Car Salesman
Nought per cent finance, what a con!
Nought per cent finance, you’re having me on
That's the offer that brought me in here,
Buying this car is going to cost me dear.
Let's look at the figures just once more,
Prevent you heading straight for the door.
Perhaps we can do some kind of deal
To greatly change the way you feel.
Tell me what you want and we'll do our best
To find the car that passes your test.
You can choose the colour and the engine size
As long as you see I’m not telling you lies!
Air-con you can have, or alloy wheels,
Though that's the type a car thief steals!
A silver one is nice, or what about blue?
It’ll match your eyes and really suit you.
They taught me what to say to you in selling school
Making you believe I'm playing by the rule
So come on, buy the car, that’s now not then,
Cos I’ve heard you really want it for your daughter, Jen!
poem by Lindsey Priest
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Here's the truth. The proposed top rate of income tax is not 50 per cent. It is 50 per cent plus 1.5 per cent national insurance paid by employees plus 13.3 per cent paid by employers. That's not 50 per cent. Two years from now, Britain will have the highest tax rate on earned income of any developed country.
quote by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Every cent we earn from Crocodile Hunter goes straight back into conservation. Every single cent.
quote by Steve Irwin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Captaincy is 90 per cent luck and 10 per cent skill. But don't try it without that 10 per cent.
quote by Richie Benaud
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Our fifty principal cities contain 39.3 per cent of our entire German population, and 45.8 per cent of the Irish. Our ten larger cities only nine per cent of the entire population, but 23 per cent of the foreign.
quote by Josiah Strong
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Put a Penny in the Slot
If my action's stiff and crude,
Do not laugh, because it's rude.
If my gestures promise larks,
Do not make unkind remarks.
Clockwork figures may be found
Everywhere and all around.
Ten to one, if I but knew,
You are clockwork figures too.
And the motto of the lot,
"Put a penny in the slot!"
Usurer, for money lent,
Making out his cent per cent -
Widow plump or maiden rare,
Deaf and dumb to suitor's prayer -
Tax collectors, whom in vain
You implore to "call again" -
Cautious voter, whom you find
Slow in making up his mind -
If you'd move them on the spot,
Put a penny in the slot!
Bland reporters in the courts,
Who suppress police reports -
Sheriff's yeoman, pen in fist,
Making out a jury list -
Stern policemen, tall and spare,
Acting all "upon the square" -
(Which in words that plainer fall,
Means that you can square them all) -
If you want to move the lot,
Put a penny in the slot!
poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Higher Mathematics
Twice one is two,
Twice two is four,
But twice two is ninety-six if you know the way to score.
Half of two is one,
Half of four is two,
But half of four is forty per cent. if your name is Montagu:
For everything else is on the square
If done by the best quadratics;
And nothing is low in High Finance
Or the Higher Mathematics.
A straight line is straight
And a square mile is flat:
But you learn in trigonometrics a trick worth two of that.
Two straight lines
Can't enclose a Space,
But they can enclose a Corner to support the Chosen Race:
For you never know what Dynamics do
With the lower truths of Statics;
And half of two is a touring car
In the Higher Mathematics.
There is a place apart
Beyond the solar ray,
Where parallel straight lines can meet in an unofficial way.
There is a room that holds
The examiner or his clerks,
Where you can square the circle or the man that gives the marks.
Where you hide in the cellar and then look down
On the poets that live in the attics;
For the whole of the house is upside down
In the Higher Mathematics.
poem by G.K. Chesterton from Songs of Education
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Over The Edge
I had eyes but I could not see, I hurt everybody who believed in me
I had it all but I lost the key, oh
I saw the world through fogged-up glasses, like some lothario making passes
I showed the world just what an ass is, oh
I was over the edge, I was always out of my head
Trouble in paradise, treadin on the thinnest ice
Oh-oh, over the edge, I wouldnt listen to what anybody said
Cuttin with a razor blade, spendin every cent I made
Over the edge
I dreamed of standin on my own two feet
My fists held high and I clenched my teeth
But Id wake up to the same old me, oh
I was living a lie, but you brought me truth
Afraid to cry, but you taught me to
You stood beside me, now Ill stand by you, oh
I was over the edge, I was always out of my head
I wasnt foolin anyone, playin with a loaded gun
Oh-oh, over the edge, I wouldnt listen to what anybody said
I was numbing all the pain, you taught me how to feel again
(solo)
If I had died, it would have been a shame
Theyd have said he only had himself to blame
You saved my life when you called my name, oh
I was over the edge, I was always out of my head
I was numbing all the pain, you showed me how to feel again
Oh-oh, over the edge, I wouldnt listen to what anybody said
When you looked me in the eyes, you finally made me recognize
Oh-oh, over the edge (repeats 4x)
song performed by by Reo Speedwagon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country really needs is a good five-cent nickel.
quote by Franklin P. Adams
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Red
Put your hand in the paintbox and choose
Which one says the most about you
I would have to pick the deepest shade
The saddest shade of blue
But red is colour Id choose
Red is colour Id choose
I set my soul long ago and far away
Oh its written down so deep it can never fade away
Though so many years have come and gone
Through my life one thing has stayed
An eternal light that shines clean through the grey
Red is colour Id choose
Deepest red on a sky of deepest blue
It dont matter now if I should win
If I should win or lose
cos red is colour Id choose
If I waste my time away waiting just for you
I dont care what others say
cos baby I just love, love what you do
Red is colour Id choose
Deepest red on a sky of deepest blue
It dont matter now if I should win
If I should win or lose
cos red is colour Id choose
song performed by by Chris Rea
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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They are just 100 per cent bear, whereas human beings feel we're not 100 per cent human, that we're always letting ourselves down. We're constantly striving towards something, to some fulfilment.
quote by Stephen Fry
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hes A Thief
He steals hearts and he steals my kisses
He stole away my love
He steals my thoughts
And now it seems
He stole into my dreams
Cos hes a thief , oh
Hes a thief
Hes a thief
Hes got me ensnared in his clutches
His love does not seem real
Hes got me there , in solitaire
His love is made of steel
But hes a thief , oh yeah
Hes a thief , oh
Hes a thief
I locked my heart and threw away the key
But hes knocked once and open sesame
He steals hearts and he steals my kisses
He stole away my love
He steals my thoughts
And now it seems
He stole into my dreams
But hes a thief
Oh, hes a thief
Hes a thief ( fadeout)
song performed by by Bee Gees
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Chauffeur
(words and music: duran duran)
Out on the tar plains, the glides are moving
All looking for a new place to drive
You sit beside me so newly charming
Sweating dewdrops glisten freshing your side
And the sun drips down bedding heavy behind
The front of your dress - all shadowy lined
And the droning engine throbs in time
With your beating heart
Way down the lane away, living for another day
The aphids swarm up in the drifting haze
Swim seagull in the sky towards that hollow western isle
My envied lady holds you fast in her gaze
(chorus) (chorus)
Sing blue silver
And watching lovers part, I feel you smiling
What glass splinters lie so deep in your mind
To tear out from your eyes, with a thought to stiffen brooding lies
And Ill only watch you leave me further behind
(chorus) (chorus)
Sing blue silver
Sing, sing.. blue silver
(theres more to this kind of camouflage)
(more than just colour and shape)
(whos going now, in to a classiomatic? )
song performed by by Duran Duran
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Not My Concern tissue warning
The night was dark and damp and cold.
The match girl’s matches still unsold.
The passers by ignored her pleas
what she was selling failed to please.
An orphan child without a home.
By circumstances forced to roam
She earns enough to pay her way
but not today, but not today.
Ill clad in rags and frozen through
her tiny hands and feet are blue.
The freezing rain turns into snow
The match girl has nowhere to go.
Without money, she cannot buy
a night in somewhere warm and dry.
She tries in vain to sell her wares
Without success, nobody cares.
The falling snow was getting deep
and still she had no place to sleep.
Although she tried in vain to find
some shelter from the freezing wind.
This was the night the match girl died.
They found her frozen stiff beside
the local convents well barred door.
The little Sisters of the Poor.
Had not been very sisterly.
Ignored the orphans misery
because they did not choose to see.
Now kindly death has set her free.
No longer needs the charity
which they denied so easily
by pious women who profess
to proffer aid to the helpless.
I do not claim to be guilt free
but I make no pretence to be
a Little sister of the poor
and let a child freeze at my door.
I am quite sure they will
deny any responsibility
and call her death an accident.
They could nothing to prevent.
I should not judge but feel I must
express my feelings of disgust
That this child was allowed to die
for lack of Christian charity.
Although this happened long ago
There’s very little changed I know.
We’re still prepared to pass them by
and care not if they live or die.
We can pretend they don’t exist
an attitude which will persist
As long as we don’t choose to see
They’re our responsibility.
12-Aug-08
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Changes?
Everything and everyone is different in their own way.
They can treat you like dirt or try to use you in every way.
When you see the light flash inbetween your eyes,
it is like he is telling you something;
something that you have never seen or heard before.
It's like he has a quest for you to figure out
what is at stake here and what is out there waiting...
I see how everything is with life but do you know what is out there?
I don't know much,
but do you really know?
Not everything is easy and I notice that he has challenged us.
Challenged us to face these things;
To face those in our school,
Choosing what kind of friends we make,
and to also what we choose in life.
Some people just don't really understand me
but for what I am doing is what I really care for now
And this few weeks I have been thinking about it.
I have seen the bad for the better and it has been making me
feel like I have to out done myself to these situations
Nothing can be the same anymore so why not change them.
Why not just forget those in the past and go on in life?
Leave them as memories and wipe it away?
Probably that will be it for them and a new start for me.
To go out and be there as me again
and to be where I want to be of where I have started 14 years ago.
Go out and finish what I started and come out clean again.
poem by Jessica Lee
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.
quote by Jerry Garcia
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Our share of the vote overall rose by less than 1 per cent - yes, that's right: less than 1 per cent.
quote by Francis Maude
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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About 20 per cent of the population believe themselves to have a food allergy and only about five per cent actually do.
quote by John Warner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Not That Kind Of Girl
Im not that kind of girl who thinks I can change the world
With just a simple twirl of my hair
Ill never break your heart, tear your soul apart
With just a simple spark from my stare
Wont go playing with your insides
Take your wallet for its big size
Wont be suckered in by those foolish games
1:
Oh, oh, Im not that kind of girl
Oh, oh, Im not that kind of girl
Oh, oh, Im not that kind of girl
Oh, oh, Im not that kind of girl
Im not that of girl who think you can rule my world
With just a simple wave of your hand
So dont you push me down, or start to play around
Cause when you see me frown, just beware
Dont go playing with my insides
Tell me stories, tell me big lies
Wont be taken in by those silly games
Repeat 1
Come on, come on
Yo, tell me vc, what kind of girl are you?
Let me know
Im not the kind of girl to make you lose your mind
I wanna be the kind of girl youll never leave behind
Youre gonna take it, never fake it, you know youll see
That Im just the kind of girl I always wanted to be
Im not that kind of girl, Im not that kind of girl
Im not that kind of girl
I like your kind of girl, I like that kind of girl
I like your kind of girl
Im not that kind of girl
I like your kind of girl, I like all kinds of girls
I like your kind of girl
Im not that kind of girl
song performed by by Vitamin C
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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50 Cent
'I will kill you like a snake',
'I will roast you like a chicken',
'I will fry you like a plantain',
So roll, roll, roll your boat when,
You have a killer gun in your pocket.
I was born in the ghetto,
With the status of poverty without a fish;
I was taught in the ghettto,
With much tears than hope;
I was brought up in the ghetto,
Without the Statue of Liberty to salute;
So roll your boat with the gun in your pocket but,
Who is ther to cover up your actions?
I was taught in a mud-house,
Without slippers on my feet;
That's the kind of society i cam from.
I had my education on the streets with,
Fights, Hunger and Starvation to crown the day;
But your killer gun in your pocket will,
Give you up one day.
Taught by the street lived by the streets,
Learned by the streets and loved by the streets,
Married by the street and of the cluster of a phobia!
But this way was part of my maturity;
That is why i do not respect the gun in your pocket.
Stealing and looting and of the plans to make the move,
But as a Human-Being who lives on 50 Cent a day!
Oh life in the ghetto,
And with the status of poverty without a fish;
But just roll your boat with a merry on your face,
For life to me was just like the mountain of snakes!
Oh life's fair fountain that eluded me,
Stealing and looting and of the plans to make it work always;
But i was just living on 50 Cent a day!
Joy to me was like the roasting of a chicken and,
Hope to me was like the killing of a rabbit;
And of an excellent value for many when one dies,
But peace to me was like the frying of plantains.
We still have leaders ruling us but,
We were still mulling to make a case like a courageous leader;
But to live on 50 Cent a day in the ghetto was all that we have,
And of the cluster of a phobia of things around us!
Life in the ghetto and living on 50 Cent a day,
It was like life on the run with the bullets behind us;
And at times it was like the straw on a camel's back,
With the negativity of life to meet all the time!
Like the golden cup whose shock aroused,
We were just living to survive;
Like half-naked young lovers who called for help,
When one equals to a temper of heroic hearts;
Life in the ghetto,
But all along i do manage with 50 Cent a day!
For the peace of one's mind was with questions all the time.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Yellow School Bus
The yellow school bus with the black wheels took sick children to school each day.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels was driven whether or not the sky was gray.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels went pass three streets and up a hill.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels was driven whether sunny or chilled.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels always brought a smile to little kids face.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels was filled with love and filled with grace.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels kept breathing until that final breath.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels was painted red with blood and death.
The yellow school bus with the black wheels and the little sick children were all of friends.
But the now dead children will never take a ride in the yellow school bus again.
poem by RaShawn Ince
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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