Loaves put awry into the oven come out crooked.
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An oven whose door does not shut does not bake its loaves.
It is in putting it into the oven that the loaf is made crooked.
I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise, it makes no sense.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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“great Souls Live In Crooked Bodies”
Judge not, measure not,
The greatness of a soul;
By how one looks outside
By how one speaks or acts
By home where they reside
Instead observe how you react
Should you feel shame for them
or pity should arise,
It’s that your mind is closed,
Heart wearing a disguise
Crooked faces, crooked smiles
Fool those like you and me
Crooked limbs on crooked forms
Create ill will, poorly we then see
We must offer love to one another,
For that crooked man you scorn
As God would have it is your brother
Heaven-Sent and Earth-Born
poem by Ray Lucero
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A Crooked Smile (song)
With your deep brown eyes
and your crooked smile
you swept me away for
quite a while when you smiled
a crooked smile
Then you came and
asked for a chance
but all I said was
How bout a dance
and then you smiled
A crooked smile
(Chorus)
Now your gone
and I'm missing you
and my broken Heart
wont be in two
when you smile
a crooked smile
Years have passed
and tears have too
but all I know
is I love you
and your smile
your crooked smile
Yesterday when you
got off the plane
you ran to my side
cuz I stood at your gate
and then you smiled
a croooked smile
You pulled me close
and said hello
but I could see
you were being mellow
til you smiled
a crooked smile
(Chorus)
now your here
and I'm loving you
and my broken heart
won't be in two
when you smile
a crooked smile
Moments passed
and memories made
And I know there ain't a better day
then when you smile
a crooked smile
Oh when you smile
my heart goes wild
poem by Jasmine Thompson
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The Day's Plans Go Awry
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The day's plans go awry,
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The tears that God must cry.
'Hey Mom, what's rain, what makes it fall? '
Asked Zachary, sincere.
'When will it stop, will it at all?
I can't be stuck in here.'
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The day's plans go awry,
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
As God begins to cry.
'It's God's tears, my son, he must weep,
For all of us on earth.
The pain we feel, we cannot keep,
Ourselves alone from birth.'
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The day's plans go awry,
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
For our pain God must cry.
'But Mom, God's cried, every day,
He must be getting weak.
Tell him to laugh, that's what I'd say,
And try that for a week.'
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The day's plans go awry,
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
Why do we make him cry?
'But ah, my son, you do not know,
How much hurt God has felt.
So our Father, he has to show,
Us what our pain has dealt.'
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The day's plans go awry.
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
God doesn't want to cry.
'So Mom, then why, do we hurt God?
How can we be so bad?
Why do we hurt each other too?
We know it makes him sad.'
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The day's plans go awry,
It's wet out there, the rain rolls in,
The tears that God must cry.
poem by Steven Rodgers
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Crooked
Crooked.
There is nothing straight about it.
There is nothing in the eyes,
Or the face that projects...
An honesty that's been sewned,
For an expected harvest
That reaps up rot instead of respect.
Crooked.
Like snakes with coiled tails.
Thieves bewitched like these,
Should not be speaking to appease...
With such ease.
Crooked are the hoodwinkers' comments.
And what they have done...
Should land everyone of them in jail!
Tastefully displayed...
And yet crooked are the beasts that lead.
Living in shells and crawling to prevail,
Like escargot when 'cooked'...
Are nothing more than scavenger low life snails!
Feeding on and releasing junk,
Are the crooked!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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A cake is a very good test of an oven: if it browns too much on one side and not on the other, it's not your fault - you need to have your oven checked.
quote by Delia Smith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Oven Liet
Where the flesh goes,
The mind follows.
The body is weak.
Why she left me alone.
How she got sick.
And no one calls the phone.
Never had to cook with her around
Now I found a light in the most unexpected place
The oven.
I sit in the dark tonight
In the kitchen
With only the oven light
While I try to mend.
And I brood like a chicken with her eggs
My seat feels like it's hatching
My bottom is burning
My soul squirming like a worm
Or a snake.
Yellow.
The color of companionship.
Cowardly, fearful, impertinent.
I stare into the oven
Light.
poem by Eon Ezkiel
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Look What Happened When I Shared My Lunch
Off with my basket of loaves and fishes I sped
as I rushed up the hill to hear what Jesus said.
Sitting down I listened well to those words of His
for I had never heard any man speak like this.
Time went by so rapidly but I did not care
I could have stayed forever in His presence there.
As evening came all went quiet and all stood still
and many thousands were gathered upon the hill.
Then to my surprise his disciple came to me
for into my lunch basket he wanted to see.
So I showed him the five loaves and two fishes there
and he asked if I would be willing my lunch to share.
What food I had I took to Jesus willingly
and then as He gave thanks there so surprisingly
a miracle happened and my eyes opened wide
as the five loaves and two fishes were multiplied.
The multitudes were told to sit down on the ground
and my loaves and fishes were then passed around.
When all were fed twelve baskets were taken away
and five thousand people had eaten well that day.
I knew that He was the Prophet who was to come
and made my way rejoicing all the way back home.
I'll never forget the things Jesus did that day
after all the multitude had gone on their way.
For I'd learned that no gift would ever be too small
what's important is to be prepared to give Him all
I gave all to Him and recommend you do too
for wonderful blessings will result when we do.
written after reading John 6: 1-14
The Stand-Ins
In the dream
the swastika is neon
and flashes like a strobe light
into my eyes, all colors,
all vibrations
and I see the killer in him
and he turns on an oven,
an oven, an oven, an oven,
and on a pie plate he sticks
in my Yellow Star
and then
then when it is ready for serving—
this dream goes off into the wings
and on stage The Cross appears,
with Jesus sticking to it
and He is breathing
and breathing
and He is breathing
and breathing
and then He speaks,
a kind of whisper,
and says . . .
This is the start.
This is the end.
This is a light.
This is a start.
I woke.
I did not know the hour,
an hour of night like thick scum
but I considered the dreams,
the two: Swastika, Crucifix,
and said: Oh well,
it doesn't belong to me,
if a cigar can be a cigar
then a dream can be a dream.
Right?
Right?
And went back to sleep
and another start.
poem by Anne Sexton
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Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
(Kinky Friedman)
You uppity women I don't understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
You'd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning you're out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your Maiden Form for Lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman that's ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin' him that he's wrong.
Eve said to Adam, ?Here's an apple you horse?
And Delilah defoliated Samson's moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
And your coffee makes my hair turn green.
So damn emancipated in your mind and your body,
Gonna have to cancel all your lessons in karate.
If you can't love a male chauvinist
You'd better cross me off your shopping list.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My Friend Jack
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
Sugarman hasnt got a care
Hes been traveling everywhere
Been on a voyage across an ocean
Heard the sweet sounds of wheels in motion
Hes seen hawks fly high to hail the setting sun
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
Sugarman hasnt got a care
Hes been traveling everywhere
Hes seen the people in the city
And the bright lights looks awful pretty
Hes followed dusty tracks into eternity
Eating sugar cain in cuba
Try to grow it in japan
On the west coast, hes real famous
Kids they call him sugar man
My friend jack
My friend jack
My friend jack
My friend jack
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
Sugarman hasnt got a care
Hes been traveling everywhere
Been on a voyage across an ocean
Heard the sweet sounds of wheels in motion
Hes seen hawk fly high to hail the setting sun
Eating sugar cain in cuba
Try to grow it in japan
On the west coast, hes real famous
Kids they call him sugar man
Been on a voyage across an ocean
Heard the sweet sounds of wheels in motion
Hes seen the hawk fly high to hail the setting sun
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
Sugarman hasnt got a care
Hes been traveling everywhere
My friend jack eats sugar loaves
My friend jack eats
song performed by by Boney M.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Get Your Biscuits In The Oven & Your Buns In The Bed
(kinky friedman)
You uppity women I dont understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
Youd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning youre out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your maiden form for lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman thats ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin him that hes wrong.
Eve said to adam, heres an apple you horse
And delilah defoliated samsons moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
And your coffee makes my hair turn green.
So damn emancipated in your mind and your body,
Gonna have to cancel all your lessons in karate.
If you cant love a male chauvinist
Youd better cross me off your shopping list.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When the light is crooked, the shadow is crooked.
The Beggar's Child
MAVOURNEEN, we'll go far away
From the net of the crooked town
Where they grudge us the light of the day.
Around my neck you will lay
Two tight little arms of brown.
Mavourneen, we'll go far away
From the net of the crooked town.
And what will we hear on the way?
The stir of wings up and down
In nests where the little birds stay!
Mavourneen, we'll go far away
From the net of the crooked town
Where they grudge us the light of the day.
poem by Padraic Colum
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Crooked Around
Crooked, door, core, rock, red, coke, dock, roe, ore, re, doe, cooked;
But crooked around in the name of your muse!
For the moon is now watching your moves in the land of peace and joy.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Crooked Piece Of Time
Things got rough
Things got tough
Things got harder than hard
We were just trying to make a livin
In our back yard
We were born too late died to soon
Anxietys a terrible crime
If you dont come now dont come at all
cause its a crooked piece of time.
Its a crooked piece of time that we live in
A crooked piece of time
All in all and all in all
Its a crooked piece of time.
Yesterday morning an ill wind came
Blew your picture
Right out of the picture frame
Even blew the candle out
From underneath the flame
Yesterday morning an ill wind came.
song performed by by John Prine
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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