George Orwell

An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.

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If I Trusted You as I Should

IF I TRUSTED YOU AS I SHOULD

If I trusted You as I should,
I would not worry as I do
I would not fear as I do
I would not grieve as I do.

If I trusted You as I should
I would simply know
That somehow
Ultimately
All will be Alright and Good.

If I trusted You as I should.

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Thank You

I thought that I could always count on you
I thought that nothing could come between us two
We said as long as we would stick together
We'd be alright, we'd be okay
But I was stupid and you broke me down
I'll never be the same again
So thank you for showing me
That best friends cannot be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship, the good times we had
You can have 'em back
Yeah
I wonder why it always has to hurt
For every lesson that you have to learn
I won't forget what you did to me
How you showed me things I wish I'd never seen
But I was stupid and you broke me down
I'll never be the same again
So thank you for showing me
That best friends cannot be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship, the good times we had
You can have 'em back
When the tables turn again
You'll remember me my friend
You'll be wishing I was there for you
I'll be the one you miss the most
But you'll only find my ghost
As time goes by, you'll wonder why you're all alone
So thank you for showing me
That best friends cannot be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship, the good times we had
You can have 'em back
So thank you, for lying to me
So thank you, for all the times you let me down
So thank you, for lying to me
So thank you, you friendship... you can have it back

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An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.

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Sidney Poitier

My autobiography was simply the story of my life.

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Without Regret

Saddened memories,
I once held as property.
Who knew,
They would go...
When they grew,
Inside of me!

I now reflect,
Without regret.
I know now
Defeats I've met!
But who knew,
They would go...
When they grew,
Inside of me!

Those times
Stayed on my mind
For days at a time.
I used that to feed,
My own desperate needing.

I lived with anger and deceit!
I felt those feelings deep,
Within me!
Defeats I have met!
But who knew,
They would go...
When they grew,
Inside of me!

But...
Who knew,
They would go...
When they grew,
Inside of me!

Who knew,
Like I do now...
When they grew,
Somehow
They would go...
From inside of me!

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Life... is not simply a series of exciting new ventures. The future is not always a whole new ball game. There tends to be unfinished business. One trails all sorts of things around with one, things that simply won't be got rid of.

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Autobiography is probably the most respectable form of lying.

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Wanted, Trusted And Loved

I sleep well.
When under your spell.
And feeling peaceful.

Knowing we both wish to keep,
Peace...
Inside where it dwells.

I sleep well.
When under your spell.
And made to feel...
Wanted, trusted and loved.

I sleep well,
Wanted.
I sleep well,
Trusted.
I sleep well,
Wanted, trusted and loved.
I sleep well,
Wanted, trusted and loved.

I sleep well,
Wanted.
I sleep well,
Trusted.
I sleep well,
Wanted, trusted and loved.
I sleep well,
Wanted, trusted and loved.

I sleep well,
Wanted.
I sleep well,
Trusted.
I sleep well,
Wanted, trusted and loved.

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So an autobiography about death should include, in my case, an account of European Jewry and of Russian and Jewish events - pogroms and flights and murders and the revolution that drove my mother to come here.

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Settling Accounts

Is your account settled friend, with the one all will see in the end?
The One and Only Eternal God, who will rule all with an iron rod.
All that’s hidden will be in sight, exposed by God’s Eternal Light.
Christ will uncover all our past, that’s everything from first to last.

There’s nothing He doesn’t know, where you’ve been and will go.
He knows us deep down inside, there’s nothing that we can hide.
He knows what’s on every mind, thoughts both good and unkind.
Even the motive of each thought, and each action that is wrought.

Very soon every knee shall bend; this includes you and me friend.
This to give an account to Christ, as Christ reviews our entire life.
However all the evil we’ve done, that’s been covered by The Son.
All sins have been blotted from life, by the blood of Jesus Christ.

This, if you accept what’s been done, for you by God’s Only Son.
Christ has wiped clean our old life, this by His Amazing Sacrifice.
Christ will give you a clean slate, with a New Life to contemplate,
What you’ll do and say for Him, now that He’s cleansed you of sin.

We’ll still give account to Christ, on what we did with our New Life.
Sin will be remembered no more, but only our service for The Lord.
As before The Lord we all bow, to judge our work on why and how.
And at this reckoning we will see, our capacity for Christ in Eternity.

(Copyright ©01/2006)

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Where Do We Go From Here?

after 70 years
of so much planning
nothing exciting
really happened in
his life,

he concludes everything
is wrong
because he is actively doing
everything
for him

he did not give fate a chance
to shape his own life


it is life that takes us
where to go

and life is a silent friend
it does not tell us
anything

we simply wait
for the surprises

a boat may arrive from a far horizon
and waits upon us at the nearby pier

we shall step inside its body
& it will take us
to a place
intended for our own good

a black bird my hover on the window sill of our house
and sings
and we who listen to the sweetness of its song
shall learn
about the most beautiful thing that can happen
out there
the next day shall be another adventure and fun

for we are life's children
and she is our loving mother

we simply have to open our eyes
alert our ears
and be sensitive to each and every sign
that life
everyday sends us

we simply must enhance the trust

and surely it will be good
and beautiful

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Oscar Wilde

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

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Lyin' To Yourself

You tell me lies that you believe
You say its the real thing
I can see how you've deceived
I know what's happening
And seeing is believing 'til you find out that you're blind
You're Lying To Yourself (Lying To Yourself)
You're Lying To Yourself (Lying To Yourself)
Wake up, shake up, turn around
I'll give it to you straight
It's been too long, it's past a joke
Something I can't take
The cost is due, now tell me money ain't the means [to me it sounds like
"meaning"]
You're Lying To Yourself
(Lying To Yourself)
You're Lying To Yourself
(Lying To Yourself)
Lying To Yourself again, you're Lying to Yourself again
Lying To Yourself again, you're Lying To Yourself again
Lying in the morning
I'll kiss you goodbye
You won't regret a part of this
And neither will I
Revealing hearts with a common need play their hands
You're Lying To Yourself
(Lying To Yourself)
You're Lying To Yourself
(Lying To Yourself)
NOTE: This song is a B-side to the Alpha album single "The Smile Has Left
Your Eyes

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It is not disgraceful to ask, it is disgraceful no to ask.

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Fitting In...

inside the mosquito net
he reveals that he is having a hard time
fitting a part of him
to her

i am at a loss
wanting to imagine what could this be
something sexual
or metaphorical

he says i refuse to understand
perhaps i must be too innocent or i must be too dumb
been purified lately
and what is adulterated simply repulses the emptiness
of my senses

don't know,
don't know

what is it please? what is it?
please.

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John Ruskin

No lying knight or lying priest ever prospered in any age, but especially not in the dark ones. Men prospered then only in following an openly declared purpose, and preaching candidly beloved and trusted creeds.

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The only thing that's changed is the competitiveness of the series. It's only become harder to win in our series as the years have gone by. Competition breeds good things, and that's what's happened here.

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I have been in the series for over 3 years - 3 series. There will be a fourth series next year which of course I won't be in because I'm now dead. So in total I appeared in 25 episodes.

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Dear Margaret

Dear margaret I beg of you
Dear margaret gonna tell on you
Dont want to be patronized
By those lying eyes
Dear margaret I wanted you
Youre warming me up
So you can leave me cold
Kissin up to the rich
Intending to control
All the money money money
Is that all you live for
Youre a model and example
Of a greed that will destroy
Dear margaret I beg of you
Dont you like rock n roll
Dear margaret gonna tell on you
I like your wiggle when you walk
Dear margaret I trusted you
Dont you let me down
Dear margaret I wanted you
You had me living the illusion
To be a millionaire
Investing in stocks
Look at you now stringin other guys along
Youre into swinging
Now the money is all gone
Dear margaret I beg of you
Dont you like rock n roll
Dear margaret I trusted you
Your economic growth
And your cool suntan
But what have you done to your fellow man
Youve betrated us all with just a
Wave of your hand
What good is prosperity
When it starves the soul in man
Dear margaret I beg of you
Dont you like rock n roll
Dear margaret gonna tell on you
I like your wiggle when you walk
Dont want to be patronized
By those lying eyes
Dear margaret I trusted you
Dont you let me down
Dear margaret I wanted you

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Series Of Dreams

I was thinking of a series of dreams
Where nothing comes up to the top
Everything stays down where its wounded
And comes to a permanent stop
Wasnt thinking of anything specific
Like in a dream, when someone wakes up and screams
Nothing too very scientific
Just thinking of a series of dreams
Thinking of a series of dreams
Where the time and the tempo fly
And theres no exit in any direction
cept the one that you cant see with your eyes
Wasnt making any great connection
Wasnt falling for any intricate scheme
Nothing that would pass inspection
Just thinking of a series of dreams
Dreams where the umbrella is folded
Into the path you are hurled
And the cards are no good that youre holding
Unless theyre from another world
In one, numbers were burning
In another, I witnessed a crime
In one, I was running, and in another
All I seemed to be doing was climb
Wasnt looking for any special assistance
Not going to any great extremes
Id already gone the distance
Just thinking of a series of dreams

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