Raccoons
In my spare time I’ve become a trapper
Raccoons are ruining my roof
(Gnawing through the tarpaper.)
They made a hole just the right fit
So big a neighbor’s cat climbed through it
I borrowed a trap from a neighbor, soon
And trapped three raccoons
A possum, a cat
And a rat
My assistant had a tie pin made out of a raccoon’s penis bone
It’s the only animal that has an appendage like stone
So in jest, I promised a raccoon to my assistant
For a birthday present
A stuffed raccoon I placed in the trap
And took it to lunch without mishap
You should have seen his face
When I walked through the door of the dining place
The cage held at arm’s length for safety it’s supposed
And the animal crouched as if escape intended
After the joke unfolded
And my assistant, properly befuddled
Got a new tie clasp
poem by Sidi J. Mahtrow
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Related quotes
Rocky Raccoon-ish
Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of chicago
There lived a young boy named rocky raccoon…….(The Beatles)
Road Kill was all I wanted to have my tantalizing taste buds taste,
Raccoon, all the raccoons seemed to die waste,
Along Farm Rd.275 North or I-75 or I-94 or Highway 11,
To the gamey diner raccoon is like chicken but more it’s heaven.
Alice’s brother said to me “Didn’t you eat ‘coon before? ”
I replied “They don’t prepare the ‘coon in Hamtramck.”
But in Michigan, downriver from Detroit, they serve muskrat.
Muskrats and raccoons they’re all road kill,
I thought about and stated we eat lobster, shrimp and crab.
Which are the cockroaches and spiders of sea,
So why not, have some road kill,
you may find out that is your cup of tea.
So is the Captain and Tennille going for this delicacy?
(1-21-2008)
poem by Joe Rosochacki
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Then I usually leave the choice of the second assistant director and any other assistant directors to the first assistant director, who will choose because he or she is responsible for the conduct and the efficiency of the second assistant directors.
quote by John Frankenheimer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Cat and my Hat
I have this little Bengal
Who is a kind of Angel
He watches me all Day
Makes sure I don't go Astray
But my Little Cat
Is in Love with, my Raccoon Hat?
They sit together all day Long
As if nothing could go Wrong
They love each other So
If only the Cat would Know
That the raccoon Hat
Is not, 'another Cat'!
poem by David Darbyshire
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Dr. Luther's Assistant
Everything seems so tranquil
Home movies with no subtitles
Don't you wish you knew what they were sayin'
When the film keeps playin', playin' ?
Oh, he's doctor luther's assistant
He'll close in when he seems so distant
Doctor luther's assistant
He'll get on top of you when you lower your resistance
Some say he is just a lackey
Changing words while the ink is still tacky
He's absolutely indispensable
He keeps the other boys in suspense
Oh, he's doctor luther's assistant
He'll close in when he seems so distant
Doctor luther's assistant
He'll get on top of you when you lower your resistance
Luther is locked in a broken-down cinema
Watches his wife with his video camera
Sees his best boy makin' her grin
Out of the kitchen, she's gone with the wind
Oh, doctor luther's assistant
He'll close in, when he seems so distant
Doctor luther's assistant
He'll get on top of you when you lower your resistance
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Freedom Is Always Needed
When everyone place a trap for animals
Any animal ca be trapped
When that animal is trapped it cries
And when any one is in a cage
They cries loudly
And without seeing its parents
In the black it dies.
poem by MOHAMMED Zuhair
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I was assistant in Edmonton with Wayne as captain, and Kevin Lowe was the other assistant.
quote by Mark Messier
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Furred, Feathered, Finned
What is the difference
between a leghold trap
which catches an animal's
fragile fingers... or slamming
your hand in a car door?
The animal can never remove
his hand.. unless he chews off
his paw.
Unlike the car door the trap
has sharp teeth each of which
grabs onto his flesh.
The animal dies of thirst
or has his eyes pecked out by
birds of prey.
Please boycott fur, companies
owning fur stock. Please comment
to those you might see wearing fur.
Please tell the NY Times you don't
purchase newspapers which
advertise fur.
**************
When beavers and other aquatic mammals
are trapped, they often drown.
PETA is the source for the comparison
of traps to car door slamming.
poem by O. Anna Niemus
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~midnight Bandit~
Well it finally happened;
A raccoon sneaked in through the cat door and ate all of Neferkitti's food!
The late night bandit bolted through the cat door just as I switched on the light in the laundry room.
Now we'll need to keep the cat door closed at night and deal with Neferkitti's frustration of not being able to go out and come in as she pleases. Is this fair to the cat? Is it fair to us? Maybe the raccoon thinks it has as much right to live here as we do. Maybe it doesn't want to be a "Second class citizen" who envies the sweet deal that Neferkitti has; Free medical and dental, central air and heat, a seemingly inexhaustible supply of food, and two doting humans who apparently have nothing better to do than to cater to her every need! Talk about a welfare state! Maybe the raccoon wonders why there isn't a little more compassion for another intelligent, furry mammal whose brothers and sisters have lived in these Oregon woods a lot longer than some upstarts from Portland who moved here to be closer to nature.
ROTMS
View ROTMS writings, images and video at;
rotms.blogspot.com
poem by Ray Lucero
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Rocky Racoon
Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of dakota
There lived a young boy named rocky raccoon
And one day his woman ran off with another guy
Hit young rocky in the eye, rocky didnt like that
He said Im gonna get that boy
So one day he walked into town
Booked himself a room in the local saloon
Rocky raccoon checked into his room
Only to find gideons bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was magil and she called herself lil
But everyone knew her as nancy
Now she and her man who called himself dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down
Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
He said danny boy this is a showdown
But daniel was hot - he drew first and shot
And rocky collapsed in the corner
Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the table
He said rocky you met your match
And rocky said, doc its only a scratch
And Ill be better, Ill be better doc as soon as I am able
Now rocky raccoon he fell back in his room
Only to find gideons bible
Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
To help with good rockys revival
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Animal Boy
Gonna kill and destroy
I'm not an Animal Boy
Why don't they understand
I'm not an ape man
Don't have brain damage
I'm not an a wild savage
Don't push me around
Don't bring my head down
Animal Boy
Animal Boy
Animal Boy
I'm not an imbecile
Don't treat me like an animal
I'm not a creature in the zoo
Don't tell me what to do
Animal Boy
Animal Boy
Animal Boy
You don't know what it's like
You don't know how I feel
I don't have a monkey's brain
I'm not an animal
You can't lock me in a cage
This ain't the Stoneage
Better get out of my way
Someone's gonna have to pay
Animal boy
Animal boy
Animal boy
Animal boy
song performed by by Ramones from Animal Boy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Crazy Lazy Mazy
Crazy, lazy Mazy was walking to school
When she came across a raccoon who wanted to play pool
Pool is lame lets play another game
said crazy, lazy Mazy
Pool is cool you must be a fool
said the raccoon
I have no time to play
Can we make it another day
said crazy, lazy Mazy
Without delay she went on her way
Crazy, Lazy Mazy
Kookamundo
Kookamundo is a little animal who roamed the forest
He got his tail cut off in a trapper's trap
After that, all Kookamundos had no tails
poem by Jr. Clarence A. Graham
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An acting assistant stage manager in a theater in Canterbury, a rep theater. A small wage but just enough to get by on, and I made props and I walked on, and I changed scenery, and I realized that I just loved it.
quote by Jeremy Irons
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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International
The youth and the imperialist tribune was also addressed by a young girl
From nicaragua whose hands had been cut off at the wrists by the former
Samosa guards.
Veronica merco, of the german federal republic, had this to say:
Aber ich habe eine ausbildung gemacht
Ak industrie kaufmann und... ? ?
Im a shop assistant at the... ? ?
And I must say Im a shop assistant by profession,
But it is difficult for.... ? ?
Now and then a little thing gets by.
Now and then well cry.
Like a fall in a war, like a mothers open arms.
Like a pawn in a game, hard to take.
There we sit on a line, wasting fortunes at a time, and pray.
All the time we are gone, theres no reason, theres no way.
Oh, the soul is the one so they say.
There we sit on a line, wasting fortunes at a time, and play.
She never thought hed be this way.
Her arms aloft, she holds.
But now its all a memory.
And its gone...
song performed by by Omd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Parafake: The 'Word'.....[English language; 'new' word]
My wife used the "word" parafake, one evening in our bed.
Now don't get any nasty idea she was speaking of ME, in your nasty head.
In fact I don't believe either of us recall, of WHAT she was speaking,
and "parafake" isn't even a word in my dictionary. I know; I went peeking.
There is paraffin and paraformaldehyde, and parakeet of course,
but I could not find parafake; nor was there parahorse.
So I looked up "para", which turns out to be some sort of money.
Then I looked up the prefix "para- (or par-) ", with no definitions that were funny.
The prefix definitions range from "beside" and "beyond", to "incorrect",
to "a diatomic molecule" which, without super-eyes, I could NOT detect.
Well there was one definition of para-, the prefix, which I thought would fit.
"Para" can mean "assistant" (such as in paralegal) . On that definition I bit.
So then I looked up "fake" in my dictionary to try to pin down "parafake".
Guess what. There are widely varying definitions of "fake", for goodness sake!
Well I've chosen the definition of fake which is "one that is not genuine".
Therefore I say a "parafake" is an "assistant to one that is not genuine". If you don't agree, that is fine.
So a paralegal would be a parafake if her boss had no law degree, and
a vintner's assistant would be a parafake if his boss neither made NOR sold wine. You SEE?
(Nov.2012)
poem by Bri Edwards
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Courage is setting yourself free
As she maneuvered
her entourage
of a motorized wheelchair
trained assistance dog
and personal assistant
into the Olympic size swimming pool
at the health club
I thought that it was
a nice idea
to come and sit
at the edge of the pool
and that it would probably
be therapeutic
or at least a refreshing
change of place
for someone in a wheelchair
but she scooted her vehicle
into front of the first swim lane
and as she was chatting to her assistant
the dog just sat there by the door
resting
her assistant reached behind her and
lifted her torso up and placed
her at the edge of the pool
as I was sitting in the
nearby whirlpool
at 4: 30 in the afternoon
I became curious
about what they were going to do next?
was the parapaligic
going to just go in the water
and sit or was there something more in store
when she was tossed in the water
I realized she must have been a swimmer before
you could tell by her upper body
that she had once had a sleek form
that swimmers have
powerful shoulder muscles
she started with a back stroke
her thick arms making a V stroke
her clenched fists
providing an engine to paddle her body
down the lane
since she had no control over her legs
the graceful placement of her head
during her swimming stroke
face up in the pool
forced her knees to come up
to the surface
this improvised technique
had half her body moving furiously
and the other half
the useless half
being dragged behind
she had an unusual turn
in which instead of using the wall
of the turn to propel off
she turned first sideways
and then circled back
and went on her way
but as she finished the turn
I saw a peaceful look
on her face
she had found
freedom of movement
once again
in a swimming pool
one of the most dangerous places
to be in
when you have lost control
of most of your body
poem by Oscar Mireles
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I grew up in New Hampshire. My closest neighbor was a mile away. The deer and the raccoons were my friends. So I would spend time walking through the woods, looking for the most beautiful tropical thing that can survive the winter in the woods in New Hampshire.
quote by Steven Tyler
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The boy who was so innocent and kind
Once upon a time there was a little boy
He had a mind so pure, innocent and kind
He lived in a village so quiet and secluded
Nothing but trees from the village were protruded
One day, the boy took a stroll in the wood
And found a rabbit which in a trap stood
The boy having a kind heart, set it free
The rabbit ran away and the boy felt pleased
On another occasion during his leisurely walk
The boy found a pigeon which was got caught
Feeling sorry, he also released it from the trap
The pigeon fluttered its wings and flied towards its nest
Not long after that the boy found himself in the wood again
This time he discovered a tiger which was being contained
Again feeling pitiful for the captive animal, he set it free
The tiger jumped out of the cage and made the boy its meal.
poem by Henry Chen
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The Mirror in the Hall
The rich house had in the hall
An enormous mirror, very old;
Bought at least eighty years ago.
A very handsome boy, assistant at a tailor’s
(On Sundays an amateur athlete),
Was standing there with a parcel. He handed it
To someone of the house, and he took it inside
To fetch the receipt. The tailor’s assistant
Was left alone, and waited.
He went up to the mirror and began to look at himself
And put his tie straight. After five minutes
They brought him the receipt. He took it and went away.
But the old mirror which had seen, and seen,
In the many years it had been
In existence, thousands of things and faces;
The old mirror was glad now
And was proud to have received upon itself
That entire beauty for a few minutes.
poem by Constantine P. Cavafy
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New Town Animal
I think my watch has bust and so is time
I borrowed all my love so nothings mine
Theres nothing decent on the tv page
Like a new town animal in a furnished cage
Its gone eleven and the bar is shut
Im sitting waiting like a real good mutt
I watch tv with an actors rage
Like a new town animal in a furnished cage
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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