Funnyman in the Morning
As the dew settled
And I lay reaped with sadness
After another lousy day of distressed spiralling
And burst hopes;
I settlerd in my vile bed,
Then deciding to raise my weary head,
I remoted the TV.
A fellow of comedic standing
Was delivering dirty jokes
Hidden between the lines
Like Swift or Milton or Shakespeare,
Who all fell into hefty humour
When it came to the jokes
About VD, farting or holding a poop,
Uncontrollably.
My mood quickly abridged,
And, sitting up, I smiled
For the first time in weeks;
I was laughing well enough
As I wondered why the formerly suppressed,
The Hebrews, Blacks, the Native Americans
Were so damned funny,
While listening to this African-American,
His audience bending over in an almost hurtful
Embrace of delight.
By the time he had finished and the theater went dim,
Twilight was evolving out mt windows.
This day
This day
I will not hate or sob anymore.
poem by Stan Petrovich
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Related quotes
All the Jokes
All the jokes have already been told
And so instead, we tell jokes about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
So instead we tell jokes about how
All the new jokes aren't very funny
In fact, they're actually kind of sad
Because they remind us about how
All the jokes have already been told
But these jokes get old very quickly
So we make up new jokes about how
The jokes about the new jokes about how
All the jokes that have already been told
Are starting to get quite old
But after a while, once these jokes
Have gotten quite old themselves
We sit and listen to the silence
And wonder about the past, and how
All the jokes have already been told
Then suddenly, out of nowhere
Somebody comes up with a joke
That had been forgotten long ago
But is so funny we can't even breathe
So we roll on the floor, gasping for air
poem by Derek Ouyang
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Sisterly Flaws
I hate you.
I hate when we laugh,
I hate when we stay up late, as I am always tired.
I hate the way you take me places,
and include me in your fun,
I hate the way you say you love me,
and ask me to go for a run.
I hate when you jump out and scare me,
I hate when you make bad jokes.
I hate when you want some sisterly time,
I hate when you ask me to pull your finger.
I hate when we go for a walk,
I hate when you embarass me,
I hate when we reminise.
I hate when you make a mess, and then yell out it was Dave.
I hate when you want to write a song with me.
I hate that you are shorter then me
I hate that your jokes arent funny.
Just one last thing I'd like to say,
did you remember,
ITS OPPOSITE DAY?
poem by Dakota Ellerton
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
All I Hate About You
Dedicated to Natalie and everyone who's hearts been broken
I hate that I fell for you
I hate that you left me
I hate that you hate me
I hate that you don’t care
I hate that you wanted this
I hate your smiles
I hate your laugh
I hate your jokes
I hate your friends
I hate you exes
I hate that I would die if I didn’t see you smile just one more time
I hate how this isn’t your fault and its mine
I hate how my friends lie to me telling me it’s yours
I hate that I ever met you
I hate how I would have never changed a thing
poem by Jackie Emley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Delight
Anytime that you fall asleep
I'm wide awake
Anytime that you leave your house
I'm waiting at the gate
I'm not angry anymore
Come on and show your soul
I'd love to hang it on the wall
Framed for me
Anytime that you smile
I know that's really you
Anytime that you laugh you know that
I'll be laughing too
But it's not funny anymore
Come on now where's your soul
Is that it crumpled on the floor
Is this blame on me
Delight Delight Delight Delight
Delight at least we know its name
Delight Delight Delight
Wouldn't it be nice to feel again
Delight Delight Delight
It's locked outside it won't be coming in
Anytime now you'll talk at least I hope you will
Anytime now you'll speak and you know
I'll be listening still
But we don't say much anymore
Come on tell it from your soul
Delight Delight Delight Delight
Delight at least we know its name
Delight Delight Delight
Wouldn't it be nice to feel again
Delight Delight Delight
It's locked outside it won't be coming in
Won't be coming in
Delight Delight
song performed by by Bic Runga from Drive
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Love For His Woman
Seeing the book shelves
Scented smell of those books
Romeo and Juliet stories
Admiration of each other presence
Talking the whole day at school
Still having ears for your love
Never get tired to see her
Inspiration of each other acceptance
Listening to her how her day went on
Sitting right beside each other taking the tea after the school
Laughing along on those funny jokes
Encourages each other to always end the day happily
Unconditional love for her by seeing himself in her
Talking about her inner beauty
Listening to his heart by calling her a destiny
Growing the age gracefully with togetherness
poem by Tenzin Whitetara
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
My Funny Man
Love makes many lose temper
Others get hurt
Some even cry and forget about their existence
Unlike my funny man
He is always happy
Laughing and cracking jokes all the time
Amazing how funny he is
When in trouble he stays calm
He stands still and plans ahead
No time for worries
His presence hinders me from remembering
all snares the world brings
Because of him I refuse to think
the world contains stubborn men
His funny stories never cease
and my happiness will last forever with my funny man
Little by little he is turning me into a funny woman
I can feel the changes in me
There is always a smile on my face
Whenever I talk, he laughs and becomes happier
I know I am his funny woman
What a pleasure to have my funny man around!
poem by Josephine Chifundo Likoya
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Funny Men
He told us funny Jokes and entertained us when we felt down almost in Tears
Funny men
Knows how to bring our spirits up
Funny Men
Makes our day past away quickly and keeps our minds occupied for a While
Funny Men
Is everybody’s best friend and it is true that laughter is the best Medicine
poem by Aldo Kraas
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Your Smile For Me
Your smile could change my mood.
And that time I used to feel so good.
And your smile could even make me smile.
Although I was crying I would laugh for a while.
Funny thing and jokes, which I used to tell.
You would laugh and my jokes never did fail.
I am sorry that I never laughed with you.
But still your smile means lot to me and it's true.
You didn't seem to be okay yesterday.
Your parents? ? tell me what did they say? ?
I told you joke and even made fun of myself.
I didn't hear you laughing; I know I am not deaf.
What I am making you angry? i just can't see you,
Unhappy do you even know how much I love you? ?
Are you there? ? why are you not replying? ?
Please reply, without you here I feel like dying.
If I am making you angry then fine I m going
I won't talk to you ever and I am not crying.
You told only I used to make you smile, care about
You while other made you angry and give you hated.
I m just sorry that I thought I was your everything.
Without me you would not be even breathing.
Sorry that I cared about you and tried to make you smile.
Let's see how would you live if I m gone for a while
poem by Sushanta Rokka
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
If I Did Not Believe In Miracles
My fellow Americans...
Latinos, Blacks
Rednecks, bigots
Aztecs, Egyptians
Native Americans.
Those Chinese...
Who chartered these waters before anybody.
Mulattos...
Racists and others,
Who choose to live upon this soil...
In a hyphenated existence.
Let me make this perfectly clear,
We are emersed in tremendous dodo.
And...
Quite frankly,
We are in it to smell...
For years to come.
So...
Check this out,
I know many of you have expressed disappointment
With my presidency.
However...
Allow me to take this trip to hip you.
Wrap your collective heads around this...
Aint nobody else gonna deal with this mess,
Better than I can.
Can I get a 'holla' on that?
And...
Quite frankly,
If I did not have your best interests at heart...
Do not think,
I would subject myself...
To your overwhelming ignorance?
Think about it!
Your ignorance can overwhelm.
And if I did not believe in miracles,
As I stand before you as a testament of that fact...
Being 'your' miracle.
You all would be eating mud pies.
And I...
Well,
I'd be writing my memoirs.
Playing basketball.
And being my humble self.
And I can do 'humble' better than anyone.
Trust me!
'Mister President?
President Obama?
Do you think this kind of direct diplomacy,
Will increase your popularity with the polls?
We consult with them on a daily basis! '
I ensure you,
I am not insulted.
A little miffed!
But not insulted.
My debates have not been conducted with the Polish.
They have suffered enough from our thoughtless jokes.
And...
I will not show how much I am provoked by that question.
However,
My concerns are getting us out of this mess.
And I am hopeful our activities produce their blessings.
To one day,
Have all of us embrace the New Federation...
As one big happy family under my watchful eye.
That's it!
I aint got no mo' time for your silly questions!
I'm out.
Slip me some peace.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
S.O.S.
Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I'm shooting signals in the air
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening
Listening
I'll be standing here and I'm miles away
Making signals hoping they'd save me
I lock myself inside these walls
'Cause out there I'm always wrong
I don't think I'm gonna make it
So while I'm sitting here
On the eve of my death bed
I'll write this letter and hope it saves me
Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening
Listening
I'm stuck in my own head and I'm oceans away
Would anybody notice if I chose to stay?
I'll send and SOS tonight
Wonder if I will survive
How in the hell did I get so far away this time
So now I'm sitting here
The time of my departure's near
I say a prayer
Please someone save me
Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening
Listening
I'm lost here
I can't make it on my own
I don't wanna die alone
I'm so scared
Drowning now
Reaching out
Holding on to everything I love
Crying out
Dying now
Need some help
Is anybody listening?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
I'm giving up myself
Is anybody listening?
song performed by by Good Charlotte
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Stand-Up Comedians
Stand-up comedians so funny
Joke around to earn their money
They’re never funny sitting down
But when standing vertically upright
Their comedic humor is out of sight
Funny-ing as they act like stand-up clowns
They just can’t be funny or sassy
Sitting on their sorry assy’s
Perpendicular they invite loud guffaws
And with their joke-around renditions
In their stand-around positions
They welcome all appreciative applause
When they’re on stage it is behooved
To have all the sit-down chairs removed
So they can fill the halls with tons of laughter
So these stand-up fools so funny
Can earn rafts of funny money
The house is filled with laughs up to the rafter
poem by Stanley Cooper
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Dont you Hate
Don't you Hate..
Don't you Hate..When you get mad and they get madder
Don't you Hate..When they swear they'll call you back but never do
Don't you Hate..When you wait up all night for a phone call that never comes
Don't you Hate..When your sad and they don't understand
Don't you Hate..That all they want to do is make jokes
Don't you Hate..When you want to make jokes and they want to be serious
Don't you Hate..When your falling asleep on the phone and they hang up
Don't you Hate..When he wants to play ball instead of talking to you on the phone
Don't you Hate..how much they talk when it isn't needed
Don't you Hate..When you explain but they still don't listen
Don't you Hate..When you say please and the answer is still 'NO'
Don't you Hate..When all you can say is okay, when your really not!
Don't you Hate..That as much as you tell then they probably will still for get the date of your birthday
Don't you Hate..When you want to yell at him but your in public, but they have no problem doing it to us
Don't you Hate..When your falling for his unruliness ways
Don't you Hate..When you still smile when he kisses you when your mad
Don't you Hate..When they change the subject to 'I love You'
Don't you Hate..How much you love there foolish ways
Don't you Hate..how much you love! !
Don't you Hate........
poem by Pilar Guethon
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
quote by Wanda Sykes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
'St. Elmo's Fire' is one of my favorite films. I like the storytelling of those teenage American films. You don't get that now. Teenage American movies are all about sick jokes, puking a lot, arse jokes.
quote by James McAvoy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Damned
Don't smoke don't fight don't light no cigarettes
Or else you'll wind up in the can
No jokes no rights sit tight don't fool around
You are a guest of Uncle Sam
Stand up look right don't slouch and stand at ease
Allow no sex above the knees
When I snap you jump into the master plan
I'll be damned
Well I'll be damned
I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
Damned if I do
Damned if I don't
Don't talk don't fool don't try to mess around
I'll make a monkey outta you
You sign your name right on that dotted line boy
I'll be damned
I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
Damned if I do
And damned if I don't
I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't
I'll be damned if I drink or smoke
Damned if I steal your joke
I'll be damned if I go for broke
I'm damned if I do
I'm damned if I don't
I'll be damned (6x)
song performed by by AC/DC from Stiff Upper Lip
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.
quote by Emo Philips
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Funny Feelings
Oh baby,
Girl i, girl i,
Got the funny feeling,
Oh yeah, yes I do.
Everytime I try to kiss your lips, you turn away.
And when I try to hold you near my heart you just tell me not today.
Well the days, grow to weeks, and the weeks, just add on.
And I try to be strong, but I feel like you dont love me,
Anymore...
[chorus:]
Funny feelings,
Funny feelings,
That you dont love me anymore.
Funny feelings,
Funny feelings,
That you dont love me anymore.
I find myself sitting by the phone,
Waiting for it to ring.
And oh, my mailbox is always full,
But from you I never recieve a thing.
Well I try, to just go
By the things that you say.
But the things that you do,
They just tell me that you dont love me,
Anymore...
[chorus]
Oh baby...
Well I try,
I try to just go,
By the things, the things that you say.
But the things the things that you do,
They just tell me that you dont love me baby,
Anymore...
[chorus]
song performed by by 112
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Words
Someone and someone were down by the pond
Looking for something to plant in the lawn.
Out in the fields they were turning the soil
Im sitting here hoping this water will boil
When I look through the windows and out on the road
Theyre bringing me presents and saying hello.
Singing words, words between the lines of age.
Words, words between the lines of age.
If I was a junkman selling you cars,
Washing your windows and shining your stars,
Thinking your mind was my own in a dream
What would you wonder and how would it seem?
Living in castles a bit at a time
The king started laughing and talking in rhyme.
Singing words, words between the lines of age.
Words, words between the lines of age.
song performed by by Neil Young
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
You, In The Crowd, Miss...
You, in the crowd, Miss,
surrounded by loudness
and smoke
have you ever thought how this
World is God's greatest joke?
Cars driving on by
Bums standing in lunchlines...
That might be the intro,
but it's surely not the punchline...
Sometimes I see the saddest eyes
Why can't I just be satisfied?
B'cuz, God, even when the sky is sunny
I still don't think the joke is funny! !
None of us folks
like to hear your cruel jokes, man!
I see another broke man
standing in torn clothes on the coast's sand
The precious coast
is mostly occupied by coke cans
And the rich get the most land
While the poor get the crumbs
Maybe thats why most kids take tokes to get dumb
Cuz they're born into a beauty
thats been decaying for a while
God, quit telling jokes...
unless they actually make us smile.
-2010-
poem by Ray Quesada
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Those Tease and Chase Days Are Done
These are not the times,
To hunt to find new places to play...
Old games like hide and seek.
Those tease and chase days are done!
There are very few who still view that as appealing.
Count me in as being among them.
Secrets deployed,
That claws with a grip that rips,
To shred happiness to bits...
Is not the kind of relationship,
I am going to settle for!
Not when I know where all the doors for an exit are.
And to be angered until a steaming bitterness explodes...
Exposing a crazed 'NEGRO'! ?
I would say African-American...
But that might offend some 'blacks' still in indecision.
And I have long stopped pausing to adorn,
A suitable depiction of myself to express disgust.
Nothing about me I feel for you,
Will be hidden to inflate a disrespect.
Unless...
You just can not avoid the taste,
Of unexpected hatred too identified
With calls to unite our indifferences.
Or rally to march to profess a self forgiveness.
I will not be delivering that time to give.
Not anymore.
I repeat...
Those tease and chase days are done!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!