A Woeful New Ballad Of The Protestant Conspiracy To Take The Pope’s Life
Come all ye Christian people, unto my tale give ear,
'Tis about a base consperracy, as quickly shall appear;
'Twill make your hair to bristle up, and your eyes to start and glow,
When of this dread consperracy you honest folks shall know.
The news of this consperracy and villianous attempt,
I read it in a newspaper, from Italy it was sent:
It was sent from lovely Italy, where the olives they do grow,
And our holy father lives, yes, yes, while his name it is No NO.
And 'tis there our English noblemen goes that is Puseyites no
longer,
Because they finds the ancient faith both better is and stronger,
And 'tis there I knelt beside my lord when he kiss'd the POPE his
toe,
And hung his neck with chains at St. Peter's Vinculo.
And 'tis there the splendid churches is, and the fountains playing
grand,
And the palace of PRINCE TORLONIA, likewise the Vatican;
And there's the stairs where the bagpipe-men and the piffararys
blow.
And it's there I drove my lady and lord in the Park of Pincio.
And 'tis there our splendid churches is in all their pride and
glory,
Saint Peter's famous Basilisk and Saint Mary's Maggiory;
And them benighted Prodestants, on Sunday they must go
Outside the town to the preaching-shop by the gate of Popolo.
Now in this town of famous Room, as I dessay you have heard,
There is scarcely any gentleman as hasn't got a beard.
And ever since the world began it was ordained so,
That there should always barbers he wheresumever beards do grow.
And as it always has been so since the world it did begin,
The POPE, our Holy Potentate, has a beard upon his chin;
And every morning regular when cocks begin to crow,
There comes a certing party to wait on POPE PIO.
There comes a certing gintlemen with razier, soap, and lather,
A shaving most respectfully the POPE, our Holy Father.
And now the dread consperracy I'll quickly to you show,
Which them sanguinary Prodestants did form against NONO.
Them sanguinary Prodestants, which I abore and hate,
Assembled in the preaching-shop by the Flaminian gate;
And they took counsel with their selves to deal a deadly blow
Against our gentle Father, the Holy POPE PIO.
Exhibiting a wickedness which I never heard or read of;
What do you think them Prodestants wished? to cut the good Pope's
head off!
And to the kind POPE'S Air-dresser the Prodestant Clark did go,
And proposed him to decapitate the innocent PIO.
'What hever can be easier,' said this Clerk—this Man of Sin,
'When you are called to hoperate on His Holiness's chin,
Than just to give the razier a little slip—just so?—
And there's an end, dear barber, of innocent PIO!'
The wicked conversation it chanced was overerd
By an Italian lady; she heard it every word:
Which by birth she was a Marchioness, in service forced to go
With the parson of the preaching-shop at the gate of Popolo.
When the lady heard the news, as duty did obleege,
As fast as her legs could carry her she ran to the Poleege.
'O Polegia,' says she (for they pronounts it so),
'They're going for to massyker our Holy POPE PIO.
'The ebomminable Englishmen, the Parsing and his Clark,
His Holiness's Air-dresser devised it in the dark!
And I would recommend you in prison for to throw
These villians would esassinate the Holy POPE PIO?
'And for saving of His Holiness and his trebble crownd
I humbly hope your Worships will give me a few pound;
Because I was a Marchioness many years ago,
Before I came to service at the gate of Popolo.'
That sackreligious Air-dresser, the Parson and his man
Wouldn't, though ask'd continyally, own their wicked plan—
And so the kind Authoraties let those villians go
That was plotting of the murder of the good PIO NONO.
Now isn't this safishnt proof, ye gentlemen at home,
How wicked is them Prodestants, and how good our Pope at Rome?
So let us drink confusion to LORD JOHN and LORD MINTO,
And a health unto His Eminence, and good PIO NONO.
poem by William Makepeace Thackeray
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
The Pope And Tiger Woods
The Pope dies on the very day
that Tiger Woods is whisked away,
their souls rise to the distant skies
where they soon meet with a surprise.
Administrative bungling can
affect in many ways a man,
the Pope (with nothing to repent)
was quickly to the Devil sent.
While Tiger passed the Pearly Gate
where he soon found a golfing mate.
The error was discovered though
St. Peter sent a note below
and told the Devil to release
the Holy Man, and promptly please.
The Devil liked the gentle tone
and put down his red Nokia phone,
next day the Pope was sent to Heaven
at fifteen minutes to eleven.
He met, halfway that Tiger bloke
who looked dejected, sad and broke
he said dear Sir, I'm truly sad
that clerk, he must have been quite mad,
I do belong of course in Hell
and you in Heaven, Sir, be well.
The Pope said son I am excited
and glad this mix-up now is righted,
and Virgin Mary....I can't wait!
Said Tiger, sorry one day late.
poem by Herbert Nehrlich
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Commanders Of The Faithful
The Pope he is a happy man,
His Palace is the Vatican,
And there he sits and drains his can:
The Pope he is a happy man.
I often say when I'm at home,
I'd like to be the Pope of Rome.
And then there's Sultan Saladin,
That Turkish Soldan full of sin;
He has a hundred wives at least,
By which his pleasure is increased:
I've often wished, I hope no sin,
That I were Sultan Saladin.
But no, the Pope no wife may choose,
And so I would not wear his shoes;
No wine may drink the proud Paynim,
And so I'd rather not be him:
My wife, my wine, I love, I hope,
And would be neither Turk nor Pope.
poem by William Makepeace Thackeray
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Pope John Paul II (A Biography Poem Sequence)
Karol Josef Wojtyla was
Born in Poland’s town, Wadowice,
On May,18th,1920,
Grew up to be remarkably!
The son of Pole army father,
And loving school-teacher mother,
He was athlete, soccer-player,
A dare-devil river-swimmer!
He loved to be a good actor;
Love for literature, a factor;
He worked part-time as stone-cutter,
As Nazis downed every shutter!
When eight-years’ old, his mother died;
When still quite young, his brother died;
When twenty years old, father died;
The loss of dear lives, he couldn’t hide!
His mother, brother, father died;
Nation was Nazi-occupied!
A quarry work, gave him the buck
The war deprived Karol good luck!
His mother’s death affected his
Life on earth that had turned amiss;
The violent blows opened up new
Spiritual depths of heart to view.
His father fell upon his knees
In prayer, asking God for peace;
This man had taught him what’s duty,
And explained things of mystery.
He saw the frenzied Nazis kill;
Yet, it was also holy will;
He drew from God his strength while ill;
His faith gave him a hearty fill!
He helped the Jews from Nazis’ hands;
He loved to travel across lands;
When call to priest-hood came one day,
From accident, in bed, he lay.
Ordained as priest in ’46,
Became Bishop in ’58,
Vicar capitular, even,
Cardinal in ’67.
He rose to be a good leader;
He was a poet and writer;
Communism was his one hate!
He was made Pope in ’78!
He was the first pope from Poland;
And shot in Peter’s Square, his land!
He prayed to Mother Mary and
Recovered through her divine hand!
He met assassin in prison,
Forgiving him, his murder-sin;
His talk to him was kept secret;
To youngsters, he opened his heart!
First World Youth Day was held in Rome;
With people young, he was at home;
They were to live by Bible’s Word,
And spread the message of Christ Lord.
He went to see the Holy Land!
His life was linked home Poland,
That gave him his Christian vision,
And on earth, his papal mission!
His heart had roots in Polish soil;
His antecedence, made him toil;
He was a modern global pope,
Who gave mankind, a special hope!
He was an intellectual man,
Who came out of the Vatican,
And founded churches everywhere;
And breathed for long, a friendly air!
He worked to make peace with all Jews;
He was a pope always in news;
He was the most popular pope;
Despite all darkness, he didn’t grope!
He raised his voice against evils;
He cautioned all against devils;
He listed out the mortal sins
That filled the modern man’s soul-bins!
Copyright by Dr John Celes 12-01-2009
poem by John Celes
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It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.
quote by Pope John XXIII
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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From Hand to Hand
The Pope, God's locum, Our Lord, is someone I'd
Liken to an eternal Father, like Our Eternal Father.
That is, he doesn't die, or, sure he dies, but rather,
To be precise, he only really dies on the outside.
Because when his body leaves off being a governor,
His soul, still stuck in its ancient honour,
Doesn't go to paradise or hell - it ain't a goner -
But passes straight into the body of his successor.
In this way, he can undergo slight changes in his brain,
His stomach, ears, nose, skin, mouth or eyes;
But the Pope, inasmuch as he's a Pope, stays the same.
An that's the reason why every body fated to receive
That kind of dignity, falls down from the sky
Soulless, with nothing else but the power to breathe.
poem by Giuseppe Gioacchino Belli
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The Pope in US
(A poetic gist by Dr John Celes, India)
A historical moment for the world;
Pope 265 set foot on US soil;
Pope Benedict XVI was his name
The Apostle of peace and human rights;
He planned his itinerary with shrewdness;
He touched upon all themes that plague the world;
He brought the only hope to US- Christ;
‘With faith, let’s encounter the living God.’
He timed his visit when he thought most fit;
‘Humanism must be revived quickly.’
Modern world dabbled with key issues now.
The foundation of faith was in doldrums.
The heart of man could not be won by war;
For lasting peace, dialogue was needed;
He left his mark, indelible behind;
America could not forget the Pope!
The Gentle Giant spoke in candid terms;
The world cannot rely on human strength;
The help of God was needed doubtlessly;
He brought to US blessings from heaven!
The nation’s heart and mind was enraptured;
They heard the Pope’s message most lovingly;
God’s humble servant made them even laugh;
All human life was sacred until death!
All Catholics were directed to follow
The teachings of the Holy Catholic Church;
They should reflect their faith in daily lives;
And leaders weren’t exception to this rule.
Human sexuality was sacrosanct;
All clerics must be pure in heart and soul;
Few good priests were better than many bad;
The Church and world were at cross-roads today!
Society’s foundations were crumbling fast!
Good families formed framework of the church;
Morality couldn’t be thrown to the winds;
Freedom entailed preserving one’s virtues.
Vicar of Christ- the Pope lauded US;
‘May God bless America even more! ’
Americans should set an example
In earthly life to others in the globe!
Prez Bush saw God very eyes of Pope!
Pope came to feed those souls hungry for God;
He prayed terrorists’ hatred hearts too change;
Love was the one weapon to win all wars!
The world was glad to see Pope in US!
May be, God would do miracles through him;
‘The sheep were happy with their Good Shepherd! ’
May be, the world would make a new beginning!
Copyright by Dr John Celes 4-22-2008
poem by John Celes
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Ballad: Pope Benedict XVI in US,2008
The Apostle of peace had come:
Pope Benedict by name;
To US, where he was welcome,
With missionary aim.
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
In doldrums lies, world of today;
Man’s faith in God is weak;
Most think that science has final say;
So, God, most men don’t seek.
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
The family in danger lies;
Now love does not prevail;
As virtues are replaced by vice;
And freedom blows like gale.
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
The quest for God is dying fast;
Rely men in own toil;
‘The mole is mound’- all sins of past!
Man’s soul is on the spoil.
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
With fervent prayers, send your pleas,
To God who is above;
The caring God will surely ease
Your problems, with great love.
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
Encounter living God in life;
Blessings will follow then;
God cares for you in any strife;
Keep eyes upon Heaven.
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
Though holy is matrimony,
And sacrosanct is sex,
Man sins for sake of more money,
In ways that all can vex!
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
Like love of God that radiates,
Let man’s heart do like-wise;
Let’s take the narrow road to Gates
Of Heaven; Be soul-wise!
‘Let faith in earthly life, God find;
Christ is the only hope,
For modern world, and all mankind, ’
Said Benedict, the Pope.
Copyright by Dr John Celes 4-23-2008
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Once Pope Under Jevais Resolvd To Adventure
Once Pope under Jevais resolvd to adventure
& from a Good Poet Pope turnd an ill painter
So from a Good Painter Charles Jervais we hope
May turn an ill Poet by living with Pope
Then Each may perform the true parts of a friend
While each will have something to blame or commend
poem by Thomas Parnell
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Dear brothers and sisters, after the great Pope John Paul II, the cardinals have elected me - a simple, humble worker in the vineyard of the Lord.
quote by Pope Benedict XVI
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Tribute to The Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI
Message: “But, let there be one flock and one Shepherd.”
The world has got a Pope anew!
His name is Joseph Ratzinger;
On April, twenty-fourth, Sunday,
He’s duly installed as the Pope,
Successor to Pope John Paul II.
A German cardinal old-aged,
A Theologian ’yond compare;
A man of wisdom, silver-haired,
A conservative of the Church,
He said Inaugural Mass that day.
St. Peter’s Square was thronged by crowds
Of people of all ages, sex-
That numbered five lakhs from countries,
To witness his Investiture:
A life-time’s rare phenomenon!
Yes, Heads of States and religious;
The clerics and the laity too;
Representatives from many lands;
Some curious tourists and Faithful,
Dignitaries and pilgrims too,
Had jubilantly gathered here.
And Benedict, the XVI stood,
All dressed in cassock of pure white;
With face akin a beaming sun,
He blessed the flock that vouched support,
Became their new Shepherd of love!
A Pallium of finest wool,
With five red crosses and three nails
Just like the wounds of Jesus Lord;
A ring with St.Peter, as fisherman-
A Mitre and a Staff- he got!
Oh, what a glorious sight indeed!
All flower-decked and incensed air;
Heavenly scene on earth for once;
The sheep in finest attire-
They came to greet the new Shepherd!
The Pope then said a Latin mass-
A language of the Vatican;
With Gospels in Latin and Greek;
Pope’s homily that took an hour!
The patient crowds turned ecstatic!
Pope’s Homily in Italian:
Assuming an enormous task, he said,
“I’ll do the Will of God and not my own;
I ask for prayers from you, one and all;
I reach out to believers and to Jews,
And non-believers- ‘Listen to God’s word’;
The Lord will guide me from now on;
I’m but a weak servant of God;
My special greetings to all who will share
This great spiritual heritage.
But, let there be one flock and one Shepherd.”
The Mass went on to Holy Communion;
The priests went to the pilgrims to give it;
Applauses loud interrupted his speech;
The crowds waved flags to the new Pope
As he traveled amidst them in a jeep!
The luckier ones had a glimpse of the Pope;
The others took his photographs;
Some viewed him through binoculars;
The billion Catholics watched him by TV;
The Pope then blessed the pilgrims and his flock.
Some viewed him rather too skeptically,
Afraid of his orthodoxy dogmas;
The earlier Pope had not answered
Some modern problems that world faced;
How will he deal with Abortion,
Gay- marriages and Condom use,
Women as priests, homosexuality?
But time will tell whether this Pope
Will change the world, better the Church;
Some things can ne’er be compromised;
The Shepherd loves his flock, no doubt;
The flock must heed his word-’Follow’.
The Shepherd searches for lost sheep;
With him as guide, ‘Don’t be afraid.’
poem by John Celes
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The World Gets a New Pope! - (a prose poem)
Death spares no one!
Death spares no earthling!
Death spares no human being!
Death cuts the thread of life certainly;
And the Pope is no exception!
Pope John Paul II is no more!
The old shepherd had finally passed away;
He was eighty-four when he died;
He fell ill twice quite seriously;
He was Pope for nearly 26 years!
He was the ‘most traveled Pope’ and was a Poet too!
And he stood steadfast in all his spiritual endeavors;
He braved ‘the storms and calmed the seas that tried to capsize the Roman Catholic Ship’!
He led His flock to the Rock!
But some sheep did stray away;
Some had lost their faith;
Some went in search of ‘greener grass in newer meadows’;
But these were the souls which were dissatisfied, distraught and diseased!
A new Shepherd had been finally chosen!
Holy smoke from the Sistine Chapel’s chimney!
On three occasions, it remained black!
The anxious flock stayed back in St.Peter’s Square, all day and night!
They prayed fervently to God to give them a new Shepherd soon;
But each time they saw the black smoke, their hearts filled with sadness;
Yet, their faith never dithered;
The Holy Spirit would answer their prayers fast;
The Holy Spirit had never failed them in the last 2000 years after Jesus Christ!
He had always provided a new Pope whenever the earlier one died;
The people waited anxiously with hope in their hearts that were
already saddened by the demise of Pope John Paul II.
And Lo! There was the smoke again!
But this time, it was white;
The burning of the ballot papers caused the smoke from the Sistine Chapel’s chimney!
And it billowed up into the heavens!
And it was confirmed by the peeling of bells loudly.
A NEW POPE HAD BEEN CHOSEN!
The audio-visual effect was superb;
The flock cheered and sang thanks-giving hymns to the Lord;
They were jubilant and in ecstasy;
The air was rent with ‘Alleluias’!
The Holy Spirit had once more wrought a miracle;
A new Pope had been selected by the secret conclave of 115 cardinals.
God never abandons nor forsakes his flock!
Joseph Ratzinger, a German was the new Pope!
In thirty minutes, he chose the name of Benedict XVI.
He had served as Dean of the College of Cardinals for nearly twenty years earlier;
He was a man of great wisdom;
He was a great Philosopher, Professor of theology and an erudite scholar;
He had stunned the world with his orthodox, traditional approach;
He was simple and understanding, healthy and ever ready for dialogue with other religious leaders;
He was perhaps the best among the rest to lead the Church, in the new millennium;
He would lead the flock of more than a billion Roman Catholic people for the next few years on ‘their road to Heaven’!
‘Hope was reborn in the form of a new Pope’
The new Shepherd would tend to his flock and know each sheep by its name!
And they too would know their Shepherd’s voice and follow his footsteps without any hesitation on ‘The Road to Heaven’!
Copyright by Dr John Celes 21-4-2005
poem by John Celes
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I wouldn't take the Pope too seriously. He's a Pole first, a pope second, and maybe a Christian third.
quote by Muriel Spark
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Just Wanted to Get Your Opinion
What do you think about the Pope?
And the...
Influence of the church,
These
Days...?
HEY! ?
I just wanted to get your opinion.
I did not mean to chase you away.
Oh well.
Geeessshhh...
Is it 'that' bad?
I heard about the exorcisms.
But my goodness!
Impeaching a Pope?
What is going on inside that place?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Cause You Be Da Man!
Why should I forgive you?
Why after all this time,
You come to me to ask forgiveness.
I am not the pope.
The pope did his thing and split.
After his papal visit.
He came to Babylon.
But his message did not entertain,
Their self righteousness.
So he left. Moved on.
To begin the affects of one rule!
Under One Federation of Collected Nations,
We stand.
That will be the order of the land.
Why should I forgive you?
When you should forgive yourself.
For being the perfect tool to be used...
And played like a fool!
To not know this AND accept.
'Yes...
My holy 'Godfather'.
Anything you command.
'Cause you be da man! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Pope John Paul II (A Biography Poem Sequence-3)
Faith of the Millennial Pope: contd
No papal word touches man’s heart,
Howev’r appealing, full of art,
Unless refined by grace of God,
And blessed by Christ himself, the Lord.
The pope did therefore meet his sheep,
To pray for them and even weep,
Converting souls through God’s own grace,
And throwing queries on their face!
To him, man’s faith was number one;
All things were next under the sun;
His moments with the people meant,
Reconciling with transcendent!
His motorcade was majestic –
The moments inspiring, magic;
His rendezvous with God’s creatures
Gave occasion for great lectures!
Each moment was a bolt from blue;
Lost sheep to God, the pope would woo;
The moment was mystical too;
To souls, much goodness, it would do.
The pope shared his testimony;
That didn’t stem from greed of money;
The pope bore witness to his faith;
‘God only changes sinner’s fate’.
His heart was Catholic, fierce and true;
By quest for truth, he would move, do;
Miracles did happen in life;
Both faith and tongue worked like a knife!
Copyright by Dr John Celes 12-01-2009
poem by John Celes
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Not Topless In The Vatican
Not topless in the Vatican,
a woman tried
to topple Benedict. You can
my words deride
because I was misreading “topples”
to signify
the revelation of her nipples.
You wonder why?
If such mistakes make you annoyed,
please do not whip
this poet, for it’s Sigmund Freud
who caused the slip.
Among the Pope’s fine homilies,
“Be vigilant”
applies to such anomalies.
Be diligent!
Rachel Donadio (NYT, December 25,2009) reports how a woman caused Pope Benedict XVI to topple after jumping the barriers of St. Peter’s on Christmas Eve. The headline of her article is “Woman Topples Pope at Mass, But He Isn’t Hurt”) . I misread the headline as saying “Topless Woman at Mass”. Intrigued by my error I asked Linda to glance at the headline, and she made the same slip. WE both made the same Christmas midrash.
ROME — Pope Benedict XVI delivered his traditional Christmas blessing on Friday after an “unbalanced woman” jumped the barriers in St. Peter’s Basilica and knocked him down as he walked down the main aisle to begin Christmas Eve Mass on Thursday. The pope quickly got back on his feet after the incident and celebrated Mass before thousands of the faithful, urging them in his homily to become “truly vigilant people.” Television images showed a woman in red leap toward Benedict,82, as he began to walk up the central aisle, as the police and bodyguards scrambled to his aid. The woman also knocked down Cardinal Roger Etchegaray, said a Vatican spokesman, the Rev. Federico Lombardi. Cardinal Etchegaray,87, fractured his hip and will be operated on at Gemelli hospital in Rome, Father Lombardi said Friday, according to The Associated Press. Father Lombardi identified the woman as Susanna Maiolo,25, a Swiss-Italian national with psychiatric problems, The Associated Press reported. He said Ms. Maiolo, who was not armed, was taken to a clinic for necessary treatment. She was the same woman involved in a similar incident at last year’s Midnight Mass, Vatican officials said.
12/25/09
poem by Gershon Hepner
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Anybody can be Pope; the proof of this is that I have become one.
quote by Pope John XXIII
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
quote by Pope John Paul I
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The pope and a peasant know more between them than the pope alone.
The pope and a peasant know more than the pope together.