If the patient dies, the doctor has killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him.
Related quotes
Patient, Thou speak’st only the truth
The truth, he speaks, the patient, sick when he's,
'Tis rare for him to tell a pack of lies;
If not, the Diagnosis will go amiss,
The patient knows all this if he is wise.
How can the Doctor know the malady,
Without the patient telling his Symptom?
Diagnosis must precede the Remedy,
A commodity, Health's bought but seldom.
0 patient, Thou better speak truth alone!
The Doctor is no real Demi-God;
Help him help thee, 'fore thy family shall moan;
If thou art ill, Doctor is next to God.
Diseases can dupe the best of Doctors,
A bad history can turn into thine hearse.
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The doctor demands his fees whether he has killed the illness or the patient.
A patient going to a doctor for his first visit was asked, "And whom did you consult before coming to me?"
"Only the village druggist," was the answer.
"And what sort of foolish advice did that numbskull give you?" asked the doctor, his tone and manner denoting his contempt for the advice of the layman.
"Oh," replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, "he told me to come and see you."
The Skinflint
The skinflint saved his policies,
The skinflint saved his plugs,
The skinflint saved his first house keys,
The skinflint saved his mugs...
The skinflint saved his chewing gum,
The skinflint saved his rope,
The skinflint saved his small toy drum,
The skinflint saved his soap...
The skinflint saved his worn-out shoes,
The skinflint saved his clothes,
The skinflint saved his tubes of glues,
The skinflint saved his bows...
The skinflint saved his dated files,
The skinflint saved his drapes,
The skinflint saved his airline miles,
The skinflint saved his tapes...
The skinflint saved, yes, on the whole...
The skinflint saved so well?
The skinflint never saved his soul!
So God sent him to Hell...
poem by Denis Martindale
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Sonnet: Advice to Doctors
No patient’s mine; no patient remains yours;
The patient comes and goes from Doc to Doc;
If he improves, we simply then rejoice,
Though God’s the key to the diagnostic-lock!
All patients ail and expect some relief;
A doctor’s duty is to help him out;
All patients speak the truth; Time is the thief;
To use his knowledge best, all Doctors ought.
Fleece not the poor; cheat not the ones who’re sick;
God is the Healer prime; He uses us;
Off not life’s candle-flame with intact wick;
The Doctor shirking work invites God’s curse!
Lose not Ethics; lose not your morals, Doc!
Like patients, Doctors are part of God’s flock.
8-28-2002
poem by John Celes
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Poison Whiskey
Daddy was a cajun, raised on southern land
And so my kinfolks tell me, was a street-fightin man.
Well, they rushed him down to see the doctor
hey doctor, wont you check his head?
The only thing that was wrong with him
Was johnny walkers red
He drank ole poison whiskey
til it killed him dead.
It happened back in the bayou many years ago
Satan came to take him and he did it real slow
Well, they rushed him back to see the doctor
The doctor just shook his head,
twenty years of rotgut whiskey
Done killed the poor man dead.
He drank ole poison whiskey
til it killed him dead.
Take a tip from me, people... brothers cant you see
Aint no future in ole poison whiskey.
Theyre gonna rush you down to see the doctor,
The doctors gonna shake his head.
The only thing hes gonna tell ya
stop drinkin johnny walkers red
Dont drink poison whiskey, dont you drink it boy.
song performed by by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Poison Whisky
(ed king - ronnie vanzant)
Daddy was a cajun, raised on southern land
And so my kinfolks tell me, was a street-fightin man.
Well, they rushed him down to see the doctor
Hey doctor, wont you check his head?
The only thing that was wrong with him
Was johnny walkers red
He drank ole poison whisky
til it killed him dead.
It happened back in the bayou many years ago
Satan came to take him and he did it real slow
Well, they rushed him back to see the doctor
The doctor just shook his head,
Twenty years of rotgut whisky
Done killed the poor man dead.
He drank ole poison whisky
til it killed him dead.
Take a tip from me, people... brothers cant you see
Aint no future in ole poison whisky.
Theyre gonna rush you down to see the doctor,
The doctors gonna shake his head.
The only thing hes gonna tell ya
Stop drinkin johnny walkers red
Dont drink poison whisky, dont you drink it boy.
song performed by by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A doctor is only a doctor when he has killed one or two patients.
Doctor’s Day,2010
Doctor, doctor, carer of sick!
Doctor, doctor, healer on earth;
Doctor, doctor, noble is thine field;
Doctor, doctor, serve thine brethren well!
Doctor, labor all the more;
Clean and dress the chronic sore;
Let no person taint thine name;
Never forget thine great aim.
Doctor, let not wealth allure;
Doctor, lead a life all pure;
Doctor, try to always cure;
God will bless thee on earth, sure.
Dear Dr.B, K, Padmavathi M.D.,
‘Happy Doctor’s Day,2010! ’
From the Dean and staff of IRT, PMC
Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2010
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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When a compassionate Nurse dress your wounds
Doctor told him' You are all right and discharge in the evening.'
The patient begs; ' I would like to stay one more night Doctor.'
'It's up to you.'
He informed his beloved wife; 'Hey! Darling, Doctor wants to see me tomorrow for an urgent matter, no idea? '
And he waits till the kind Nurse's visit to his cubicle room.
But another one came and she is on leave it seems.
He dreamed in the particular night that he met an accident and admitted to the same hospital.
* Human mind is an untamed beast explores new adventures?
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Whither goest the Saints of Art?
Whither goest the lovely Saints -
The Saints that love art and paints?
Whither goest the Saints of Art -
The Saints who set free my heart?
Where did he go - St Haiku?
Did he go hiking or haikuing?
Where is Saint ABC,
He who likes to sail in the sea?
Whither goest St Free Verse,
That one of a heavy purse?
Whither goest Saint Ballad,
son of Sir Brian McSalad?
Where is that ever-loyal
Saint called Rhyme Royal?
Where is St Rhythm and others
who like to give draconian orders?
Where is that one who likes to keep lime
in his storeroom everytime?
Tell him I committed a crime:
I killed Mr Scheme Rhyme! ...
poem by Comfort Ndlovu
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Had Surgery
The small throat, the larger stomach, all this concern
With the wrong certain structure so made of me.
The surgeon has a guile, a patience too dear, but I
Am patient, a patient of well-being so well cooked.
The small throat has been enlarged and the stomach enticed
To cook me the food of luxury, the plastic relish of society.
This religion I follow of a surgeon in surgery shall last
For a life-time, forming more years onto my life tonight.
A doctor is blessed for the guilt he does not own,
A doctor planned me a retreat from life, and the time.
poem by Naveed Akram
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Doctor Doctor
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh the mess Im in
She walked up to me
And really stole my heart
And then she started
To take my body apart
*livin, lovin, Im on the run
Far away from you
Livin, lovin, Im on the run
So far away from you
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, Im goin fast
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, Im goin fast
Its only just a moment,
Shes turnin paranoid
Thats not a situation for a nervous boy
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, the mess Im in
But you look so angry
As I crawled across your floor
Shes got the strain,
And I cant take any more
*repeat
*repeat
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Saved Me
True stories (what)
Miracles (what)
True blessings (what)
All because of love
True stories (what)
Miracles (what)
True blessings (what)
All because of love
I was riding in my car one day (oh)
In the express lane rolling down the freeway
And suddenly the phone rings
Then I reached down beside me
Then I looked on the floor felt on the back seat
See I was drinking while I was driving
Never thinking bout what I was doing
I turned around and before I knew it
Here comes this truck now
The doctor said I don't think he's gonna make it
Family said make the funeral arrangements
Unplug the machine he's gone now
then told my wife to be strong now
then a small voice said on to me
if you promise to stop drinking
I surrendered on that day
And for 10 years I've been straight
Chorus:
You saved me(woah) You saved me.
You saved me, You saved me, gave me a second chance
You saved me, You saved me
You saved me, You saved me
Now I've been sitting in the chair
waiting on the phone to ring
Praying up to God that someone would call me with a job opening
Cause its been so hard for me month to month
Struggling to eat but still there was no answer(no answer)
I stopped believing in his word And got so mad at him
When somebody say Gods good I just laugh at them(oh yeah)
And in the nick of time his blessing rained on me
By his grace the phone ring a lady says were hiring
And that's when I knew
Chorus:
You saved me(saved) You saved me.
You saved me, You saved me, gave me a second chance
You saved me, You saved me
You saved me, You saved me
Now I was 18 out on the block selling drugs
With a gun at my waist And for people had no love
See the streets was my home and family and friends were gone
Had no one to trust and deep inside I was all alone
And then a deal went bad one day and it was enough to pause me
I was shot 4 times and before I knew it I was on my knees
(Blood gushing out my body my hearts beatin fast
I don't know what I'm a do I don't think I'm gonna last)
Then I began to flash back on the thing I've done in my past
(Then I heard a small voice that said to me I'll give you peace if u believe)
I accepted Christ that day hallelujah now I'm free
Chorus:
You saved me(saved) You saved me.
You saved me, You saved me, gave me a second chance
You saved me, You saved me
You saved me, You saved me
I was in the aisle of the grocery store
With a pain in my chest and I'm wondering where did it come from
(I got tested)and the results came back and the doctor said I'm sorry but you got cancer
I could not believe it so I called up my mama to calm my nerve
(mama)she got down on her knees (mama)she said a prayer for me
(mama) said just keep on thanking Jesus (mama)he'll give you all you need
That was five years ago don't have that pain no mo
Doc says you can go home cause all your caners gone
Chorus:
You saved me(sad you saved me) You saved me.
You saved me, You saved me, gave me a second chance
You saved me, You saved me
You saved me, You saved me
song performed by by R. Kelly
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Saved By Love
Laura loves her little family,
And shes the kind of woman who loves them with her life.
But sometimes in the evening,
When the world rests on her shoulders
With four walls closing in,
Shell close her eyes.
Oh....
Its not like she misses being younger,
Though she never was in vogue magazine or on tv;
Her husband loves her dearly,
And the morning shows her clearly,
Kisses her little baby girl.
Laura, shes the queen of the world.
Cant imagine ever leaving now,
Now that shes been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Listen to her quiet heart singing loud.
Laura, shes been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
I know that shes been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Saved by love.
Theres nothing quite like my familys love to warm me,
And nothing short of deaths gonna ever leave me cold.
Well, still at times its lonely,
But through it all it only
Makes me love jesus more,
And this is what he came here for.
I cant imagine ever leaving now.
Now that Ive been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Hes gone and turned my crazy world back around,
And Ive been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
I know that Ive been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love....
Oh, Im never leaving now,
Now that Ive been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Hes gone and turned my crazy world back around,
And Ive been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love.
Amy, shes been saved by love,
Saved by love, saved by love....
Saved by love.
Im saved by love.
Thats right.
And nothing I can say,
Nothing I can do, nothing I can say.
Were all just saved by love.
Nothing you can say, nothing you can do.
Only love can say, only love can do,
Only love can say.
Only love can say, only love can do,
Only love can say.
Im say-yay-yaved by,
Im saved by, by,
Nothing you can do, nothing you can say,
Only love can say....
song performed by by Amy Grant
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Saints In Hell
They laughed at their gods
And fought them in vain
So he turned his back on them
And left them in pain
Now here come the saints
With their banners held high
Each one of them martyrs
Quite willing to die
Wake the dead, the saints are in hell
Wake the dead, theyve come for the bell
Cover your fists
Razor your spears
Its been our possession
For 8,000 years
Fetch the scream eagles
Unleash the wild cats
Set loose the king cobras
And blood sucking bats
Wake the dead, the saints are in hell
Wake the dead, theyve come for the bell
We are saints
In hell
We are saints
In hell
Were going down
Into the fire
Were going down
Into the fire
The streets run with blood from the mass mutilation
As carnage took toll for the bell
Abattoir, abattoir, mon dieu quelle horreur
For a time is was like second hell
Saints in hell
Saints in hell
The battle is over, the saints are alive
How can we all thank you, we felt so despised
Saints in hell
Saints in hell
Saints in hell
Saints in hell
Saints in hell
Saints in hell
(fade)
song performed by by Judas Priest
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A playwright in a lunatic asylum
The Psychiatrist read the script and said;
'I am your doctor my brothers and sisters.'
'It's a common saying and we too whispered the same line
When we're enrolled to this college.' A colleague interupts.
'But now we're almost cured' Someone muttered.
'What's your religion? ' Doctor inquired a patient
He tells; ' My Dad is a Strong Catholic and mother is a simple Buddhist,
Sister eloped with a Muslim and the youngest brother converted to Hindu.'
'Sorry you need my religion isn't it?
He wants to give me a scholarship to Harvard University it seems.'
My religion is Oxygen.'
'What, A new religion? '
'No doctor the oldest religion since the beginning and once that stopped
All the sages go to hell or Heaven who knows? '
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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