I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.
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Funny Things that Happen.
Funny things that happen quite often to me,
Like going shopping for slippers, and come home without;
Or go out in a tshirt, but find it's back to front I see,
Am I going crazy, what's happening should I shout?
Funny things that happen when you go to ring on the phone,
Then sure it's the right number, but a man says I've been here a year;
So you end up finding the man is your neighbor in his home,
So you gasp for an excuse, to get off the line, realizing he's so near.
Funny things that's happened to my dad one day,
He couldn't find his glasses, that were on his nose;
Where did you two put them now, is what he did say,
Even when we tried to show him, he was still full of woes.
Funny things had happened to me a while ago,
When I was engaged, a doctor thought I was a wife;
He had not read the history, if he had it would show,
But we just laughed, another funny story to my life.
poem by Margaret Haig
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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See You When You're 40
I've driven round in circles for three hours
It was bound to happen that I'd end up at yours
I temporarily forgot there's better days to come
I thought that I would give it just one more chance
Cos' I want, tonight, what I've been waiting for
But I found, tonight, what I'd been warned about
You think you are complicated, deep mystery to all
Well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
All energy no meaning, with a lot of words
So paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down
And I've seen, tonight, what I'd been warned about
I'm gonna leave, tonight, before I change my mind
So see you when your 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad
You think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd
well if you had walked past me today I wouldn't have picked you out
I wouldn't have picked you out
I wouldn't have picked you out
now I've seen, tonight, how I could have waste my time
and I'll be on my way, and I won't be back
cos I've seen, tonight, what I've been warned about
your just a boy, not a man, and I'm not coming back
song performed by by Dido
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I've done Graham Norton's show three times now. He tackles taboos and subject matter that wouldn't make it past the censors in the States.
quote by Kyle MacLachlan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Last To Know
[Chorus]
Why was I the last to know
That you weren't coming to my show you coulda
Called me up to say "good luck"
You coulda called me back you stupid f***
Why was I the last to know?
[Verse 1]
First date, we ate sushi and
It went well, I was funny and
You said I was a cutie
That's the last thing I heard from you
I left the tickets at the door for you
I had to tell my mom that there was
No more room
You didn't show, that was so uncool
You coulda called me back
So i guess this means that we're
Not friends anymore, I heard
It's me you're asking for, I thought
I'd see you at the show
You said you'd go
[Chorus]
[Verse 2]
After the date, I wouldn't go
Home with you
I wouldn't put my heels in the
Air for you
You tried to get me to do things
I just won't do
Last I heard from you
Here is how I guess the story goes
You woulda came if I was a ho
F*** for parts that's just not how
I roll, move it on down the road
So I guess, we, shouldn't be
Friends anymore, sick of hearin'
That it's me you're askin' for
'Cause I thought I'd see you at the
Show, you said you'd go!
[Chorus]
You thought you know me
I guess you didn't
You thought you had me
I think you didn't
You thought you knew me
But you didn't
[Chorus (Out)]
song performed by by Pink
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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How Is It Tonight
what is it all about
what is it all about tonight
how is it possible
about tonight
that which happened
last night
what is it all about
what is it all about tonight
how is it possible
to hold your hand tonight
how is it possible
the change
the change of mind
how is it possible tonight
to show my wounded heart
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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That Was Then, This Is Now
Some things I guess I won't forget
Like my first time on the night we met
I wish I could go back there tonight, tonight
Looking in your eyes the way you held me tight
Weeded all the wrong, when it felt so right
There's nowhere I'd rather be tonight, tonight
Tonight
Funny how you said people never change
Always be together 'til the very end
But that was then and this is now
Funny how I have to take you everywhere
Just to believe no matter what I had
But that was then and this is now
You and me were like a movie scene
Superstars playing in a teenage dream
(?) one left tonight
Guess you could've broken someone else's heart
I'm the big winner because I played the part
Don't wanna say goodbye tonight, tonight
Tonight
Funny how you said people never change
Always be together 'til the very end
But that was then and this is now
Funny how I have to take you everywhere
Just to believe no matter what I had
But that was then and this is now
I feel first my life
But never ever be another one
Don't wanna tell no one
You and me together was so much fun
I feel first my life
But never ever be another one
Don't wanna tell no one
You and me together was so much fun
Sometimes you gotta let things be
Even when the truth is that you lied to me
But I wanna keep those thoughts away, from me
From me
It's the little things that I dream about
That no one ever talks about
The little things I think about
That no one ever dreams about
The kisses that were promised
?As we whispered our plans?
Funny how you said people never change
Always be together 'til the very end
But that was then and this is now
Funny how I have to take you everywhere
Just to believe no matter what I had
But that was then and this is now
Funny how you said we would never change
Let me tell you something baby, life is strange
But that was then and this is now
Remember me, remember me
Remember me, remember me
Remember me, remember me
song performed by by Vitamin C
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The clearest way to show what the rule of law means to us in everyday life is to recall what has happened when there is no rule of law.
quote by Dwight D. Eisenhower
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nothing is ever wrong
It's funny that you lie to me
It's funny that you want to change who I will be
It's funny that I go along with it
Even though it makes me feel like shit
It's funny how you're perfect
and how I thought you were worth it
It's funny how you said that I am suicidal
But look at you, you're no idol
It's funny how its always your way
It's funny that I never get a say
And its really funny that I called you friend
But where were you at the end?
poem by Unknown Error
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Need You Tonight
How can I show you?
I take back what I told you.
cause something happens when I hold you,
And that makes everything all right.
And oh... oh... I need you tonight.
I just need you tonight.
I wrote all I can write.
I just need you tonight.
In need you tonight.
Secrets I keep here.
Buried so very deep here.
If only somehow you could sleep here,
Youd make everything all right.
song performed by by Reo Speedwagon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Did Your Love For Him Last?
i am just wondering why you do not
write poetry anymore. I am asking myself
if your having jumped over the fence
yielded the bliss on the other side of things.
Are you too happy to forget the sad refrains
of poetry?
or Are you too sad
mourning over another
love lost
that your hands are too weary
to write another love poem for this
valentine's day?
whatever happened, please write me a love poem
sad or happy, please do write me one
i just want to know what a love poem should be all about
after all those years
when we think we really found the true one.
write me, please a love poem, show me the color
and scent of each word, show me the texture of each line,
show me whether the heart is bleeding
or leaping with joy like the one we used to write before together
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It's Funny
It's funny to see a bunny, hop on top a carrot cop.
It's funny to see honey, drip on Chips big lip.
It's funny to see money, fly sky high in an apple pie.
It's funny to see sunny, shine on brine while drinking wine.
It's funny to see gunny, shoot and scoot while steeling loot.
It's funny a poet, can write about nothing...and know it!
poem by Keith Foley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
Song For Mary
Written by: james henman
When I try to find
Words that wish to rhyme
I will never write this song for her tonight
We have stood alone
We have walked alone
Wont you help write this song for her tonight
Help me write this song
Help me write this song
Help me write her song
Tonight
When I try to pray
I cant start to say
All those things I wish to say to her tonight
When she hears her song
She will sing along
She will know the words her heart for me to find
Will you help write this song
Help me write this song
Help me sing her song
Tonight
All these words Ive said
Lyin on my bed
Will they help me sleep alone again tonight
And we have walked alone
We have talked alone
Will you help me sing her song for her tonight
Will you help me sing her song
Help me sing her song
Help me sing her song
song performed by by April Wine
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's Funny
It's funny how the ones who show you the most love,
Are often the ones who say it the least
It's funny how the ones who tell you they love you the most,
Are often the ones that hurt you the most
It's funny how the ones who beg for forgiveness,
Are often the ones who least deserve it
It's funny how the ones who mess everything up,
Are often the ones who make you feel guilty
It's funny how the ones who are the happiest,
Are often the ones who've known the most heartache
It's funny how those hearts can always mend themselves,
If you give them enough time and space
It's funny how this life just keeps going,
No matter how hard you may beg it to slow down.
poem by Rachel L. Z.
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Glue-mer Of Being Famous....issue Four....
why i have
to be funny? ?
stay funny? ? ?
wake up ((and i lack 3 hours of sleep)) funny? ?
meet with dad people socking death damped into earth alife...funny? ?
be funny and ((i have to write down some plans)) .....and stay awake funny? ? ...
Fact (ucked instead of act) ......I do not like to be famous....
Leave me alone....
poem by Atef Ayadi
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I Work To No Rule
I work on no rule
just my quality control
I follow beat my soul
any rule I follow
any rule I choose
any rule I create
even an age dusty old rule
to prove I can conform write
if I want to recognize a rule
poem by Terence George Craddock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Which To Bury, Us Or The Hatchet
I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
The memories that you select
You keep the bad but the good you just forget
And even thought I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
When you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened
And all this time I never thought
That all we had would be all for not
Know I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Know I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Cause you too this too far
Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
Go with your instincts along with some bad advice
This didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
You blame me but some of this is still your fault
I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
You said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that
And wisdom always chooses
These black eyes and these bruises
Over the heartache that they say
Never completely goes away
(I just can't believe this happened
And one day we'll see this come around)
What happened to us
I heard that it's me we should blame
What happened to us
Why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
And know that I don't hate you
And know that I don't want to fight you
And know that I'll always love you
But right now I just don't....
song performed by by Relient K
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Scribbler's Stymie
Pen and paper in sight
I've got no poem to write
Staying up all night
I've got no poem to write
Although my mind is bright
I've got no poem to write
It's windy out tonight, should I go fly a kite?
I've got no poem to write
My ceiling, it is white
I've got no poem to write
It's 4: 59! Five, but not quite
I've got no poem to write
In your arms I'd feel so light
I've got no poem to write
I've had no sleep tonight
I've got no poem to write
Will you just hold me tight?
I've got no poem to write
Outside it's almost light
I've got no poem to write
It's late, off goes my light
I've got no poem to write
poem by Julia Grace
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Wouldn't You Agree
When i first met you
You stood by my side
And when you asked me to be yours
You made me cry
And so i was prepared
To take all the blows at the chin
But you never mentioned cheating
Please tell me what happened
What makes you think
You'd get away with that
Talking to my best friend
Behind my back
Look waht you did to us
Look what you did to me
What a wonderful love loss
Wouldn't you agree
She introduced me to you
Said you were just friends
She showed me you were the one for me until the end
Now i should have known
By the magic between you two
That angel faces like yours can lie too
Can lie too
Look what you did to us
Look what you did to me
What a wonderful love loss
Wouldn't you agree
Wouldn't you agree
Wouldn't you agree
Wouldn't you agree
Wouldn't you agree
When i see my friends
They've got to know
I not only lost a friend
But now my hearts about to explode
Now there's something i'd like to say before i make my alternative
Oh god
Oh god
Do you see that
Did you see that
There they go
There they go
How could you do this to me
You kept lyin in my face
I thought you were my best friend
Behind my back
Look what you've done to me
Can't believe what you've done to me
Wouldn't you agree
He was my friend
My heart's about to explode
Wouldn't you agree (to fade)
song performed by by Kelis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Funny Chrismas!
Funny Christmas, thats what I'm s'posed to be writing about here?
Well, I don't really know what to write about that will make it funny.
What is funny about Christmas?
Santa is just a big ol' fat jolly man who just sits around eating cooking and drinking milk all year. Whats funny about that?
The reindeer are just deer who can supposedly fly. I don't get it.
What is funny about Christmas?
Is it the fact that we are s'posed to act happy and pretend we're having fun when we're really not?
I don't really get it can you explain it to me please?
What is funny about Christmas?
I don't really even believe in the whole 'Christmas celebration' thing.
I don't understand why people think that its funny either. Can you tell me?
What is funny about Christmas?
poem by Courtney Mayer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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