Small legendery joke
Maori fella walks into a dairy and asks for a tin of cat food. Indian dairy owner says 'Oh no - I am hearing about you Maori fellows and how you put cat food into pastry and call it meat pie. Please bring cat into shop for me to see and you can have cat food'. Maori fella says 'oh man, I don't even know where the cat is right now - probably chasing birds.' Indian dairy owner says 'No cat, no cat food'.
Maori fella sulks away from shop. Same guy comes in a week later and asks for a tin of dog food for his dog. Indian dairy owner gives him the same run down, 'No dog - no doggy food'. Maori fella is really upset and storms off. He comes back a couple of days later with a big plastic bag and slams it on the counter. The dairy owner says 'Oh what is this being please' and opens the bag and is overcome by the foul stench which from the now open bag. Maori fellah says, 'It's a bag of sh*t man, I want some toilet rolls! '
poem by Racina Rodriguez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Overweight with Food
Are you just a tub of lard and
Vastly overweight?
Do you think that when you die you'll
Need a piano crate
To act as coffin for your frame? -
Chosen as you die in shame, with
Only you to take the blame
For years of eating much the same:
A daily calorific fest
Gourmands of your ilk digest!
Is your heart in final fling and
Nearly set to burst?
Are your arteries bunged and clogged and
Feeling now the worst
For wear? - your aneurysm fit to blow
While blood as thick as rising dough
Cries 'Halt! ' to any hope of flow:
A dreadful state to put on show
In front of any nurse!
Best you hail a hearse.
Copyright Mark R Slaughter 2009
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
Oh! Food food food food food food food foooooood!
poem by Mark R Slaughter
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Craving A Taste Of Kiwi
last night I lonesome had
irresistible urge to eat kiwi
craving a taste of kai kiwi
the earth is giver of all life
from the soil comes food
native foods New Zealand
that same food is cooked
in oven beneath the earth
but expatriate here will find
no hangi traditional feast
nor any food of home forest
stream sea or gardens kiwi
years since eaten white bait
fresh silver jewels of Buller
River in my far home town
kumara tasty potato sweet
no traditional delicacies
grace my table no hangi
cooked meat vegetables
placed on bed hot stones
in bottom of dug hangi
hole no birds fish kiwi
wild herbs roots mixed
no food cloth covered
before mound of earth
traps heat around food
Maori tourism visitors
eat as guests hangi food
no taewa tutaekuri pass
lips deep purple potato
no rewena pararoa pass
lips potato Maori bread
my father puha gathered
a leafy vegetable green
to be found growing wild
after heavy Buller rains
kowhitiwhiti watercress
also smiling he harvested
greenlip mussels off rocks
at seashore neap low tides
greenlip mussels I ate
as kuku patties paua
from mother of pearl
shells in far away land
poem by Terence George Craddock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Salad is Incompatible with Life
Yes, my waist is fifty inches -
Big for me because I'm short.
And yes, I like my cheddar cheese
When partnered with a vintage port.
Okay, okay, that double cream
Is always served with pud,
And cake and biscuits with my tea
Are just no bloody good
For my poor hardened arteries,
But see my point of view,
Please dear wifey if you please,
A Salad makes me spew!
I'd rather eat a bowl of air
Than crunch away on greens;
Drink water from the toilet bowl
Or nibble on my jeans!
But salad! Are you there?
You know it makes me snappy -
So let me fill my face with grub,
Stay fat, and die young happy!
Copyright Mark R Slaughter 2009
food food food food food food food food food
food food food food food food food food food
food food food food food food food food food
food food food food food food food food food
poem by Mark R Slaughter
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Syrup Sponge
Pour a pint of cream
Upon my spongy bulge!
Scoop me with a
Hefty spoon;
Taste my essence -
Do you swoon?
Feed your self-esteem; indulge
In me until you burst -
Death by syrup sponge - you're cursed!
And as the count in inches gain
Upon your weary waist, the strain
Will tell, but you'll not care -
Steeped in sponge, you're unaware!
Copyright © Mark R Slaughter 2010
food food food food food food food
food food food food food food food food
food food food food food food
food food food food food food
poem by Mark R Slaughter
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I do love Italian food. Any kind of pasta or pizza. My new pig out food is Indian food. I eat Indian food like three times a week. It's so good.
quote by Jennifer Love Hewitt
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Take The Rope From My Throat That I May Sing My Song Children Of Mokomoko
I’m a Pakeha! I’m a Pakeha! I’m a Pakeha!
To you!
To me.
I’m a kiwi.
Jump up and down! Jump up and down! Jump up and down!
Knock heads off stone statues!
Spray paint emblems of Britannic Queen.
Banter! Banter! Banter! Racist Slogans!
Frog march in gardens!
Decapitate under trees.
Shit on land you claim as yours!
I can tell you really respect it!
Best land management policy!
Pakeha and extinct Moa!
Make all nation’s children everyone
learn Maori at school.
Learn!
Anything?
You never did.
Show some real Maori mana!
Traditional Full-Face Tattoo!
Wear it with leather-jacket boots tribal patch.
Go on. Kick my head in!
I know you want to!
Idyllic days.
Before Pakeha
came and spoilt everything.
Maori all mates together.
Left.
And then?
There’s no white one.
For you to eat.
Left each other.
Just the way it used to be.
Cook’em in a hungi in the ground with hot smouldering stones.
Perfect. Yum Yum. Pork. Pakeha (meaning white pig) .
Those Nineteenth Century Pakeha.
They were too tough.
And these twentieth century ones.
Too fat and lazy.
They don’t do anything.
They can’t
have
no Maori rights.
See.
We are.
One people.
New Zealanders. (Not by Law Couzie Bro. You got de extra rights!)
On your racist census forms.
Where it says
Pakeha (meaning white pig) / European.
I know.
It doesn’t. Represent!
Mean me!
I’m
Not Pakeha.
I’m
Not European.
I write other!
Born here! Birthright?
But them very bad white land appropriators don’t belong here!
Any more. (Ignore Pakeha blood in your own veins!)
This land is ours. Is ours. Is ours.
Non-Maori second-class leeches on our land.
Without freedom. (Exorcism Pakeha blood out of Maori veins!)
Of speech. (Make peace with yourself. Own warring internal blood lines!)
Word Pakeha gives me a belly-ache.
I haven’t got a belly-full
of beer on doll-dollars!
My belly.
Is full.
Of Coffee.
Pounding Ulcer Points.
Stick it down your own throat.
I want to sing my song.
Copyright © Terence George Craddock
This poem references specifically one of many 1990’s Maori Land Protests.
Quote from Urban Dictionary. “Generally translated as referring to a white or pale appearance, pakeha has been variously described as meaning white pig, white maggot, or even white ghost, which may be in reference to the pakepakeha, a pale-skinned forest-dwelling people of pre-European Maori mythology.”
Quote from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. “Pakeha, pronounced 'Land-stealing-honky-bastards', is a common New Zealand Maori food. It is an introduced species, that arrived on sailing ships, around 1770, and began taking over the land. It has been deemed a pest, and while sometimes lovable and cuddly, some of the species are arrogant and aggressive. Pakeha is a food best served with Puha, a form a thistle, and kumara, a sweet potato.”
poem by Terence George Craddock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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This was a dairy cow, and dairy cows have IDs on them. The ID was traced back to the farm in Washington. It's a dairy farm. And that farm now has been quarantined, and the owners have been very cooperative in doing that.
quote by Ann Veneman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Some food
Some food is
Medicine...
Medicine is some food...
Some food is poison...
Some food is Tenson...
Some food is Fear...
Some food is lovely...
Some food is Bland...
Some food is sweety...
Some food is spicy...
Some food is nothing...
Food is not only food
A good eatable medicine...
At only some food...
Some food...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Food For Everything!
Meals are the food for the body;
Knowledge is the food for the mind;
Meditation is the food for the spirit;
Music is the food for the love of heart;
Dreams are the food for the consciousness;
Prayer is the food for the Almighty;
Love is the food for the living heart;
Thoughts are the food for the brain;
Colourful ink is the food for the pen;
Ideas are the food for the stories;
Truth is the food for the will;
Sun’s energy is the food for the plants;
Plants are the food for the living beings;
But one man’s food is another man’s poison!
poem by Ramesh T A
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Food is god
Food is god
for poor people...!
God is not
Only food...
Rich home
Dog is eat
Nice food...
That food is god...?
yes that also
A god...
Good food is
God...
What is good food...?
Given good health
Always good food...
So...
Non veg
Or veg...
Every good food
Is god...
Simply sit
Silentely eat food
With out hot
And cool drinks...
Food is not only
Poor's god...
With each and
Every one also
food is god...
Give respect and
Take food...
Happley too try too
Thank for god...!
poem by Otteri Selvakumar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Kind Of Fella I Am
Well I dont like it when I see your eyes dartin
Back and forth across the room
And I dont like it when I see you doin dances
Baby that I aint used to
Chorus:
But thats the kind of fella I am
Thats the kind of fella I am
Im a jealous kinda fella
And I might fall in love with you
Im a jealous kinda fella
And I just might fall in love with you
Hey
Well I dont like it when you try to impress me
With your daddys jewels and his car
And I dont like it when I hear you talkin
bout your ex-boyfriend the movie star
What I like is when you walk me home
And you let me hold you tight
But I dont like it when I hear that you learned
All this from some other guy
Chorus:
But thats the kind of fella I am
Thats the kind of fella I am
Im a jealous kinda fella
And I might fall in love with you
Im a jealous kinda fella
And I just might fall in love with you
Hey
So look out
Chorus:
But thats the kind of fella I am
Thats the kind of fella I am
Im a jealous kinda fella
And I might fall in love with you
Im a jealous kinda fella
And I just might fall in love with you
Hey
song performed by by John Mellencamp
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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2010/08/31 Book Of Secrets
Took Nici to a hairdresser to plan a hairstyle
for the ball, then visited a novelty shop and
found a fairy dairy in pink that recreated all
my auric dreams, a three-dimensional fairy
within a string of pearls, flowers, coloured
glitter, silver ink reflecting the light
Though the key is stuck without turning, it is
the prettiest fairy picture I have ever seen, I
shall lock up all my favourite poems in it, it
shall be my book of secrets, I shall treasure
it, a reminder of that beautiful dress I saw at
the dressmaker, fuelling dreams
I must find a way to take the dairy everywhere
I go on earth, I never want to be without this
enchantment again, I adore this dairy as I have
never adored anything before; bought coloured
notebooks in the past, but nothing like this, it is
glorious to be in possession of real magic
The most wonderful, bewitching blend of the
the sublime…
poem by Margaret Alice
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Food
Food food food
All are here for food
All evolve from food
All act for food
All think about food.
All know no food
No existence.
Food come from rain
Rain ensues from sacrifice
Sacrifice rooted
In prescribed action
Prescribed action
Originate from knowledge
Knowledge proceed from you
You my dear not destructible.
So long as you are there
Food is there
You are all pervading
You are infinite
I the finite
Long for you
Through the food
Supplied to me
Only by you
And the food
Itself you.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Taste Of Food
In food is a certain quality of taste,
May they abstain and be erased.
For food manages my godly life,
Just as the fish manage with strife.
In this food, in that food we collapse
And honour a feast with some gaps.
The food we eat as dinner shall be kind
To the sleep we carry throughout the mind.
What food do you cook with expertise?
Fish and meat will certainly cease!
poem by Naveed Akram
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Eatin Food
eatin food
eatin food
eatinf food
eatin food to swallow sadnees
eatin food to make happienes
eatin food to satisfy
eatin food instead of gettin high
eatin food to be eatin food
and thats why im eatin food.
poem by Pablo Sanchez
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To Seek Food
Hunger is to seek food,
Food has one eye and one ear.
The food we abstain from are the heads,
The food is caring over us, and we maintain
Our lives with the food of the day.
Liquors are taken as food,
With a brain too bright,
A table and a cook is required,
Forming my life as a whole.
poem by Naveed Akram
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Though my present be small, my love goes with it.
When a net is worn out, it is thrown away on the shore.