Woe to being a housewife/househusband, you buy one thing, you don't have two others.
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Mouse Droppings
When she saw brown dots upon the rug,
and more upon a chair.
The poor housewife was certain
several mice resided there.
“I’ll need a cat. Or perhaps two,
quite possibly I’ll need four.”
“This quantity of scat demands
a feline killing corps.”
Just then her rotund husband
opportunely wandered in.
with a bag of Nestle morsels
and brown stains upon his chin.
She watched him munch a handful,
several dropping to the floor
Hard to believe someone that fat
had ever missed his maw.
No killer cats were needed
if spouse droppings was the source.
What the housewife really needed
was a lucrative divorce.
poem by John F. McCullagh
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House Wife Affair
I been having my housewife affair for awhile
which my husband doesn't even care about!
They are all performed in the comfort of the home
And I never have to ever dress up, or go out!
These men that live in our home
are Kenmore, and then that other fella, Hover!
They're my kind of secret men!
They are shakers and, real movers!
One takes me around and around the house
as he sweeps me across, clean floors!
The other pampers my clothes in bubbles
and sometimes, even helps me, clean above the doors!
Then one can be as cold as ice!
But does take me to the kitchen to dine.
And sometimes makes me coffee
Aromas, waking me up, before the stoke of nine.
I don't think I'll let my husband in on it
these other men I have in my life!
I'll just pretend, that they're my secret lovers
helping just another, imaginative, overworked, housewife!
poem by Linda Winchell
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A Housewife's Lament
I've had enough of the kitchen sink
So I think I'll pour myself a drink,
The hoovering has all been done,
Oh a housewife's life is full of fun!
The vodka helps me pass the day
And drives my empty blues away,
What would my husband really think
If he knew that I was on the brink
Of a nervous breakdown like my friend,
The neighbour who 'went round the bend'?
Can you imagine what he'd do
When all his mates and colleagues knew
His wife was in the loony-bin,
Oh what a terrible social sin! !
It wouldn't be long before divorce
(MY fault indeed, not HIS, of course!)
But then, at last, I would be free
And escape this bourgeois tyranny,
I'd get a job and buy a flat
And say goodbye to all of that!
And I would be so very happy
Never to change some baby's nappy,
Never to feel I was second rate,
Heavens above, it would be great! !
Well you have listened to my tale,
One housewife's long and bitter wail,
So come and join me for some tea,
Some valium and sympathy! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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I have become a housewife and there is no better job.
quote by Celine Dion
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If you are a housewife, take pride in that.
quote by Anthea Turner
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I don't pretend to be an ordinary housewife.
quote by Elizabeth Taylor
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There is but an hour a day between a good housewife and a bad one.
The beauty of a housewife will not put more fat into the soup.
Without rice, even the cleverest housewife cannot cook.
I have too many fantasies to be a housewife. I guess I am a fantasy.
quote by Marilyn Monroe
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The fingers of the housewife do more than a yoke of oxen.
My mother was a housewife but she was also an artist. My father was an electrical engineer.
quote by James Cameron
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I prefer the word 'homemaker' because 'housewife' always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.
quote by Bella Abzug
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A housewife who complains that there is not enough foodstuff in the market should remember that if her husband adds to what is already available, there would be more for everyone.
on the Junta Killing Burmese headline
the housewife asks 'Well,
is that something new? '
haiku by John Tiong Chunghoo
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As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
quote by Roseanne Barr
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The economy of a novelist is a little like that of a careful housewife who is unwilling to throw away anything that might perhaps serve its turn.
quote by Graham Greene
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The average housewife goes to the restaurant to relax and enjoy the food. But when Eva walks in, she becomes the center of attention.
Dear Anne Sexton
On line at the supermarket
waiting for the tally,
the blue numerals
tattooed
on the white skins
of paper,
I read your open book
of folly
and take heart,
poet of my heart.
The poet as a housewife!
Keeper of steak & liver,
keeper of keys, locks, razors,
keeper of blood & apples,
of breasts & angels,
Jesus & beautiful women,
keeper also of women
who are not beautiful-
you glide in from Cape Ann
on your winged broomstick-
the housewife's Pegasus.
You are sweeping the skies clear
of celestial rubbish.
You are placing a child there,
a heart here. . . .
You are singing for your supper.
Dearest wordmother & hunger-teacher,
full professor of courage,
dean of women
in my school of books,
thank you.
I have checked out
pounds of meat & cans of soup.
I walk home laden,
light with writing you.
poem by Erica Jong
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