We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
quote by Woody Allen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Yachil Vi Veyachali
YACHILWI WYA'ACHALI DAYMAN 'ALA B'ALI
YACHILWI WYA'ACHALI DAYMAN 'ALA B'ALI
AKAL'TAK EYL CHALI V'LABASTAK EYL GHALI
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HABIBI FI YA NAS HILWA W'MAKHTUBAH
HABIBI FI YA NAS HILWA W'MAKHTUBAH
W'YINTUN S'YILTUNI HILWA WACHBUBAH...
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
CHLAPTI LAK 'AYMAN HABIBI WYAS'LAYMAN
CHLAPTI LAK 'AYMAN HABIBI WYAS'LAYMAN
NISIRTI LAK HAMDAH W'MAH BEYNI W'BEYNAK
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
B'ADEH EYL HILW B'ADEH YA NAS HILW DZHADEH
B'ADEH EYL HILW B'ADEH YA NAS HILW DZHADEH
ASMAR W'YIKHALANI AKHOL 'ASEL NUBAH
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HABIBI EYL GHANI BYIL'HABBI 'ALAMNI
HABIBI EYL GHANI BYIL'HABBI 'ALAMNI
LA WA NISIS DZHAMBI MACHAD BILI DZHAMBI
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI W'ALMAHHIBAH B'ALYA YA RABBI TUBA'
HI WA!
song performed by by Ofra Haza
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Staff Meeting at Auschwitz
We dare not tell
the Fuehrer that
we failed to get
the rabbi's wife
to tell us where
the rabbi is so
now we have to
call the plumber.
Tell Old Franz
to bring his drill.
He has a way
with women.
Old Franz
will have to
rod this lady out
so we can ask her
once again
where the rabbi is
and if she still
won't tell us
Franz will have to
rod her out again.
Remember Mrs. Stein,
zaftig in her dirndl?
She wouldn't tell us
where the cantor
and his wife were
hiding till she saw
Old Franz's drill
and then she told us
where they were
and we found 30 more
silent in the attic.
If Mrs. Stein were
still alive, she'd tell
the rabbi's wife
about the drill
and that would
be enough to save
Old Franz a trip.
He's getting weary.
He had to use
a cane the night
he came to call
on Mrs. Stein.
poem by Donal Mahoney
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Rabbi: I'll keep my religion because I know the prayers in Hebrew, and I'm too old to learn new ones. But my religion isn't better.
line from The rabbi’s cat, script by Sandrina Jardel (2011)
Submitted by Festivalul Filmului European
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The Sweetest Sound
The sweetest sound I ever heard
Was the power of his words.
He took me out of the clutches of hell
And in my heart - he does dwell.
I found myself falling down
He picked me up off the ground
wiped me off and set me down.
I recalled many of the sermons
That my preacher had said
Of how JESUS raised
LAZARUS from the dead
If he could raise him so easily
Then helping me was a breeze
So many miracles that he had created
Left the rabbi's devastated.
But more than the rabbi's devastation
I had become so elated- that I was picked
Up in my hour of weakness and despair
'Showing me that the LORD does care.'
He cares about all that believe in him
Including the ones who had sinned
He has no preference to age or gender
If to him your heart you will surrender.
BELIEVE
poem by Louis Rams
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Tales Of A Wayside Inn : Part 1. The Spanish Jew's Tale; The Legend of Rabbi Ben Levi
Rabbi Ben Levi, on the Sabbath, read
A volume of the Law, in which it said,
'No man shall look upon my face and live.'
And as he read, he prayed that God would give
His faithful servant grace with mortal eye
To look upon His face and yet not die.
Then fell a sudden shadow on the page,
And, lifting up his eyes, grown dim with age,
He saw the Angel of Death before him stand,
Holding a naked sword in his right hand.
Rabbi Ben Levi was a righteous man,
Yet through his veins a chill of terror ran.
With trembling voice he said, 'What wilt thou here?'
The angel answered, 'Lo! the time draws near
When thou must die; yet first, by God's decree,
Whate'er thou askest shall be granted thee.'
Replied the Rabbi, 'Let these living eyes
First look upon my place in Paradise.'
Then said the Angel, 'Come with me and look.'
Rabbi Ben Levi closed the sacred book,
And rising, and uplifting his gray head,
'Give me thy sword,' he to the Angel said,
'Lest thou shouldst fall upon me by the way.'
The angel smiled and hastened to obey,
Then led him forth to the Celestial Town,
And set him on the wall, whence, gazing down,
Rabbi Ben Levi, with his living eyes,
Might look upon his place in Paradise.
Then straight into the city of the Lord
The Rabbi leaped with the Death-Angel's sword,
And through the streets there swept a sudden breath
Of something there unknown, which men call death.
Meanwhile the Angel stayed without and cried,
'Come back!' To which the Rabbi's voice replied,
'No! in the name of God, whom I adore,
I swear that hence I will depart no more!'
Then all the Angels cried, 'O Holy One,
See what the son of Levi here hath done!
The kingdom of Heaven he takes by violence,
And in Thy name refuses to go hence!'
The Lord replied, 'My Angels, be not wroth;
Did e'er the son of Levi break his oath?
Let him remain; for he with mortal eye
Shall look upon my face and yet not die.'
Beyond the outer wall the Angel of Death
Heard the great voice, and said, with panting breath,
'Give back the sword, and let me go my way.'
Whereat the Rabbi paused, and answered, 'Nay!
Anguish enough already hath it caused
Among the sons of men.' And while he paused
He heard the awful mandate of the Lord
Resounding through the air, 'Give back the sword!'
The Rabbi bowed his head in silent prayer;
Then said he to the dreadful Angel, 'Swear,
No human eye shall look on it again;
But when thou takest away the souls of men,
Thyself unseen, and with an unseen sword,
Thou wilt perform the bidding of the Lord.'
The Angel took the sword again, and swore,
And walks on earth unseen forevermore.
poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I don't think I'll be reformed until I'm well into my fifties.
quote by Christina Ricci
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.
quote by Woodrow Wilson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Jewish Wedding
Jane Doze - A Jewish Wedding
By JaneDoze
Hi, I'm Jane Doze and I have a story to tell you...
I have not been to many weddings. This one was pretty funny. My brother had poison oak and his face was swelled up so big he couldn't see out of his eyes. He had to walk around with an ice pack on his face all day. He was in the groom’s party so; he was wearing a tuxedo too!
My uncle was confused and said to me during the ceremony, ' I didn't know we were Jewish? ' I had to tell him that we aren't.
It all went by pretty fast actually. The Rabbi had the Bride and Groom sign the papers and then everyone had to pose for pictures.
I reflected how weeks before, I had helped one of the maids of honor make the party favors.
She took Hershey’s kisses and taped them together to make roses. They turned out really good. There was one on every plate in the reception room. I was so proud to have helped.
When the pictures were finally over, we all were so hungry and happy to go inside. As we approached the reception room, someone came out into the hall and said to the Bride, ' The Rabbi has eaten all the party favors! '
The Bride said to the Groom, ' See, I told you something bad would happen. It always does, even after all the wedding planning! '
She was a pretty good sport. The Bride had someone escort the Rabbi to his car, while her bridesmaids went and tried to arrange what was left of the party favors. They placed them into vases, a few here, and a few there.
Then, the Bride and Groom cut the cake to the music of the mission impossible theme. They even wore goggles and bibs. It was an awesome day even though my brother couldn't see a thing.
Moral to the Story: Never leave a Rabbi in a room full of temptation
poem by Patricia Dobrosipearson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
If I am not for others, what am I?
And if not now, when?
quote by Rabbi Hillel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Do not do to others what you would not have them do to you.
quote by Rabbi Hillel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when?
quote by Rabbi Hillel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If I am not for myself, who is for me But if I am for my own self only, what am I, and if not now, when
quote by Rabbi Hillel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Most people in this society who aren't actively mad are, at best, reformed or potential lunatics.
quote by Susan Sontag
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Reformed Apologists
Socially accepted name soiling,
Of those reformed apologists.
Wishing to have their public role calling,
Yesterday found appalling.
But today have discovered themselves,
The ones full of 'it'.
Retracking from en-acting,
Pointing blame with accusations.
Only makes those misdeeds to face,
Unable to erase.
From the minds of those attacked,
By assumptions and not facts!
Socially accepted name soiling,
Of those reformed apologists.
Wishing to have their public role calling,
Yesterday found appalling...
But today have discovered themselves,
The ones full of 'it'.
Leaving good relationships blemished.
And reputations diminished.
Isolates with a finish,
Those feelings of friendship forever left embittered.
With a forgiveness erased,
To never again be considered.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Da'ale Da'ale
YAH YAH HABIBI WEN ISALAM?!
GULI KALAM...
DA'ALE DA'ALE, DA'ALE DA'ALE...LE
DA'ALE DA'ALE, DA'ALE DA'ALE...LE LE LE...
I have many enemies around me
How can people be so hard to me?
But You are my light,
You are my hope,
And You will save me, oh...
You are my Angel,
You are the One,
You are my Angel,
Please, don't let me down!
A'SALK YA RABBI MOTHAY TA'ANENI
A'SALK YA RABBI MOTHAY TASHIVENI
MEDO ANI LAFONACHO'
SEAM SHOLEM AL AMACHO'
YAH YAH HABIBI WEN ISALAM
YAH YAH HABIBI GULI KALAM
YAH YAH HABIBI WEN ISALAM
YAH YAH HABIBI GULI KALAM
DA'ALE DA'ALE, DA'ALE DA'ALE...LE
DA'ALE DA'ALE, DA'ALE DA'ALE...LE LE LE...
OH YAH HABIBI
OH YAH HABIBI
You are my Angel,
You are the One,
You are my Angel,
Please, don't let me down!
DA'ALE DA'ALE
song performed by by Ofra Haza
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There can be no compromise with war; it cannot be reformed or controlled; cannot be disciplined into decency or codified into common sense.
quote by Jeanette Rankin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
quote by Rabbi H. Schachtel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Agents need to be free to pursue investigations in ways that they haven't. There have been restraints that a reformed FBI needs to make sure we don't impose.
quote by John Ashcroft
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Unless you have made a complete surrender and are doing his will it will avail you nothing if you've reformed a thousand times and have your name on fifty church records.
quote by Billy Sunday
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Better a thief for a neighbor than an overzealous rabbi.