Joke 11 The Umpty Tump
City cousin to country cousin on seeing a molehill for the first time: 'What's that? '
Country Cousin: 'An umpty tump'.
City cousin: 'What's an umpty tump? '
Country cousin: 'A tump that the umpty makes.'
City cousin: 'But what's an umpty? '
Country cousin: 'Him that makes the tump ye daft fool! '
poem by by unknown author
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Related quotes
I have a cousin named....
I have a cousin named tru,
Who is always more excited than you,
He jumps an dhe bounces,
in so many houses,
I have a cousin named tru,
Who might belong in a zoo,
He moos and he poos,
while on the news.
I have a cousin named tru,
Who will try o say boo,
when you come out the lou.
I have a cousin named tru,
Who probably won't say goo,
Because he's ay older than two,
Whose name is not sue.
I cousin named tru...
I love you tru!
Country Scrumping
Your country cousin took you
Across a field to a vast orchard
Where low hung branches
Made the green apples within
Reach of your young boy’s hands.
Don’t eat too many of them
Or you’ll get gut ache, she said.
Your eyes had never seen so
Many apples, row after row
In long lines down the field and
Fields beyond. You picked an apple
And bit into it. They make cider
From these, she said, picking off
An apple too and biting with relish.
Your younger sister looked nervously
On wondering if she too should pick.
Go on, your cousin said, pick and eat.
Your sister reached up and pulled
And a few apples fell to the ground
With soft sounds of thump on the
Short grass. She picked up one and
Brushed it off on her dress. Have to
Run if the farmer comes, your cousin
Said, and don’t tell of this or we’ll be
For it. For what? Your sister asked.
Your cousin looked around and replied,
A good telling off or a good tanned ass.
You stood all three of you eating, beneath
The apple trees, in the short green grass.
poem by Terry Collett
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Cousin Bobbie
I lost you, I lost my cousin,
On that gloomy Christmas day.
The day was supposed to be full of happiness,
but instead was full of dismay.
I was so happy when I ran down stairs that Christmas morn,
And when my mother told me you had died it felt like someone
jabbed me with a thorn.
I lost you, I lost my cousin
On that Christmas day.
So tell me cousin Bobbie why do I still feel so depressed,
about your death.
poem by Angelina DeCarles
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Only 25
Today I was thinking of my cousin he was only 25 when he died.
His life was over before it even really got to start.
You see, in a moment of passion he didn't wear a condom.
And in that moment he contracted AIDS.
He lived for seven more years and then one day he just died.
He was only 25.
Note: This poem was not just a tribute to my cousin but a message to the young and old please don't let my cousin and millions of others death be for nothing. In that moment stop for a moment and put on a condom. Sex doesn’t kill people but AIDS do! !
Jojo
The red angel,
The white angel,
The blue angel,
The black angel,
It is a very long time that we've heard from you people;
But, where is Jojo my cousin?
The windows of heaven were opened to rain for forty days,
And forty nights without seeing you my cousin;
But two by two they went into the ark.
Oh Jojo where are you?
Like the cold and the heat and the winter and the summer,
You are gone for many days and we are yet to see you again.
Of the seed time and the harvest time,
Jojo my cousin where are you?
Try to tell us your where about when you read this message.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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Cousin....
you know my name, cousin.
you always call me by my name
always in the shallow part of the river
placid, i am, like a linen spread in bed
before sleep time,
we are bathing
and we tell stories about our ancestors
those brave warriors from the north
moving south, finding some fortune long denied them by fate
one day
you prefer to dive with me in the Deep
to find some pearls
the whirlpool sucked you in
and i tried to help, but you allowed it just the same to claim you
up there is the storm of sinking ships
down in where we are is the peaceful ocean floor
i touch your hand and then you breathe again
but it is too late then, you ask me who i am?
but i cannot speak anymore
for now i belong not to the earth but to the sea, the deepest sea
cousin, i am not your cousin.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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My Cousin In Milwaukee
Once I visited my cousin, in milwaukee, usa
She got boyfriends by the dozen, when she sang in a lowdown way
She was a positive sensation
The songs that she sang would never miss
My cousin was my inspiration
Thats how I got like this
I got a cousin in milwaukee
Shes got a voice so squawky
And though shes tall and kind of gawky
Oh, how she gets the men
Her singing isnt operatic
Its got a lot of static
What makes your heart get acrobatic
Nine times out of ten
When she sings hot, you cant be solemn
It sends the shivers up and down your spinal column
When she sings blue, the men shout, what stuff!
That baby is hot stuff
So if you like the way I sing songs,
If you think that Im a wow
You can thank my squawky cousin from milwaukee
Because she taught me how
(instrumental bridge)
When she sings hot, you cant be solemn
It sends the shivers up and down your spinal column
When she sings blue, the men shout, what stuff!
That baby is hot stuff
So if you like the way I sing songs,
If you think that Im a wow
You can thank my squawky cousin from milwaukee
Because she taught me how
song performed by by Ella Fitzgerald
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hatred is pity’s mother.
I took pity on an old man,
My cousin’s father.
Is it the sympathy for the man
Or the rooted hatred for my cousin.
That spurted in me a pity?
30.07.2005
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Jesus Said
The thief of lives
stole my cousin's
breath away
sleep now dear cousin
forever in peace
in fields of swaying daffodils.
Jesus said
there is room
in my father's house
for everyone
and I am the way.
His words comfort me.
poem by Vince Gullaci
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Beach Boy Blues
(words & music by sid tepper - roy bennett)
Im a poor hawaiian beach boy
A long way from the beach
cause someone shoved his face against my hand
Now Im a kissing cousin to a ripe pineapple
Im in the can
I was minding my own business
But drinking daddys juice
I swear Ill never touch that stuff again
Just like a pig before he gave his all that aluhau
Im in the pen
Got those beach boy blues
Dont the time go slow
Lonely beach boy blues
Only 30 days and 90 years to go
I want a taste of honey
From my wahinis lips
I want to be her ever loving man
But Im a kissing cousin to a ripe pineapple
Im in the can
But Im a kissing cousin to a ripe pineapple
Im in the can
song performed by by Elvis Presley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I had heard before that there were rumors I was gay. It's funny. My cousin gets his hair cut at this place, and one of the guys there told him that Scott Wolf was gay. He didn't realize that he was my cousin.
quote by Scott Wolf
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Plague Plague Plague
Dead dog dead dog
Guts all down the freeway
in a dirty red streak
fur all mangled lookin
like Bob Dylan's hair
Plague plague plague
My dog's name was Missi
after this cousin I kinda
didn't like
but I never hated either
one to where I wanted
a dead cousin or dead dog dead dog
Plague Plague Plague
My cousin never writes
so I don't know what's up with her
but I know I got a dead dog dead dog
hit by a semi and pasted on the freeway
like gaudy modern art
Plague Plague Plague
Missi was a boy and he was a good dog
now he's a dead dog dead dog
let's go get drunk and
sing songs about Missi
his favorite one was that rambling
one about
Plague Plague Plague
poem by Smack Thompson
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Well I was eight years old, and I have an older cousin who is three years older than me and she was doing acting, commercials, and modeling at the time and... to see my cousin doing that was really inspiring and I wanted to do it. So I went to my mom and I asked her if I could do it, and for the acting part of it, she made me study for a year.
quote by Hailee Steinfeld
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Looking For A Rainbow
Well we come down to the valley
Yea were looking for the honey
I see a rainbow
I say thats the land of milk and honey
Me and my cousin
Me and my brother
My little sister too
Come looking for a rainbow
Yea were looking for a rainbow
Well we come down to the valley
Got our babies in our arms
Yea were maggies little children
And were looking for maggies farm
Me and my cousin
Me and my brother
My little sister too
Come looking for a rainbow
Yea were looking for a rainbow
Well we come down to the valley
We aint far away no more
You cant leave us dying this time
cos were all around your door
Me and my cousin
Me and my brother
My little sister too
Come looking for a rainbow
Yea were looking for a rainbow
song performed by by Chris Rea
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I against my brother, I and my brother against our cousin, I, my brother and our cousin against the neighbors, All of us against the foreigner.
The Electric Train Set
The electric train set
Was laid out upstairs
in a large room
in your cousin’s house.
It compared unfairly
with your own
hand wound train set
at home, shut up in a box.
Your cousin pushed buttons
and the train and carriages
raced around
the long winding track
as you both looked on,
each with your own
deep down thoughts
and boyish dreams.
No labour involved,
no fingers needed
to wind the train,
no small circle
of metal track
as yours had at home,
but a room spread of track
in wider circle
from here, there and back.
You eyed your cousin’s train set
with a mixture
of envy and awe
as you watched it
race speedily around the floor.
poem by Terry Collett
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Cousin Randy
Muir-Trujillo-
He'd disappear for years, then one day he would just show
Dad would buy him shows (shoes?), give him $50 and he'd go
He talked about the good old days of war in Vietnam
Did two tours of duty with his new love heroin
You knew he'd be covicted before he was ever tried
Did his time in Chino, then Folsom and Wayside
But every day was prison, molested as a kid
Abused by his stepfather, hard to believe the things he did
We call him Cousin Randy
Couldn't get up in the morning, couldn't get to sleep at night
Swore the room was full of Demons, but nothin' was in our sight
No one was safe when Randy came out to play
He would leave you for dead and then just walk away
We call him Cousin Randy
One time while at Grandma's, it was getting kind of late
Randy stayed outside 'cause his odor was so great
He walked out the door and I told him "good night"
He charged me, grabbed my neck and he started squeezing tight
Dad and Jim and Grandpa jumped on to his back
He screamed "What's so good about it" before he let up his attack
The neck day, while we were swimming, he tried to drown my sister
Laughing as she struggled, then he pulled her up and kissed her
We call him Cousin Randy. To us, he's just Cousin Randy
song performed by by Infectious Grooves
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lost Love
She was in and out of jail,
She had no friends,
She had no job.Her parents didn't car,
So she did what she thought was best,
She took her life,
On August 10th she was dead.
That was her birthday,
When her cousin Amy came over AT 7: 54 pm,
She was dead,
She died 15 minutes before Amy got there,
When Amy came in she was petrified at what she saw,
She saw her cousin lying in a pool of blood,
Amy immediately called the cops,
Any told the press she never fitted in,
She told them she want welcome,
Who is she you ask,
She is the lonely girl who everyone thought was okay.
poem by Shannon Welch
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Our Soldier Cousin
Glide, river, gently to the sea;
Sing dirges low and tender;
Bear partings oft breathed near to thee,
By patriot truth-defenders;
Waft soothing murmurs from thy shores,
To hearts so fondly loving;
One sigh for us, who, more and more,
Grieve for a soldier cousin.
Glow, campfires, with your glittering gleam,
On hill, in covert valley,
While dim the flickering taper beams,
Upon his pallet lowly.
Dread fever dried his young life's fount,
Yet reason came at even;
He spoke of home, then upward mounts
His soul - that soldier cousin's.
'Twas this he said - to them now dear,
These words, so so fitly spoken -
'Tell father, mother, sister, there,
My hold on life's most broken;
Yes, dear ones, only brother lone,
Weep not - but live for Heaven;
I'm happy now - meet me at home'.
Thus died our soldier cousin.
Ah! noble cousin, on that morn,
When 'cross the Rappahannock,
So noiseless fled those warrior forms,
Hid by thy brave band's banner,
Did'st think so soon thy weary feet,
This river'd cross to Heaven.
While angels covered thy retreat,
Safe over - soldier cousin?
To think we were at home with thee,
But six short months agone,
And as thy sister pressed the keys,
We all joined in the song!
But now thou'rt gone! - o'er ruined joys,
Like call of the Muezzin,
Echo brings back our manly voice,
Our noble soldier cousin.
Now, as the lone ones in thy home,
Surround the hearth at even,
And calmly close the sacred tome,
And raise the song to Heaven,
They pause and sigh, and tear drops fall,
For no more thou art coming,
To kneel in prayer with the loved all,
At home - dear soldier cousin.
Yet though they miss thee through long hours,
Faith fills the vacant chair,
Points upward to the heavenly bowers,
And sweetly saith 'He's there!'
Ah, yes, 'he's there!' His Christian heart
Would heed his country's bidding;
He's done the patriot hero's part -
God loves our soldier cousin!
There's cheer in this, too, mourning ones,
We know our Christian cousin,
When ranked with freedom's noble sons,
Was bannered sure for Heaven.
Then weep no more; press back the tears,
Save for the fond hearts riven,
Who mourns their dead mid hope and fear,
But 'at home' is our soldier cousin.
Cousin Clyde
Cousin Clyde spent much of his time
Walking up and down the street
He never failed to whistle
At every pretty girl he'd meet
Cousin Clyde was quite a bit different
From any man we ever knew
He loved all the pretty women
Yey he was afraid of them too
A girl once flirted with Clyde
He was a rather good-looking man
That scared him out of his wits
And he turned around and ran
Clyde wrote so many girls letters
None of them ever replied
It just wasn't to be
That Clyde would have a bride.
poem by Joy Thacker
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