I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can't even talk about my own handicap because it's too upsetting.
quote by Shia LaBeouf
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I've been writing a lot, I've a few projects I'm trying to finance, I do some acting, I do some directing... Apart from that, if I could get lower that a ten handicap on my golf game I'd be thrilled.
quote by Paul M. Glaser
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I don't smoke marijuana anymore. I don't drink. Marijuana is a handicap. So is alcohol. Alcohol is a terrible handicap. But in spite of being a handicap, it shouldn't be criminal.
quote by Gary Johnson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mr. Brown
[Bob Marley]
(Ooh - ooh - ooh - ooh)
(It's Mr Brown) Mr Brown is a clown who rides to town in a coffin.
(Well, here he comes) In the top is ... three rows on top and two inside there.
Oh, what a confusion! Ooh, yeah, yeah!
What a botheration! Ooh, now, now!
Who is Mr Brown? I wanna know now!
He is nowhere to be found.
From Mandeville to slide-a-ville, coffin runnin' around,
Upsetting, upsetting, upsetting the town,
Asking for Mr Brown.
From Mandeville to slide-a-ville, coffin runnin' around,
upsetting, upsetting, upsetting the town,
Asking for Mr Brown.
I wanna know who (is Mr Brown)?
Is Mr Brown controlled by remote?
O-o-oh, calling duppy conqueror,
I'm the ghost-catcher!
This is your chance, oh big, big Bill bull-bucka,
Take your chance! Prove yourself! Oh, yeah!
Down in parade
People runnin like a masquerade.
The police make a raid,
But the people - oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah - they think it
fade.
What a thing in town
Crows chauffeur-driven around,
Skankin' as if they had never known
The man they call "Mr Brown".
I can tell you where he's from now:
From Mandeville to slide-a-ville, coffin runnin' around,
Upsetting, upsetting, upsetting the town,
Asking for Mr Brown.
From Mandeville to slide-a-ville -
/fadeout/
song performed by by Bob Marley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Prior to that I produced a couple of TV movies for CBS, but the truth of the matter is that I burned out for a couple of years. I didn't do anything for a while, apart from taking up golf, for which I got a four handicap.
quote by Gil Gerard
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I have come to understand and appreciate writers much more recently since I started working on a book last fall. Before that, I thought golf writers got up every morning, played a round of golf, had lunch, showed up for our last three holes and then went to dinner.
quote by Phil Mickelson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Handicap Access
I have often been told, when I get to heaven I won't need my
wheelchair. That got me a wondering. If it's true that God don't
make mistakes, and He created me with s disability, then why won't
I need my wheelchair when I get to heaven? If I'm not a mistake
then there's nothing God needs to do to heal me. I have heard there's
a stairway to heaven, and my faith let's me believe that heaven
also got handicap access. Furthermore, I'm not worry whether or not
heaven's got handicap access. I just hope to get their when I pass
on. I was born with this disability and I'm going to die with it.
And if God allows me into heaven I have faith that the pearly gates
got handicap access.
Permit Me To Say It
alright, we are short of the patience
to understand,
let us talk, let us remove the condition
of having to talk with sense,
that is not important anymore
we talk together, let there be no
objective of having to understand
what is this
or what is that
what do i mean and what do you mean
it is at this point when both of
us are angry
very angry indeed
let us scream and shout
let the neighbors hear that we are at war
they will not understand
neither will i understand this
let the pressure rise
and let that be released
that is what is important
we scream together
and if everything is gone
and done
let us talk again
this time, i will be patient
and this time you must
also try to listen.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You know, my hair is very upsetting to people, but it's upsetting on purpose. It is important to look old so that the young will not be afraid of dying. People don't like old women. We don't honor age in our society, and we certainly don't honor it in Hollywood.
When we talk about something
When we talk about movies
i like comedies, dramas, westerns,
adventures, sci-fi, animations
When we talk about books
i like novels, poetry, short stories,
non-fiction, biographies
When we talk about TV Programs
i like comedies, dramas, cartoons,
game shows, news programs
When w talk aboout music
i like classical, pop, jazz, rock,
country, ballad, r&b, hiphop
When we talk about sports
i like football, baseball, soccer,
golf, hockey, tennis, pingpong
When we talk about poet
i certainly love you,
even if you don't write for me.
poem by Hazel Calumarde
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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She worded it a bit strongly, but I do find myself more and more struck by the differences between the sexes. To put it another way: All marriages are mixed marriages.
quote by Anne Tyler
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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For A Round Of Golf
For leisure the game that so many do play
For a round of golf 'tis a beautiful day
By the wide slow flowing river that crawls to the sea
Men and women practice their strokes before their evening tea.
As a boy I believed hobby golfers had easy jobs
And that those who enjoyed golf were well to do snobs
But such antiquated thinking not relevant today
As all kinds of classes the game of golf play.
A beautiful day for a beautiful game
For most hobby golfers with no aspirations to fame
After work they go to the golf course in the evening sun
And play the eighteen holes for the sake of fun.
Of the praises of golf everybody doesn't sing
But for the participants a game without physical contact can be such a fun thing
In the golf course by the river that to the sea crawl
The crack of the iron on the stone hard golf ball.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Me OLD Mate JOE
My old mate Joe, his body has departed. My golfing mate, my Community involved mate, me Theater person mate, and then somewhere, somehow he sticks things in my mind. Knew and have known him. Joe is a real mate.
Some words from Joe.
Me names Joe, sometimes Joseph, and yes me coat was of many colours brave.
But I’m just an ordinary bloke, so it won’t take long, your precious time, I’ll try hard to save.
I loved me friends at the Unit, overalls resplendent orange colour bold.
I didn’t give much ceremony for acrimony, but I did my duties told.
Well, they indicated “procuring”, and in my chosen field I did sound.
I was the store man, I procured things you might say, but I lifted stuff, all for Mullumbimby bound.
Fire fronts, cookin’ stuff, liven’ rough, and I did that and some more.
Look at you, you RFS, eat me food get a break, then put the peddle to the floor.
And was I an ordinary golfer? The “Swamp Pheasants”, Mullumbimby Golf Club is well known.
Handicap? Golfer? What’s that? When me mates wanted points, well, suddenly stableford has grown.
Every Monday, me mates and I would go to do the battle.
Never won a lot, a golf ball here, two bob here, so lets’ go on with the prattle.
Beth Wicks, all off this, a profession will be unfolden’, the SEA HORSE SINGERS, and Byron Shire is the place that is beholden’.
I had a job, prop manager, curtain puller, our shows were for the locals.
Never seen so many folk, given’it out, singn’it out. Good on ya Geoff Dart’s focal vocals.
And then, OH boy, they put me in the show and then Goldilocks’ I was bound and more.
The Vegemite Kids, I’m on the skids, makeup makes us good I’m sure.
Marginally attractive, curiously distractive, I think ugly is the word, the inscription.
Joe’s me name, and I’m on me way and had a good time, on me cemetery description.
Have a little tipple climb every mountain, me partner Coral won’t object.
She had the job of carer, and it wasn’t good, that I expect.
I was just an ordinary bloke, I got more than I gave.
Help me settle down, depart this life, and don’t you be so grave.
Will you have a talk, but don’t talk of sad, and I’m certain Coral she won’t billya’.
Have a cuppa’, have a snack.
Now pour a little drink for me, willya’.
John Farley and Joe, © 2008
poem by John D. Farley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Marriages are under strain today in terms of economics. There are social cross-currents. We see failed marriages. But it is not under attack by our gay and lesbian citizens.
quote by Earl Blumenauer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I've Got A Lover
I've got a lover back in japan
He's got tatooes
He's my superman
I try to call him up from time to time
We can talk about the weather
Is the weather fine?
And i say break, break
Break away those ties
Break, break.
I've got a lover
Up in outer space
He's been tumbling around
All over the place
I like to call him from time to time
We can talk about heaven...
Break, break
Break away those ties
Break, break...
When the whole world descends on me
I'll be waiting for you...
Got another lover in timbuktu
Got a name for him
He's my little guru.
When i don't call him he starts to cry
I have to tell him stories just to pacify.
Break, break...
When the whole world descends on me
I'll be waiting for you...
I was bitter when i met you
I was eloquent with rage
Like honey from a poisoned cup
I flowed from stage to stage.
(ooh... sugar baby... sing me a lullaby.)
Japanese baby...
song performed by by Eurythmics
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I've Got A Lover (Back In Japan)
I've got a lover back in Japan
He's got tatooes
He's my Superman
I try to call him up from time to time
We can talk about the weather
Is the weather fine?
And I say break, break
Break away those ties
Break, break.
I've got a lover
Up in outer space
He's been tumbling around
All over the place
I like to call him from time to time
We can talk about heaven...
Break, break
Break away those ties
Break, break...
When the whole world descends on me
I'll be waiting for you...
Got another lover in Timbuktu
Got a name for him
He's my little guru.
When I don't call him he starts to cry
I have to tell him stories just to pacify.
Break, break...
When the whole world descends on me
I'll be waiting for you...
I was bitter when I met you
I was eloquent with rage
Like honey from a poisoned cup
I flowed from stage to stage.
(Ooh... sugar baby... sing me a lullaby.)
Japanese baby...
song performed by by Eurythmics
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All marriages are mixed marriages.
quote by Chantal Saperstein
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The destruction of civilian hamlets, the killing and the wounding of civilians, became vastly greater than it had been before, and it was very upsetting; but I still couldn't bring myself to understand that the policy itself was wrong.
quote by Neil Sheehan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Breakdown
Lead vocal: allan clarke
I breakdown in the middle and lose my thread
No one can understand a word that I say
When I break down just a little and lose my head
Nothing I try to do can work the same way
Any time it happened Id get over it
With a little help from all my friends
Anybody else could see whats wrong with me
But they walk away and just pretend
When I breakdown
I breakdown in the middle and lose my thread
No one can understand a word that I say
When I break down just a little and lose my head
Nothing I try to do can work the same way
Where are all the friends who used to talk to me
All they ever told me was good news
People that Ive never seen are kind to me
Is it any wonder Im confused
When I break down, when I break down
Freedom, freedom, we will not obey
Freedom, freedom, take the wall away
Freedom, freedom, we will not obey
Freedom, freedom, take them all away
song performed by by Alan Parsons Project
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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