Toupee or not toupee
I lost a lot of hair and I wore a toupee.
But a freak gust of wind blew it off my head yesterday.
I couldn't afford a new toupee so I wore my cat on my head.
I thought it would fool people but it made them laugh instead.
When I saw that people knew that my cat wasn't a toupee, my face turned red.
That darn cat scratched, bit and even shit on my head.
poem by Randy Johnson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Purple Toupee
I remember the year I went to camp
I heard about some lady named selma and some blacks
Somebody put their fingers in the presidents ears
It wasnt too much later they came out with johnsons wax
I remember the book depository where they crowned the king of cuba
Now thats all I can think of, but Im sure theres something else
Way down inside me I can feel it coming back
Purple toupee will show the way when summer brings you down
(purple toupee when summer brings you down)
Purple toupee and gold lame will turn your brain around
(purple toupee and gold lame)
Chinese people were fighting in the park
We tried to help them fight, no one appreciated that
Martin x was mad when they outlawed bell bottoms
Ten years later they were sharing the same cell
I shouted out, free the expo 67
Till they stepped on my hair, and they told me I was fat
Now Im very big, Im a big important man
And the only thing thats different is underneath my hat
Purple toupee will show the way when summer brings you down
(purple toupee when summer brings you down)
Purple toupee and gold lame will turn your brain around
(purple toupee and gold lame)
Purple toupee is here to stay after the hair has gone away
The purple brigade is marching from the grave
Were on some kind of mission
We have an obligation
We have to wear toupees
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jealousy
She wore braids in her hair
every single day.
Not because she wanted to.
It was her mother's way.
She braided them so tightly.
She thought her head would break.
Sometimes just the thought of them
would make her poor head ache.
'Why can't I have my hair
flowing down my back?
Her mother's frown would let her know
to try some other tact..
'Mother can we cut it
just above my shoulder? '
the answer that was given was
'Not until you're older.'
And so she wore her hair like this.
She never wore it down.
When at night she unbraided it
she looked just like a clown.
She knew she would cut it
the very next day
right in front of her mother
to see what she would say.
Her mother watched and sat down
and had a cup of tea.
Her mother simply said
'Now you're more beautiful than me.'
poem by Edwina Reizer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Pretty Woman was the easiest job I've ever done. I just wore the right toupee.
quote by Hector Elizondo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My first course came and I put down my book, and I just happened to put up my hand to scratch my head and discovered that my toupee had been blown by the wind and was folded over backwards on the top of my head!
quote by Derek Jacobi
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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As Bald As My Boot (Fun Poem 79)
I woke up one morning
my hair all over the pillow
where my head should be.
I looked in the mirror
and was shocked at what confronted me.
My head was as bald as my boot.
My wife screamed, “We’ll have none of that! ”
She then started combing like mad
our poor old cat.
“I’m going to make you a toupee.”
Now whenever my hair gets wet
I start smelling like something
that popped out of a smelly old dustbin.
She never did say which end the hair came from,
the front or the rear.
I’ll leave you to guess that little bit of fun.
23 May 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Aging Gracefully
You asked if I'd still love you if you lost all of your hair
Your baldness seems a tragedy: you want more fullness there.
It's strange the way we always wish for what we seem to lack
And anything that goes away is what we'd welcome back.
But hair-well that might be a different story all together
We grow it long or cut it short depening on the weather.
In time, it seems to him there's no such thing as too much hair
She spends her evenings waxing and goes shopping for more Nair.
It really is amusing as we old folks go to bed
She has too much; he has too little hair upon his head.
Perhaps a doctor may invent a way we all can win
By building him a grand toupee with hair plucked from her chin.
poem by Suzanne McNamee
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Poor old Harry!
Harry looked in his mirror
and he didn't like what he saw
his hair was thin and Grey
in fact he didn't have a lot anymore.
Although he was now in his fifties
he wanted to appear trendy and young
so when he noticed his thinning locks
it upset him because he was highly strung.
So he decided to change his look
and he went and bought himself a wig
Harry began to dress like a teenager
and pumped Iron to build muscle real big.
His wife thought that he'd gone mad
or he was having a secret affair
but Harry thought he looked great
especially with his new dark hair.
He felt like a young man again
as he danced at the disco every Saturday
but one night he slipped a disc in his back
and a strong wind blew his toupee away.
So no longer could he lift any heavy weights
and he couldn't afford another costly wig
then all that muscle turned to fat
and he grew large and very big.
So Harry decided to just age naturally
but alas things didn't go according to plan
sadly his wife had her own mid-life crisis
and she ran off with a much younger man!
poem by Kevin Halls
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Shes Goin Bald
Silken hair, more silken hair
Fell on her face and no wind was blowin
(shes goin bald)
Silken hair, more silken hair
Lay near her pillbox down at her feet
(shed been on a trip)
I peeked in and when I saw shed
Lost her hair I thought I would keel
(shes goin bald)
When she saw her shining forehead
Didnt stop she swooned to the ground
(really flipped her wig)
Laughed so hard i
Blew my mind
I blew my cool
I blew myself over
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Sha na na, sha na na na na na na na na
What a blow
Sha na na, sha na na na na na na na na
What a blow
Sha na na, sha na na na na na na na na
What a blow
Sha na na, sha na na na na na na na na
What a blow
Sha na na, sha na na
She drew her comb acrost her scalp
And brushed what she had left
I tried to salvage what I could
And threw it in a sack
She made a b-line to her room
And grabbed all kind o juice
She started pourin it on her head
And thought itd grow it back
Ah ha haaaaaa
Youre too late mama
Aint nothin upside your head
No more no more no more no more
Upside your head
Too late mama
Aint nothin upside your head
No more no more no more no more
Upside
Upside your head
Youre too late mama
Aint nothin upside your head
No more no more no more no more
(what about it, dude? )
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Never Wore A Gun Before
Never wore a gun before
A plane in the fog, oh wait those are clouds Im talking about
The suitcase in my hand and the way I have to walk
Those are empty smiles, empty eyes Im looking in
Times are over when it was difficult to say
It took some time but I know its just right now
So just a little word about whats really going on
If you want to take that as my way
To say goodbye to you as these red nights must go on
I was rich and I was poor
Didnt do the things I had to do
I was strong and I was weak
Was not the girl I tried to be
I was lost and I was found
He earned money you couldnt count
But I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
He left the chamber but these times are over
Shes got
Shes got more than four weeks to be herself
Hes playin with fire and looks around on this world
Oh I love them and the plane in the fog
I was brave and I had fear
I did things...oh my dar
I was strong and I was weak
Was not the girl I tried to be
I was up and I was down
He thought the things to the ground
But I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
Never wore a gun before
I was brave and I had fear
I did things...oh my dear
I never wore a gun before
I was brave and I had fear
I did things...oh my dear
I was strong and I was weak
Was not the girl I tried to be
But I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
Never wore a gun before
song performed by by Wonderwall
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Never Wore A Gun Before
Never wore a gun before
A plane in the fog, oh wait those are clouds Im talking about
The suitcase in my hand and the way I have to walk
Those are empty smiles, empty eyes Im looking in
Times are over when it was difficult to say
It took some time but I know its just right now
So just a little word about whats really going on
If you want to take that as my way
To say goodbye to you as these red nights must go on
I was rich and I was poor
Didnt do the things I had to do
I was strong and I was weak
Was not the girl I tried to be
I was lost and I was found
He earned money you couldnt count
But I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
He left the chamber but these times are over
Shes got
Shes got more than four weeks to be herself
Hes playin with fire and looks around on this world
Oh I love them and the plane in the fog
I was brave and I had fear
I did things...oh my dar
I was strong and I was weak
Was not the girl I tried to be
I was up and I was down
He thought the things to the ground
But I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
Never wore a gun before
I was brave and I had fear
I did things...oh my dear
I never wore a gun before
I was brave and I had fear
I did things...oh my dear
I was strong and I was weak
Was not the girl I tried to be
But I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
I never wore a gun before
Never wore a gun before
song performed by by Wonderwall
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Exhale
She took my breath away
just by her being near
Her long red ginger hair
Her dangerous curves, her sparkling pair
of eyes that chanced to look my way
Just as the wind snatched my toupee
(That knocked the wind out of my sail)
That left me paunchy, bald and pale.
I guess I might as well exhale.
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Eyes In Back Of My Head
Early this morning I am outside walking along the trail-
The wind blows my hair about-
Covering THE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD-
I cannot see for the moment but I can feel-
I can feel the vibrations of heavy footsteps
Pounding against my brain in another gust of wind
Blowing my hair about- giving way to the
EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD-
I recognize the intruders who wish me harm.
Early this morning
I walk along the trail- I am in danger-people are following me
One, two and three-I count the footsteps-
Four five six- I see the people-
Evil conniving and threatening- behind me and
Seven, eight, nine more slowly walking in front of me-
My anger overwhelms me and the bitter cold wind
Only exacerbates my homicidal impulses-
I am dressed to kill these people who
Walk slowly ahead of me- space invaders
Whose footsteps are retaliating and
THE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD-
Envision the whole world behind me-
Early this morning- I think of the gun shop I walked by downtown yesterday-
Ready to murder, I am- seething with rage-
Early this morning, I am walking along the trail-
I do not feel safe- I have lost my destination and
My sanity is precarious- people are all around me and
I am dressed to kill the entire multitude-
I have EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD- I believe, and
As I count the people before me and behind me, and
As the cold wind blows my hair about- I know that
THE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD are protecting me and
Perhaps are keeping me safe and now I know that it is
THE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD whom are my saviors -
Bringing back memories of nightmarish delusions of
Threatening people in my past being God- I have no destination and
THE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD are my friends- and
My delusions, as others call them- are my saving grace.
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Raindrops Falling On His Hair
The people standing all around
That slight limp body on the ground.
It shouldn’t be allowed you know
Said one old lady, even though
I think they bring it on themselves
They start on drugs when they're just twelve
They never have a chance it seems
Of having childlike childhood dreams.
I blame the parents, said her friend
They were not with her at the end
Nor were they there much in her life
If only someone else had tried
To bring her up a decent way
That’s really all I have to say.
The crowd dispersed and standing there
Raindrops falling on his hair
Stood one sad man sad man indeed
Seeming that he couldn’t leave
He wore the clothes of lonely men
Eyes heavy with abandonment
He wore the weight of someone frail
He wore the look of someone failed.
Then he knelt down and kissed the air
It was his daughter lying there.
19 September 2004
poem by David Keig
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This movie is a toupee made up to look like honest baldness.
quote by Pauline Kael
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Daffodowndilly
She wore her yellow sun-bonnet,
She wore her greenest gown;
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down.
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbour:
'Winter is dead.'
poem by Alan Alexander Milne
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Freak!
Freak
Theres a hole in me thats ten feet wide
Theres a window come and look inside
Tell me everything you see
Because some very strange things have been happening to me
To he rhythm of the rain Im exploring the pain
I slip and slide my own way through
Now I feel like Im having a ball
But Ive got a head full of nothing at all
Im a ... freak
The people come and people say
Another day just thrown away
Freak
You listen up to whats been said
Shake those dreams from your sleep head
Freak
Its getting harder to be me
I feel like Im a refugee
Freak
Youre looking for someone to blame
That freak of natures here again
Im thrilled to discover there is a lot to forget
Ive done so many things Ill never regret
The time has come to hesitate
Ive got to make a move so I think Ill wait
I know Im not stupid but I just cant see
Why everybody thinks theres something wrong with me.
Theres nothing in this world can alter my direction
I need to be a freak for my own protection
Freak
The people come and people say
Another day just thrown away
Freak
You listen up to whats been said
Shake those dreams from your sleep head
Freak
Its getting harder to be me
I feel like Im a refugee
Freak
Youre looking for someone to blame
That freak of natures here again
Listen now and listen to me
This is more or less the way it will be
Youre an x and Im a y
Just take a look up to the sky...
Around this planet shining bright
Im just a lonely satellite
Im as far away as far can be
Im scared of the 21st century
Freak
The people come and people say
Another day just thrown away
Freak
You listen up to whats been said
Shake those dreams from your sleep head
Freak
Its getting harder to be me
I feel like Im a refugee
Freak
Youre looking for someone to blame
That freak of natures here again
song performed by by Heaven 17
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Some Choose to Dye Quickly
It gets a little bit harder,
To expand upon one's tolerance...
As the hair begins to gray.
Growing older,
Sometimes isn't done with patience.
And the thrill of each day,
Comes when staying as far away...
From the sounds of nonsense.
Arriving at this stage of one's life,
Needs no definition...
Of what peace is like.
It gets a little bit harder,
To expand upon one's tolerance...
As the hair begins to gray.
Some choose to dye quickly,
Every sign of getting older.
With a permanence wished to sustain.
Hair, eyebrows, moustaches and beards.
Expecting Mother Nature from them to disappear.
As if no one recognizes...
Every movement done they do is slower.
And a once proud vision...
Is not as clear.
'Hey Pops!
Hold up your head.
Don't dropp that toupee.'
~Is that suppose to be funny?
Well,
It isn't.
You, you, you...
Whatever! ~
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Lady Wore Black
On a lonely walk this morning
A light mist in the air
Dark clouds laughing at me in silence
Casting shadows through my hair
In the distance I saw a woman
Dressed in black with eyes of grey
She wore her pain like a shackled spirit
Eternal life was her debt to pay
The lady wore black
Its the sign of the prisoners lives
The lady wore black
See the years through the tears in her eyes
The lady wore black
Her mystic power calls to me
The lady wore black
Her love can set me free
The wind song whispered a warning
Telling me to beware
Of the quiet shadowed woman
And of the sadness I would share
We sat together for sometime together in silence
Never speaking in words
Of all her thoughts she spoke with her eyes
And I listened remembering all I heard
The lady wore black
Its the sign of the prisoners lives
The lady wore black
See the years through the tears in her eyes
The lady wore black
Her mystic power calls to me
The lady wore black
Her love can set me free
The words she spoke were of forgotten lives
And of all knowledge gained
Memries I had and didnt know why
With a smile she explained
I should have listened to the winds cold warning
And walked the other way
I touched her soul and now I bear her sentence
But for her love Ill gladly pay
The lady wore black
Its the sign of the prisoners lives
The lady wore black
See the years through the tears in her eyes
The lady wore black
Her mystic power calls to me
The lady wore black
Her love can set me free
song performed by by Queensryche
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dick Lips
Please mom
you ground me all the time
I know that I was right all along
And I'm hoping
Remember I'm a kid
I know not what I did just havin' fun
couldn't wait
for something new
and yesterday
I thought of you
It left me to think as if I couldn't walk away
it's too late
I fell through
Nothing to lose
a boy who went out when he finished all his chores
nothing to do
They can't trust me
because i blew it once before
Shit dad
Please don't kick my ass
I now I've seen you trashed at least one time
Can i blame it
on one of my dumb friends
it's been awhile since I've used that line
You couldn't wait
for something new
and yesterday
I thought of you
It left me to think as if I couldn't walk away
it's too late
I fell through
Nothing to lose
a boy who went out when he finished all his chores
nothing to do
They can't trust me
because i blew it once before
(alright)
Nothing to lose
a boy who went out when he finished all his chores
nothing to do
They can't trust me
because i blew it once before
song performed by by Blink 182 from Dude Ranch
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Can You Hear Them?
So sick and tired of living
And so afraid to die
I've lived so many lives
And still I wonder why
The way the world perceives me
Is not the way I am
The one half thinks I'm crazy
The other thinks I'm mad
I spent a long long time alone in my room
I need your help to get me out of this gloom
Can you hear them
All the voices in my head
They freak me out
Can you hear them
They won't be happy 'till I'm dead
They freak me out
Ten thousand million nightmares
Temptation by the score
I used to get so high
And still I wanted more
You think my time is wasted
In search of who I am
I tried to so hard to kill
The boy inside the man
I spent a thousand years one night in my room
I've lived so many lives and that is my doom
Can you hear them
All the voices in my head
They freak me out
Can you hear them
They won't be happy 'till I'm dead
They freak me out
Can you hear them
All the voices in my head
They freak me out
Can you hear them
They won't be happy 'till I'm dead
They freak me out
I never thought I'd smile again
Always thought I'd be here on my own
Sometimes when I'm down
You come and save me again
And again
And again
And again
I'll never understand it
It makes no sense at all
Just look at what I've done
It's time to count the score
I've spent a long long time alone in my room
I need your help to get me out of this gloom
Can you hear them
All the voices in my head
They freak me out
Can you hear them
They won't be happy 'till I'm dead
They freak me out
Can you hear them
All the voices in my head
They freak me out
Can you hear them
They won't be happy 'till I'm dead
They freak me out
song performed by by Ozzy Osbourne from Down To Earth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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