Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.
quote by Adrian Edmondson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tommy Keep Your Head Down
Tommy is a soldier in the army
Tommy thinks all the “Top Brass” are barmy
Tommy is out on patrol in Iraq
Tommy hears gun-fire, he’s under attack
“Tommy keep your head down” a voice did say
Tommy saw the “Insurgents” run away
Tommy felt a burning pain in his head
Tommy fell to the ground, and Tommy bled
Tommy did not wish to die in the sand
Tommy had a wife,5 kids, all unplanned
Tommy has a widow and 5 orphans
Tommy has donated all his organs
Tommy was a soldier in the army
Tommy knows all the “Top Brass” are barmy________________
poem by Gordon David
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Stand-Up Comedians
Stand-up comedians so funny
Joke around to earn their money
They’re never funny sitting down
But when standing vertically upright
Their comedic humor is out of sight
Funny-ing as they act like stand-up clowns
They just can’t be funny or sassy
Sitting on their sorry assy’s
Perpendicular they invite loud guffaws
And with their joke-around renditions
In their stand-around positions
They welcome all appreciative applause
When they’re on stage it is behooved
To have all the sit-down chairs removed
So they can fill the halls with tons of laughter
So these stand-up fools so funny
Can earn rafts of funny money
The house is filled with laughs up to the rafter
poem by Stanley Cooper
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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See Sassy
See sassy wake up shes ? ? ? ? ?
Thinks/things you tell by the ring on her finger
Cant you tell by her fifty dollar shoes
That shes confusing love with the people she uses
But dont worry about nothing, nothing at all
Its just a temporary conscience?
Even springs? got to fall
See sassy shes a little girl
She looks so ? ? ? she looks so weak?
Papa says that shes too cute for words
So sassy never learned how to scream
But dont worry bout nothing, doll, nothin at all
Its just a temporary conscience
And even springs(? ) got the fall
Hush you baby dont you cry
Papas gonna feed you some good advice
Hush you baby dont miss this(? )
Papas gonna buy you a pretty dress
As though that could mend your heart
As though it could keep you from being torn apart
As though it were your destiny
To face every man you meet
On your knees
See sassy wake up on the other side
Stares at a/her wedding dress and starts to cry
Shes got big eyes but they dont see too clear
Otherwise she never would have ended up here
But dont worry about nothing doll nothing at all
Its just a temporary conscience
And even saints/streets/straights got to fall.
Yeah yeah
See sassy wake up shes a lover?
See sassy wake up shes alone?
See sassy wake up shes alone
song performed by by Jewel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Brothers John And Tommy
John my older brother lives in a southern state
Tommy is the youngest is still in
the Land Of 1,000 Lakes.
John used to play practical jokes
on me- he would laugh and poke.
John and Tommy did hide a toy character of mine
my sister Lisa grabbed it from Tommy in the nick of time.
Tommy of course reacted with funny words
he was family clown, he wasn't a nerd.
Tommy used to have bright pink hair
he wore droopy pants with a big wide flair.
John is a business man who did succeed
he used to live in New Jersey now he has a family.
Tommy one day will have a child-
my niece or nephew will be like him- kind of wild.
John has girls that are sweet and smart
they are gracious girls with kind hearts.
Nice to have brothers that can make you laugh
just as long as it's not about you having gas.
Written by Suzae Chevalier on April 9,2012
poem by Christina Sunrise
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Brother John And Tommy
John my older brother lives in a southern state
Tommy is the youngest is still in the Land of The 1,000 Lakes.
John used to play practical jokes
on me- he would laugh and poke.
John and Tommy did hide a toy character of mine
my sister Lisa grabbed it from Tommy in the nick of time.
Tommy of course reacted with funny words
he was family clown, he wasn't a nerd.
Tommy used to have bright purple hair
he wore droopy pants with a big wide flair.
John is a business man who did succeed
he used to live in New Jersey now he has a family.
Tommy one day will have a child
niece or nephew will be like him- kind of wild.
John's has girls that are sweet and smart
they are gracious girls with kind hearts.
Nice to have brothers that can make you laugh
just as long as it's not about you having gas.
Written by Suzae Chevalier on April 9,2012
poem by Suzae Chevalier
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Sweet Sassy Lady
Maurice white, wayne vaugh, wanda vaughn & lisa vaughn
She came to me one sleepless night
And took me on a 3-d flight
We went to outer space
The sky became a movie screen
Our bodies moved in and out the galaxy
She took my heart into her hand
And signed her name with a flame
Im not the same
Sweet sassy lady, I really let you get to me
Sweet sassy lady, I cant resist your energy
Want you in my life, my life, my life
Got to get you in my life, my life girl
The sun came up, she disappeared
But left a clue that she was here
I knew wed meet again
Id know her by her sassy moves
That mean physique, baby what
It does to me
Ill let you in on something else
Ill maky my move, real soon
Sweet sassy lady, I really let you get to me
Sweet sassy lady, I cant resist your energy
Want you in my life, my life, my life
Got to get you in my life, my life girl
Fancy walk and a smooth talking baby
Is what I want from my sweet sassy lady
Now does that turn you on
Lady of thousand dreams, in a magazine
On a movie screen
Lady of a thousand flights, riding through the night
Come and change my life
song performed by by Earth Wind And Fire
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I still insist that American performers are the best performers in the world.
quote by Tony Bennett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
quote by Tommy Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tommy Gun
Tommy gun
You aint happy less you got one
Tommy gun
Aint gonna shoot the place up
Just for fun
Maybe he wants to die for the money
Maybe he wants to kill for his country
Whatever he wants, hes gonna get it!
Tommy gun
You better strip it down for a customs run
Tommy gun
Waiting in the airport till kingdom come
An we can watch you make it
On the nine oclock news
Standing there in palestine lighting the fuse
Whatever you want, youre gonna get it
Tommy gun
Youll be dead when your war is won
Tommy gun
But did you have to gun down everyone?
I can see its kill or be killed
A nation of destiny has got to be fulfilled
Whatever you want, youre gonna get it!
Tommy gun
You can be a hero in an age of none
Tommy gun
Im cutting out your picture from page one
Im gonna get a jacket just like yours
An give my false support to your cause
Whatever you want, youre gonna get it!
Boats an tanks and planes, its your game
Kings an queens an general learn your name
I see all the innocents, the human sacrifice
And if death comes so cheap
Then the same goes for life
song performed by by Face To Face
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's also that comedians don't have the kind of narcissism that actors have. They're writers who perform their own material. It's more interesting. And they're sexy because they risk more. Stand-up comedians risk more than anyone.
quote by Rachel Weisz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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