Tricks of the Trade
Never ask a question unless you need
to be lied to even it you already know
the answere.
(really dry martini dry humor)
poem by Is It Poetry
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Related quotes
A Drink With Something In It
There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish I had one at present.
There is something about a Martini,
Ere the dining and dancing begin,
And to tell you the truth,
It is not the vermouth--
I think that perhaps it's the gin.
poem by Ogden Nash
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mya's Martini
Martini the little shitsu was cute as can be,
Wagging his tail so carefree.
by the ocean with good friend Suzy.
Now he was very aware,
for when he got scared,
he hid under Mya’s desk
and there he would rest,
his head on Mya’s small feet,
then he’ld look up for a treat.
“Now why did you name him Martini? ”
I asked Mya quizzically one day.
Then Mya turned her head to say,
“Well, this is the story Sue Chevalier,
“Martini was named after the club
where people like to dance,
I met my husband Ron
there by circumstance.”
Now all 3 of them live together by the sea,
these are my sweet memories of
the Shitsu dog named Martini.
Written by Christina Sunrise on Feb.7,2011
poem by Suzae Chevalier
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mya's Martini
Martini the little shitsu was cute as can be,
Wagging his tail so carefree.
by the ocean with good friend Suzy.
Now he was very aware,
for when he got scared,
he hid under Mya’s desk
and there he would rest,
his head on Mya’s small feet,
then he’ld look up for a treat.
“Now why did you name him Martini? ”
I asked Mya quizzically one day.
Then Mya turned her head to say,
“Well, this is the story Sue Chevalier,
“Martini was named after the club
where people like to dance,
I met my husband Ron
there by circumstance.”
Now all 3 of them live together by the sea,
these are my sweet memories of
the Shitsu dog named Martini.
Written by Christina Sunrise on Feb.7,2011
poem by Christina Sunrise
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Art of Humor
The parody, the comic
The irony, the slapstick
The comedy, the joke
There are many names of humor
A little flirt, a bit sway
A random bait, a strike catch
A prick of crack, a needed pain
So far we go just for humor
Because it is fun, because it is crazy
Because it is refreshing, because it brings laugh
Lightening the mood, building emotion
Always use humor in a good way
The situation, the mimic
The trap, the surprise
The movement, the style
Only human could understand humor
The witty question, the innocence answer
The spontaneous expression, the awaited performance
The dilemma, the mistake
Everything could turn into humor
To tease, to distract
To criticize, to attract
To break the ice, to open the gag
Don't take humor too serious
In critical condition, in awkward moment
In relaxing time, in happy hour
In strange fact, in life experience
Do you know that God also has a sense of humor?
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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They Lied...
they lied to you...
lied to you about Vietnam.
lied about JFK,
about Bobby Kennedy,
about Martin Luther King.
they lied about trade agreements,
about global warming,
about oil spills,
about mining disasters,
about nuclear power.
they lied about 9/11,
about Iraq, and weapons
of mass destruction.
they lied about Afghanistan,
they're lying about Iran.
they lied about Wall Street,
about the national debt.
they lied yesterday,
and they're lying today.
when are we going to quit
believing in the lie?
poem by Eric Cockrell
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Suicide
Martini on the rocks
Spilled over the tabletop
Wetting the Oakwood
Like a chemical spillage
Another stunned moment
The vacant chairs
Wondered, why on earth
The spill ever took place
No one has attended to the beverage
Since the long leftover
If someone had needed someone
To feel lively, then the Martini
Shouldn't have spilled out
And abandoned without an enthusiast
Damage has been done indiscriminately
Nothing was perfect
When nothing went wrong
The Martini was just another victim
Of circumstances
Ironically, the other patrons
Were too high to notice
The mishaps
Two hours later
A headline ripped apart the nation
A young body of a woman
Was cut into two, under the train
With a note miraculously attached
‘Martini, my love needs a u-turn ‘
poem by Sulaiman Mohd Yusof
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Dog Named Martini
Martini the little shitsu was cute as can be,
Wagging his tail so carefree.
by the ocean with good friend Suzy.
Now he was very aware,
for when he got scared,
he hid under Mya's desk
and there he would rest,
his head on Mya's small feet,
then he'ld look up for a treat.
"Now why did you name him Martini? "
I asked Mya quizzically one day.
Then Mya turned her head to say,
"Well, this is the story Sue Chevalier,
"Martini was named after the club
where people like to dance,
I met my husband Ron
there by circumstance."
Now all 3 of them live together by the sea,
these are my sweet memories of
the Shitsu dog named Martini.
Written by Suzae Chevalier on Feb.7,2011
poem by Suzae Chevalier
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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What If
I can't find the rhyme in all my reason
Lost sense of time and all seasons
Feel I've been beaten down
By the words of men who have no grounds
Can't sleep beneath the trees of wisdom
When your ax has cut the roots that feed them
Forked tongues in bitter mouths
Can drive a man to bleed from inside out
What if you did?
What if you lied?
What if I avenge?
What if eye for an eye?
I've seen the wicked fruit of your vine
Destroy the man who lacks a strong mind
Human pride sings a vengeful song
Inspired by the times you've been walked on
My stage is shared by many millions
Who lift their hands up high because they feel this
We are one We are strong
The more you hold us down the more we press on
What if you did?
What if you lied?
What if I avenge?
What if eye for an eye?
[Guitar Break]
I know I can't hold the hate inside my mind
'Cause what consumes your thoughts controls your life
So I'll just ask a question
A lonely simple question
I'll just ask one question
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
What if you did?
What if you lied?
What if I avenge?
What if eye for an eye?
What if your words could be judged like a crime?
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
What if? What if?
What if? What if?
What If I?
song performed by by Creed from Human Clay
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dont Play That Song
Dont play that song
Performed by: mariah carey
Written by: b nelson, a ertegun
Dont play that song for me
cause it brings back memories
Of days that I once knew
Those days that I spent with you
Oh no dont leave me
cause it fills up my heart with pain
So please stop it right away
cause I remember just what he said
He said darling I love you
But I know that he lied
Darling I need you
Know that you lied
Darling I love you
Darling you lied
Lied
You lied to me
Hey mister
Dont play it no more
Dont play it no more
I cant stand it
Dont play it no more
No more, no more, no more
I cant stand it
I remember on our first date
He kissed me and he walked away
I was only seventeen
I never dreamed hed be so mean
He told me darling I love you
But baby baby you lied
Darling I need you
You lied
Darling I love you
Darling you lied
Lied
You lied to me
Oh darling
Darling I love you
You know that you lied
Darling I need you
Baby I know that you lied
Darling I love you
Darling you lied
Lied
You lied to me and hurt me
Darling you lied
Dont play it no more
No baby
Dont play it no more
Dont do it
Dont play it no more
cause I cant stand it no more
song performed by by Mariah Carey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Richard Nixon lied to gain love, to shore up his grandiose fantasies, to bolster his ever-wavering sense of identity. He lied in attack, hoping to win and always he lied, and this most aggressively, to deny that he lied.
quote by Fawn M. Brodie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rabiteen
He said that he would stay forever
forever wasn't very long
He said that he would take the high road
He thought that I was always wrong
Cause when he lied it meant he loved me
And when he lied it meant he cared
And when he lied it meant he loved me
Cause when he lied it meant that he was there
He said that he would go his own way
wrapped up my leg and down my spine
He said that he would be the fairest
Drenched in blood and turpentine
Cause when he lied it meant he loved me
And when he lied it meant he cared
And when he lied it meant he loved me
Cause when he lied it meant that he was there
I am never going back I don't care what he said
I wish he could see the hate in my head
I am never going back I don't care what he said
I wish he could see the hate in my head
I am never going back I don't care what he said
I wish he could see the hate in my head
I am never going back I don't care what he said
I wish he could see the hate
He said that he would tell no secrets
He said that he would never lie
He said that he would spring eternal
He said that we would never die
Cause when he lied it meant he loved me
And when he lied it meant he cared
And when he lied it meant he loved me
Cause when he cried it meant he cared
Cause when he lied it meant he loved me
And when he lied it meant he cared
And when he lied it meant he loved me
Cause when he lied it meant that
he was
he was
he was
He was there
song performed by by Jack Off Jill from Clear Hearts Grey Flowers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Lied For A Good Reason
My words used to mean a lot
But they don't mean much anymore
Because I lied to you about some things
You need facts and proof now
Because I lied to you about it
When you asked me a question
About what I was doing
I did it to protect you
So I wouldn't break your heart
But ended up breaking it anyways
By lying to you about it
I need you to know
I did it so you wouldn't
Have to stay up late at night
Wondering if I was gonna make it home safe
Even though your mad right now
I know you'll forgive me in time
Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
quote by Victor Borge
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dont Play That Song
Dont play that song for me
cause it brings back the memories
Of the days that I once knew
Of the days that I spent with you
Oh no, dont let it play
It fills my heart with pain
Please stop it right away
cause I remember just what it said
It said, darling
You know that you lied
Boy, you know that you lied
You know that you lied
You lied, you lied, you lied
Remember on our first date
You kissed me
Then you walked away
And I was only seventeen
I never dreamed that he could be so mean
Oh darling, dont you play no more
Dont you dare play that song
You know you lied
Ohh
song performed by by Kelly Clarkson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Surrender
I lift my hands up, towards a merciful heart,
holding this fearful cup,
that can be filled with rightuousness,
My eyes are rising high,
they have reached to the sky,
asking every question why?
why should I die! ?
why should I cry! ?
I lied! I lied! why should I lie?
A lie in my life is like a shirt with a tie,
tying a tie that makes a neck fail to sigh,
My life is lost when I lost my File.
poem by Dickson Mseti
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Morning Humor
Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
I am a waiter and I am a server
Ill run to your needs with strength and fervor
In times when you are wasted I will walk in
Through the door, pick you from the floor
Then watch you grow into a man
With a big burly beard
And a mustache to match
Ill watch you love the world
And all that it has...
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
I am on top again, soon to be low again
Oh will this ever end?
Im sorry I dont mean to sound like a whale
Trapped in the ice, but aint it nice to say exactly
What I please...
With a big toney voice or a
Soft mellow voice or the
Loud boisterous voice of an opera, opera lady!
With that morning humor,
Morning humor
The kind that wakes you up.
The kind thats in my blood
Morning humor, morning humor, yeah...
But the joke that kills
Is just a joke to you
You need some...
Slippery jack, no more turning back,
All around, morning humor
The kind that wakes you up
The kind thats in my blood...
Morning humor...
song performed by by Live
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dirty Martini
Two in the morning there's a drink in my hand
(Dirt, dirt, dirty Martini)
Nothing moving the place but sweat
I heard a rumour 'bout a Cajun band
(Dirt, dirt, dirty Martini)
The bartender says it's early yet
Wait the bartender says it's early yet
Too many olives in too much gin
Steppin' out in the City of Sin
Too much dirty rice and too many beans
Gettin' down and dirty down in New Orleans
Gettin' down and dirty down in New Orleans
Have another, i believe i will
(Dirt, dirt, dirty Martini)
And you can stir it with a dirty spoon
There's a perscription i've gotta fill
(Dirt, dirt, dirty Martini)
And the Doctor's gonna be here soon
Jimmy says the Doctor's gonna be here soon
Too many olives in too much gin
Steppin' out in the City of Sin
Too much dirty rice and too many beans
Gettin' down and dirty down in New Orleans
Gettin' down and dirty down in New Orleans
song performed by by Joe Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tell Me Why
Tell me why you cried, and why you lied to me
Tell me why you cried, and why you lied to me
Well I gave you everything I had
But you left me sittin on my own
Did you have to treat me oh so bad?
All I do is hang my head and moan
Tell me why you cried, and why you lied to me
Tell me why you cried, and why you lied to me
If theres something I have said or done
Tell me what and Ill apologize
If you dont, I really cant go on
Holding back these tears in my eyes
Tell me why you cried, and why you lied to me
Tell me why you cried, and why you lied to me
(hey!)
Well Im begging on my bended knees
If youll only listen to my pleas
If theres anything I can do
cos I really cant stand it, Im so in love with you
Ohhhhhh!
(is that all? I thought there [...].)
(there was.)
(you did very well.)
(brian...)
(papa-oom-mow-mow? )
(right.)
(papa papa papa.)
(wheres an e? )
(I forget [...]. brian, you [...] before? )
(ah, papa-oom-mow-mow.)
(is there an e there? )
(ah, papa...)
(ten more minutes, brian.)
(papa. mama. ah, ah. is that it? )
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Who Knows What I Did But Its Funny
Maybe is humor
Who
Laughs now.
Who is to say
how many more times
one is to be erase
from ever been.
Funny is reason
Where none seem apparent
But Who is to understand humor
better than Who understands laughter
Who knows
Who cares
Is humor Who laughs now.
poem by Gengis Capote
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You Should've Lied
(Matraca Berg/Angelo)
Should've known you'd come around
Did your conscience bother you?
Well, I guess I forgive you now, but that's all that I can do
Ain't nothing lonely as the truth
Chorus: You should've lied to me baby
You should've tried just a little bit harder now baby
You see my pride has been talking to me lately
And you can't come back, you can never come back
I won't stand another woman
You should've lied
You overestimated me
Thinking I would understand
Believing that your honesty
Would make me see a bigger man
Was that all part of your plan
(Repeat Chorus twice)
You should've lied
You should've lied to my baby
You should have lied
(Repeat Chorus)
song performed by by Lee Ann Womack
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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