
When things haven't gone well for you, call in a secretary or a staff man and chew him out. You will sleep better and they will appreciate the attention.
quote by Lyndon B. Johnson

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Temporary Secretary
Mister Marks Can You Find For Me
Someone Strong And Sweet Fitting On My Knee
She Can Keep Her Job If She Gets It Wrong
Ah, But Mister Marks I Won't Need Her Long
All I Need Is Help For A Little While
We Can Take Dictation And Learn To Smile
And A Temporary Secretary Is What I Need For To Do The Job
I Need A
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Mister Marks Could You Send Her Quick
'Cause My Regular Has Been Getting Sick
I Need A
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Mister Marks I Can Pay Her Well
If She Comes Along And Can Stay A Spell
I Will Promise Now That I'll Treat Her Right
And Will Rarely Keep Her 'Til Late At Night
I Need A ..
She Can Be A Belly Dancer
I Don't Need A Need Romancer
She Can Be A Diplomat
But I Don't Need A Girl Like That
She Can Be A Neurosurgeon
If She's Doin' Nothing' Urgent
What I Need's A Temporary, Temporary Secretary
I Need A, I Need A
Temporary Secretary. Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary
Now Mister Marks When I Send Her Back
Will You Please Make Sure She Stays On The Right Track
Spoken: Well I Know How Hard It Is For Young Girls These Days In The Face Of Everything To Stay On
The Right Track
What I Need's A Temporary, Temporary Secretary
Temporary Secretary I Need A
Temporary Secretary, Temporary Secretary,
Temporary Secretary I Need A
Temporary Secretary. Temporary Secretary,
Temporary Secretary.
song performed by by Paul McCartney

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Chew Chew Chew (Your Bubble Gum)
Ella Fitzgerald - Chew Chew Chew
[Instrumental Intro 55 seconds approx.]
[Ella]
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Baby
[Repeated x2]
First you pop, then you stop
The gum gets big and round.
Blow your troubles,
Way like bubbles
When you hear that
Funny little sound [pop noise]
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew
Your Bubble Gum
Chew Chew Chew Chew Your Bubble Gum!
[Boys]
Listen Sis your havin fun,
Chewing on your bubble gum
Give us some and we shall see,
Just what fills your heart with glee
[Ella]
Boys your right Im havin fun
Chewin on my bubble gum
Bubble gum it makes me sing,
Here chew some to make you swing!
[Instrumental]
First you pop, then you stop
The gum gets big and round.
Blow your troubles,
Way like bubbles
When you hear that
Funny little sound [pop noise]
song performed by by Ella Fitzgerald

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Christmas Is Going To The Dogs
Get off your sled and go to bed
Don't you ever tire?
Throw a bone, I'm finally home
Curled up by the fire
Snow is falling from the sky like ashes from an urn
Sweet dreams, my little one
Now it's my turn
Well, Christmas is going to the dogs
We'd rather have chew toys than Yule logs
And things aren't looking very good, it's true
So I'll just lay here and chew
Now, when I sleep I like to dream
Of rabbits in the snow
Jumping right into my jaws
From their rabbit hole
Take one home and set him down right next to you shoes
Wake up to a big surprise
My gift to you
And Christmas is going to the dogs
We'd rather have chew toys than Yule logs
And things aren't looking very good, it's true
So I'll just lay here and chew
And Christmas is going to the dogs
We're scarfing down the turkey and egg nog
And things aren't looking very good, it's true
So I'll just lay here and chew
So I'll just stay here and chew...
song performed by by Eels

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You can criticize any news staff in some ways, but the one thing that you couldn't call the Village Voice staff was a staff of stenographers, taking notes from public figures and just passing them on.
quote by Sydney Schanberg

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Great Sleep
the great sleep has decended.
the night's chill is the only comfort.
the warm complacent bed to caress.
the delightful pillow waiting for my dreary head.
the luxury sheets to engulf the tired, defective body.
nothing truely matters when asleep.
but does anything truely matter?
should it?
'sleep, love, sleep.'
i'll lie here only a few minutes more.
nothing can get worse.
or can it?
'let's not think,
sleep, sleep.
sleep is all you are useful for.'
don't i know it.
'sleep, love, sleep.'
you are my comfort, my salvation.
will things ever get better?
'wait, darling, and things will be alright.
everything will be alright.
you just haven't earned it yet.'
baby, don't i know it.
sigh, don't i know it.
'sleep, sleep.'
poem by Wibble TheFisch

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Spill
Push holes in the plastic
Immaculate dolls in the hands of a child with a ratchet
Two fingers too out of control
The confusion shall leave us to vultures and preachers
I hate it...
Can't take it...
I can't believe it
Why don't you see it?
I can't believe it
Chew me up when needed
Turn over another day older
Another day nearer to jumping on over
Bloodsuckers and lover that leave you
And tease you and cheat you, deceive you I see through
I hate it...
Don't want it...
I can't believe it
Why don't you see it?
I can't believe it
Chew me up when needed
I can't believe it
Why don't you see it?
I can't believe it
Chew me up when needed
I'll say what I wanna say
I'll say what I wanna say
I can't believe it
Why don't you see it?
I can't believe it
Chew me up when needed
I can't believe it
Why don't you see it?
I can't believe it
Chew me up when needed
I can't believe it
Why don't you see it?
I can't believe it
Chew me up when needed
I can't believe it
Why don't you see it?
I can't believe it
Chew me up when needed...
song performed by by Feeder

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Used To Be Fat
I used to be fat,
Just like one spoilt brat,
As fat as a brat could be...
I could squash you flat,
Just as quick as that...
No-one stood too close to me...
Started a diet,
No need to fry it
And my weight began to fall!
One book! Just buy it!
You've got to try it!
And here's the number to call...
Just chew, chew, chew it!
Then loo, loo, loo it!
And soon, you'll be on the mend!
How do you do it?
Continue through it!
Persevere, my fat, fat friend!
I chewed like a cow,
Yes, I chewed and how
And I exercised each day...
Ta-da! Take a bow!
Just look at me now!
Admit it! I look O.K.!
poem by Denis Martindale

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The Stick Of Tricks
The staff reasons with other minds and tricks,
I call the tool of eternal life a staff of aesthetics.
poem by Naveed Akram

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Sleeper
Sleep,
I call thee sleep,
Heavy to the call of 40 winks,
Sleep,
I call thee sleep
Fighting temptations to fall
Fall into the land of dream
For the land of dream makes me miss,
miss the things i have never seen
Visions so blurry
but i can make out the stars
and as i fall higher to the land of dream
i notice myself falling away from mars
Knowing this is not real
but i am in so deep
I have finally lost my battle
to the one they call sleep
poem by Crazy Sweep

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I WANNA STIFF YOU...by talile ali
I WANNA DO YOU
DO, DO, DO, YOU
I WANNA DO YOU
RIGHT, RIGHT NOW
I WANNA CHEW YOU
CHEW, CHEW, CHEW, YOU
I WANNA CHEW YOU
HERE AND HOW
I WANNA STIFF YOU
PSYCHEDELIC TWIST YOU
I WANNA STIFF YOU
SWELLING TIGHTLY ON
I WANNA EAT YOU
LICK AND KISS AND MEAT YOU
I WANNA TREAT YOU
TO THIS HORNY SONG
EVERY TIME YOU SEE ME
KNOW YOU WANNA PLEASE ME
IT IS AT THIS TIME
SOMETHING DON'T SEEM TO BE RIGHT
COME ON DOWN AND DO ME
NO NEED TO PITCH AND WOO ME
LETS GO AT IT TILL YOU KNOW
HOW I NEED YOU ALL NIGHT
poem by Talile Ali

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Instructions For The New Puppy In The House
please do not
mix the slippers
do not take
the pair to the
garden
please do not
urinate in the living
room
please do not
bite the chair cover
please do not chew
my shoe
please do not
sleep on the
pillow
& please do not
call me papa.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa

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I Haven't Forgotten
I haven't forgotten when I meet you first!
I haven't forgotten when I greet you last!
I haven't forgotten your pretty face!
I haven't forgotten your smile and grace!
I haven't forgotten how we started chatting!
I haven't forgotten when we started dating!
I haven't forgotten our last walk together!
I haven't forgotten how I became a loser!
I haven't forgotten how it became too late!
I haven't forgotten when I understood fate!
I haven't forgotten that summer's northwester!
I haven't forgotten and won't forget ever!
poem by Asif Andalib

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I didn't run off with the secretary. It made it seem like I had committed adultery and then ran off with a secretary, neither of which happened.
quote by Randall Terry

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.
quote by Barry Goldwater

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I have great respect for President Bush, Secretary Powell and Secretary Ridge.
quote by Elton Gallegly

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Preventative Maintenance Mode
We've done everything to get his attention.
But he seems to be ignoring us.
Why?
'Maybe he is not seeking your attention.
And obviously is avoiding you.
That's why? '
But...
We haven't done anything to him!
'Perhaps he is already in,
A preventative maintenance mode.
And he wants to prove how effective it is! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

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Well, Mr. Secretary, I lived in a house without electricity too. No running water, no telephone...I can stand toe-to-toe with you. in response to Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill
quote by Robert C. Byrd

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cows
I love to watch my seven cows
In meads of buttercups abrowse,
With guilded knees;
But even more I love to see
Them chew the cud so tranquilly
In twilight ease.
Each is the image of content
From fragrant hours in clover spent,
'Mid leaf and bud;
As up and down without a pause
Mechanically move their jaws
To chew the cud.
Friend, there's a hope for me and you:
Let us resolve to chew and chew
With molars strong;
The man who learns to masticate
With patience may control his fate,
His life prolong.
In salivation is salvation:
So if some silly little nation
Should bathe in blood,
Let's take a lesson from the cow,
And learn in life's long gloaming how
To chew the cud.
poem by Robert William Service

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The Sidewinder Sleep Tonight
This here is the place I will be staying.
There isn't a number. You can call the pay phone.
Let it ring a long, long, long, long time.
If I don't pick up, hang up, call back, let it ring some more.
If I don't pick up, pick up... The sidewinder sleeps, sleeps, sleeps in a coil
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
There are scratches all around the coin slot
like a heartbeat, baby trying to wake up,
but this machine can only swallow money.
You can't lay a patch by computer design.
It's just a lot of stupid, stupid signs.
Tell her,
tell her she can kiss my ass, then laugh and say that you were only kidding.
That way she'll know that it's really, really, really, really me.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Baby, instant soup doesn't really grab me.
Today I need something more sub-sub-sub-substantial.
A can of beans or blackeyed peas, some Nescafe and ice,
a candy bar, a falling star, or a reading of Doctor Seuss;
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
The cat in the hat came back, wrecked a lot of havoc on the way,
always had a smile and a reason to pretend.
But their world has flat backgrounds and little need to sleep but to dream.
The sidewinder sleeps on his back.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
I can always sleep standing up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
I can always sleep standing up. Call me when you try to wake her.
Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.
I can always sleep standing up. Call me when you try to wake her.
I can always sleep standing up. Call me when you try to wake her.
We've got to moogie, moogie, move on this one
song performed by by REM

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I was the Secretary of State of New Jersey in November 2000. I paid careful attention to the challenges that stemmed from inadequate voting systems in various places.
quote by DeForest Soaries

Submitted by Lucian Velea
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