The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for 5 seconds and think for 10 minutes.
quote by William Davis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The difficult thing about a pop record is that you're given guidelines: it has to have 3 choruses, and then it must be between 3 minutes fifteen seconds and three minutes forty-five seconds.
quote by Duncan Sheik
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Frustrating Seconds
These seconds of time that seem so small
really are not that small at all.
They continuously add up to a minute.
Sixty seconds later and all that's within it
is larger as they pass.
And then they add up to an hour.
Now those seconds have more power.
They move along and soon there'll be
another day gone from you with me.
Seconds, minutes, hours and days
have grown so long in heartfelt ways.
They leave me wondering just how long
these drawn out seconds did me wrong?
I'd love to bundle them up real tight
and little by little squeeze them at night.
And when the dawn is here again
remember all of them and say Amen.
I do not wish my life away.
I just want those seconds to go their way.
Let them add up for another fool.
For these seconds for me are much too cruel.
I don't need seconds, minutes or hours
to remind me of eternity.
I will not count the time anymore
for all it contains is the misery
of being away from you.
poem by Edwina Reizer
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Morning Humor
Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
I am a waiter and I am a server
Ill run to your needs with strength and fervor
In times when you are wasted I will walk in
Through the door, pick you from the floor
Then watch you grow into a man
With a big burly beard
And a mustache to match
Ill watch you love the world
And all that it has...
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
I am on top again, soon to be low again
Oh will this ever end?
Im sorry I dont mean to sound like a whale
Trapped in the ice, but aint it nice to say exactly
What I please...
With a big toney voice or a
Soft mellow voice or the
Loud boisterous voice of an opera, opera lady!
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up.
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
But the joke that kills
Is just a joke to you
You need some...
Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood...
Morning humor...
song performed by by Live
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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17
17 seconds of compassion
17 seconds of peace
17 seconds to remember love is the energy
behind which all is created
17 seconds to remember all that is good
17 seconds to forget all your hurt and pain
17 seconds of faith
17 seconds to trust you again
17 seconds of radiance
17 seconds to send a prayer up
17 seconds is all you really need
song performed by by Smashing Pumpkins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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25 Minutes To Go
They're buildin' the gallows outside my cell.
I got 25 minutes to go.
And in 25 minutes I'll be in Hell.
I got 24 minutes to go.
Well, they give me some beans for my last meal.
23 minutes to go.
And you know... nobody asked me how I feel.
I got 22 minutes to go.
So, I wrote to the Gov'nor... the whole damned bunch.
Ahhh... 21 minutes to go.
And I call up the Mayor, and he's out to lunch.
I got 20 more minutes to go.
Well, the Sheriff says, 'Boy, I wanna watch you die'.
19 minutes to go.
I laugh in his face... and I spit in his eye.
I got 18 minutes to go.
Well...I call out to the Warden to hear my plea.
17 minute to go.
He says, 'Call me back in a week or three.
You've got 16 minutes to go.'
Well, my lawyer says he's sorry he missed my case.
Mmmm....15 minutes to go.
Yeah, well if you're so sorry, come up and take my place.
I got 14 minutes to go.
Well, now here comes the padre to save my soul
With 13 minutes to go.
And he's talkin' about burnin', but I'm so damned cold.
I got 12 more minutes to go.
Now they're testin' the trap. It chills my spine.
I got 11 minutes to go.
'Cuz the goddamned thing it works just fine.
I got 10 more minutes to go.
I'm waitin' for the pardon... gonna set me free
With 9 more minutes to go.
But this ain't the movies, so to hell with me.
I got 8 more minutes to go.
And now I'm climbin up the ladder with a scaffold peg
With 7 more minutes to go.
I've betta' watch my step or else I'll break my leg.
I got 6 more minutes to go.
Yeah... with my feet on the trap and my head in the noose...
5 more minutes to go.
Well, c'mon somethin' and cut me loose.
I got 4 more minutes to go.
I can see the mountains. I see the sky.
3 more minutes to go.
And it's too damned pretty for a man to die.
i got 2 more minutes to go
I can hear the buzzards... hear the crows.
1 more minute to go.
And now I'm swingin' and here I gooooooooo....
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Mary O Dwyer
She has got a lot of charm much about her to admire
Full of good old Aussie humor likeable Mary O Dwyer
If you cannot laugh at her jokes then you need to see a shrink
Or you are a boring person slow to laugh and slow to think.
Few like her live in Wonthaggi few like her live anywhere
People of such wit and humor are and always have been rare
So kind hearted and unconceited as a friend so nice to know
One you always will remember though to your life friends come and go.
With two daughters close to their teens she was never some one's wife
But she makes the most of her lot and looks on the bright side of life
She too has her share of worries but she laughs her cares away
If she feels sad for some reason it won't last for the whole day.
If you cannot laugh with Mary then you ought to face the truth
That you are a boring person of laughter you are destitute
For she is bright and quick witted and she is free of conceit
And one of the nicest people that anyone could wish to meet.
poem by Francis Duggan
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When you say a friend has a sense of humor do you mean that he makes you laugh, or that he can make you laugh?
quote by Max Frisch
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Walmart Parking Lot
To laugh at life
You have to have,
A perpetual sense of humor.
If you laugh,
They say,
The life you live,
Will potentially,
Last much longer.
I am sitting in the dark,
Stranded,
In a Walmart parking lot,
And finding it,
Hard to laugh.
I cannot see the humor in,
My current situation.
I am desperately in need,
Of some comic revelation.
Then suddenly,
It dawns on me.
And I can see,
My poetry,
Is witty confirmation.
With words and rhyme,
I laugh at me,
And thus embrace,
Salvation.
poem by Connie Crane
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What I learned most was how to tell a story in 15 seconds or 30 seconds or 60 seconds - to have some kind of goal of what to try to do and make it happen in that time.
quote by Renny Harlin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Laugh Clown Laugh
Laugh Clown laugh,
that's what they want me to do.
I guess I'm doing something right
because this Clown made you laugh too.
Laugh Clown laugh,
make everyone laugh real hard.
Besides, Who would it hurt?
Will anyone notice
how it has scarred?
Laugh Clown laugh,
but only for a while,
at least until you see
that the humor is in your denial.
poem by Cecelia Warner
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Love's Sweet Humor
I believe that love
Has a very strange
But great
Sense of humor.
It makes you think
It makes you believe
There is no hope
As tight as a rope.
I know the humor
That love brings
I've had the feeling
It's a dream.
Love plays tricks
Love brings treats
It gives us strength
Yet sometimes beats.
But the one thing
I know about love
Is how to lose
And how to win.
poem by Dark Guardian
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Ticking Clock....
Overwhelmed.....just need a place to sit....
the thoughts in my mind,
well....they just won't quit!
Funny how a clock can grab my attention,
you know.....
the kind with the seconds...
counting down.
As I loose my mind in thoughts of the day,
that click...the seconds....
I have to weigh...
I'm here...
I'm now...
then seconds are clicking....
So I have a thought.
Why am I wasting now?
Just how do I love this second?
I don't want to waste precious time....
the clock makes me hear my stupid whine....
Damn you ticking clock! ! !
Seconds
All day
Hiding from the sun
Waiting for the golden one
Waiting for your fame
After the parade has gone
Outside was a happy place
Every face had a smile like the golden face
For a second
Your knuckles white as your fingers curl
The shot that was heard around the world
For a second
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds of your time to take his life
Seconds
Seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
For a second
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
For a second
It took seconds of your time to take his life
Seconds of your time to take his life
For a second
For a second
For a second
song performed by by Human League
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Only Makes Me Laugh
I don't know why i feel this way
I don't know if it's right or wrong to laugh at misfortune
Darkness can never last too long
Every time i think i'm falling
And there's nobody around to hold me up
And it seems like the world has come to an end
I look for miles but not a face is friendly
Then suddenly a hole opens up in the ground
The bottom of the hole is a raging fire
I try to jump over but there's no way
The next thing i know, i'm going down
(chorus)
Does it hurt?
Oh, it really doesn't matter
Does it burn?
Oh, i don't feel a thing
Does it sting?
Oh, yeah, it really doesn't matter
Does it hurt?
Oh, i don't give a damn
When i find myself falling and i hit the bottom
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
When i go down the hole and i hit the bottom
The last time that i fell in love
The love was milk and honey but the milk turned sour
The woman became a monster
And everyone i knew had become a stranger
And the room went black and my luck was spent
The floor opened up, down i went
(repeat chorus)
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
Coming right back
Coming right back
'cause you can't keep me down
Can't keep me down
Oh, in the ground
Does it hurt?
Oh, it really doesn't matter
Does it burn?
Oh, i don't feel a thing
I don't mind just a little pain
Ooh, oh yeah
Whoa...
Remembering when i was a young man
How everything seemed to turn against me
I didn't know a soul, it was an alien place
The sun was covered by a dark cloud
And though i tried, i couldn't find a way to escape
The only way to go was straight down
(repeat chorus)
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
I don't know why i feel this way
I don't know if it's right or wrong to laugh at misfortune
Darkness can never last too long...
When you laugh in its face
When you laugh in its face
I don't know why i feel this way...
song performed by by Oingo Boingo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Please, O God of Humor
Please, O God of Humor, give me the gift of being funny
naturally funny
so I can produce poetry and verse that tickles
and makes readers laugh so much their coins roll out of their wallets;
and let the children roll on the floor when my poems are recited;
for indeed my humor is the worst online by any standard
(or lack of standard)
for when I publish poems meant to be funny
my readers never understand me
and what I thought funny, they think tragic
and what I thought was tickle-tickle material
they find pathetic and practically laughable;
I am lectured to or consoled by readers
when I attempt humor;
I am sent e-mails and spam of advice
and words of caution when I attempt to be witty;
and my 113th poem
on the funny side of social networking
brought sympathy and pity for my lack of friends
but no appreciation for what I thought was funny;
and my 213th poem on old ladies at banks
brought outrage at me for hanging out at banks to ogle at wealthy, old ladies;
my 3131th poem on religion, the Divine
and its Power-packed representatives on Planet Earth
provoked no laughter but the ire and wrath of the other God
(you know, not you the Laughing God,
but the Other One, the Only One, the Angry Jealous God)
really neither man nor beast
nor the Highest Being in heaven
truly
nobody laughs at my verse
and nobody finds my offbeat humor at all funny;
Oh please,
God of Humor,
please make my humor a little like that of
Mr Bean or Jim Carrie
so I can have a universal audience
that will laugh at anything I write
(and perhaps incidentally, I’ll make some money)
and then they’ll all say:
See what the God of Humor and Laughter has done
for that simpleton Raj who never knew what humor in poetry is…
Please God of Humor, won't you humor me?
poem by Raj Arumugam
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It Only Makes Me Laugh
I dont know why I feel this way
I dont know if its right or wrong to laugh at misfortune
Darkness can never last too long
Every time I think Im falling
And theres nobody around to hold me up
And it seems like the world has come to an end
I look for miles but not a face is friendly
Then suddenly a hole opens up in the ground
The bottom of the hole is a raging fire
I try to jump over but theres no way
The next thing I know, Im going down
(chorus)
Does it hurt?
Oh, it really doesnt matter
Does it burn?
Oh, I dont feel a thing
Does it sting?
Oh, yeah, it really doesnt matter
Does it hurt?
Oh, I dont give a damn
When I find myself falling and I hit the bottom
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
When I go down the hole and I hit the bottom
The last time that I fell in love
The love was milk and honey but the milk turned sour
The woman became a monster
And everyone I knew had become a stranger
And the room went black and my luck was spent
The floor opened up, down I went
(repeat chorus)
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
Coming right back
Coming right back
cause you cant keep me down
Cant keep me down
Oh, in the ground
Does it hurt?
Oh, it really doesnt matter
Does it burn?
Oh, I dont feel a thing
I dont mind just a little pain
Ooh, oh yeah
Whoa...
Remembering when I was a young man
How everything seemed to turn against me
I didnt know a soul, it was an alien place
The sun was covered by a dark cloud
And though I tried, I couldnt find a way to escape
The only way to go was straight down
(repeat chorus)
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
It only makes me laugh
I dont know why I feel this way
I dont know if its right or wrong to laugh at misfortune
Darkness can never last too long...
When you laugh in its face
When you laugh in its face
I dont know why I feel this way...
song performed by by Oingo Boingo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Split Seconds
SPLIT SECONDS
Open your eyes
Take a look around you
You light me up
Like I'm some kind of saint
If black and white
were the only colours
if you and I
were the only ones
Trying to buy some time
I'd try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I'd try to buy split seconds
I open my eyes
and fear it 's not the last time
You set me up
like I'm some kind of fool
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy
the scars to prove that
we're not the only ones
the scars to prove that
I am
that I am
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy
Trying to buy
song performed by by Zeromancer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You:
You
Your smile gets me through the day,
Your laugh helps me find my way,
Your eyes make me wanna stay,
Your hug makes me wanna say,
I love you, I love you, I do.
Your presence helps me make it through,
Your kindness lets me see the lies aren't true,
Your compassion lifts me up when I'm blue,
Your humor makes me laugh longer than you,
I love you, I love you, I do...
poem by Daimon Ferguson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Art of Humor
The parody, the comic
The irony, the slapstick
The comedy, the joke
There are many names of humor
A little flirt, a bit sway
A random bait, a strike catch
A prick of crack, a needed pain
So far we go just for humor
Because it is fun, because it is crazy
Because it is refreshing, because it brings laugh
Lightening the mood, building emotion
Always use humor in a good way
The situation, the mimic
The trap, the surprise
The movement, the style
Only human could understand humor
The witty question, the innocence answer
The spontaneous expression, the awaited performance
The dilemma, the mistake
Everything could turn into humor
To tease, to distract
To criticize, to attract
To break the ice, to open the gag
Don't take humor too serious
In critical condition, in awkward moment
In relaxing time, in happy hour
In strange fact, in life experience
Do you know that God also has a sense of humor?
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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In looking for humor, keep in mind this guideline: Sometimes it takes a little time to see the humor in your upsets; you may not find something to laugh about immediately.
quote by Allen Klein
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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