The doctor must have put my pacemaker in wrong. Every time my husband kisses me, the garage door goes up.
quote by Minnie Pearl
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
A Doctor’s Mistake
As towns flourish and teem with life
Of all colours and creeds
In one of them lived with his wife
A doctor, with certain needs
Life and practice were more than good
He’d friends on every side
Yet took to drugs so oft he could
Which soon would turn the tide
One day a bad mistake was made
A fault he tried to hide
With pills a man in bed was laid
Who very nearly died
His medicine was wrong of course
The doctor was so high
The dose he gave could kill a horse
A man would surely die
For many years the doctor’s wife
Had prayed both night and day
For God to change her husband’s life
And take the drugs away
Her prayers were heard God saw how sad
His daughter lived with tears
Although her husband’s deeds were bad
God freed them of their fears
The doctor’s heart began to melt
He joined his wife in prayer
“Oh Lord my God what guilt I’ve felt
Since knowing You are there”
Salvation came because a wife
Had knelt in fervent prayer
Not only had her husband life
But now! Life’s Truth they share.
poem by Michael P. Johnson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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i Asked God Why
I asked God. Why me I asked god. One day God took my loving husband from me with out let me know what it’s going to happen to me with out him. I started asking why? What I did wrong to deserve this, many questions were in my head all the time. Now I know the answer. God took my husband it is not because I did something wrong, it was my husband time to leave this world. Now two years passed by and I understood that God don’t give you thinks that you’re not able to handle. Now I have an Angel that it’s looking after me all the time to make sure that I do the best every single day. I missed my loving husband but I know he is in a very good place.
poem by Rocio Batir
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Red Blood & Black Tears Part 4
in the darkness of her room,
calming her self,
she has been raped,
bashed,
and cut all over,
shes telling her self,
that there is no help for her now,
her lover was dead,
she had no family,
no life,
and no one to help her,
she was all alone,
then there was a knock at the door,
she ran for it,
she got there,
it was the doctor who help her love and her-self,
he said,
your husband die of a Disease,
a poison had killed him,
for one of his knifes,
he told her to stop or she might be the same,
as he walked away,
she walked back inside,
with a smile on her face,
she was pleased,
that her husband did not kill himself,
and that there was somebody who cared,
she started to think,
about was the doctor had said,
should she stay the same,
or change to a everyday person,
she was thinking,
and thinking,
the she said,
I will...
poem by Harley Morriss
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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So Much Depends On This Experience
one night when you arrive home
it is you that opens the garage
you have to step out of the car
and expose yourself to this inevitable coldness of a nightfall
no one is home
tonight
when you open the door using your own duplicate key
you switch on the light
no one is home tonight
the garage and house is now well lighted
you close the door and all the windows
you go straight to your bedroom
&
switch on the air-conditioner
you feel the arrival of a very cold packet of wind
from the tip of your feet
and it arrives like a jackal
as you begin to imagine it to be like
the one that you read in those horror books
it howls so loud trying to break the tympanum of your ears
and it is going to bite you
with its sharp eyes and teeth
but there is something so wrong with you:
you are not afraid, you do not mind jackals,
and now you are ready to bite this crazy one
you like this cold, and you smell the frost
you lick it
there is something so wrong with you:
you are aroused, and you do not like to sleep at all.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Comedy of Error
A couple went to the family doctor
Husband to get his usual insulin dose
And wife takes her contraceptive injection.
There is a new doctor in the absence of the Physician.
The new doctor is really an absent minded mediocre
Who does illegal abortions?
It seems by mistake the syringes being changed
And the husband got the contraceptive and wife the insulin.
Then after sometimes she conceived for the fifth occasion.
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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What A Crazy World
What a crazy world we live in,
and you can say that again.
For when we open up, ours mouths
sometimes the words we say,
just come out all wrong.
A Scottish friend of my wife
went to see the Doctor
as her pregnancy was over due.
The Doctor told her
he would give it another week
and then he would have to induce her.
When she went, home
and her husband asked how it went.
What she said next must
have come as a big surprise.
The Doctor said if I haven’t had it
in another week,
he was going to seduce me.
Another friend of Vera’s
went to the Doctor one day.
He asked, have you come on your cycle?
She quickly replied,
no my husband brought me in his car.
Vera must be learning from them.
When we were engaged,
my mother gave her
a large bunch of peonies.
She went to work the next day
and told all her friends about the flowers.
She then wondered why
they were curled up with laughter.
She told them about the flowers OK,
but her tongue couldn’t get a grip on peonies
and something else came out instead.
What a crazy world we live in
and I wouldn’t change it in anyway.
21 February 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor, Doctor
Doctor, theres something wrong with me
My health is not all that it used to be
My heart is out of beat, I got chokers on my feet
My eyesights getting dimmer, I cant see
Doctor thanks for seeing me today, Im glad,
Ive got every sickness there is to be had
I had whooping cough last month
And today Ive got the mumps
And tomorrow Ill catch chicken pox as well.
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go now I can tell
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Ive not got long to go I can tell
Those pills I took have no effect at all
Just the other day I had a nasty fall
And I think I broke my jaw when it hit the kitchen floor
And Im shrinking last week I was five foot four
Ive been getting shivers lately, is it flu?
I know the bug is going round, what can I do?
Its about to pick on me, Ive still got the other three
Do you think I caught smallpox Id get flu?
[chorus]
Do you think its time that I made out my will?
Ill leave everything to you to pay my bill
Just how long is there to go
Please tell me I want to know
But on second thoughts dont tell me, Im too ill.
song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Player Queen: A second time I kill my husband dead,
When second husband kisses me in bed.
line from Hamlet, Act III, Scene 2 by William Shakespeare (1599)
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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Collector
The collector
I was a collector of paper napkins, every day I used to go around
picking them up, they were usually smeared with human saliva
and scum fat of cheap food. I had twenty bags full in my garage,
I stored them there since I have no car but like to mention that
I have a garage. One morning when I entered to pick up the stick,
with a nail in the end, the one I picked napkins with, the sacks
had turned in to tired workmen resting after slaving long hours
in the factory of hell. I opened the garage door they were free to
go and I saw them vanishing into the morning glare. They had
done their duty no more was excepted of them. From now on
till rain came they were be free, dance with dust and leave and
disappear on their own accord when time was right... My garage
is empty now but the smell of sweat and struggle lingers with old
jokes repeated a hundred times in workmen’s canteen
poem by Oskar Hansen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Time Kisses Us On Our Cheeks
time kisses us on our cheeks
and fingers our nipples;
time grins at us and we see
we have all come at the wrong time
and at the wrong places;
and when everything is arranged again
like a child moves the toys and dolls and figures at play
we look at one another
and think this is the right place and time
and then
time kisses us on our cheeks
and fingers our nipples;
time grins at us and we see
we have all come at the wrong time
and at the wrong places
poem by Raj Arumugam
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Seeing Double
(ian hunter)
Doctor, doctor, am I alright?
I keep on stayin up - all through the night
Smokin, drinkin, watchin t.v. til the light
Its been a long time since I slept
All I seem to think about is what I aint yet
Im seeing double
Doctor, doctor, am I in need?
Seems like theres somethin wrong with me
Underneath this stone lies a different guy
My head says yeah - my body says no
I cant seem to get up - I cant seem to go
Im seeing double
In the middle of my life - its just a little strange
All those people - theyre alright - if theyd stop messin with my brain
I remember when the world was new
Doctor, doctor, what can you do?
Im tired of runnin - give me something to slow down
Aint been to bed in over a week
I cant catch up son sleep - its playing hide n seek
Im seeing double
song performed by by Ian Hunter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Husband...
A husband should be
Loyal and honest
A husband should be
Strong and protective
A husband should be
Loving and romantic
A husband should be
Patient and understanding
A husband should know
When enough is enough
A husband should know
When to fight and when to cry
A husband should know
all your goals and dreams
A husband should know
your strengths and well as your weaknesses
A husband needs to be a true man
A husband needs to love you unconditionally
A husband needs to know your heart is forever his
poem by Sarah Holmes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My Husband.
Husband is someone;
You spend most of your life with.
And with him;
You are for years.
My life has become strong;
For my husband is not wrong.
My life has become independent;
For my husband never let me dependent.
My life has become pure;
For my husband had every cure.
My life has become romantic;
For my husband is very aromatic.
My life had a new beginning;
For my husband was nearing.
And the most valuable gift-
My husband has given me;
Are my 2 wonderful and the best kids-
And I thank God,
For the wonderful family he has given me.
poem by Anju Addanki
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dr. Detroit
Don't you stop
Don't you wonder why
Life itself pops in
And takes you by surprise
Don't you try to run
It gets you from behind
Like a common cold
It takes you for a ride
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
Call me doctor (repeat)
No need to look
He's not in the book
The doctor's not an m.d.
What he does this time he does for free
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Shot (intro)
phones ringing babies crying]
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
nurse: Doctor's office could you hold please? Yes sir can I help you?
white guy: Yes I have a four o'clock appointment I'm here to get my shot.
nurse: Okay come right with me.
white guy: This isn't gonna take too long is it?
nurse: Here we are here have a seat right here.
white guy: Oh great thanks thanks.
nurse: The doctor will be right with you, and can I get you anything?
white guy: Uhh maybe a glass of water would be great.
nurse: Okay great.
[door shuts]
white guy: Damn, what is taking so long?
[door creaks open, funky music in the backround]
doctor Ice Cube: Yo wussup?
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
doctor Ice Cube: Alright, let's see what we got here uhh, Mr. White huh?
white guy: Yes sir that's me.
doctor Ice Cube: heh, I heard you don't like shots do ya?
white guy: No I sure don't.
doctor Ice Cube: Aww you're a big boy uhh this won't hurt a bit,
jus' uhh turn your head...
white guy: Let's get this over with.
doctor Ice Cube: yeah uhh, rub a little alcohol on there, right here,
for you, and uhh brace yourself!
[click]
[BANG
song performed by by Ice Cube
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The doctor told Phil, my then husband, that my condition was really bad news. They had found an artery tearing and said I could die. They said they could try to patch it up but it could go horribly wrong. It all turned out okay in the end but it was touch and go.
quote by Sharon Stone
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Soul Doctor
Well I woke up this morning
Took your advice
I dialed the number
And I let it ring twice
Then I hung up
Now I tried to do
Everything I could
To save our love
And make it feel good again
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
I give you love, you aint giving it back
I cant take it
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
Ive been kicked in the corner
Im down in the dirt
I cant feel a thing
But I know it ought to hurt
Now your shaking my spirit
Im breaking my back
Im too blind to hear it
So I over react to satisfaction
If I could get me some
I aint talking, theres nothing to say
Misunderstandin, your walking away
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
The doctors soul intention
Let it be understood
Cant pull the strings of my heart
I aint made out of wood
Now I take what I get
To get what it takes
Need a little bit a love
Got a whole lotta heartaches
I cant fight it, theres nobody home
Hard hearted and all alone
Maybe baby, its gonna take time, time, time
I need to see the soul doctor
Before the fever begins
You know Im searching for the soul doctor
When love is wearing thin
Doctor soul is in
I need to see the soul doctor
You know things are looking grim
I keep searching for the soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Hey, a little bit of soul, oh yeah
Doctor soul is in
Heart and soul doctor
I need to see the soul doctor, soul doctor
Doctor soul is in
Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor save my soul
Doctor soul is in
Ooh
song performed by by Foreigner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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