1. A Crushing Blow
Driving your car without road tax
Is daft and your luck you are pushing
Cos if caught by the local police force
Your car will be taken for crushing
poem by David Threadgold (2008)
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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God Help You If You Drive
I've burgled, raped and pillaged,
But I find it really funny,
The police don't tend bother me,
It would cost them too much money.
I've committed countless other crimes,
But I know I won't be sought,
It means that they would have to work,
That's why I won't get caught.
The reason they won't come after me,
Is all to do with logistics,
Drivers are an easy touch,
We boost their crime statistics.
Leave your vehicle without road tax,
The police will be in a rush,
You'll be fined, they'll steal your car,
Saying sorry but we have to crush.
Overstay the parking lot,
You'll soon feel put upon,
When you come back to drive away,
You'll find your car has gone.
At first you'll think it's stolen,
It's nowhere to be found,
Then when you phone the police for help,
They'll say, ‘'it's in the pound''.
You will not be shown sympathy,
Of common sense there'll be a lack,
You'll have to pay big money,
If you want to get it back.
The fines can be worth more than the car,
They'll cost you a bloody mint,
If and when you claim it back,
Either way you'll end up ''skint''
It's akin to highway robbery,
But they think it's really deft,
In effect they steal your car,
But don't get charged with theft.
If I get caught committing murder,
My lawyer will be misleading,
But woe betide the drivers,
Whenever they're caught speeding.
They tell you you're on camera,
We've got you banged to rights,
If you try to argue back,
They'll say you went through red lights.
If you argue you are innocent,
You're well and truly sunk,
They'll say you smell of alcohol,
Therefore you must be drunk.
They'll treat you like a piece of dirt,
Their attitude will be abrupt,
Is it really any wonder,
We think they're all corrupt.
To the police you're an easy target,
Why look for the robbers stash,
It's easier to pick on drivers,
To them we're worth more cash.
Every single driving offence,
Carries a hefty fine,
You'll get less for armed robbery,
If you step out of line.
There is an easy answer,
Take it easy, don't make a fuss,
Get rid of the wretched car,
Then go jump on a bloody bus.
It's a really sad indictment,
But sadly it's a fact,
Commit any crime you want to,
But don't breach the road traffic act.
The weight of the law will come down on you,
You'll have a licence full of points,
In addition you'll get banned from driving,
You'd get less for selling joints.
Ask a policeman what his job is,
He'll say preventing and solving crime,
But you drivers are the easiest prey,
For real criminals we have no time.
As crime levels soar throughout the world,
Police targets must be met,
Motorists are the easy option,
It's you they'll be out to get.
They'll bully and intimidate you,
Their harassment will go far,
That henious crime you're responsible for,
Driving your beloved car.
So the moral of this story is,
That's why real criminals thrive,
Murder and rob just who you like,
but,
‘' God Help You If You Drive''.
Kid's truth lands pop in soup
It was a bright summer’s day
And a man was driving his car
It seems he was crossing the speed limit
So it’s obvious the police weren’t far
The police chased him all the way
But the man had already reached his house
He admitted himself inside
Looking as terrified as a mouse
He asked his wife to tell
The police that he hadn’t come
And he concealed himself in the bedroom
Feeling depressed, scared and glum
The police arrived and asked the wife where he was
She said he wasn’t there
When her three year old daughter stepped up
With cheeks so chubby and fair
She piped up in her little voice,
“If you want to know just ask me
Daddy’s hiding in the bedroom
Why don’t you go and see? ”
The police caught the man
And asked him, “Well, what do you say,
It seems because of your own daughter
You are in trouble today”
The man just shook his head and said,
“I am to be blamed for this tumult
I always taught my daughter never to lie
And this is the result! ”
The inspiration for this poem came from an anecdote in Reader's Digest
poem by Risha Ahmed
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Old Boy Racer (Fun Poem 132)
While driving home one day
my old car blew up on me
and the transmission went kaput.
Upon getting another car,
I chose a smaller one,
the kind boy racers own.
Suddenly I became a speed demon
driving down the motorway doing a ton
with the wind ruffling
through the remaining hair I had.
One day while really pushing it,
blue lights began flashing behind me.
The cops told me to pull over,
which at once I did.
An officer approached my car
with me crammed behind the wheel.
'What speed do you think you were doing? '
'I don't know officer I couldn't see the speedo.'
'I clocked you at doing a 110.'
'Really! ' I said
as he wrote me out a ticket.
'I'd advise you to adjust your seat
so you can see the speedo.'
'Yes officer I will do that.' I replied.
I sat there for a moment;
a smile crept across my face.
My son will no believe it
when I show him the ticket.
He'll probably say
the Police had it wrong,
the ticket was probably for going slow.
I drove off after the Police had gone,
my foot to the floor again.
Back into my boy racer mode,
but in my case now
it was an old boy racer mode.
25-26 April 2012
poem by David Harris
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The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
quote by Ronnie Barker
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When my dad first started out in the police force, wearing the uniform was a sense of pride, and it was respected in the community for what the police force was all about. Unfortunately today, the uniform is a target.
quote by Jerry Doyle
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If they tell the police, the police will find out she was driving, and her career will be put into hell.
quote by Nicholas Mosley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road
The chicken was undecided on whether to cross the road,
she was a short sighted chicken
who, not being able to see across the road
couldn't quite understand the advantages
of being on the other side.
People passing by the chicken
stopped to ask if she wanted to get across the road
but the chicken just clucked, indecisively,
looking very concerned as to her own
demise if she should attempt to.
After all, should she transverse the road
and avoid oncoming vehicles
she would then be stuck on the other side
but should she not, then she may well
feel unfulfilled, unaccomplished.
Not wanting to disappoint,
let down, or cause a disturbance
the chicken did a little shake,
a little flutter and hop, skipped
and jumped across the road.
A local lorry came hurtling towards her,
she saw the headlights, heard the horn
but too late! There were chicken bits
all over the place while a local
reporter took notes, writing:
We'll never know why the chicken
tried to cross that road in heavy traffic
but she was pronounced dead
on arrival at the local hospital.
They'll be no live chicken tonight.
poem by Ruth Walters
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Never, Ever And Luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck never, ever and luck
prayers are answered
need repetitions
The military police
One afternoon
just after returning from work
there was a knock on the front door
and three military policemen
with flat orange hats,
and orange arm flashes
demanded to come in
and wanted to search my place
as somebody had told them
that I was a friend of someone
for whom they had an arrest warrant
for not turning up to camp
and the simpletons thought
that I was hiding him.
Being in the citizens force,
I intensely disliked the military police
and knew that he was quite safe from them
and showed them the gate
which made them really angry,
but they were furious
when I told them that I knew
where to find him
and that they could go
to the local police station
where he was on duty.
poem by Gert Strydom
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Dream Police
Words and music by rick nielsen
The dream police, they live inside of my head.
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
The dream police, theyre coming to arrest me, oh no.
You know that talk is cheap, and those rumors aint nice.
And when I fall asleep I dont think Ill survive the night, the night.
cause theyre waiting for me.
Theyre looking for me.
Evry single night theyre driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.
The dream police, they live inside of my head.
(live inside of my head.)
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
(come to me in my bed.)
The dream police, theyre coming to arrest me, oh no.
Well, I cant tell lies, cause theyre listening to me.
And when I fall asleep, bet theyre spying on me tonight, tonight.
cause theyre waiting for me.
Theyre looking for me.
Evry single night theyre driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.
I try to sleep, theyre wide awake, they wont leave me alone.
They dont get paid to take vacations, or let me alone.
They spy on me, I try to hide, they wont let me alone.
They persecute me, theyre the judge and jury all in one.
cause theyre waiting for me.
Theyre looking for me.
Evry single night theyre driving me insane.
Those men inside my brain.
The dream police, they live inside of my head.
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
The dream police, theyre coming to arrest me.
song performed by by Cheap Trick
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Unfair luck
Dog and I have not much difference,
Both of us stand waiting,
Not for showers of rain,
Or blessings from heaven,
But for a piece of Dosa,
That the small road-side vendor would throw,
The anticipation was would victory be mine or dog’s,
If it be dog’s, he would put it on the road and eat,
If mine I would give to my kid there on the platform.
Everyday this is my routine,
My tough war with the brown dog,
I have no strength to shoo him away,
And grab the bounty thrown by the vendor,
I leave my kid on the platform waiting with hunger,
If a Dosa change shape or become burnt,
Me or the dog is in luck,
We wait eagerly looking at the vendor’s hand,
There are days when the vendor never has a mishap,
When both me and the dog curse our luck.
Today might not be so,
Praying all the God’s that I know,
I was sitting along with the dog,
Looking carefully at the vendor’s hands,
For a long time there was no luck,
Suddenly hearing the screech of the pan,
I was assured a burnt dosa,
With all concentration I looked at the vendor,
The throw was perfect and so was the catch,
The dog caught the Dosa, while death caught me.
To get that one mouth of burnt Dosa for my kid,
I fell before a bus with the Dosa in my hand,
Just to see the dog grab it away from me,
As the unfair luck smiled at me,
Letting me die and my kid hungry and motherless…
poem by Leena Bose
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The Cold War
The Cold War. (Norway 1964)
A group of ten men in cheap suits and hats, crew on a Soviet ship
anchored in the bay. Walked around the streets looking at window
displays. Suddenly one of the men broke away from the group,
he ran down a side road, but was swiftly caught by the local police,
who had followed the group a discreet distance; only few people
noticed the incident. The fugitive sat on the pavement crying, was
forced to join the group. The man, now surrounded by the others,
had no escape. They walked around a little longer like nothing odd
had happened, then they headed back to the docks where a boat
picked them up and drove them back to their vessel in the bay.
poem by Oskar Hansen
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Luck
It's cold outside in the middle of the winter and my brain's in
the fridge
Would you know what shape I'm in
Point things in the better I'm lucky if I even give in to the sin
Would you know what shape I'm in
Chorus:
And it's all been luck until now
Caught in the race of up to down
Photography mixed in the monogamy keepin' my world happenin'
Would you know what shape I'm in
I know that I'm better when I know that you're better and I'll hold you again
Would you know what shape I'm in
(Chorus)
And it's all been luck until now
I only hope that you'll still want me now
And it's gonna rage it's gonna stay with you always
Every second counts on you to prove you're off the ground
It's cold outside in the middle of winter and my brains in
the fridge
Point things in the better I'm lucky if I even give in to the sin
And it's all been luck until now
And it's all been luck until now
And it's all been luck until now
Caught in the race of up to down now
It's all been luck until now
Caught in the race of up to down
It's all been luck until now
I only hope that you'll still want me
Forever want me now
Still want me now
Still want me now
Still want me now
song performed by by Fuel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Keep On Trying
Everybody is lazy
Nobody wants to do anything
Everyones crazy
At times I think Ive had enough of it
Living together
Its not a easy thing to begin
Making life a little better
Takes the power of your second please
Ive been around to love
Im trying hard, I know
I havent reach my ball
Ill do what I have to do
Someday well see it through
As long as I have you
Weve got to keep on pushing
(weve got to keep on pushing)
Weve got to keep on trying
(weve got to keep on trying)
Weve got to keep on pushing
(weve got to keep on pushing)
Weve got to keep on trying
(weve got to keep on trying)
Weve got to keep on pushing
(weve got to keep on pushing)
Weve got to keep on trying
(weve got to keep on trying)
Weve got to keep on pushing
(weve got to keep on pushing)
Weve got to keep on trying
(weve got to keep on trying)
song performed by by Gloria Estefan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Better Luck Next Time
Black is for the nighttime
Preys upon the day
Red is for the blood that flows like rivers in our veins
Gray is for betrayal
What you did to me
White is for the blinding light
That I know Ill never see, know Ill never see
Found you in the gutter
You needed tenderness
I gave you everything I had
I gave you all my trust
Handed out so neatly
Caught me in your trap
When I needed you the most
You stab me in the back, stab me in the back
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time
If you do it once therell never be a second time
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time
Find somebody else, youre never gonna be mine
How do you find the nerve
To lie right to me face
How do you find the nerve
Black is for the nighttime
Preys upon the day
Red is for the blood that flows like rivers in our veins
I try and find excuses
For what you did to me
Cant forget that burning rage
When I wake up thinking of your face
For the blinding swiftness of revenge
That I know Ill never see, know Ill never see
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time
If you do it once therell never be a second time
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time
Find somebody else, youre never gonna be mine
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time (better luck, better luck)
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time (better luck, better luck)
How do you find the nerve
To lie right to me face
How did you find the nerve
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time (better luck, better luck)
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time (better luck, better luck)
Better luck, better luck, better luck next time (better luck, better luck)
song performed by by Oingo Boingo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Say, I Say, I Say
At night I like to run a bath,
not round the block,
don't laugh, don't laugh,
it's not a dog, it is a bath.
Oh you're not daft,
not daft, not daft.
poem by Ruth Walters
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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In the police force, two, three, five traitors are detected who are really working for someone else. When we cleanse the police of them, the problem will be simplified a lot. Terrorists will have no one to contact - they will be left without informers.
quote by Akhmad Kadyrov
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You know, my children go to a local, local catholic school just down the road.
quote by John Deacon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Between The Devil & The Deep Blue Sea
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
Everywhere I turn its got a hold on me
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
Everywhere I run it wont let me be
Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
Can somebody somebody somebody help me please
Between the thunder and the driving rain
Could I ever be, be the same again
Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
Holding on
Waiting for some good luck to come
Come my way, set me free
Its that old boy himself and he always knew
Sooner or later
If you dont say whats true youll end in chains
And youll always be
Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
song performed by by Chris Rea
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The jet stream is a very strong force and pushing a balloon into it is like pushing up against a brick wall, but once we got into it, we found that, remarkably, the balloon went whatever speed the wind went.
quote by Richard Branson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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