All in a days dream
Im stuck
Like the other monkeys here
I am a humble monkey
Sitting up in here again
But then came the day
I climbed out of these safe limbs
Ventured away
Walking tall, head high up and singing
I went to the city
Car horns, corners and the gritty
Now I am the proudest monkey youve ever seen
Monkey see, monkey do
Then comes the day
Staring at myself I turn to question me
I wonder do I want the simple, simple life that I once lived in well
Oh things were quiet then
In a way they were the better days
But now I am the proudest monkey youve ever seen
Monkey see, monkey do
Monkey see, monkey do
song performed by by Dave Matthews Band
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Open Your Arms
Sitting under the money tree
look for the fruits of charity
best to pick them fast for they too far gone
they grow rotten to the core on the greedy man's farm
open your moth the words don't come out
even though the thoughts in your head seem to flow
are you so afraid what everybody thinks
are you so afraid to show what you know
to get along, with your sister your brother
get along, we all the same under this shell
brother to brother and sister to sister
and people are people and...
open your arms
monkey do monkey see
why you want to upset me
monkey go monkey say
but let me live my life today
monkey hear monkey walk
monkey you so full of talk
when are we every gonna learn
to fulfill the need to be free
feel free
be free
stand free
wont need mediocrity
brother to sister and
sister to brother and
brother to brother and sister to sister
open your arms
poem by Harlan Lovestone
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Flower waste
In zoo...
Monkey smile
The rose flower...
Kiss the flower...
Play the flower...
Flower was cry to ask
' o...monkey what
are you doing...? '
Monkey say for flower
' i love you flower...
your soft...
your nice...
your smooth...
very impress for me...
so... i love you....'
Flower say fore monkey
' No.. no... nasty monkey
i did not love you...'
Monkey very angry
So...
Bite the finger
For flower through away...
And lough...
Flower is wastage
For sample...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
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The Monkey
1 little monkey
was goin' 2 the store
when he saw a banana 3
he'd never climbed be4.
By 5 o'clock that evenin'
he was 6 with a stomach ache
'cause 7 green bananas
was what that monkey 8.
By 9 o'clock that evenin'
that monkey was quite ill,
so 10 we called the doctor
who was 11 on the hill.
The doctor said, 'You're almost dead.
Don't eat green bananas no more.'
The sick little monkey groaned and said,
'But that's what I 1-2 the 3-4.'
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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A Poem For Abdul
Why Are We Here?
there is this sickness that comes
and you have no power to block it
it is like a monkey that comes at your
temple door and you have no way of driving it
you leave
leaving everything important to that monkey
spreading banana peelings
on the altar of your sacred nook
you watch at a distance
where the monkey plays monkey
upon itself
you are sleepy,
you fall into a deep slumber
the monkey comes inside that dream
and you are helpless
without your hands and feet
you cough, you struggle to vomit
there is no cure for this sickness
nothing comes out
and you are feeling toxic
that is why we are here.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Why Are We Here?
there is this sickness that comes
and you have no power to block it
it is like a monkey that comes at your
temple door and you have no way of driving it
you leave leaving everything important to that monkey
spreading banana peelings on the alter of your sacred nook
you watch at a distance where the monkey plays monkey upon itself
you are sleepy, you fall into a deep slumber
the monkey comes inside that dream and you are helpless
without your hands and feet
you cough, you struggle to vomit
there is no cure for this sickness
nothing comes out
and you are feeling toxic
that is why we are here.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Know that a monkey is on your back
There is a monkey on your back
At any point of time each one of us is carrying a monkey on the back.
Whether you like it or not your thoughts, words and deeds are determined by this very powerful monkey.
This monkey is nothing but a personification of the tasks either
assigned to you or taken up on your own.
The life line of the monkey is the strong desire that you nurse to
accomplish these tasks.
You may not know that you only feed this monkey and make it naughty.
They quality of your feed and its extent depend on your knowledge, attitude and earlier practices.
Often, wittingly or unwittingly we act only to get rid of the monkey.
Unfortunately, if one monkey goes the other is just taking its place.
And you think, talk and act accordingly.
Some wise people, are they really wise, pass on the monkey to some other’s back tactfully, so the monkey is rid off, but still alive. This is what
exactly happens in a work environment.
Know your monkeys and their feeds.
Fail not to feed them in time, as monkeys should be fed or shot to death. Otherwise, they will starve to death, forcing you to conduct postmortem.
Keep monkeys' population below the maximum number you can probably feed.
Feed monkeys only by appointment, otherwise you will be feeding them at odd hours.
Feed monkeys personally, if left to others, they may feed wrong and/or in unacceptable doses.
Each monkey is unique, hence its feed and frequency of feed differs.
No monkey stays long. They know when to leave you as once the monkey is satisfied with your hospitality it jumps off your back.
The new monkey on your back is the task to know whether monkeys are there or not on your back.
poem by Bashyam Narayanan
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Monkey Man
[Originally by The Maytals]
Aye yi yi
Aye yi yi
Talking about the big monkey man
Aye yi yi
Aye yi yi
Talking about the big monkey man
I never saw you
I only heard of you
Talking about the big monkey man
I never saw you
I only heard of you
Talking about the big monkey man
It's alright
It's alright
Talking about the big monkey man
It's alright
It's alright
Talking about the big monkey man
Now I know that
Now I understand
Turning the monkey on me
Now I know that
Now I understand
Turning the monkey on me
Aye yi yi
Aye yi yi
Talking about the big monkey man
Aye yi yi
Aye yi yi
Talking about the big monkey man
La la La la La la La la La la La la La la La la La la La la La la
Cos he's the monkey
He's the monkey man
Really really really really monkey man
Cos he's the monkey
He's the monkey man
Really really really really monkey man
Aye yi yi
Aye yi yi
Talking about the big monkey man
Aye yi yi
Aye yi yi
Talking about the big monkey man
song performed by by Reel Big Fish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Like A Monkey
i'm just LIKE A MONKEY
i'd rather take a beating
than sometime ignored me
i'm just LIKE A MONKEY
so beat me...on my mistake
But respect me in my joking activity
i'm just LIKE A MONKEY
poem by Khushi throne
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Jacko Homo
they tell us that
we lost our tails
evolving up
from little snails
i say it's all
just wind in sails
are we not men?
we are DEVO!
we're pinheads now
we are not whole
we're pinheads all
jocko homo
are we not men?
D-E-V-O
monkey men all
in business suit
teachers and critics
all dance the poot
are we not men?
we are DEVO!
are we not men?
D-E-V-O
god made man
but he used the monkey to do it
apes in the plan
we're all here to prove it
i can walk like an ape
talk like an ape
i can do what a monkey can do
god made man
but a monkey supplied the glue
we must repeat
o.k. let's go
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jocko Homo
They tell us that
We lost our tails
Evolving up
From little snails
I say its all
Just wind in sails
Are we not men?
We are devo!
Were pinheads now
We are not whole
Were pinheads all
Jocko homo
Are we not men?
D-e-v-o
Monkey men all
In business suit
Teachers and critics
All dance the poot
Are we not men?
We are devo!
Are we not men?
D-e-v-o
God made man
But he used the monkey to do it
Apes in the plan
Were all here to prove it
I can walk like an ape
Talk like an ape
I can do what a monkey can do
God made man
But a monkey supplied the glue
We must repeat
O.k. lets go!
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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