It's nice to win. I'll never win again. I may have to take up golf - take on Tiger.
quote by Lance Armstrong
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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IT's THE GOLF BALL OR ME
TIGER TIGER IN THE WOODS
Hit the ball as U should
Ere the Golf Stick skidded
And U in the Woods ended
Tiger Tiger your fame spread far and wide
Many a wallop in joy you with your family cried
Alas your 'misses' your family dread
And many a tear dropp you dead
Tiger Tiger in the Woods the time has come
When Your Wife has given you ultimatum
It's either me or GOLF you choose
And mend your ways or both your loose
'On my terms' if U want the kids and me
Coz I love you so much honey
I am not to touch the GOLF BALL
NOT for LOVE or for MONEY....
TIGER TIGER IN THE WOODS.
poem by Intensive KS1
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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040810i First Day In Augusta
fred is just awesome on green
phil, ye. kj lee, did the same
tiger is double eagle on fives
almost three; miss by a lip
tom is golf wonder at sixty plus
who'll win that remains to be seen
weather so generous to hitters
soft breeze to leaded clouds
fairway is immaculate; green
is exemplary beautiful; gallery
are very nice; trees are great
very warm welcome to tiger
***
fred couples
tom watson
phil mickelson
lee westwood
k.j. choi
y.e. yang
tiger woods
...none of the above would
win it just a hunch.
poem by Manonton Dalan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Tiger, Tiger
Tiger one to tiger two
Tiger one says I love you
Tiger two does not reply
So tiger one, he starts to cry
Tiger two says why you cry?
Tiger one says 'you did not reply'
Tiger two says I need not to
Tiger one says why?
Tiger two says i love you
Tiger one says i love you too
Tiger one says why oh why?
Why didnt you reply?
Tiger two says I love you
I don't have to say it
You know its true
Now you know the reason why
Tiger two did not reply
Tiger one realises why
Tiger two did not reply
So tiger one he starts to smile
And says tiger two is very fine
For tiger two is my dearest babe
Whome I think of everyday
And tiger two I cannot wait
To see your pretty face again
Taming The Tiger
I stepped outside to breathe the air
And stare up at the stars
Big dipper hanging there
Over the rented car
Over the rented car
Im a runaway from the record biz
From the hoods in the hood and the whiny white kids
Boring!
The old man is snoring
And Im taming the tiger
(you cant tame the tiger)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Nice, kitty kitty
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Sophia says its hard to catch
And harder still to ride
The time to watch the beast the best
Is when its purring at your side
Purring at your side
Accolades and honors
One false move and youre a goner
Boring!
The old man is snoring
And Im taming the tiger
(you cant tame the tiger)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Nice, kitty kitty
Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forest of the night
The moon shed light
On my hopeless plight
As the radio blared so bland
Every disc, a poker chip
Every song just a one night stand
Formula music, girly guile
Genuine junkfood for juveniles
Up and down the dial
Mercenary style
I watched the stars chuck down their spears
And a plane went blinking by
And I thought of anna
Wild and dear
Like fireworks in the sky
Fireworks in the sky
Im so sick of this game
Its hip, its hot
Lifes too short, the whole things gotten
Boring!
The old man is snoring
And Im taming the tiger
(you cant tame the tiger)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Nice, kitty kitty
(boring!)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
(you cant tame the tiger)
Oh, be nice, kitty kitty
(boring!)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
Nice, kitty kitty
(boring, boring!)
Tiger, tiger burning bright
(fight to the light, fight to the light)
In the forest of the night
song performed by by Joni Mitchell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tiger
Tiger with coat of dissimilar stripes,
When he’s angry, tiger swipes,
Tiger cautious, guarding his lair,
Danger lurking, tiger aware.
Tiger hungry so he hunts,
Facing quarry, tiger confronts.
Tiger waiting, being sly,
Undercover, no tiger espy.
Tiger detects, now he purrs,
Hunger pangs, tiger stirs.
Tiger quick, must now surprise,
Here we have one tiger, wise.
Tiger from his throat he roars,
Stretching out those tiger claws.
Tiger moving, stealthy pelt,
Expiration, by tiger dealt.
Tiger now with belly filled,
Anger passed, one tiger stilled.
Tiger sleeping, with the Pride,
Craving gone, tiger satisfied.
Tiger such a majestic sight,
Near extinction, tiger fight.
Tiger beautiful and fine,
You’re such a leonine feline.
Tiger we must have respect, ,
For your great tiger intellect.
poem by Ernestine Northover
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Ariel Tiger Woods Play Off
Tiger Woods golf superstar, sex scandal entrepreneur
boasts as winner, of 14 major, golf championships
dominant golf superstar, and sex scandal entrepreneur
allegedly has,14 women, mistress confessionals
but rocker rookie Peterpan, is a less discrete man
boasting to have stroked, more birdies in the hand
his reputation surpasses, Tiger Woods for mistresses
his video proofs run reckless, regardless of consequences
Ariel Peterpan boasts,25 videos, with Indonesian female celebrities
surpassing Tiger Woods, by conquering a harem, of 25 celebrities
Luna Maya and Cut Tari, among videoed conquered, concubine cream
how many women, did Ariel Peterpan not record, falling on his sword?
poem by Terence George Craddock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Blood Brothers
The tiger
(it was my tiger)
sat beside me
on the bus
& despite the quque
we had got on first.
We had gone
ice skating
& the tiger proved to be
quite adept.
I...I...fell on my bum
to be laughed at by some
he growled and they
shut de ****up!
We went and saw
the latest Pedro Almodóvar
and the tiger
laughed & wept
we sat through it
...twice.
The tiger thought
Penelope Cruz was nice.
I liked my popcorn sweet...
...the liked his salty.
Later we chatted
between urinals
as the tiger
went & went.
I washed my hands...he washed his paws.
The tiger
using the hairdryer
like Madonna
in DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN.
He said he fancied
'A little Japanese! '
'Me too! ' I agreed.
He went home
on the next night bus
from Tottenham Court Road.
It was only then
I wondered
if all adults
had such
imaginary friends.
poem by Dónall Dempsey
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Hang Down Your Head Kelly Tilghman
This time tomorrow
Reckon where I'll be
Down in some lonesome valley
Hangin' from a white oak tree (The Kingston Trio)
Kelly thought she was being cute,
Kelly thought she had made a funny,
Golf Central would not fire her,
As she is a woman,
Not being Rush, Imus, Jimmy the Greek Snyder,
They were men.
She is of course blonde, so is Caitlin Upton,
Maybe that explains the fact,
Golf Central would not fire her.
She stated that the only way the upcoming golfer would defeat Tiger Woods,
If they would beat him up, like Tonya Harding did to Nancy Kerrigan,
Further more they should 'lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley.'
If the KKK would have been paying her I would understand,
But if, not she could have been playing bedroom course,
She could have been playing on the course where there is easy “lay” on the turf,
She was a caddy to Arnold Palmer,
She could have kissed his balls while he ventured out the first ho’,
That would make his putter stand up.
Golf Central still would not fire her.
(1-13-2008)
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Tiger By The Tail
What a shock it was so surprising
You looked so small and frail
I didnt know what to do
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
People said that you must be joking
You let emotions run away with you
I realized a little too late
I bit off more than I could chew
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
Sometimes you grip it right
And sometimes you fail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
At times life can be so enlightening
But it can turn on you
Lately it gets so complicated i
I dont know what the tiger will do
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
Sometimes you grip it right
And sometimes you fail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
Sometimes you grip it right
And sometimes you fail
I grabbed the tiger by the tail
song performed by by Rick Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rory
You won’t comprehend him, golf eludes you
Boxing art thou, move quick
Now is not the time, try though, try
Tiger who
Swing a key
Meaning in peril
Release me
I don’t understand
Flight that I can make
castles finds us
bar handle my take
lies define us
Rory my maker
Tiger in his wake
Life awakens in him
Rivals every call
You never saw it
I did
poem by Andrew Horsey
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don't know when that day will be.
quote by Tiger Woods
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tiger Woods
He is many times over a multi millionaire
And arguably the World's greatest ever golf player
The golfer most young golfers would love to emulate
The legendary sports star and a golfing great
'Tis true Tiger Woods is the golfer to beat
In every golf tournament in which he compete
For many years now the World's number one
So many golf majors the great champ has won
The golfer who has proved himself in every test
That's why by so many he is rated as the best
Professional golfer in the World of today
By millions beyond the borders of the U S of A
The World's number one golfer for many years now
Though to the father of time he eventually must bow.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Is there a Tiger in the Woods? or 7 and counting Over Par or Green, Green, Green They Say on the Far Side of the Hill
I was about to not do an observation on the indiscretions of Tiger Woods,
After all, I was with many faults myself.
But being his pubic, uhhm, public image it warrants what people think,
Of his 'coulds', 'woulds' and 'shoulds'.
What a Thanksgiving meal the Woods' had.
After which, at 2: 30 in the Friday morning,
Tiger hit tree, not with a golf ball, but with his Cadillac Escalade.
To add insult to injury, he got into the rough by plowing into a fire hydrant.
That was only the tip of iceberg, so to speak, an continuing charade in a parade.
Tiger Woods wants to be in seclusion right now.
Impossible!
With many women claiming to be his mistresses,
-one in each 'port',
Make that 'tournament'.
The TODAY Show featured a breaking story,
about a woman from Tiger's home,
- that had to go to the hospital for the public knowledge and entertainment.
How many women did Tiger 'birdie'?
7 and counting, Prancer, Dancer, Comet and Cupid-forgive me, wrong story,
(Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Kalika Moquin, Holly Sampson, Cori Rist, Mindy Lawton, and Jamie Jungers) .
According to Johnny Carson's interview with Jack Nicholas,
A prolific golfer by name,
--did Tiger encounter the same?
Jack Nicholas was being interviewed by Johnny Carson. He asked if there was anything that Mrs. Nicholas did to help her husband. 'She kisses my golf balls before every game.' And Carson answered, 'Doesn't that make your putter flutter? '
Tiger gets $100 million dollars of endorsements per year.
So much for 'skins' game with hardly a cheer.
One should be on the 'fairway' in his or her mind.
Not a sand trap, or in the water, he had appeared to be near-sighted, almost blind.
So much for the Merry Christmas in the Woods' household.
Tiger is going to get coal in his stocking is what I'm told.
12-8-09
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Better Be Good
If I ain't cool
My daddy gonna send me
To Military School
If I ain't nice
My girlie gonna freeze me
With cold shoulder ice
If I'm real late
My teacher gonna use me
For alligator bait
So, I better be good
I better be good
If I jump on the gas
The cops are gonna jump
All over my back
If I smoke too much
Doctor says he's gonna
Put my lungs in a crutch
If I'm caught without my pants
Consuelo's dad is gonna shoot
Until he sees me dance
So, I better be good
I had better be good
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - Uh, uh, uh, uh
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
You better be nice tonight
If I spray it on the seat
Lady gonna tie a big knot
In the meat
If I spewey too fast
Lover's gonna stick
My Wrangler in a cast
If zipper grabs skin
I'll know I had it out
When I shoulda kept it in
Ow.
I better be good
I better be good
I better be good
Ooh.
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
You better be nice
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - you better be
Nice, nice, nice - Uh, uh, uh, uh
Nice, nice, nice
I'd better be nice tonight - yeah
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
Nice, nice, nice
song performed by by Alice Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love.
quote by Tiger Woods
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I did envisage being this successful as a player, but not all the hysteria around it off the golf course.
quote by Tiger Woods
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Achievements on the golf course are not what matters, decency and honesty are what matter.
quote by Tiger Woods
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Eye of the Tiger
Tiger, Tiger burning bright
hunts his prey by neon light
Real or bleached, you know the kind
big up front with a sweet behind..
Tiger, tiger, none too bright
Left his cell phone in plain sight
When Elin saw his contact list
She grabbed his driver in her fist.
Four hundred yards straight off the tee
Tiger drives that easily
But when his little wife went clubbing
His face and lawn both took a drubbing
Tiger Tiger burning bright
Doesn’t like the bright spotlight
Yet on his off days he’d resort
To pros who play a different sport
Tiger Tiger made a tape
of Tiger 'eagaling' his date
It came into the hands of 'Vivid'
If they release it he'll be Livid
Tiger, tiger lost Gillette
And Gatorade sent their regrets
Now he’s hawking Trojan’s Wares
and lady Clairol for Blonde hair.
poem by John F. McCullagh
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Sharchan
Tiger cannot be cat's mate never
Though they are from one family
Was times was, was sounding nice
These serenades at moonlight,
But still tiger not felt hungry...
Pussycat not looks by cowardly yet
For searching tree's branch - is time
An ending always will be suddenly...
poem by Tsira Gogeshvili
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