Jerry Springer
Its been one week since we got to see
Cheatin lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That Ive been watchin a bit too much jerry springer
Holy cow, dyou see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl
Became a total free-for-all
And jerrys in the middle tryin to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here comes jerrys next guest
And its a slugfest
cause its her trailer trash brother
Nymphomaniac is back on crack
Its like when animals attack
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, thats how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver
Theyre always swearin, cursin, kickin butt, and pointin blame
On the air? they dont care, theyve got no shame
There was one guy who Im sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts
Its been one week since they had the fight
With the siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still havent got the blood off the wall
Its been three days since the bitter fued
Between the kkk and that gay jewish black dude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
Im spendin way too much time on that jerry springer
Guy guest : baby, Ive been sleepin with your sister
Gal guest : oh? well, which one?
Guy guest : all of them
Gal guest : oh! well, Ive been sleepin with your best friend jake!
Guy guest : yah? well, well me too!
Gal guest : oh!
Guy guest : and Ive sleepin with your dog woofie!
(barking)
Gal guest : woofie, you b-tch!
Gal guest : well, Im also sleepin with your pet goat!
(baaahhing)
Guy guest : that goat doesnt love you!
Once you start watchin, theres just no stoppin
Your brain shuts down, then your iqs droppin
Jerrys the king of confrontation
Hes a sensation
He puts the sin in syndication
Its totally worthless, like a bad check
Its like a train wreck
Dont wanna stare but you cant look away
Like sally jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin higher everyday
If youve seen the show, well then you know
Its just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and theyre lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then its boom
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen
Well its the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin hair, throwin chairs at their hubbies
Jerry! jerry! now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my tv? I just cant
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one
Its been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some losers wife said shes shtill dating twenty guys
Three days wince he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That Ive been watchin a bit too much jerry springer
Tired of wastin my time on that jerry springer
Ive got way too much class to watch jerry springer
Come over here and pull on my finger
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
My friend Jerry Falwell was the one who said it, and he was a guest on my show, and it's hard to take the blame for everybody who shows up on your show.
quote by Pat Robertson
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Treat your guest as a guest for two days; on the third day, give him a hoe.
Treat your guest as a guest for two days -- then on the third day give him a hoe.
Timber Ho!
Im gonna pull this timber 'fore the sun go down
Get it 'cross the river 'fore the bars come down
Drag it on down that dusty road
Come on jerry, lets dump this load
I said timber, ho!, timber, woah this timbers gotta roll
I said timber, ho!, timber, woah this timbers gotta roll
My old jerry was an arkansas mule
Been everywhere and he aint no fool
Weighed nine hundred and twenty-two
Done everything a poor mule can do
(chorus)
Jerrys shoulders stood six foot tall
Pulled more timber than a freight could haul
Workin heavy old jerry got sore
Pulled so much he couldnt pull no more
(chorus)
The boss said jerry and it made him jump
Jerry ran and kicked the boss on the rump
My old jerry was a cool mule
Had it been me I woulda killed that fool
Boss tried to shoot old jerry in the head
Jerry took that bullet and he stomped him dead
Stomped that boss til he heard him scream
Sure dont care he was so damn mean
(chorus 2x)
song performed by by Phish
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I ended up living at OJ's because Nicole bought a home that no longer had a guest house. OJ offered his guest house to me. Anybody in LA looking for a place knows the best places to live are guest houses.
quote by Kato Kaelin
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In the end we're all Jerry Springer Show guests, really, we just haven't been on the show.
quote by Marilyn Manson
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Jerry
Jerrys jelling at the man in the moon
Hes right outside of my window
He acts like a madman from time to time
I hope he brings it to a crescendo soon
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Jerry rides his skateboard down the street
Hes thirty-seven yeras old with six children
He sees the world through a ten year old boys eyes
He doesnt even notice that its raining outside
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
But sometimes he cries
He wants me to console him
But I know hes lying about
Everything he told me
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Says he prayed to suffer the consequences
What is his penalty for his immaturity
Will he be cast into eternal darkness
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
Jerrys yelling at the man in the moon
song performed by by John Mellencamp
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Guest Is 'Trouble
There is a guest and a host
child and servant,
eternity and vanity,
The guest is trouble.
In sickness, health is the host
he gives way to sickness
that the power of truth is depicted
the guest is 'trouble'
In pain, comfort is the host
who concedes the pain
that the vanity of darkness is depicted
the guest is 'trouble'
In death, life is the host
who gives way to death
that the power of resurrection is shown
the guest is 'trouble'
Life is eternal, death is a moment.
health is a fruit, sickness is a leaf
that falls from a tree of life.
They soon wither and waste away.
Be strong, it's not too long
the guest will leave.
and the host will have it all
The guest is 'trouble'
poem by Timothy muggaga
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The Uninvited Guest
(music: marillion lyrics: steve hogarth & john helmer)
You may not recall the moment that you asked me
But your invitation was clear
Youll pretend youve never met me
But its far to late
Now Im here
Cause Im the one who knows what scares you
Im the one who loves you best
Im the thirteenth at the table
Im the uninvited guest
Im the banquo at your banquet
Im the cuckoo in your nest
Im your fifteen stone first-footer
Im the uninvited guest
I was there when you said insincere I love yous
To a woman that wasnt your wife
And I fronted you the money
That you ran away and blew
On the biggest regret of your live
Cause Im the one who knows what scares you
Im the who loves you best
Im the thirteenth at the table
Im the uninvited guest
Im the banquo at your banquet
Im the cuckoo in your nest
Im your new years resolution
Im the uninvited guest
Im the face you hoped youd never see
But always knew you would
Im the one thing you knew you shouldnt do
But did because you could
Im the evil in your bloodstream
Im the rash upon your skin
And you made a big mistake alright
The day you let me in
And you can fly to the other side of the world
You know youll only find
Ive reserved the seat behind you
We can talk about old times
Cause Im the one who knows what scares you
Im the who loves you best
Im the thirteenth at the table
Im the uninvited guest
Im the banquo at your banquet
Im the cuckoo in your nest
Im your fifteen stone first-footer
Im the uninvited guest
Im you new years resolution
Im the uninvited guest
song performed by by Marillion
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It's just a show. It's not the end of Western Civilization. It's chewing gum.
quote by Jerry Springer
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I do like to live in other people's homes. I enjoy being a guest. I am an inexpensive guest. When one lives in another's home he can enter into the psychic kingdom of that person.
quote by Jerzy Kosinski
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But also, the guest workers program, it's quite often misused, meaning people could come in as part of a guest workers program and after two weeks in the fields, they'd run off to do every other kind of job that isn't covered by a guest workers program.
quote by Dana Rohrabacher
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A Pair Of Sneakers Bemoan Never Having A Day Off
When you were a baby a sleepin in your cot
Your feet were too small to fit us all
You could barely crawl in your wee teeny socks
And so I sat qute content in the loft
enjoying the freedom of endless days off!
But now you are grown to seventeen stone
You never give me a rest
Once your tootsies are in
I don't get a look in
As your feet rarely leave me alone
Once I was the guest
Now enslaved to your feet
All day I expand and I squeak!
For fourteen hours a day
I just can't get away
From the rot and the sweat of your feet
Why not wear sandals when the Sun shines so hot?
It's not a scandal to give me a rest
When you pick up the pace
I often grimace
As you 'stroll in your shorts and your vest
Once I had a say once I was the guest
Now this smelly affair is my lot
Don't you know it's a treat to walk in bare feet
And give me a well earned day off!
poem by Yvette Smith
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Raging wind
As an uninvited guest
alongside the whisperer
not minding who was there
you showed fury and anger,
you lifted and threw things
this unwanted guest,
went away with properties
and left them as trailmarks,
swept through with bulls anger
mad raging storm,
you claimed lives..
Oh! how wicked you are
a wind so cruel....
making many scream in total dismay
and running to seek solace,
don't show you face again
as many will keep running from you...
poem by Edwina Aleme
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Guest
Guest came and returned back
I am unlucky not able to know
And slept.
Guest came and returned back
I lost all the beauty and richness
That I have kept.
Guest came and returned back.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
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It is equally wrong to speed a guest who does not want to go, and to keep one back who is eager. You ought to make welcome the present guest, and send forth the one who wishes to go.
The Time Before Death
Friend? hope for the Guest while you are alive.
Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think... and think... while you are alive.
What you call 'salvation' belongs to the time
before death.
If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
just because the body is rotten --
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now,
you will simply end up with an apartment in the
City of Death.
If you make love with the divine now, in the next
life you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
Believe in the Great Sound!
Kabir says this: When the Guest is being searched for,
it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest
that does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.
To be a Slave of Intensity
Friend, hope for the guest while you are alive.
Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think...and think...while you are alive.
What you call 'salvation' belongs to the time before death.
If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think
ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
Just because the body is rotten -
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now,
you will simply end up with an apartment in the City of Death.
If you make love with the divine now, in the next life you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
Believe in the Great Sound!
Kabir says this: When the guest is being searched for, it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.
Friend, Hope For The Guest While You Are Alive
Friend, hope for the Guest while you are alive.
Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think... and think... while you are alive.
What you call 'salvation' belongs to the time
before death.
If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think
ghosts will do it after?
The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
just because the body is rotten—
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now,
you will simply end up with an apartment
in the City of Death.
If you make love with the divine now, in the next life
you will have the face of satisfied desire.
So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
believe in the Great Sound!
Kabir says this: When the Guest is being search for,
it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest
that does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.
Kill Jerry Garcia
Im not gonna choke on your hard sell media dope
Im not going out like that
I dont want to hear about the summer of love
Im not going back in time
I dont want to even let love rule
I want to break the back of brotherly love
I dont want to go back in time
I wanna kill jerry garcia!
I wanna take the past and throw it away
I want to burn the bridge between then and now
Im not going back in time
I wanna kill jerry garcia!
I dont want to sew the seeds of love
I want to punch marty balin in his eye
I dont wanna go back in time
I wanna kill jerry garcia!
(man, I dont have a quarter, leave me alone)
Dont want no dead blood on my hands
I wanna shake the flesh and bone
I dont wanna kill the myth
I wanna kill jerry garcia!
I wanna kick that skeleton in his teeth
Id wanna kick pigpen if he were alive
I dont want to go back in time
I want to kill jerry garcia!
Kill jerry
song performed by by Everclear
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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