Kleenex
All around me
All around me
Better watch that man
See him gun in hand
No one seems to see
No one seems to see
Better watch that man
See him gun in hand
What you gonna do next
What you gonna do now
Use a kleenex
Wipe out sex - kleenex
Better than love - kleenex
John paul george - kleenex
Governments use kleenex
Use a kleenex solve world problems
Better blow your nose right now
Maybe is it you?
[or someone who you know]
Better watch that man see him gun in hand
What you gonna do next
What you gonna do now
Use a kleenex
Wipe out sex - kleenex
Better than love - kleenex
Trade unions use kleenex
Governments use kleenex
Oh yeah!
song performed by by Billy Idol
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex
There are no Kleenex boxes on these loops, just so you know.
quote by Mick Fleetwood
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
Kleenex would have made a mint today.
quote by Larry Harvey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Learning
I'm learning to say thank you.
And I'm learning to say please.
And I'm learning to use Kleenex,
Not my sweater, when I sneeze.
And I'm learning not to dribble.
And I'm learning not to slurp.
And I'm learning (though it sometimes really hurts me)
Not to burp.
And I'm learning to chew softer
When I eat corn on the cob.
And I'm learning that it's much
Much easier to be a slob.
poem by Judith Viorst
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Plastic Bag
1977 and we are going mad
It's 1977 and we've seen to many ads
1977 and we're gonna show them all
That apathy's a drag
My mind is like a plastic bag
That corresponds to all those ads
It sucks up all the rubbish
That is fed in through by ear
I eat kleenex for breakfast
And use soft hygienic weetabix
To dry my tears
My mind is like a switchboard
With crossed and tangled lines
Contented with confusion
That is plugged into my head
I dont't know what's going on
It's the operators job, not mine
I said
My dreams I daren't remember
Or tell you what I've seen
I dreamt that I was hitler
The ruler of the see
The ruler of the universe
The ruler of the supermarkets
And even fatalistic me
song performed by by X-Ray Spex
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Plastic Bag
1977 and we are going mad
It's 1977 and we've seen to many ads
1977 and we're gonna show them all
That apathy's a drag
My mind is like a plastic bag
That corresponds to all those ads
It sucks up all the rubbish
That is fed in through by ear
I eat kleenex for breakfast
And use soft hygienic weetabix
To dry my tears
My mind is like a switchboard
With crossed and tangled lines
Contented with confusion
That is plugged into my head
I dont't know what's going on
It's the operators job, not mine
I said
My dreams I daren't remember
Or tell you what I've seen
I dreamt that I was hitler
The ruler of the see
The ruler of the universe
The ruler of the supermarkets
And even fatalistic me
song performed by by X-Ray Spex
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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EBAY
Parody of "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys
Yeah
A used...pink bathrobe
A rare...mint snow globe
A Smurf...TV tray
I bought on eBay
My house...is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay
Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)
They had it on eBay
I'll buy...your knick-knack
Just check...my feedback
"A++!" they all say
They love me on eBay
Gonna buy (a slightly damaged golf bag)
Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tag)
(From some guy) I've never met in Norway
Found him on eBay
I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, whatever'll please ya
As long as I've got the dough
I'll buy...your tchotchkes
Sell me..your watch, please
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy...)
I'm highest bidder now
(Junk keeps arriving in the mail)
(From that worldwide garage sale)
(Hey! A Dukes of Hazzard ashtray)
Oh yeah...(I bought it on eBay)
Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox)
Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks)
(Wanna buy a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre)
(Found it on eBay)
Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcett poster)
(Pez dispensers and a toaster)
(Don't know why...The kind of stuff you'd throw away)
(I'll buy on eBay)
What I bought on eBay
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pink
She told us she'd be ok
Don't worry
I believed her
Doctors gave us hope
Medical miracles
Too good to be true
Positive attitudes and cheer
Only on the outside
Everyone smiling
She is always strong
Ignoring the pain
Lifting us up
So many tears
In front of no one
Kleenex in the trash
Never giving in to fear
Or admitting a struggle
Unbearable anguish
Resisting sympathy
Instead sharing eternal love
Indestructable mother
Cancer isn't fair
She is unbreakable
Mothers live forever
Right?
poem by Kristine Harper
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Strange - Reba McEntire
vs.1 I lay there feelin' sorry
For myself in a bed of Kleenex.
Stuffin' chocolates in my mouth,
Talkin' to my best friend, cussin' my ex.
He broke my heart, felt like the world had ended.
I cry myself to sleep, thinkin' I can't get over him.
(chorus)
Strange,
Talk about luck,
I woke up when the sun was shinin'.
Strange,
I 'oughta be in bed
With my head in my pillow cryin'
Over us, but I ain't,
Ain't love
Strange.
vs.2 Got half a mind to spend
My whole paycheck
On one of those dresses.
Those strapless, black ones
That are so famous for
Teachin' lessons.
Drop by his place,
Pick up the rest of my things.
He'll tell me I look good,
I'll laugh and say how isn't time.
(chorus)
Strange.
(chorus)
Strange,
Talk about luck,
I woke up when the sun was shinin'.
Strange.
Strange.
poem by Rebecca Ryan
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The Kiss
My mouth blooms like a cut.
I've been wronged all year, tedious
nights, nothing but rough elbows in them
and delicate boxes of Kleenex calling crybaby
crybaby, you fool!
Before today my body was useless.
Now it's tearing at its square corners.
It's tearing old Mary's garments off, knot by knot
and see - Now it's shot full of these electric bolts.
Zing! A resurrection!
Once it was a boat, quite wooden
and with no business, no salt water under it
and in need of some paint. It was no more
than a group of boards. But you hoisted her, rigged her.
She's been elected.
My nerves are turned on. I hear them like
musical instruments. Where there was silence
the drums, the strings are incurably playing. You did this.
Pure genius at work. Darling, the composer has stepped
into fire.
poem by Anne Sexton
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You've Got A Cold
Your nose is runnin'
And your eyes are red
Your head is achin'
You'd be better in bed
From the bottom of your fever
To the throbbing in your toes
You've got a cold
You've got a cold
You're searching madly
To find a cure
But the mercury's rising
To a hundred and four
You've got a beauty, a bad ass
The mother of them all
You've got a cold
You've got a cold
Ain't no use in fightin' it
Get into bed and try to sweat it out
Hot toddies won't help you
Warm blankets won't sweat it out
Inhalants just choke you
Hot flushes will tell you
Anyway you've got it
Ain't no doubt about it
Nothin' new about
You can scream and shout it
Hot toddies won't help you
Warm blankets won't sweat it out
Inhalants just choke you
Hot flushes will tell you
Anyway you've got it
Ain't no doubt about it
Nothin' new about
You can't fight it
Foreign bodies in your kleenex
You've got no taste at all
While your system is dyin'
The bugs are havin' a ball
You've got a beauty, a bad ass
The mother of them all
You've got a cold
You've got a cold
song performed by by 10 Cc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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God Must Be A Woman
Its the way that you sneak a kleenex to me
When a sad song song gets in my eye
You say its alright,you got no appetite
When its down to the last piece of pie
Its the way that you never remember
The things I would rather forget
How you grin and shrug your shoulders
When its time to start over again
God must be a woman
Youre probably a lot like her
Your grace is so amazing
An angel here on earth
Youre so much like your maker
She sent you down to lay a crown on me
God must be a woman
Only mamas have a love that runs so deep
Watching out for drunks and babies and fools
And castaways like me
Some heavenly rain must soak in your brain
And come out as the sweet things you say
You stitch me back up when life plays too rough
Give my hand a little squeeze when we pray
And the I love yous that you told me
They would probably stretch to the moon
You multiply what matters
And divide the pain bt two
God must be a woman
Youre probably a lot like her
Your grace is so amazing
An angel here on earth
Youre so much like your maker
She sent you down to lay a crown on me
God must be a woman
Only mamas have a love that runs so deep
Watching out for drunks and babies and fools
And castaways like me
song performed by by Travis Tritt
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mister Santa
Mister santa
Bring me some toys
Bring merry christmas
To all girls and boys
And every night
Ill go to sleep singing
And dream about
The presents youll be bringing
Santa
Promise me please
Give every reindeer
A hug and a squeeze
Ill be good
As good can be
Mister santa
Dont forget me
Mister santa
Dear old saint nick
Be awful careful
And please dont get sick
Put on your coat
When breezes are blowin
And when you cross the street
Look where youre goin
Santa
Weve been so good
Weve washed the dishes
And done what we should
Made up the beds
Scrubbed up our toesies
Weve used a kleenex
When weve blown our noseies
Oh santa
Look at our ears
Theyre clean as whistles
Were sharper then shears
Now weve put you on the spot
Mister santa
Bring us a lot
song performed by by Amy Grant
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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This Is The Life
I eat filet mignon seven times a day
My bathtubs filled with perrier
What can I say
This is the life
I buy a dozen cars when Im in the mood
I hire somebody to chew my food
Im an upwardly mobile dude
This is the life
They say that money corrupts you
But I cant really tell
I got the whole world at my feet
And I think its pretty swell
I got women lined up outside my door
Theyve been waitin there since the week before
Who could ask for more
This is the life
Youre dead for a real long time
You just cant prevent it
So if money cant buy happiness
I guess Ill have to rent it
Yeah, every day I make the front page news
No time to pay my dues
I got a million pairs of shoes
This is the life
I got a solid gold cadillac
I make a fortune while I sleep
You can tell Im a living legend
Not some ordinary creep
No way, Im the boss, the big cheese
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees
And I can do just what I please
This is the life
Thats right, Im the king, number one
I buy monographed kleenex by the ton
I pay the bills, I call the shots
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts
One thing I can guarantee
The best things in life, they sure aint free
Its such a thrill just to be me
This is the life
Waah, this is the life
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Midlife Crisis
Go on and wring my neck
Like when a rag gets wet
A little discipline
For my pet genius
My head is like a lettuce
Go on and dig your thumbs in
I cannot stop giving
Im thirty-something
Sense of security
Like pockets jingling
Midlife crisis
Suck ingenuity
Down through the family tree
Youre perfect, yes, its true
But without me youre only you
Your menstruating heart
It aint bleeding enough for two
Its a midlife crisis...
What an inheritance
The salt and the kleenex
Morbid self attention
Bending my pinky back
A little discipline
A donor by habit
A little discipline
Rent an opinion
Sense of security
Holding blunt instrument
Im a perfectionist
And perfect is a skinned knee
Youre perfect, yes, its true
But without me youre only you
Your menstruating heart
It aint bleeding enough for two
Its a midlife crisis...............
song performed by by Faith No More
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Singing Bat
A bird was caught inside a trap
which closed its claws with a loud snap.
The snap was heard by Fritz the cat
who had been stalking a young bat.
The bat was hanging from a tree
had wrapped around a twig his knee.
'AHA', the cat now saw the bird
it was a finch, and it occurred
to Fritz the cat that here was food
enough to lift a feline's mood.
He'd eat the bird right in the trap
and afterward take a short nap.
The finch had lifted up his wing
and, full of love, began to sing.
He figured if this day meant death
he'd entertain with his last breath.
The cat was just about to eat
when that sweet voice, now in defeat,
sang, in e-flat the Lorelei
and Fritz the cat began to cry.
And if you know a thing or two
perhaps from visits to the Zoo:
A cat can either eat or cry,
not both. And trapped birds cannot fly.
The bat, who had observed the drama
in upside-down-like panorama,
approached because this tearful issue
required help and Kleenex tissue.
The closest thing to tissue though
is bat-wing skin and if you blow
across the tears toward the wing
a bat will likely start to sing.
And, right away, that's what transpired,
the bat sang loudly. And inspired
the cat to see him as a meal,
complete with musical appeal.
The bat soon sang of Mother Goose,
predictably, tied his own noose.
Was eaten by the hungry cat,
it's Nature's way when cat eats bat.
When Fritzie got up from his nap
he let the finch out of the trap.
The finch who saw a hungry eye
began to sing the Lorelei.
poem by by unknown author
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The James Bond Movie
The popcorn is greasy, and I forgot to bring a Kleenex.
A pill that’s a bomb inside the stomach of a man inside
The Embassy blows up. Eructations of flame, luxurious
cauliflowers giganticize into motion. The entire 29-ft.
screen is orange, is crackling flesh and brick bursting,
blackening, smithereened. I unwrap a Dentyne and, while
jouncing my teeth in rubber tongue-smarting clove, try
with the 2-inch-wide paper to blot butter off my fingers.
A bubble-bath, room-sized, in which 14 girls, delectable
and sexless, twist-topped Creamy Freezes (their blond,
red, brown, pinkish, lavendar or silver wiglets all
screwed that high, and varnished), scrub-tickle a lone
male, whose chest has just the right amount and distribu-
tion of curly hair. He’s nervously pretending to defend
his modesty. His crotch, below the waterline, is also
below the frame—but unsubmerged all 28 slick foamy boobs.
Their makeup fails to let the girls look naked. Caterpil-
lar lashes, black and thick, lush lips glossed pink like
the gum I pop and chew, contact lenses on the eyes that are
mostly blue, they’re nose-perfect replicas of each other.
I’ve got most of the grease off and onto this little square
of paper. I’m folding it now, making creases with my nails.
poem by May Swenson
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Papersnow
Pink confetti, shotgun wedding
Rocket secrets someones shredding
Nineteenth floor.
Laundry ticket that exploded
Joust with quaker pamphlet goaded
Into war.
Ankle deep we heroes amble
Ankle deep we wade
Ankle deep through someone elses
Ticker tape parade
Softly, softly, softly
Falls papersnow...
Softly, softly, softly
All of our works blow away...
Petals fell on petaluma
Till receipt from montezumas
Burger hut.
Every day a billion dollars
Fall as black and white blue-collars
Plough their rut.
Softly, softly, softly
Falls papersnow...
Softly, softly, softly
All of our works blow away...
Ankle deep we heroes amble
Ankle deep we wade
Ankle deep through someone elses
Ticker tape parade
Jets folded from wall street journal
Shoot down cartons care of colonels
Chicken ranch.
Kleenex where the guys been cryin
Goodbye note from girl whos flyin
To new branch.
Softly, softly, softly
Falls papersnow...
Softly, softly, softly
All of our works blow away...
Letter that Id meant to send you
To torpedo and up-end you
Sheet by sheet.
Tore up all the beg and bitter
Add them to the drift of litter
On your street.
Softly, softly, softly
Falls papersnow...
Softly, softly, softly
All of our works blow away...
Ankle deep we heroes amble
Ankle deep we wade
Ankle deep through someone elses
Ticker tape parade
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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