This Offer Is Unrepeatable
Dont send any money!
Fate has no price
Ignore at your peril this splendid advice
An invaluable link in an infinite chain
An offer like this will just not come again
You wish you had women to charm and bewitch
Power of life and death over the rich young girls will be swooning
Because youre exciting them
And not only fall at your feet but be biting them
Guaranteed, guaranteed to capture your breath
Or just possibly scare you to death
Sign it and seal it and send it to friends
But dont mention my name
Dont make any long term plans
In thirty-six hours your fortunes will change
Your best friends wont know you
And neither will strangers
Do not keep this letter
It must leave your hand
You have been selected from over five thousand
A twister or dupe will bamboozle or hoodwink you
I cant say more it would only confuse you
The wine that they offer will go to your head
And youll start to see double in fishes and bread
Guaranteed, guaranteed for a lifetime or more
Guaranteed, for this world and the next
Guaranteed, guaranteed for the world and its mother
Cherish this life as you dont get another one
Unless you should take up this fabulous offer
Dont leave it too late or youll be bound to suffer
And woebetide anyone so woebegone
You wont know youre born or about to pass on
Youll never get tired
Youll never get bored
By the way I just hope youre insured
And if youre not satisfied
If you want more
We can always provide an improved overture
Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
This offer is unrepeatable
Your trouble will vanish
Your tears will dry
Your blessing will just multiply
Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
This offer is unrepeatable
Guaranteed, guaranteed to bring fortune and favor
In a riot of colours, (a variety of) and flavours
Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable
This offer is unrepeatable
Would I lie to you? would I sell you a dud?
Just sign on the line. could you possibly write it in blood?
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Money Back Guarantee
By: jimmy buffett, michael utley, will jennings
1983
One day youll be glad I came around
I may be the best thing you have found
Aint much you can count on in this town
I swear Im speaking from my heart
And I want let you down
Chorus:
My love is guaranteed
Youre never going to see the end of me
Ive got all you need
Like a ginsu knife or a bamboo steamer
Late-night t.v. hawk-eyed screamer
Youll be the coffee Ill be the creamer
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaranteed
I just do my best to stay alive
Got a junked out car but you should see me drive
Racing down st. charles avenue
Aint got much but what I got
Will sure be good for you
Chorus:
My love is guaranteed
Youre never going to see the end of me
Ive got all you need
Like a ginsu knife or a bamboo steamer
Late-night t.v. hawk-eyed screamer
Youll be the coffee Ill be the creamer
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaranteed
Flyin down the highway of my dreams
You will find my crazy love
Is always what it seems
Chorus:
My love is guaranteed
Youre never going to see the end of me
Ive got all you need
Like a ginsu knife or a bamboo steamer
Late-night t.v. hawk-eyed screamer
Youll be the coffee Ill be the creamer
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaranteed
Im money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, (money back) money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaran...
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaran...
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Guaranteed
Dont play this game with me
You know you came to be my world
When times were bad enough
Seems I was good enough
You run out my door
You come back, and beg for more and more
Just like the times before
Youll always be
Guaranteed a place inside my heart
I would never forget a single thing
Always be a martyr to your heart
Then youll never regret a single thing
You think I just dont care (just dont care)
The fact is, I could not bear (could not bear)
To lose this kind of loving touch (I love your touch)
Would you be bothered much?
You had so much planned (so much planned)
So take time to understand (understand)
My reasons for pulling you back to me (back to me)
Youll always be
Guaranteed a place inside my heart
I would never forget a single thing
Always be a martyr to your heart
Then youll never regret a single thing
You hide so many years
(hide away)
You cried so many tears
(cried away your tears)
You think I just dont realise
(now I realise)
One thing Ive come to know
(if you stay)
This pain will surely go
(all the way with me)
So soon before your very eyes
Guaranteed a place inside my heart
I would never forget a single thing
Always be a martyr to your heart
Then youll never regret a single thing
Guaranteed a place inside my heart
I would never forget a single thing
Always be a martyr to your heart
Then youll never regret a single thing
Guaranteed . . .
song performed by by Level 42
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Come Through
Baby, baby I dont understand
I hope you never take a swing across town
That would leave me stranded
Oh, little honey pie
Theres a lot of people lonely
Ive had a few of them scratchin my back
Wantin to control me
And they say only fools believe
Anything is guaranteed
But when I need you baby you come through
When I need you baby you come through
Oh baby nothin will console me
I could use somebody scratchin my back
Honey will you hold me?
Cause I could never quite believe
Anything is guaranteed
But when I need you baby you come through
When I need you baby you come through
Heaven knockin on your door
Oh whats the matter baby
I guess thats what friends are for
Baby, baby Im about to lose it
Little girl it isnt easy
Can you get me through it
Cause they say only fools believe
Anything is guaranteed
But when I need you baby you come through
Oh when I need you baby you come through
When I need you baby you come through
When I need you baby you come through
song performed by by Tom Petty
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Main Attraction
There's a light
At the end of the tunnel
It's rock and roll
There's no fight
Words into action
Your life is your own
The tarp is rising
Take the thunder
And show us your home
I say
We celebrate it
We generate it
The main attraction
Satisfaction guaranteed to rock the chains that bind you
Oh whoa-whoa!
You can fate
Your time has come
To feel the need
Don't be safe
The sky is the limit
No need to retreat
So take your best shot
And place your bet on what you know
(God can tell you)
The stage is set now
You've got to know how
For
The main attraction
Satisfaction guaranteed to rock the chains that bind you
The main attraction
Your reaction guaranteed to leave your tracks behind you
In the end
We'll stand in the spotlight
We are the show
(Here we go)
We'll defend
Here's our performance
It's all we know
We capture the moment
Power and glory is ours to hold
(And you never let go)
It's a celebration
The instigation
It's
The main attraction
Satisfaction guaranteed to rock the chains that bind you
The main attraction
Your reaction guaranteed to leave your tracks behind you
Main attraction
Satisfaction
The main attraction
Your reaction
song performed by by Quiet Riot
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If someone wants to transmit a high-quality service with no interruptions and 'guaranteed this, guaranteed that,' they should be willing to pay for that.
quote by Edward Whitacre, Jr.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Acid Queen
(p. townshend)
Producer: robert stigwood and ken russel
Albums: acid queen (76), tommy soundtrack (76), the collected recordings (94)
If your child aint all he should be now
This girl will put him right
Ill show him what he could be now
Just give me one night
Im the gypsy, the acid queen
Pay me before I start
Im the gypsy and Im guaranteed
To mend his aching heart
Give us a room, close the door
Leave us for a while
You wont be a boy no more
Young, but not a child
Im the gypsy, the acid queen
Pay me before I start
Im the gypsy, Im guaranteed
To tear your soul apart
Gather your wits and hold them fast
Your mind must learn to roam
Just as the gypsy queen must do
Youre gonna hit the road
My works been done, now look at him
Hes never been more alive
His head it shakes, his fingers clutch
Watch his body writhe
Im the gypsy, the acid queen
Pay me before I start
Im the gypsy, Im guaranteed
To break your little heart
If your child aint all he should be now
This girl will put him right
Ill show him what he could be now
Just give me one more night
Im the gypsy, the acid queen
Pay me before I start
Im the gypsy, Im guaranteed
To tear your soul apart
song performed by by Tina Turner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Social Security has never failed to pay promised benefits, and Democrats will fight to make sure that Republicans do not turn a guaranteed benefit into a guaranteed gamble.
quote by Nancy Pelosi
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Macy's Day Parade
Today's the Macy's Day Parade
Night of the living dead is on it's way
With a credit report for duty call
It's a lifetime guarantee
Stuffed in a coffin "10% more free"
Red light special at the mausoleum
Give me something that I need
Satisfaction guaranteed to you
What's the consolation price?
Economy sized dreams of hope
When I was a kid I thought
I wanted all the things that I haven't got
Oh but I learned the hardest way
Then I realized what it took
To tell the difference between thieves and crooks
Lesson learned it was me and you
Give me something that I need
Satisfaction guaranteed
Cause I think 'bout a brand new hope
The one I've never known
Cause now I know it's all that I wanted
What's the consolation price?
Economy sized dreams of hope
Give me something that I need
Satisfaction guaranteed
Cause I think 'bout a brand new hope
The one I've never known
And where it goes
And I'm thinking 'bout the only road
The one I've never known
And were it goes
And I'm thinking 'bout a brand new hope
The one I've never known
Cause now I know it's all that I wanted
song performed by by Green Day from Warning
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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T.L.C A.S.A.P
T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
Alabama
Album: Cheap Seats
Well my muscles ache and my feet are sore
Thank God it's Friday and it's almost four
And time to hit the door
I'm gonna spend the weekend on the lake
We've been working over-time and we need a break
And Honey I can't wait
We know how to spell relief
Got a good old-fashion recipe
A little T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
A little R & R for you and me
A guaranteed rat race remedy
A little T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
Bring a book to read and a change of clothes
Well I packed a cooler and a Coleman stove
And the radio
We can love in the moonlight hours away
While the crickets play
Well we work real hard six days a week
Honey this is something we both need
A little T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
A little R & R for you and me
A guaranteed rat race remedy
A little T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
A little T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
A little R & R for you and me
A guaranteed rat race remedy
I need T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
R & R for you and me
T.L.C.A.S.A.P.
R & R for you and me
song performed by by Alabama
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There's a lot we can do to improve American's retirement security, but it's wrong to replace the guaranteed benefit that Americans have earned with a guaranteed benefit cut of forty percent or more.
quote by Harry Reid
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Raw Power
(pop/williamson)
(burp)
Dance to the beet of the living dead
Lose sleep baby and stay away from bed
Raw power is sure to come a runnin to you
If youre alone and you got the shakes
So am I baby and I got what it takes
Raw power wlll surely come a running to you
Raw power got a healin hand
Raw power can destroy a man
Raw power is more than soul
Has got a son called rock and roll
Raw power nohey just wont quit
Raw power I can feeeeeel it
Raw power baby cant be beat
Qpin eyes and flashin feet
Everybodys always tryin to tell me what to do
Dont you try
Don t you try to tell me what to do
Look in the eye of the savage girl
Fall deep in love in the underworld
Raw power is sure to come a runnin to you
If youre alone and you got the fear
So am I baby lets move on out of here
Raw power is sure to come a runnin to you
Raw power got a magic touch
Raw power is much too much
Happiness is guaranteed
It was made for you and me
Raw power honey just wont quit
Raw power I can feel it
Raw power honey cant be beat
Get down and kiss my feet
Raw powers got no place to go
Raw power honey
It dontwantto know
Raw power is a guaranteed o.d.
Raw power is laughin at you and me
And this is what I wanta know
Can you feeeeeel it
Can you feeeeeeeeel it
Can you feeeeeel it
Can you feeeeeeeeeeeel it
Raw power! raw powwwwwwer!
Raw power! raw powwwwwwwwer!
Can you feeeeeeeeeeeel it
song performed by by Iggy Pop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Midnight Man
By dickey betts, warren haynes
Copyright 1991 sony music entertainment, inc.
Transcribed by ed luskey
Got my snake skin britches, alligator shoes,
Money in my pocket, and a memphis attitude.
Wear my downtown stetson with a silver on the crown,
When I get started rolling baby, there aint no slowin me down.
Im your midnight man, guaranteed to love you like nobody can.
Im your midnight man, if you dont know by now, somehow Im gonna make you understand,
Im your midnight man and I love you till the daylight babe.
Got my six shooter, gonna shoot it up in the air,
If it feels real good, I might shoot it just everywhere.
Got my best mojo, and my hoochie coochie too,
Gonna put it all together gonna get after you
Im your midnight man, guaranteed to love you like nobody can.
Im your midnight man, if you dont know by now, somehow Im gonna make you understand,
Im your midnight man and I love you till the daylight babe.
One things for certain since I been foolin with you,
My reputations hurtin and I dont know what to do.
All of my little downtown girls, say Im wasting time,
There aint no use to fight it, I just cant get you outta my mind.
Im your midnight man, guaranteed to love you like nobody can.
Im your midnight man, if you dont know by now, somehow Im gonna make you understand,
Im your midnight man, and I love you till the daylight babe.
Hey, midnight, midnight man.
song performed by by Allman Brothers Band
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Love Is Our Business
Dont' need a vacation to get work off our minds
Me and my baby we beg for overtime
We'd stay on the clock 'round the clock if we could
Love is our business and business is good
Love is our business and business is booming
It don't seem like work 'cause we love what we're doing
Satisfaction guaranteed and that's understanding
Love is our business and business is good
We keep climbing higher on the ladder of success
Who'd want to retire with benefits like this
Don't even close on Christmas even though we know we should
Love is our business and business is good
Love is our business and business is booming
It don't seem like work 'cause we love what we're doing
Satisfaction guaranteed and that's understanding
Love is our business and business is good
Yeah, love is our business and business is booming
It don't seem like work 'cause we love what we're doing
Satisfaction guaranteed and that's understanding
Love is our business and business is good
Satisfaction guaranteed and that's understanding
Love is our business and business is good
song performed by by John Michael Montgomery
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sure Thing
Baby why you wanna waste your time
On just a pretty face
She changes guys with the mood of the day.
Save yourself a heartache.
Take a look
Im waiting in the wings
A good long look
cause what you got comin is a
Sure thing
Sure thing
One-hundred-percent guaranteed love thats true
Just for you.
No way your heart can lose.
On a sure thing.
Well Im not gonna switch form hot to cold
Play those little tricks youre always gonna know
Just where you stand
Ill be on your right hand.
You wont miss those run-around flings
Make your wish
cause what you got comin is a
Sure thing
Sure thing
One-hundred-percent guaranteed love thats true
Just for you.
No way your heart can lose.
On a sure thing.
Im not putting my hopes on a might or maybe
But one plus one would make a wild pair
Whaddaya say?
Baby ...
What you got comin is a
Sure thing
Sure thing
One-hundred-percent guaranteed love thats true
Just for you.
No way your heart can lose.
On a sure thing.
What you got comin is a sure thing.
You and me baby is a sure thing.
Sure thing ...
Sure thing.
song performed by by LeAnn Rimes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Scared Of Girls
An introverted kinda soul,
The earth did open,
Swallow whole,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Her next of kin who lived in sin,
Was asking God to let her in,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Im a man, a liar,
Guaranteed in your bed,
I gotta place it on the rack,
Got a place inside it,
Got a place inside it,
Got a place inside it,
An extroverted kinda girl,
Did tour the world with mc5,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Her younger sister, had a blister
Where I kissed her on her thigh
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Careenin,
Im a man a liar
Guaranteed in your bed,
I gotta place it on the rack,
Got a place inside it,
Im a man a liar
Guaranteed in your bed,
I gotta place it on the rack,
Got a place inside it,
Got a place inside it,
Got a place inside it,
Im a man a liar
Get into your bed,
I gotta place it on the rack,
Got a place inside it,
Im a man a liar
Guaranteed in your bed,
I gotta place it on the rack,
I got a place inside it,
Im a man a liar
Guaranteed in your bed,
I gotta place it on the rack,
Got a place inside it,
Got a place inside it,
Got a place inside it.
song performed by by Placebo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One Broken Heart
Young girl you really did believe in him
Still he broke your heart with lies
Youve got to be stronger, the pain,
It wont last much longer
Dont lose respect for yourself, no
Sweet young thing,
No, dont lose your head
Or by the time youre seventeen
Youll be waking every morning
With a stranger in your bed
One broken heart,
I know it cuts like a knife
But one broken heart
Is no reason to give up on life
Girl, be waiting, be anticipating
For that new love to come along
And one broken heart, youll survive
So sad,
You lived for and now youre dying for love
But you wont find it, like that
No peace and calm,
In the strength of a strangers arms
Baby wake up to yourself
Love aint guaranteed, no,
But it sure is worth a new start
Or by the time youre twenty-one
Youll be lying in a strangers bed
Dying from a broken heart
One broken heart,
I know it cuts like a knife
But one broken heart is no reason to give up on life
Girl, be waiting, be anticipating
For that new love to come along
And one broken heart, youll survive
And Im hoping, Im really hoping
That sweet love will come your way
To mend one broken heart, youll survive
One broken heart, youll survive
One broken heart, youll survive
song performed by by Rick Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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This Is Love
This is love
This is pain disguised as a dream
Memories
Are guaranteed to break your heart.
Look at me
I woke up and found me alone
I wonder
If youll ever think of me.
I wont cry
Now youre gone
I wont cry.
I should take
Your picture
From the wall.
This is love
Whats it for?
It takes everything.
song performed by by Gary Numan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ice Cream Man
(dedicate one to the ladies...)
Now summertimes here babe, need somethin to keep you cool
Ah now summertimes here babe, need somethin to keep you cool
Better look out now though, daves got somethin for you
Tell ya what it is
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Oh my my, Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Hold on a second baby
I got good lemonade, ah, dixie cups
All flavors and push ups too
Im your ice cream man, baby, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Hold on, one more
Well, Im usually passin by just about eleven oclock
Uh huh, I never stop, Im usually passin by, just around eleven oclock
And if you let me cool you one time, youll be my regular stop
All right boys
I got good lemonade, ah, dixie cups
All flavors and push ups too
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
See now all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Yes Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
Ah, one time
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
Im your ice cream man, stop me when Im passin by
They say all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfy
One time, boys
Im your ice cream man
Im your ice cream man
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-baby
Ah my, my, my
All my flavors are guaranteed to satis-uh-fy
Ow
song performed by by Van Halen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sumthin For Nuthin
Foolish bride call me up, beg to scratch her itch
Rich old man got the needle, slipped and dropped a stitch
Name the time, name the price leave you door unlocked
Ill bring a toy guaranteed to put the spring in your shock
Sumthin for nuthin
Gigolo sounds so cold, call me teachers pest
Twice a day, double pay, at my trade Im the best
Never late, watch her watch seconds on the clock
Overtime, break my back, slip and fall in the crack
Sumthin for nuthin
Well in and out, its never free
Sumthin for nuthin
Leave the money where its easy to see
She plays the role of a roving matriarch
Diamond rings, fancy things, dubonnet on the rocks
For a treat gave it free--happy 63
Crazy days, easy money--i was just 16
Easy money for such a good deed
Sumthin for nuthin
Ya, in and out is never free
Sumthin for nuthin
Satisfaction guaranteed
Sumthin for nuthin
Target practice in the dark
Sumthin for nuthin
Im a crack shot on the mark
And I love my work
song performed by by Motley Crue
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tell Me
Ive got it
Ohh, Ive got it
Ive got it
[verse 1:]
There
Aint no need
To call your friends
And tell them youll be out
Hangin at the club tonight
Baby cant you see
That Ive been working out
My bodys tight
I can make you feel
Happy and so nice
Just tell me what you desire
Want me to swing from a pole?
Ive got you
If you want me baby to make you warm
Ive got you
If you wanna see my thongs up high
I can do it right
If you want a little private dance
Ive got you
If you want it baby with romance
Ive got you
If you want a little mnage e trois
Baby, thats too far
[chorus:]
Tell me
What
You
Want
Tell me
What
You
Need
Satisfaction is
Guaranteed
[repeat]
[verse 2]
There aint no need
To stay out late
There aint no need to lie
Cause Im waiting home for you baby
Just tell me what you need
Ive got company
And toys and things
To set the mood tonight
Your wish is my command, sugar
Just tell me whats your fantasy
Want me to swing from a pole?
Ive got you
If you want me baby to make you warm
Ive got you
If you wanna see my thongs up high
I can do it right
Ooh, if you want a little private dance
If you want it baby with romance
Ive got you
If you want a little mnage e trois
Baby, thats too far
[chorus:]
Tell me
What
You
Want
Tell me
What
You
Need
Satisfaction is
Guaranteed
[repeat]
[bridge:]
Ive got it
Ohh, Ive got it
Ive got it
All that you want
Babe, Ive got it
Yes indeed
Just come home to me
Baby cant you see
All that you want
Babe, Ive got it
Please believe
Just put your trust in me
Baby cant you see
[chorus:]
Tell me
What
You
Want
Tell me
What
You
Need
Satisfaction is
Guaranteed
[repeat until end]
song performed by by Toni Braxton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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