Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable. Then just walk up to them and go, 'Hey, have you seen Fred' And they'll say, 'Fred who' And you say, 'Fred of snakes' Then cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Cable Tv
I used to think my life was so empty
I used to think life was passin me by
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die
But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company
Well, they hooked me up and plugged me right in
And now I got cable tv
And now I get to watch the stock report in korean
Midget wrestling on channel three
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see em
Yeah, but thats all right with me
I got cable tv (cable tv)
Cable tv (cable tv)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy
I love my cable tv, yeah
I love my cable tv
I got the siamese faith healers network
The news and weather from peru
I got celebrity hockey
The racketball channel too
Bugs bunny direct from atlanta
Mr. wizard is on at five
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car
So I can watch mtv while I drive
Im talkin bout real quality programs
The kind you just cant get for free
Now I never wanna leave my apartment
cause theres just so much for me to see
On my cable tv (cable tv)
Cable tv(cable tv)
Well, if you need to find me
You know where Ill be
Watchin my cable tv, yeah
Watchin my cable tv
cause I love my cable tv, yeah
I love my cable tv
My friends are gettin kinda worried
They think Im turning into some kinda freak
Oh, but theyre just jealous cause Ive seen porkys
Twenty-seven times this week
On my cable tv (cable tv)
Cable tv (cable tv)
Yeah, the greatest thing thats ever happened to me
I love my cable tv, yeah
I love my cable tv
Well, I got to have cable tv, yeah
I need my cable tv
Well, I love, I love my cable tv (tv)
Got to have cable tv (tv)
Well, I got to have my cable tv, yeah (tv)
Cant live without my cable tv
Well, I said, got to have some cable tv (tv)
Ive got to have my cable tv
I said cable tv, yeah (tv)
Got to have cable tv
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fred The Clown
Orange, blue, red, white and brown
The favorite colors of Fred the Clown
A happy and jolly clown he is
But some people he likes to tease
Everyone hates to be with Fred the Clown
But Fred never showed the people a frown
He never felt bad for what he did
The hatred inside the people had hid
The people thought of what to do with Fred the Clown
They decided to talk to the mayor of town
He laughed at what the people said
He laughed until his face gone red
The mayor didn't believe the people
For Fred the Clown gives him a tickle
They always the mayor smiled that way
Ever since Fred came each day
He already knew what Fred was doing
So he decided to call Fred for a meeting
The mayor told him what the people had said
And so left poor little Fred
The people decided to give Fred a chance
So Fred the Clown gave them a dance
The dance was so funny that they laughed all day
Fred the Clown will forever stay
poem by Geneen Meyers
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Fred the Clown
Orange, blue, red, white and brown
The favorite colors of Fred the Clown
A happy and jolly clown he is
But some people he likes to tease
Everyone hates to be with Fred the Clown
But Fred never showed the people a frown
He never felt bad for what he did
The hatred inside the people had hid
The people thought of what to do with Fred the Clown
They decided to talk to the mayor of town
He laughed at what the people said
He laughed until his face gone red
The mayor didn't believe the people
For Fred the Clown gives him a tickle
They always saw the mayor smiled that way
Ever since Fred came each day
He already knew what Fred was doing
So he decided to call Fred for a meeting
The mayor told him what the people had said
And so left poor little Fred
The people decided to give Fred a chance
So Fred the Clown gave them a dance
The dance was so funny that they laughed all day
Fred the Clown will forever stay
poem by Geneen Alyssa Meyers
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Fred
Do you know Fred? Now there's a man to know
These days when politics are in the air,
An' argument is bargin' to an' fro
Without a feller gittin' anywhere.
Fred never argues; he's too shrewd for that.
He's wise. He knows the game from A to Z.
All politics is talkin' thro' the hat;
An' everyone is wrong - exceptin' Fred.
Fred says there ain't no sense in politics;
Says he can't waste his time on all that rot.
Trust him. He's up to all their little tricks,
You'd be surprised the cunnin' schemes he's got.
Fred says compulsory voting is a cow.
He has to vote, or else he would be fined,
But he just spoils his paper anyhow,
An' laughs at' em with his superior mind.
But when a law comes in that hits Fred's purse,
You ought to hear him then. Say, he does rouse;
Kicks up an awful row an' hurls his curse
On every bloomin' member in the House.
He gives 'em nothin'; says they all are crook,
All waitin' for a chance to turn their coats;
Says they are traitors; proves it by the book.
An' can you wonder that he never votes?
Aw, say, you must know Fred. You'll hear his skite
Upon street corners all about the place.
An' if you up an' say it serves him right,
He answers that it only proves his case:
Them politicians wouldn't tax him so
Unless they were all crooked, like he said,
Where is the sense in votin' when they go
An' rob a man like that. Hurray for Fred!
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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As Soon as Fred Gets Out of Bed
As soon as Fred gets out of bed,
his underwear goes on his head.
His mother laughs, "Don't put it there,
a head's no place for underwear!"
But near his ears, above his brains,
is where Fred's underwear remains.
At night when Fred goes back to bed,
he deftly plucks it off his head.
His mother switches off the light
and softly croons, "Good night! Good night!"
And then, for reasons no one knows,
Fred's underwear goes on his toes.
poem by Jack Prelutsky
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This Time of Year a Twelvemonth Past
This time of year a twelvemonth past,
When Fred and I would meet,
We needs must jangle, till at last
We fought and I was beat.
So then the summer fields about,
Till rainy days began,
Rose Harland on her Sundays out
Walked with the better man.
The better man she walks with still,
Though now 'tis not with Fred:
A lad that lives and has his will
Is worth a dozen dead.
Fred keeps the house all kinds of weather,
And clay's the house he keeps;
When Rose and I walk out together
Stock-still lies Fred and sleeps.
poem by Alfred Edward Housman
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Re-Entry
[ringmaster:] "step right up, step right up everyone. whether you're good or bad, happy or sad,
whether you're an emotional wreck, or a blissful speck in the black hole of an existance we
call life. step right up, and witness something you will be soon to never forget. feast your
ears on the most ferociously soothing waves of sonic communication to ever be created. built
for you by the master..."
[fred:] "hey!"
[ringmaster:] "...built for you by the mast..."
[fred:] "hey, shutup already, what is it?"
[ringmaster:] "what is it?"
[fred:] "um... yeah, dog. what is it?"
[ringmaster:] "what is it?"
[fred:] "dude, chill man."
[ringmaster:] "it... is limp bizkit!"
all around the world, you know me
all around the world, we know you
song performed by by Limp Bizkit
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Poet Laurie Ate
Laurie was my dog
And he loved to bite
He wasn't very clever
And not at all bright.
He didn't like my friend
A mad poet called Fred
One day Laurie bit him
On the back of his head.
Fred wasn't at all pleased
And bit my dog back
So Laurie retaliated
And went on the attack.
They wrestled on the floor
And Fred got bit a lot
So to get my dog off him
I hit the mutt with a flowerpot.
But Laurie was very tough
And the pot bounced off his head
Then poor old Fred stopped moving
In fact he was now Dead.
I didn't know what to do
The poet didn't deserve to die
Looking down at Laurie
I asked this crazy dog Why?
But he just didn't care
And kept chewing at Fred
This loony dog was eating him
The he swallowed dead Fred's head.
Poor Fred was now all gone
But this must have been his fate
To lose his life to a psycho dog
The poet Laurie ate.
poem by Kevin Halls
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Rocket Town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Every time I see you baby(hey yeah, hey yeah)
There's always a tear to be found(hey yeah, hey yeah)
This request just won't stop coming(hey yeah, hey yeah)
So come with me now(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Every time you keep me guessing(hey yeah, hey yeah)
It's always the same run around(hey yeah, hey yeah)
Ammunition won't stop gunning(hey yeah, hey yeah)
So come with me now(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Rocket town is a state of mind
Close your eyes, it ain't hard to find
Everytime I taste your honey
There's always a sting to be found
This suggestion won't stop buzzin'(hey yeah, hey yeah)
So come with me now(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Hey yeah, hey yeah, let me take you down
Ooh hey yeah
Rocket town is a state of mind(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Close your eyes, it ain't hard to find
Rocket town is an attitude
Good for the head
Mental food(repeat)
song performed by by Right Said Fred
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The only thing that frightens me a little is when I'm called Kevin rather than Fred, but that's how people have known me for so many years. So, I can't really blame them.
quote by Fred Savage
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fred Astaire
Romance me...dance me
til I dont care
You havent lived until youve danced on air
Whisper nothings if you dare
Wont you please, be my fred astaire
(jam):
Everybody up...everybody up
Everybody up on the dance floor now
Everybody up...everybody up
Everybody up on the dance floor now
I know they call you mr. lonely heart
But youre the leading man to play the part
You dont have to be a millionaire
All you have to do is be my fred astaire
(chorus):
Get up now...get up now
Get up now...be my fred astaire (x2)
(jam):
When you move its like a melody
Serenading...the very heart of me
Ill be your ginger rogers on the floor
Swirl me. twirl me til I just cant
Take no more
(chorus):
Boy if you could only read my mind
Youve been in my dreams a thousand time
(jam):
(chorus jam):
Everybody up
(get up now)
Everybody up
(get up now)
Everybody up
(be my fred astaire).
song performed by by Donna Summer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My Man
My man
Muscles from hand to foot
Completely covered in uninteruppted skin
My man
Signals command the leg
To follow orders coming down from headquarters
Why then am I in bed?
I guess my mans fallen out with my head
May I direct your attention to the following simile
Youre like the coasts of an ocean
Buried beneath is a submarine cable
Connecting the opposite shores that surround it
My man
How can he stand?
Your fingers could encircle clear around the ankle
My man wont walk again
In conflict with express instructions given by the brain
Why cant the message be sent?
I guess my mans fallen out with my head
When something happens to drag on the floor of the ocean
For instance an anchor or mooring
The cable can be disrupted and even be severed
Which halts the transmission across it
There is no way to repair the break
My man
Muscles from hand to foot
Completely covered in uninteruppted skin
My man
Signals command the leg
To follow orders coming down from headquarters
My man
How can he stand?
My man
Muscles from hand to foot
Completely covered in uninteruppted skin
My man
Wont walk again
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Charlie And Fred
The Hollies
Charlie and Fred
(Allan Clarke/Tony Hicks/Graham Nash)
Track 8 on album 'Butterfly' october 1967
He rides on his horse and cart, Charlie does.
working from six until nine.
Collecting old rags and used bicycles,
old iron of description of any kind.
Here comes Charlie, Charlie the Ragman.
Throw out your old clothes for Charlie and Fred.
Earning a living off things we've discarded.
Earning enough for the board and the bed.
You hear him shout "Rags and old iron."
Everyone knows him that way.
Once a week, they come 'round calling.
How long it's been, I can't say.
chorus
They live all alone in a hovel.
He puts his money away.
Taking enough to just live on,
and at the end of the day
he's saving enough
to put Fred out to graze.
(repeat)
Has anyone seen Charlie lately?
Charlie just ain't been around.
Everyone's seen Fred is grazing,
chewing the grass from the ground.
Children say Charlie is happy
giving balloons to the angels instead.
Where is Charlie, Charlie the Ragman?
Don't throw your clothes out.
song performed by by Hollies
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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TV Ariel (Fun Poem 64)
If you look on the top of houses,
you will find a TV Ariel there,
a place for little birdies to sit
and have their tea break.
Now with the boom
of digital technology
comes the satellite dish,
which looks like ET landed on the wall,
but then there is the cable.
Men come around and dig a hole
to plant the cable underground.
I still like the old TV Ariel,
unsightly it may be,
but at least the little birdies
had somewhere to stop awhile
and have their tea break.
7 February 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Losing Faith and Works
Satans' wreaking havoc
on all the masses
losing faith, in all school classes
beginning to seem that GOD, is no longer available
desperation, despair, depicted on television cable
Just another modern day
mental destruction. coming my way
custodial arts, with a minor education
fulfilling needs, with healthy decisions
Plenty of pressure to get things done
a thousand things to do
yet, they want me to be a gopher
to fetch this and that
I agree, however at my own pace
how bout' that!
So don't push or pull me
as a puppet on a string
I'll work my space, thank you
forever
do my own thing
poem by Matt Mondschein
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Nytaars-Aften 1848
Farvel, farvel, Du gamle Aar,
Din Bortgangs Skaal vi drikke!
Din Virken dyb alvorlig staaer,
Dig glemmer Verden ikke.
Det nye Aar nu banker paa,
Kom ind! velkommen være!
Du Barn, som endnu Ondt ei saae,
Du Freden til os bære!
Fred over Dig, vort Fædreland,
Og dine aabne Strande,
Fred i hvert Hjerte, i hver Stand,
Fred over alle Lande!
Læg Du de Saar, din Broder slog,
Beskjærm os vore Kjære!
Med Hurra og med Dannebrog
Du af os hilset være!
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Tough cat Sam returns
Tough cat Sam is restless
he wants to box again
retirement is boring he says
he misses the action and even the pain.
Jess says he's lost the plot
and he's being a grumpy old cat
although Sam maybe knocking on a bit
he can still do a hundred press ups on the mat.
He wants to fight the reigning champ
a psycho cat by the name of feral Fred
he hasn't lost a fight in years
and two poor opponents ended up dead.
But Sam has been working out
and eating lots and lots of raw fish
feral Fred has heard all about this
and says he'll grant Sam his wish.
The Feline Gazette ran the headline
that Sam is too old and must be mad
they wrote some nasty things in their paper
saying he was washed up and very sad.
But Tough cat Sam had heard it before
and announced that he was in really good nick
while feral Fred laughed and taunted Sam
saying he was just an old cat and thick.
So Sam had his fight with feral Fred
and for fifteen rounds they went paw to paw
and when the fight finally came to an end
feral Fred was lying knocked out on the floor.
Tough cat Sam was the champion again
the oldest cat to retain the boxing crown
and as Sam proudly said to the feline press
' I'm living proof you can't keep a good cat down!
poem by Kevin Halls
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Farewell Cable Tram
Now a sad farewell to the cable-tram,
Staunch friend of the quieter days,
That glided down thro' a leisured town
Ere the urge for speed was a craze.
We'd time to spare and we took the air
On a sociable seat outside
Calm charioteers of those peaceful years
When 'the trams' were a city's pride.
Clash! Clang! The twin bells rang,
And the grip went smoothly in.
Then we floated along to a muted song
And a dearth of hustle and din.
Untouched by the need for racketting speed
That frazzles the moderns' nerves,
Scarce heeding at all the warning call:
'Sit tight! Hold on at the curve!'
Unhurried, serene, we viewed the scene,
Or chatted with Charlie or Sam.
Oh, in spite of the rage of a jazz-mad age,
I'm still for the cable-tram, I am,
The jolly old cable-tram.
But they're rooting them out, the cable-trams,
Like all earth's pleasanter things;
To oblivion brought by a Juggernaut
That needs no leading strings
And they'll serve when dead, for a shelter shed
By some shrill suburban road.
Or a garden 'nook,' unbelievably crook,
At a philistine's abode.
Clash! Clang! . . . How the breezes sang
On a sunny Sabbath Day.
And away we go with Fanny or Flo
For a tram trip down the Bay.
'What O! There's class!' Proud ponies pass
With their shining jinkers there,
And joy's complete, we've a front-row seat,
And the sea-wind's in our hair.
And never a car snorts by to mar
That peace with its swank and sham.
You may keep your noise and your clattering toys!
I'm for the cable-tram, I am!
Idyllic old cable-tram.
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mr. Fred
I loved mr. Fred
He was my friend
But was taken from me
Death took him from me
I dont have anymore to say
The poem ends.
There is nothing left to say
I loved my friend
His name was mr. Fred
He went away from me
How I wished him to stay.
poem by Efe Benjamin
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Legend of The Corrievrechan
Prince Breacan of Denmark was lord of the strand
And lord of the billowy sea;
Lord of the sea and lord of the land,
He might have let maidens be!
A maiden he met with locks of gold,
Straying beside the sea:
Maidens listened in days of old,
And repented grievously.
Wiser he left her in evil wiles,
Went sailing over the sea;
Came to the lord of the Western Isles:
Give me thy daughter, said he.
The lord of the Isles he laughed, and said:
Only a king of the sea
May think the Maid of the Isles to wed,
And such, men call not thee!
Hold thine own three nights and days
In yon whirlpool of the sea,
Or turn thy prow and go thy ways
And let the isle-maiden be.
Prince Breacan he turned his dragon prow
To Denmark over the sea:
Wise women, he said, now tell me how
In yon whirlpool to anchor me.
Make a cable of hemp and a cable of wool
And a cable of maidens' hair,
And hie thee back to the roaring pool
And anchor in safety there.
The smiths of Greydule, on the eve of Yule,
Will forge three anchors rare;
The hemp thou shalt pull, thou shalt shear the wool,
And the maidens will bring their hair.
Of the hair that is brown thou shalt twist one strand,
Of the hair that is raven another;
Of the golden hair thou shalt twine a band
To bind the one to the other!
The smiths of Greydule, on the eve of Yule,
They forged three anchors rare;
The hemp he did pull, and he shore the wool,
And the maidens brought their hair.
He twisted the brown hair for one strand,
The raven hair for another;
He twined the golden hair in a band
To bind the one to the other.
He took the cables of hemp and wool.
He took the cable of hair,
He hied him back to the roaring pool,
He cast the three anchors there.
The whirlpool roared, and the day went by,
And night came down on the sea;
But or ever the morning broke the sky
The hemp was broken in three.
The night it came down, the whirlpool it ran,
The wind it fiercely blew;
And or ever the second morning began
The wool it parted in two.
The storm it roared all day the third,
The whirlpool wallowed about,
The night came down like a wild black bird,
But the cable of hair held out.
Round and round with a giddy swing
Went the sea-king through the dark;
Round went the rope in the swivel-ring,
Round reeled the straining bark.
Prince Breacan he stood on his dragon prow,
A lantern in his hand:
Blest be the maidens of Denmark now,
By them shall Denmark stand!
He watched the rope through the tempest black
A lantern in his hold:
Out, out, alack! one strand will crack!
It is the strand of gold!
The third morn clear and calm came out:
No anchored ship was there!
The golden strand in the cable stout
Was not all of maidens' hair.
poem by George MacDonald
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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