Battered From The War of Delusion

My needs.
That's what they are.
For too long,
I kept them captivated...
With an absence I ignored.

My desires were explored,
In dreams and wishes.
I allowed my needs to be evaluated.
To become incompleted!
Depleted...
To live as others believed I should.
To be there with an empathy disposed,
By others quick to display insincerety.
At my expense.
I was not expected to have sense enough.

To listen and not be heard.
To care for those thoughtless...
How I spent my days.
Whether sick or crazed.
What my feelings were did not faze them at all.
I was not suppose to show them.
Or feel them below the surface of my skin.
As if I was wrapped and packaged with pretense.
I had been connected to something,
To them made no sense.
Offended I became to an ignorance.
This had to end...
With a defending against such offensiveness.

And when I announced my needs were mine...
I could not find anyone to agree,
But me.
I declared them my priority.
As well as my life!
I was called selfish.
Knowing within me I was right!
And without a fight...
I agreed and gathered my emotions.
And I set into motion my needs.

My search for happiness ended.
I had it to give.
But so few had that to offer.
They were there to pleasure others...
As if I had no other reason to live.
But to be there for them!
And no one here for me...
To encourage and restore,
An energy seeping.

That has all been changed,
When peace of mind found me!
With needs no longer questioned to identify.
No explanations to qualify or kept denied.
They were simple and scattered all over the place.
I stopped trying to find them.
With a disgrace embraced and welcomed.

And that's when they all came back...
Intact!
Battered from the war of delusion,
That I could live without my needs being pleased!
Self absorbed?
Definitely!
Apologetic?
Only God knows how much this is deserved.
And yes...
I have the nerve to confess,
I am happy!
With no ego to prove my contentment.
Or deeds done to validate involvement to prove...
Sacrifices of commitment.
Those battles have been documented!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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