We are Klingons.

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Kobayashi Maru

My gleaming white constellation class Starship
(My dirty white Chrysler K car)
was out on patrol near the neutral zone
(I was driving back home from the bar)

It was then I received a distress call
(I urgently needed to pee)
Some Klingons decloaked in proximity
(I sped past a cop car or three)

I called for more speed from the engine room!
(My transmission started to shake)
Klingons pursued in the neutral zone
(They motioned to me HIT THE BRAKE!)

“What seems to be the Tribble, Officer? ”
I said to the humorless Gorn
That Klingon impounded my vehicle
(Because they caught me exceeding Warp Nine)

If Kirk faced this “no Win” situation
He’d probably get off with a fine.

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Klingons do not lie in bed.

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Klingons do not surrender.

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Klingons do not faint.

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Klingons do not get sick.

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Klingons never bluff.

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Klingons do not procrastinate.

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Klingons kill for their own purposes.

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Cowards take hostages. Klingons do not.

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Klingons are born to fight and conquer.

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Klingons are born, live as warriors, then die.

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Klingons are a proud race, and we intend to go on being proud.

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