Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor, and then help me find a nose.
quote by Blake Edwards
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Dr. Detroit
Don't you stop
Don't you wonder why
Life itself pops in
And takes you by surprise
Don't you try to run
It gets you from behind
Like a common cold
It takes you for a ride
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
Call me doctor (repeat)
No need to look
He's not in the book
The doctor's not an m.d.
What he does this time he does for free
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jack The Idiot Dunce
Whos the fool with the cross-eyed stare,
The turned up nose and moronic glare?
Whos that simpleton standing over there?
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
Whos that dumb-looking freckle-faced runt?
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
He walks like his feet are on back to front,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
When he waddles down the street he looks kind of queer,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce,
Because hes got two left feet and taxi-door ears,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
And when we laugh at the clothes he wears,
Jack just smiles cos he dont care.
Whos that fool? whos that ninny?
Whos that twit? whos that chump?
The idiot dunce, the idiot dunce.
Who is always the bottom of the class?
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
Whos a fool? whos a boob?
Whos a kook and an ass?
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
When we take examinations he never gets a pass,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
And we all put him down cos he cant think fast,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
We ridicule him and punch him around,
But jack just laughs and stands his ground,
The idiot dunce, the idiot dunce.
Yeah, hes so unco-ordinated.
Yeah, and so disorientated,
And when we have a high school hop
You ought to see that idiot bop
And his arms and his legs
Seem to have minds of their own,
And you dont need brains
To have educated muscles and bones.
Yeah, you ought to see him dance
He moves like hes in a trance,
And when we have a high school hop
You ought to see that idiot rock,
And hes finally proved
That you dont need a high i.q.
To make your body move.
Now hes created a dance that everybodys trying to do.
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
Do the idiot dunce.
All right put your finger on your nose,
Now cross those eyes.
Put your hands on your hips,
Now wriggle your backside.
Now youve got the knack
To do the idiot jack
From your head to the tips of your toes.
Now the whole worlds doing it and everybody knows,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
Hes a real cool cat and a real gone groove,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
And the girls go crazy when he starts to move,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce
Now jacks a success hes got nothing to prove,
Jack, jack the idiot dunce.
Even though jack is dim
His mother is so proud of him.
Hey, whos that groovy looking dude
Dancing with all the chicks?
The idiot dunce, the idiot dunce.
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.
quote by Abe Lemons
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Kung
What you are now experiencing is
the Vibration of Life ladies and gentlemen
Your head may be feeling heavy
Seven beats per second
Your nose light
This will re-energize you
Your eyes heavyYour nose light
Your eyes heavy
Kung...
Kung...
Kung...
Your eyes may be feeling heavy
Your nose lightYour eyes heavy
Kung...
Kung...
Kung...
Rich in minerals
Rich in firth Carry well ye martin lad
Fervent fourth
Now Fervent fifth
Forever arealm we cry
Be it ever so Voraciously alternate
We call upon your pulse
Can we stand?
Can we stare?
We can stage a runaway golfcart marathon!
Stand up
Stand up
Stand up on your heels and call
From the hills
From the hills
This may have made your eyes feel heavyY
our nose light
Your eyes heavy
song performed by by Phish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Somebody Get Me A Doctor
You better call me a doctor.
Feelin no pain.
Overloaded, down the drain.
Somebody get me a doctor.
You better call up the ambuance, Im deep in shock.
Overloaded, baby, I can hardly walk.
Somebody get me a doctor.
Somebody get me a doctor.
Feelin over fine.
And Im speedin down that line.
Somebody get me a shot.
song performed by by Van Halen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Idiot Son Of An Asshole
He's not smart, a C student
And that's after buying his way into school
Beady eyes, and he's kinda dyslexic
Can he read? No one's really quite sure
He signs stuff and he executes people
Maybe that's why, he doesn't have any friends
Cocaine and a little drunk driving
Doesn't matter, when you're the Commander in Chief.
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Put on some make-up, turn on the 8-Track,
I'm putting a week back on the shelf,
Suddenly I'm the President, of the United States,
But then I woke up, and realized I'm still me.
He's too dumb, to eat pretzels, apparently smart enough to fix an election.
Moved boldly into the White House,
but most people voted against him.
He likes naps, He really likes naptime, A couple of naps and then a nap and then he's ready for bed,
He may be from Bush decent, but he's always gonna be the unpresident.
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
He's our president!
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Idiot Son Of An Asshole
NoFX - Idiot Son Of An Asshole lyrics
He's not smart, a C student
And that's after buying his way into school
Beady eyes, and he's kinda dyslexic
Can he read? No one's really quite sure
He signs stuff and he executes people
Maybe that's why, he doesn't have any friends
Cocaine and a little drunk driving
Doesn't matter, when you're the Commander in Chief.
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
(***not in the video version on The War On Errorism****
Put on some make-up, turn on the 8-Track,
I'm putting a week back on the shelf,
Suddenly I'm the President, of the United States,
But they I woke up, and realized I'm still me. )
He's too dumb, to eat pretzels, apparently smart enough to fix an election.
Moved boldly into the White House,
though most people voted against him.
He likes naps, He's good at naptime, A couple of naps and then a nap and then he's ready for
bed,
He may be from Bush decent, He's always gonna, gonna be the un-precedent
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
He's our president!
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Doctor
Pay some attention
Want to get it right
Ooo-how about you
Minds under pressure
Happens every night
Ooo-let it go
(pre-chorus)
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Lay your hands on me
I prescribe a pill
Ooo-how about now
Tensions a buildin
Need to let it out
Ooo-let it go
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
I make house calls
In the middle of the night
Ooo-to get you right
Come a little closer
Is it pleasure is it pain
Ooo-Ive got the cure
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
(solo)
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
song performed by by Cheap Trick
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Knowing Idiots
Sunday.
I don't eat by myself
So I leave the television on
To fill in.
The food is cold in my fingers
And warm in my throat.
A forgotten rerun;
A sorry substitute for people.
Sundays are awful days
With such a lot to think about.
I think about
Where you are
Right now.
And how you are.
I hope you're sad.
Real sad.
I hope you feel like ripping your heart out.
But mostly I wonder
Why you are.
I don't like idiots.
You shouldn't be.
Saturday.
An idiot sits in front of me.
The idiots is happy with a lump of plasticine.
See how the plasticine, see how she changes
With me.
But child, you're not the one playing with plasticine.
It's the other way 'round.
Wednesday.
Saw the idiot in totality.
The idiot was all smiles.
I knew why
But didn't understand.
Idiots are beyond me.
What the idiots knows
Only the idiot knows.
The idiot is real smart.
So I want to give up on the idiot
While I'm still alive.
But before I do
I just want to see the idiot cry
And know what it's been like
And what it feels like
To be a fool.
poem by Shikha Gupta
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I'm An Idiot
what a dumbass i am
I can't even rhyme these words
What a dumbass i am
I love napalm death
Even though napalm death sucks
Sucks large balls
Megadeth is way better
I hang out in malls
I'm an idiot
I watch looney tunes
I'm an idiot
I don't go to church
I'm an idiot
I like to smoke chairs
I'm an idiot
Shoot me please
I can't get a girlfreind
Because i suck
I like to screw goats
What a dumbass i am
I'm an idiot
I watch looney tunes
I'm an idiot
I dont go to church
I'm an idiot
I like to smoke chairs (don't ask me how)
I'm an idiot
Shoot me please!
song performed by by Nine Inch Nails
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor’s Day,2010
Doctor, doctor, carer of sick!
Doctor, doctor, healer on earth;
Doctor, doctor, noble is thine field;
Doctor, doctor, serve thine brethren well!
Doctor, labor all the more;
Clean and dress the chronic sore;
Let no person taint thine name;
Never forget thine great aim.
Doctor, let not wealth allure;
Doctor, lead a life all pure;
Doctor, try to always cure;
God will bless thee on earth, sure.
Dear Dr.B, K, Padmavathi M.D.,
‘Happy Doctor’s Day,2010! ’
From the Dean and staff of IRT, PMC
Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2010
poem by John Celes
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A Reason To Condescend
Not often,
But there has been times...
When one can not help but find,
A reason to condescend.
A pulling done of rank,
Or a sarcasm spoken...
To one who shows not a bit of thanks.
With not a hint of appreciation expressed,
For a suggestion or advice given...
At one's request.
But...
Chastised,
In a way that a disrespect is not merited.
Not often,
But there has been times...
When one can not help but find,
A reason to condescend.
'You know,
After listening to your presentation...
I have come to the conclusion,
You are more of an idiot than I first believed.'
~I am flattered and quite humbled by your comments.
But I can not take full credit for your observances,
Since someone with your experience and expertise...
Has undoubtedly perfected being an idiot to a 'T'.
I am still working on it!
But I will do the best I can,
To reflect your best moves.
In the hopes of becoming a full fledge idiot,
Like you have presented yourself to be.~
Never defend your reason to condescend,
IF that request has obviously been made!
'That was not a compliment,
You know? '
~I apologize.
I did not intentionally mean to offend!
I should have stated...
You are the 'biggest' idiot yet.
Now both of us should be pleased,
That we met and shared...
An inspiration that motivates.~
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Day I Got My Finger Stuck Up My Nose
When I got my finger stuck up my nose
I went to a doctor, who said,
"Nothing like this has happened before,
We will have to chop off your head."
"It's only my finger stuck up my nose,
It's only my finger!" I said.
"I see what it is," the doctor replied,
"But we'll still have to chop off your head."
He went to the cabinet and took out an axe.
I watched with considerable dread.
"But it's only my finger stuck up my nose.
It's only a finger!" I said.
"Perhaps we can yank it out with a hook
Tied to some surgical thread.
Maybe we can try that," he replied
"Rather than chop off your head."
"I'm never going to pick it again.
I've now learned my lesson," I said.
"I won't stick my finger up my nose -
I'll stick it in my ear instead."
poem by Brian Patten
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Call Me Idiot
a word from you,
and i will remember it,
on this
elephantine memory,
idiot, you call me idiot,
and i shall retort for once
but not twice, not anymore
shall i become
another image of you,
i dread.
i will not call you moron,
but i shall be in my room again
alone
on an array of oxymora
talking to the drapes and the drawers
burying all these
humiliations, and putting a stop
to my fears,
i will see the dancing chairs
and hug the lovely pillows,
hide beneath my blankets,
i promise myself, i will have a nice sleep
and inside my dream
i shall write the most beautiful poem in my life.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Doctor Doctor
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh the mess Im in
She walked up to me
And really stole my heart
And then she started
To take my body apart
*livin, lovin, Im on the run
Far away from you
Livin, lovin, Im on the run
So far away from you
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, Im goin fast
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, Im goin fast
Its only just a moment,
Shes turnin paranoid
Thats not a situation for a nervous boy
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, the mess Im in
But you look so angry
As I crawled across your floor
Shes got the strain,
And I cant take any more
*repeat
*repeat
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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We buy names.
Called an idiot, I shall call back idiot.
Called a fool, I shall call back fool.
I’m appreciated as I appreciate.
Earning good name is buying good name.
20.07.2011
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Faust: Now I have studied philosophy,
medicine and the law,
and unfortunately, theology,
wearily sweating, yet I stand now,
poor fool, no wiser than I was before;
I am called Master, even Doctor,
and for these last ten years have led
my students by the nose - up, down,
crosswise and crooked. Now I see
that we know nothing finally.
line from Faust by Goethe (1808)
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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