James Randi

The New Age? It's just the old age stuck in a microwave oven for fifteen seconds.

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Submitted by Catalin Popescu
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Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

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17

17 seconds of compassion
17 seconds of peace
17 seconds to remember love is the energy
behind which all is created
17 seconds to remember all that is good
17 seconds to forget all your hurt and pain
17 seconds of faith
17 seconds to trust you again
17 seconds of radiance
17 seconds to send a prayer up
17 seconds is all you really need

song performed by by Smashing PumpkinsReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The difficult thing about a pop record is that you're given guidelines: it has to have 3 choruses, and then it must be between 3 minutes fifteen seconds and three minutes forty-five seconds.

quote by Duncan SheikReport problemRelated quotes
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Mary

Maybe one breath away
Ill find the words to say
Ill sit and light the bong
Ill hold my hit in real long
I dont know if I can go up inside of you tonite
Oh mary baby, please dont fuss and fight
Youve heard the line before
Mary, baby, please dont think Im a whore
If you come home with me
Turn off the lights lock up the door and start gettin busy
I dont know if I can go so far up inside you tonite
Mary, baby, I could do it right
When we got to her pad
Mary, baby, started callin me her dad
As she gave me head
We could not find the damn bed
Fifteen years old plus one
Hotter than a microwave oven
Mary, baby, daddy is comin home

song performed by by SublimeReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Seconds

All day
Hiding from the sun
Waiting for the golden one
Waiting for your fame
After the parade has gone
Outside was a happy place
Every face had a smile like the golden face
For a second
Your knuckles white as your fingers curl
The shot that was heard around the world
For a second
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds of your time to take his life
Seconds
Seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
For a second
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
It took seconds of your time to take his life
It took seconds
For a second
It took seconds of your time to take his life
Seconds of your time to take his life
For a second
For a second
For a second

song performed by by Human LeagueReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A walk in the countryside

What a lovely day for a walk
a nice ramble in the countryside
take in all the lovely scenery
the flowers, the fields, the birds.
What's that over there in the distance?
something Red in colour by that hedge.
I hope it's a Fox they are beautiful,
it hasn't moved so I may get up close.
What a let down it's a traffic cone!
Hope I see something more interesting
than a stupid traffic cone on my walk.
What's that rustling noise?
Could be a Pheasant or a Partridge,
on closer inspection I see the noise
is not from a bird but a bloody crisp packet!
As I walk on I tread in Cow dung, fag packets,
used condoms, and endless empty beer cans.
I've been walking for over an hour now
and along with the cans and the crisp packets
I've seen two Tesco trolleys, a Microwave Oven,
and a motorbike lying in a small stream.
The British countryside in all it's beauty,
with the wind in your hair and dog mess
stuck to the bottom of your boots!

poem by Kevin HallsReport problemRelated quotes
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Frustrating Seconds

These seconds of time that seem so small
really are not that small at all.
They continuously add up to a minute.
Sixty seconds later and all that's within it
is larger as they pass.

And then they add up to an hour.
Now those seconds have more power.
They move along and soon there'll be
another day gone from you with me.

Seconds, minutes, hours and days
have grown so long in heartfelt ways.
They leave me wondering just how long
these drawn out seconds did me wrong?

I'd love to bundle them up real tight
and little by little squeeze them at night.
And when the dawn is here again
remember all of them and say Amen.

I do not wish my life away.
I just want those seconds to go their way.
Let them add up for another fool.
For these seconds for me are much too cruel.

I don't need seconds, minutes or hours
to remind me of eternity.
I will not count the time anymore
for all it contains is the misery
of being away from you.

poem by Edwina ReizerReport problemRelated quotes
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Seconds To Fall

Well it took years to climb that hill
And now we look up to the mountains
As high as you might climb there still
Something we should not forget
It takes seconds to fall
Seconds to fall
Could happen that you can scratch the clouds
Could happen that you come tumbling down
Could be you find yourself at the top of the stairs
Could be youre just another clown
It takes seconds to fall, yeah
Seconds to fall
Seconds to fall, oh yeah
At the top of the stairs, nobody cares
What has been, or what will come
I dont want to preach, no Im not the one
But you better hear me call
It takes seconds to fall, yeah
Seconds to fall
Seconds to fall
Seconds to fall

song performed by by Fury In The SlaughterhouseReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

quote by Lenny BruceReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Seven Seconds Away [Collaboration with Miranda Mabuto]

Slow down pretty woman,
We are almost there,
We have walked a million miles,
We cant fail a single mile away,
Open your heart
For love is approaching you

Slow down pretty lady,
We have had a million smiles,
You are almost mine,
Open your heart almost lover,
Together we will be fine

Come along my angel,
Its me and you in this world
We can never go astray
Babie nomore delay
We are just seven seconds away

Its seven seconds away,
Seven seconds away in our way,
Me and you against the world,
In seven seconds it will be us
Its now we, nomore I and you
Come along babie in seven seconds

Hold me and go away with me,
From the cruel world shall we flee,
Me and you a happy heart
Running in the fields like the flock
Be calm my love, watch the clock
Seven seconds away

Seven seconds away,
Seven seconds astray,
Babie come my way
Yes, for a perfect get away
Its only seven seconds away

Nomore wait and delay,
The dancefloor will be soon ours,
Hold my waist come lets play,
I will dry the tears you cry
We are just seven seconds away

poem by Gaylord MunemoReport problemRelated quotes
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What I learned most was how to tell a story in 15 seconds or 30 seconds or 60 seconds - to have some kind of goal of what to try to do and make it happen in that time.

quote by Renny HarlinReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A cake is a very good test of an oven: if it browns too much on one side and not on the other, it's not your fault - you need to have your oven checked.

quote by Delia SmithReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Do Da Da

Every time I'm fallin' down
You take the reprecussions
Headaches and anxieties
Advancing my frustrations
Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me
Hand up your soul to my wrist
And I'll vow my trust to you
Moving here I always thought
I realized you've imagined
Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

Rushings of my depression
Sacrifice everything
Waste with me into nothing
Well now you're stuck with me
Stuck with me
Stuck with me

song performed by by Green Day from ShenanigansReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Oven Liet

Where the flesh goes,
The mind follows.

The body is weak.
Why she left me alone.
How she got sick.
And no one calls the phone.

Never had to cook with her around
Now I found a light in the most unexpected place
The oven.

I sit in the dark tonight
In the kitchen
With only the oven light
While I try to mend.

And I brood like a chicken with her eggs
My seat feels like it's hatching
My bottom is burning
My soul squirming like a worm
Or a snake.

Yellow.
The color of companionship.
Cowardly, fearful, impertinent.
I stare into the oven

Light.

poem by Eon EzkielReport problemRelated quotes
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Seconds Before

(SECONDS BEFORE)

somewhere in 1970 or so
I remember your smile

(secondsbefore)

telling me you 'wanted to live
as quietly as a star.'

(seconds before)

'No...not a movie star
a star above a mountain above a world star! '

(seconds before)

your hair fallen across your eyes
your hair hiding your smile

(seconds before

) THE BOMB GOES OFF

poem by Dónall DempseyReport problemRelated quotes
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The Stand-Ins

In the dream
the swastika is neon
and flashes like a strobe light
into my eyes, all colors,
all vibrations
and I see the killer in him
and he turns on an oven,
an oven, an oven, an oven,
and on a pie plate he sticks
in my Yellow Star
and then
then when it is ready for serving—
this dream goes off into the wings
and on stage The Cross appears,
with Jesus sticking to it
and He is breathing
and breathing
and He is breathing
and breathing
and then He speaks,
a kind of whisper,
and says . . .
This is the start.
This is the end.
This is a light.
This is a start.
I woke.
I did not know the hour,
an hour of night like thick scum
but I considered the dreams,
the two: Swastika, Crucifix,
and said: Oh well,
it doesn't belong to me,
if a cigar can be a cigar
then a dream can be a dream.
Right?
Right?
And went back to sleep
and another start.

poem by Anne SextonReport problemRelated quotes
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Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed

(Kinky Friedman)
You uppity women I don't understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
You'd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning you're out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your Maiden Form for Lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman that's ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin' him that he's wrong.
Eve said to Adam, ?Here's an apple you horse?
And Delilah defoliated Samson's moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
And your coffee makes my hair turn green.
So damn emancipated in your mind and your body,
Gonna have to cancel all your lessons in karate.
If you can't love a male chauvinist
You'd better cross me off your shopping list.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.

song performed by by Kinky FriedmanReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Words Get Stuck In My Throat

If I had a tiny microphone
Hidden in my heart
It would amplify my love for you
But the words get stuck in my throat
The words get stuck in my throat
If I had a little viewmaster
Stuck inside my brain
It would snap the pictures all of you.
But the words get stuck in my throat
The words get stuck in my throat
If I had a telegraph
Tapping in my brain
It would tap the morse code I love you.
But the words get stuck in my throat
The words get stuck in my throat
Hey, hey, hey
Whatd I say?
Everyday!
The words get stuck in my throat (repeating)

song performed by by DevoReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Words Get Stuck In My Throat (live)

If i had a tiny microphone
Hidden in my heart
It would amplify my love for you
But the words get stuck in my throat
The words get stuck in my throat
If i had a little viewmaster
Stuck inside my brain
It would snap the pictures all of you.
But the words get stuck in my throat
The words get stuck in my throat
If i had a telegraph
Tapping in my brain
It would tap the morse code "i love you."
But the words get stuck in my throat
The words get stuck in my throat
Hey, hey, hey
What'd i say?
Everyday!
The words get stuck in my throat (repeating)

song performed by by DevoReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Split Seconds

SPLIT SECONDS
Open your eyes
Take a look around you
You light me up
Like I'm some kind of saint
If black and white
were the only colours
if you and I
were the only ones
Trying to buy some time
I'd try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I'd try to buy split seconds
I open my eyes
and fear it 's not the last time
You set me up
like I'm some kind of fool
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy
the scars to prove that
we're not the only ones
the scars to prove that
I am
that I am
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy some time
I try to buy split seconds
Trying to buy
Trying to buy

song performed by by ZeromancerReport problemRelated quotes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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