In the Netherlands I read the first chapter of Exquisite Corpse to an audience that laughed in all the places I thought were funny - an experience I've never had in America!
quote by Poppy Z. Brite
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Funny Things that Happen.
Funny things that happen quite often to me,
Like going shopping for slippers, and come home without;
Or go out in a tshirt, but find it's back to front I see,
Am I going crazy, what's happening should I shout?
Funny things that happen when you go to ring on the phone,
Then sure it's the right number, but a man says I've been here a year;
So you end up finding the man is your neighbor in his home,
So you gasp for an excuse, to get off the line, realizing he's so near.
Funny things that's happened to my dad one day,
He couldn't find his glasses, that were on his nose;
Where did you two put them now, is what he did say,
Even when we tried to show him, he was still full of woes.
Funny things had happened to me a while ago,
When I was engaged, a doctor thought I was a wife;
He had not read the history, if he had it would show,
But we just laughed, another funny story to my life.
poem by Margaret Haig
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The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.
A Married Man's A Fool
(Willie McTell)
Had a friend, Louie Brown, he was a deacon
Just as wise as he could be
Now I realized he could read the Good Book
Back from Revelations down to Genesis
You know last Sunday morning we was over to the church
My buddy wants to take him a stand
And he looks out upon that whole congregation
The Good Book in his hand
Now he cast his eye about, and then he looks over in the Amen Corner
All the sisters commenced to shout [What'd he say ?]
He said a married man's a fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
She stick by you all your life the chances is mighty slim
Now you read the Good Book, chapter twenty-one:
Every married woman got to have a little fun
Read on over chapter twenty-two:
It's a sin to let that woman make a fool outta you
Now you read a little further, chapter twenty-three:
She two-time you, brother, like she double-crossed me
Read on back, over chapter ten:
She shimmy one time, you got the problem again
'Cause a married man's a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him, I mean, loves nobody else but him
Well, a married man's a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him
She stands by you all your life the chances is mighty and slim
Now you read on over twenty-fifth page:
Married womens, Lord, is hard to engage
Read kinda careful, chapter twenty-six:
Back door slamming you got to learn to get it fixed
Read on out, chapter twenty-eight:
Who's that back slidin' out through the back gate ?
I believe I'll close on chapter twenty-nine:
Woman get tired of the same man all the time
'Cause a married man's fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
song performed by by Ry Cooder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nothing is ever wrong
It's funny that you lie to me
It's funny that you want to change who I will be
It's funny that I go along with it
Even though it makes me feel like shit
It's funny how you're perfect
and how I thought you were worth it
It's funny how you said that I am suicidal
But look at you, you're no idol
It's funny how its always your way
It's funny that I never get a say
And its really funny that I called you friend
But where were you at the end?
poem by Unknown Error
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Blank spaces
Do not just read the words
Colourful and deceptive
They are not the real
Do not just read the lines
They fail to show
Chapter after chapter
The real success and failure
All my emotions
Have been punctured by punctuations
The errors have killed
All my happiness
The black ink
Stampeded all my pains
The real wisdom
I have kept secret
Just go and read
In between the blank spaces
poem by Abdul Wahab
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I think a lot comes from having the experience of doing stand-up comedy. It allows you to figure out the psychology of an audience; what things are funny and not.
quote by Keenen Ivory Wayans
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Married Mans A Fool
(willie mctell)
Had a friend, louie brown, he was a deacon
Just as wise as he could be
Now I realized he could read the good book
Back from revelations down to genesis
You know last sunday morning we was over to the church
My buddy wants to take him a stand
And he looks out upon that whole congregation
The good book in his hand
Now he cast his eye about, and then he looks over in the amen corner
All the sisters commenced to shout [whatd he say ? ]
He said a married mans a fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
She stick by you all your life the chances is mighty slim
Now you read the good book, chapter twenty-one:
Every married woman got to have a little fun
Read on over chapter twenty-two:
Its a sin to let that woman make a fool outta you
Now you read a little further, chapter twenty-three:
She two-time you, brother, like she double-crossed me
Read on back, over chapter ten:
She shimmy one time, you got the problem again
cause a married mans a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him, I mean, loves nobody else but him
Well, a married mans a fool to think that his wife
Loves nobody else but him
She stands by you all your life the chances is mighty and slim
Now you read on over twenty-fifth page:
Married womens, lord, is hard to engage
Read kinda careful, chapter twenty-six:
Back door slamming you got to learn to get it fixed
Read on out, chapter twenty-eight:
Whos that back slidin out through the back gate ?
I believe Ill close on chapter twenty-nine:
Woman get tired of the same man all the time
cause a married mans fool to think that his wife love nobody else but him
song performed by by Ry Cooder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Funny How Love Is
I'm going to places we used to go
I still see people we used to know
Friends they ask me where is she now
I have to tell them we're over now
When I question love I thought I'd surely die
I couldn't see a future without you by my side
We're not together but I'm still alive
I'd rather not see you for a really long time
Funny how love is
Funny how love is
Funny how love is
I don't want your magazines I don't want your cloths
Take them from my house let me be alone
If you'll ever tryin' to catch me again I'll go behind the wall
Don't send me letters I don't want to know
When I question love I thought I'd surely die
I couldn't see a future without you by my side
We're not together but I'm still alive
I'd rather not see you for a really long time
Funny how love is
Funny how love is
Funny how love is
Love is so funny, the joke is on me
Funny how love is...
song performed by by Fine Young Cannibals
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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America
(Francis Scott Key)
Oh, say, can you see
By the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
At the twilight's last gleaming
Whose broad stripes and bright stars
Through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watched were so
Gallantly streaming?
America, America, America
America, America, America
And the rocket's red glare
The bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there
Oh, say, does that star
Spangled banner yet wave
Over the land of the free
And the home of the brave!
America, America, America
America, America, America
America, America, America
America, America, America
America, America, America
America, America
ooohhh
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Goodbye My Baby
today you were laid to rest
such a shame
because you were truely the best
so very brave and not the least bit shy
quricky and funny
just a top sorta guy
the times we talked
meant so much to me
i laughed at your moonwalk
and you asked about my family
i made fun of your beanie
you told me i was jealous
laughed it off and called me a meanie
you talked to my mummy
and to no supprise
you made a great impression
she thought you were a lovely guy
then you had the band at the ball call my name
i was kinda embarrsed
the other girls felt the same
you added me on facey
just to say sorry
i told you it was funny now
and not to worry
you were so stoked
because after all
it was a pretty funny joke
so i must confess
baby i miss you
in peace may you rest
RIP.
poem by Classic Girl
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Isn`t it funny
Isn't it funny?
How your forbidden heart is the one desired
Isn't it funny?
How one can fall in a moment
Isn't it funny?
How i never believed it would be on first sight
And yet now, i am a victim of it
Isn't it funny?
How you have awakened what was long dead
How you have revived what was long gone
Isn't it funny?
How 2 hearts can be one in a moment
How eyes can talk
And yet seem silent
Isn't it funny?
How a smile comes out
Just from a word read.
Isn't it funny?
How i wish to be lost in your arms
How i wish it would be
Isn't it funny?
How i am head over heels
And still feel like i am falling
Isn't it funny?
That you aren't here
And yet i want you next to me.
poem by Bothwell Tinashe Murindagomo
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Be Audience Rare
do not write
to fickle audience
be audience rare
write what
themes
flow choose
most
rarely read
rhymes
no time to waste
on audience present
will eternity wait?
do not write
to audience
be audience rare
poem by Terence George Craddock
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Mamie and You in Madrid.
Madrid
and after the street salesman
conned you
out of coins
in your change
Mamie said
well put it down
to experience
we all get caught
at one time or other
and they have
brought forth
great art
and you stared at her
at her hair and eyes
and said
yes I guess
but you were still peeved
about it but then
thought of the night before
when you and she
had slept all night
in the coach
through France
and into Spain
she with her head
on your shoulder
making little
snoring sounds
sometimes talking
in her sleep
other times
turning towards you
with her mouth
slightly ajar
and her hair
in a mess
and you had moved in
on her and kissed
her brow
like one planting
a soft kiss
on a corpse
and that made you laugh
and she said
what's so funny?
and you said
taking hold
of her hand
crossing a street
just something
entered my head
what?
she said
about kissing a corpse
you replied
what corpse?
and that reminded you
of the time they brought
your father's body home
for the night before
his funeral and as
he lay there
in the coffin
your gran had said
kiss him goodbye
and so you did
and that stayed with you
the feel
and chilled skin
and how it didn't seem
to be him
just a shell
but you loved him still
for all that
and when you told her that
she said
how sweet
and you gazed at her
at her eyes
and hair
and kissable lips
as you walked
the Spanish street.
poem by Terry Collett
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Ballade for Ryu
(Parody for oneryu poetry)
Chapter one
I write this for a few reasons
One, Ryu was feeling left out
Two, Ryu has no longer his first Wiki
Three, it's not funny but it's true..
Four, what does Ryu get? Pure mayhem..
How many horrors will it bring? ..
No one knows exactly...
Chapter two
Kano trained Ryu in several jujutsu arts
So Ryu was awarded in some of them
More specifically
In Kito-ryu
And new Ryu-ha
Using pre-Meiji elements
Which existed in Japan
During the Edo period
Chapter three
''How many black belts did you achieved? ''
Asked him Z-ONE
Trying to hit him friendly
'I got one' Ryu said
As he sprinted toward
Though he blocked Z-ONE with one single hand.
''There were some famous men
Named Ryu in Burundi
But now it's only me ''
''Yes'' Z-ONE said
''You became a legend ''
Cool ending
I totally believe him too...
poem by Marieta Maglas
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Everybody Laughed But You
Everybody laughed when I told them
I wanted you, I wanted you
Everybody grinned they humoured me
They thought that someone had spiked my tea
Everybody screamed they told me you
Would cost the moon, we'll be there soon
Everybody laughed till they were blue
They didn't believe my words were true
Everybody laughed but you
It's easy to lose touch with all the friends
You like so much or liked so much
Everybody laughed they couldn't take me seriously
Abandoned me
Sometimes I would read of things they'd done in magazines
They made the scene
Everybody left with such important things to do
But I'm not blue
Everybody left but you
Everybody left but you
Many years have passed
And some have fallen by the way I heard them say
Everybody dreamed but those who fell
Are sleeping now, they're sleeping now
Everybody climbed like ivy to the top most branch
It was their chance
Everybody grasped till they were through
It's all they thought that they could do
Cause everybody fell
Everybody fell
Everybody fell but you
song performed by by Sting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I'm Funny
I am fuuny
thats who am i
I am funny
Make u laugh n cry
I am funny
Do funny things
I am funny
I like to play with strings
I am funny
And i don't care
I look funny in my underwear
It's funny that im funny
Thats what i like to be
So lets be funny together
Be funny like me
Milk And Honey
Welcome to the land of milk and honey
This is where your braves died to be free
Living in those days for love or money
Left your heart and soul at wounded knee
History and time are all you have now
You were free from sea to shining sea
But thats no matter to the folks who live here
You only ride your ponies on t.v.
Weve got everything youll ever need
Weve got everything youll ever need
eEverything youll ever need
America, America
America, America
All your pride was wasted aint that funny
You never tried to bite the feeding hand
Welcome to this land of milk and honey
Where they keep you fenced on burning sand
War dance for the customers on fridays
Birthrights up for sale in tourist stores
Carved your land and faces on your mountains
Crazy horse can never tie the score
Weve got everything youll ever need
Weve got everything youll ever need
Everything youll ever need
America, America
America, America
America, America
America, America
song performed by by Nazareth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When Heard
I was told to approach them.
To tell them what the deal was.
And I was laughed at.
I did not give up.
I sacrificed my time to give to them.
And I was laughed at.
I healed from illinesses,
With pain felt from mending.
And still I was laughed at.
Now I laugh with feelings of being blessed.
And few think my laughter loud,
When heard...
Is funny!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Funny, But Not So Funny
Funny am I
How at this point of my life
That I'll ever see such as these
That people find it humorous
Of which I don't, at least, not as much
To live a life of folly.
Funny is it
How this world evolve with things
Looking real when everyone knows
That it isn't all there is to it
Wanting 'em with their life at stake
Wishing like nothing in carelessness.
Funny, but not so funny
For people could think as such
Like no one will know of it;
For people could do as such
Like there is no a payback for it;
Funny, but not so funny.
Funny, but not so funny
When such a time comes
As the world evolves
So is what have been sown
May not be at your lifetime
But to the lives of the generation to come.
Funny, but not so funny
When given a time to live
But only not many have the thought of it
Living a life just to get by
Is not what accounted for
But living under the will of God.
Funny, but not so funny... at least, not just yet.
poem by Mary Louise Mann Gabumpa
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They're getting more and more experience on what to expect, and the Hellboy audience is such a faithful and fanatic audience as I am, and you have to really be very open about what you do.
quote by Guillermo del Toro
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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