Lucky santa! ! (A funny story)
Santa goes into his son`s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - Santa wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that his aunt had died. Santa assures the son that Auntie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie dies. One week later, Santa again goes into his son`s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - Santa again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that his grandmother had died. The father assures the son that she is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, grandmother dies. One week later, Santa again goes into his son`s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare, he again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that his daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
Santa goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, Santa is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn`t eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
After days work, upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife, Jeeto, 'Good God, Dear, ' he proclaims, 'I`ve just had the worst day of my entire life! '
Jeeto responds, 'You think your day was bad, this morning my ex-boyfriend dropped dead on the front steps! '
poem by Edwin Drood
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Remarriage(A funny story)
Middle aged Santa and Jeeto were discussing life, and preparing wills. The conversation turned to remarriage...
Jeeto: If I should die first, will you remarry?
Santa: Probably, I wouldn`t like to spend the rest of my life alone.
Jeeto: Would you bring your new wife into our home that we have shared?
Santa: I don`t see why not. It would be empty, you wouldn`t be there.
Jeeto: Would you share the same bed we`ve shared?
Santa: Well, it`s a comfortable bed...
Jeeto: Would you let here wear my clothes?
Santa: Sure, if they fit. They are quite nice.
Jeeto: Would you let her use my golf clubs?
Santa: No way, Preeto(Banta's wife) is left handed.
poem by Edwin Drood
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Santas Beard
I wanna meet santa claus, the real real santa
I wanna meet santa claus, the real real santa
I wanna see santa claus, the real real santa
He wants to meet ol santa claus
I took my brother to the department store
He wanted to show santa his christmas list
He stood in line and he shook like a leaf
Hes only five and a half goin on six
He said, is that (that santa) really santa claus,
Really really (the real santa) santa claus?
Is that (that santa) really santa claus, really really santa?
(I hope he doesnt pull santas beard)
Is that (that santa) really santa claus,
Really really (the real santa) santa?
Hope he thinks thats santa claus
I picked him up and put him on santas lap
And then he pulled the pillow out of his shirt
He yanked the beard right on off of his chin
And in his eyes I could see he was hurt
He said, youre not (not santa) really santa claus,
Youre really not (the real santa) santa claus
Youre not (not santa) really santa claus,
Youre really not santa (he shouldnta pulled santas beard)
Youre not (not santa) santa claus,
Youre really not (the real santa) santa
Hes just helpin santa claus
Hes just helpin (helpin santa) santa claus,
The real (the real santa) real santa
Hes helpin (helpin santa) santa claus,
The real (the real santa) real santa
Hes just helpin (helpin santa) santa claus,
The real (the real santa) real santa
Hes just helpin santa claus
Hes just helpin (helpin santa) santa claus,
The real (the real santa) real santa
Hes just helpin (helpin santa) santa claus,
The real (he shouldnta pulled santas beard) real santa
Hes just helpin (helpin santa) santa claus,
The real (the real santa) real santa
Hes just helpin santa claus
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Believe In Santa Claus
I believe in santa claus
I believe in santa claus
I believe theres always hope when all seems lost
And I believe in santa claus
I believe in santa claus, Ill tell you why I do
cause I believe that dreams and plans and wishes can come true
I believe in miracles, I believe in magic too
Oh I believe in santa claus and I believe in you
I believe in family, in country and in smiles
I believe in turnin negatives to positives in life
I believe in lookin farther up the farther down we get
I believe when someone hurts us we should forgive and forget
And I believe in santa claus
I believe in santa claus
I believe love should prevail at any cost
And I believe in santa claus
I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say
I believe a better attitude can make a better way
And I believe in viewing life as a journey that were on
And lookin at our troubles as another stepping stone
And I believe that everything in life is what its meant to be
I believe there is a God somewhere although hes hard to see
I believe I am so therefore I should do all that I can
To be a better piece in the puzzle of gods plan
And I believe in santa claus
I believe in santa claus
I believe theres always hope when all seems lost
And I believe in santa claus
Let the little children sing it
I believe in santa claus, I believe in santa claus
I believe in santa claus, I believe in santa claus
Let the whole world sing it with us
I believe in santa claus, I believe in santa claus
I believe in santa claus, I believe in santa claus
Let the whole world sing it with us
I believe in santa claus
I believe in santa claus
I believe theres always hope when all seems lost
I believe in santa claus
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Caring medicos! (A funny story)
Santa took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisleway and went to talk with the administrators.
Santa`s father started to tilt slowly toward the left.
A Doctor came by and said, 'Let me help you.'
The Doc piled several pillows on the left side of Santa`s father so he would stay upright. Santa`s father started to tilt slowly to the right. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. Santa`s father started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. About this time, Santa returned. Santa, 'Well, Dad, isn`t this a nice place.'
Santa`s father replied, 'I guess it`s ok, but they won`t let me fart.'
poem by Edwin Drood
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Santa Claus
Santa Claus
Santa Claus
Up and down the chimney
Santa Claus is coming
Its the time of the year
Oh! Yes, Santa Claus is near
Lots of presents and toys
For my good girls and boys
Santa Claus
Santa Claus
Up and down the reindeers
Santa Claus is flying
Get out your Christmas tree
His presents are for free
Made by his elves
working hard in the northpole
Make sure your Xmas stockings
do not have any holes
Santa Claus
Santa Claus
Up and down the chimney
Santa Claus is coming
Copyright 2005 - Sylvia Chidi
poem by Sylvia Chidi
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Here Comes Santa Claus
(words & music by autry - haldeman)
Here comes santa claus, here comes santa claus,
Right down santa claus lane.
Vixen, blitzen, all his reindeer
Pulling on the reins.
Bells are ringing, children singing,
All is merry and bright.
Hang your stockings and say a prayer,
'cause santa claus comes tonight.
Here comes santa claus, here comes santa claus,
Riding down santa claus lane.
He's got a bag that's filled with toys
For boys and girls again.
Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle,
What a beautiful sight.
Jump in bed and cover up your head,
Because santa claus comes tonight.
Here comes santa claus, here comes santa claus,
Riding down santa claus lane.
He doesn't care if you're a rich or poor boy,
He loves you just the same.
Santa knows that we're god's children,
That makes everything right.
Fill your hears with christmas cheer,
'cause santa claus comes tonight.
Well, here comes santa claus, here comes santa claus,
Riding down santa claus lane.
He'll come around when the chimes ring out
It's christmas morn again.
Peace on earth will come to all
If we just follow the light
Let's give thanks to the lord above,
'cause santa claus comes tonight.
'cause santa claus comes tonight
song performed by by Elvis Presley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Santa Fe
Santa-fe,
Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear santa-fe,
My woman needs it evryday,
She promised this a-lad shed stay,
Shes rollin up a lotta bread
To toss away.
Shes in santa-fe,
Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear santa-fe
Now shes opened up an old maids home,
Shes proud, but she needs to roam,
Shes gonna write herself a roadside poem,
About santa-fe.
Santa-fe,
Dear, dear, dear, dear santa-fe.
Since Im never gonna cease to roam,
Im never, ever far from home,
But Ill build a geodesic dome
And sail away.
Dont feel bad.
No, no, no, no, dont feel bad
Its the best food Ive ever had.
Makes me feel so glad
That shes cooking in a home-made pad
She never caught a cold so bad
When Im away.
Santa-fe,
Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear santa-fe.
My shrimp boats in the bay
I wont have my nature this way,
And Im leanin on the wheel each day
To drift away
From santa-fe,
Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear santa-fe.
My sister looks good at home,
Shes lickin on an ice cream cone,
Shes packin her big white comb,
What does it weigh?
song performed by by Bob Dylan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Por Arriba, Por Abajo
Santa cecilia yo quiero cantar
Ay, san meliton ensename el son
Santa lucia la quiero mirar
Yo te lo pido san corazon
Santa paciencia
Santa piedad
Santa rumbita
La quiero gozar
Santa tristeza
Sanseacabo
Solo con ella bailo yo
Por arriba, por abajo
Calientitos
Bien pegados
Por arriba, por abajo
Angelitos
Sin pecado
Santa virginia no se si atacar
San valentin la deseo un monton
Santa inocencia la quiero tocar
Ay, no me dejes san corazon
Santa mentira
Santa verdad
Santo bolero
La quiero abrazar
Santa alegria
Sanseacabo
Solo con ella bailo yo
song performed by by Ricky Martin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hey Santa
If everyday was christmas
If we could make believe
If everyone would care a little more
Thered be harmoney
The city is covered in snow tonight
The children fast asleep
Im waiting for him, but hes nowhere in sight
And I wonder if he can hear me
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
I wish with all my might
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
Bring my baby home tonight
Why does it feel like its colder than winter
Even by the fireside
My baby said hed be home for christmas
And now its almost midnight
The christmas lights up and down the street
Are such a sight to see
But all the presents by the tree
They dont mean a thing till hes with me
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
I wish with all my might
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
If you hear me wont you hurry
Bring my baby tonight
I know your sleigh is full inside
But wont you stop and give my baby a ride
Ill be waiting by candle light this christmas
The christmas lights up and down the street
Are such a sight to see
But all the presents by the tree
They dont mean a thing
Santa please hear me
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
I wish with all my might
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
If you hear me wont you hurry
Bring my baby tonight
The christmas lights up and down the street
The presents by the tree
I hear a knock, oh can it be?
My wish is staring back at me
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
I guess you heard me tonight
Hey santa
Hey santa...santa
Im underneath the mistletoe
With my baby tonight
Sleigh ride...
Its christmas time...
song performed by by Wilsons
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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'Zat You, Santa Claus?
'Zat You, Santa Claus?
Gifts I'm preparing for some Christmas sharing,
But I pause because,
Hanging my stocking I can hear a knocking.
'Zat you, Santa Claus?
Sure is dark out, ain't the slightest spark out.
'Pon my slackened jaw!
Who's there? Who is it stopping for a visit?
'Zat you, Santa Claus?
Are you bringing a present for me,
Something pleasantly pleasant for me?
Then it's just what I've been waiting for.
Would you mind slipping it under the door?
Cold winds are howling, or could that be growling?
My legs feel like straws.
My my oh me my, kindly would you reply?
'Zat you, Santa Claus?
Hanging the stocking, I can hear a knocking.
'Zat you, Santa Claus?
I say, who's there, who is it? Are you stopping for a visit?
'Zat you, Santa Claus?
Oh there, Santa, you gave me a scare.
Now stop teasing cause I know you're there.
We don't believe in no goblins today,
But I can't explain why I'm shaking that way.
Bet I can see ole Santa in the keyhole.
I'll get to the cause.
One peek and I'll try there; oh oh, there's an eye there!
'Zat you, Santa Claus?
Please, please, pity my knees!
Say that's you, Santa Claus!
song performed by by Louis Armstrong
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Minnie And Santa
(Cyndi Lauper, Jan Pulsford)
Worked with a woman named Minnie
One Christmas eve long ago
When I asked "What you doing this evening ?"
Minnie took on a seasonal glow
She said she'd be waiting for Santa
She'd be wearing a bright red bow
Chorus:
Minnie And Santa
Minnie And Santa
What they're up to only
Heaven knows she wrote on a card
"Don't take it so hard we're headed for the North Pole"
Now Minnie could not be persuaded
That Santa just did not exist
She swore if she put up some mistletoe
Santa'd come give her a kiss
And there where she'd hung up her stockings
All in their silky, soft, sheen
She'd be laying in wait on a bear skin rug
Where the cookies and milk could be seen
Chorus:
Minnie And Santa
Minnie And Santa
What they're up to only
Heaven knows she wrote on a card
"Don't take it so hard we're headed for the North Pole"
(musical interlude)
Now Minnie was older and wiser
Like a dear old Auntie to me
But the night that she ran off with Santa
Was a real epiphany
Chorus:
Minnie And Santa
Minnie And Santa
What they're up to only
Heaven knows she wrote on a card
"Don't take it so hard we're headed for the North Pole"
Next Xmas I passed by the bakery
Staring out from on top of a cake
Was jolly old Santa with a big silly grin
And a gal in silk stockings and lace
Oh, Minnie and Santa...
song performed by by Cyndi Lauper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Heard Santa On The Radio
On Christmas morning you woke up
To static on the radio
Someone must have turned it on
Who...you didn't know
You got up slowly sleepy-eyed
To a tune that stationed in
Turned the dial a little while
Then a voice said "Let the party begin!"
Hey Hey Hey and
Ho Ho Ho and
Now it's time
For the jolly DJ show
I Heard Santa On The Radio
I knew it was Santa on the radio
Mixing up the music like a Santa should
And radio never sounded so good
He was busy finding busting beats
Making it up as he went along
Hip hop, rock, and *****
St. Nick can do no wrong
Turning the rythem inside out
Till the people shook the house
Pretty soon every creature was dancing
Every boy and girl and every mouse
Hey Hey Hey and
Ho Ho Ho and
Now it's time
For the jolly DJ show
I Heard Santa On The Radio
I knew it was Santa on the radio
Mixing up the music like a Santa should
And radio never sounded so good
All the music comes together
All the people just let go
All the world is listening to the jolly DJ show
Hey Hey Hey and
Ho Ho Ho
I Heard Santa On The Radio
I knew it was Santa on the radio
Mixing up the music like a Santa should
And radio never sounded so good
I Heard Santa On The Radio
I knew it was Santa on the radio
Mixing up the music like a Santa should
And radio never sounded so good
I Heard Santa On The Radio
I knew it was Santa on the radio
Mixing up the music like a Santa should
And radio never sounded so good
And radio never sounded so good
song performed by by Hilary Duff
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Santa Looked A Lot Like Daddy
(Buck Owens & Don Rich)
Well, Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked alot like him
It's not the way I had him pictured
Santa was a much too thin
He didn't come down the chimney
So momma musta let him in
Yeah, Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked alot like him.
Well they thought I was a sleepin'
They thought I was tucked in bed
They never thought that I'd come a peepin'
Or that I'd hear what was said
Santa put his arm around momma
And momma put her arm around him
So if Santa Claus ain't daddy
Then I'm a gonna tell on them.
Well, Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked alot like him
It's not the way I had him pictured
Santa was a much too thin
He didn't come down the chimney
So momma musta let him in
Well, Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked alot like him.
I never saw Dancer or Prancer
I never heard the sleigh bells ring
I never saw the red nosed reindeer
Like they show on the TV screen
But he sure bought alot of presents
So Santa Claus he must have been
Well, he sure looked a lot like daddy
And daddy looked alot like him.
Well, Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked alot like him
It's not the way I had him pictured
Santa was a much too thin
He didn't come down the chimney
So momma musta let him in
Well, Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked alot like him.
Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked alot like
Daddy looked alot like him...
song performed by by Travis Tritt
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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His Christmas List
HE WAS JUST A BOY LIVING ON THE STREET
WITH NO HOME AND ON HIS OWN
WEARING HOLY SHOES ON HIS FEET
AND THE WINTER GETTING COLDER
AND CHRISTMAS IS IN A WEEK
AS HE FEELING OLDER
WHEN WRITING HIS CHRISTMAS LIST
WANTING A HOME NEEDING TO BE LOVE
BUT MORE THAN THIS WANTING TO BE MISS
HOPE SANTA SEE IT, CHECKING IT OFF
ADDING IT TO HIS COURSE.
NOW HE SEARCHING FOR FOOD
IN THE NEIBORDHOOD
BUT THEY CHASE HIM AWAY
LEAVING HIM TO STRAY
BUT HE MAIL HIS LETTER ANY WAY
HOPE SANTA WILL SEE IT
AND CHECK IT OFF
AND ADDING IT TO HIS COURSE
NOW HIS BOX IS WET FROM THE SNOW
BUT HE GRIN AND BEAR IT
HE GOT NO WHERE TO GO
HOPE SANTA SAW HIS LIST
AND CHECKING IT OFF
ADDING IT TO HIS COURSE
NOW HE GOES TO SLEEP ON CHRISTMAS EVE
WITH HIS SMALL CHRISTMAS TREE
WHILE THE CLOCK STRIKES TWELVE
AS HE WAKES UP LOOKING AROUND
KNOWING CHRISTMAS IS HERE
AND SEEING IS MOTHER
HUGGING HER TIGHT
ALONG WITH HIS BROTHER
SAYING LETS GO HOME TONIGHT
AS HE THANK SANTA
FOR MAKING IT RIGHT
AS HE THANK SANTA
FOR MAKING IT RIGHT
AND HUGGING HIS MOTHER TIGHT
WHILE THANKING SANTA
FOR MAKING IT RIGHT
THANKING SANTA
FOR MAKING IT RIGHT.....
poem by Bruce Martone
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree
Hey adam, you'll never guess what i saw last night.
What?
I saw mommy kissing santa claus. that's right.
Oh no.
They were listening to music, and their voices were low,
And he looks a lot like someone that you and i both know!
Who?
Well, i saw santa rockin' round the christmas tree
And mama was as close to santa as you are to me
They filled up the socks,
But before he could go
They started to kiss.
Santa just couldn't go.
Well, i saw mama help santa decorate the tree
With little bitty presents and candy canes for you and me
He started to leave...
Mm!
Then he turned around.
I made a noise.
*clunk*
I was sure to be found!
Well, i saw mama kissin' santa 'neath the mistletoe
Yeah, and he looked like someone i thought you oughta know
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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(I Saw Santa) Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree
Hey Adam, you'll never guess what I saw last night.
What?
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. That's right.
Oh no.
They were listening to music, and their voices were low,
And he looks a lot like someone that you and I both know!
Who?
Well, I saw Santa rockin' round the Christmas tree
And Mama was as close to Santa as you are to me
They filled up the socks,
But before he could go
They started to kiss.
Santa just couldn't go.
Well, I saw Mama help Santa decorate the tree
With little bitty presents and candy canes for you and me
He started to leave...
Mm!
Then he turned around.
I made a noise.
*Clunk*
I was sure to be found!
Well, I saw Mama kissin' Santa 'neath the mistletoe
Yeah, and he looked like someone I thought you oughta know
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Santa Baby
Santa baby
Just slip a sable under the tree for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby
A 54-convertable too, light blue
I'll wait up for you, dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you'll check out my Christmas list
Santa baby I want a yacht and really that's not a lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa honey
One little thing I really need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa cutie
Fill my stocking with a duplex and cheques
Sign your X on the line
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought from Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Santa baby
Forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean on the phone
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry
Tonight
song performed by by Kylie Minogue
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Santa Baby
Written by eartha kitt
Santa baby,
Just slip a sable under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby,
A 54 convertible too
Light blue
Ill wait up for you, dear
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Think of all the fun Ive missed
Think of all the fellas that I havent kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If youll check off my christmas list
Santa baby,
I want a yacht and really thats not
A lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa honey,
One little thing I really need
The deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa cutie,
And fill my stocking with a duplex
And checks
Sign your x on the line
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Come and trim my christmas tree
With some decorations bought at tiffanys
I really do believe in you
Lets see if you believe in me
Santa baby,
Forgot to mention one little thing
A ring
I dont mean on the phone
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry...tonight
song performed by by Vonda Shepard
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Santa Claus Is Comin To Town
(j. fred coots/haven gillespie)
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
Im telling you why
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming to town
Hes making a list,
Checking it twice;
Gonna find out whos naughty or nice.
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming to town
He sees you when youre sleeping
He knows when youre awake
He knows if youve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
With little tin horns and little toy drums
Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming to town
He sees you when youre sleeping
He knows when youre awake
He knows if youve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
Goodness sake
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
Im telling you why
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming to town
Santa claus is coming
Santa claus is coming
Santa claus is coming to town
(coming to town)
Santas a busy man he has no time to play
Hes got millions of stockings to fill on christmas day
(santa claus is coming to town)
(coming to town)
(santa claus is coming to town)
(coming to town)
song performed by by Lonestar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Santa Baby
Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
Ive been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby, an out-of-space convertible too, light blue
Ill wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Think of all the fun Ive missed
Think of all the fellas that I havent kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If youd check off my christmas list
Boo doo bee doo
Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really thats
Not a lot
Ive been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa cutie, theres one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Santa baby, Im filling my stocking with a duplex, and checks
Sign your x on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Come and trim my christmas tree
With some decorations bought at tiffanys
I really do believe in you
Lets see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I dont mean a phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
song performed by by Madonna
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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