Vegematic
Fell asleep last night with the TV on,
Oh, what a dream I had.
Dreamed I went and answered ev'ry single
One of those late night mail order ads.
Then four to six weeks later,
Much to my surprise,
The mailman came to my front door
And I couldn't believe my eyes.
He brought the Vegematic
And the Pocket Fisherman, too,
Illuminated, illustrated History of Life
And Box Car Willie with a ginsu knife,
A bamboo steamer and a garden weasel, too,
And a tie dyed day-glow souvenir shirt
From Six Flags Over Burbank.
Well, the doorbell rang all mornin',
All through the afternoon,
And I shook with fright as it rang all night
By the light of the Mastercard moon.
There was Federal Express in the pantry,
Parcel Post in the hall,
COD to the ceiling,
And I just couldn't pay for it all.
I got an egg scrambler
With a seal-a-meal carryin' case,
A set of Presidential Commemorative Plates
So I could eat my eggs off a President's face,
A minute mender
And a needle that'll knit or crochet
And an autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin
At Six Flags Over Burbank.
Well I know that I was dreamin'
So I gave a mighty cheer
When I awoke, it was no joke
'Cause all that shit was here,
So if you fall asleep with the TV on
Let me tell you what to do.
Rip the telephone out of the wall
Unless you want this to happen to you.
You get Vegematic and the Pocket Fisherman, too,
Iluminated, illustrated History of Life
And Box Car Willie with a ginsu knife,
A bamboo steamer and a garden weasel, too,
And a tie dyed day-glow souvenir shirt
From Six Flags Over Burbank.
(by Steve Goodman, Mike Smith, Shel Silverstein)
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Mr. Popeil
i need a vegematic!
I need a pocket fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell!
(operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel?)
Help me.
Mr. popeil!
I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna krazy-glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
(please, no c.o.d.'s.
Don't miss out on this deal.)
Ah, help me.
Mr. popeil!
Help me.
Mr. popeil!
Mr. popeil!
Mr. popeil!
(wo-o, wo-o. ohhhhhh.)
It slices. it dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But you wouldn't want to!
Mr. popeil, i'm in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no! now how am i gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new?
Mr. popeil!
Tell me, what am i s'posed to do?
Mr. popeil!
Mr. popeil!
(now how much would you pay?)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(now how much would you pay?)
Don't answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
(now how much would you pay?)
If you order today,
You get a ginsu knife and a smokeless ashtray!
(now how much would you pay?)
Now how much would you pay?
Mr. popeil, mr. popeil.
Mr. popeil, mr. popeil.
Mr. popeil, mr. popeil.
Mr. popeil, mr. popeil.
Make me buy a garden weasel!
Make me buy a bamboo steamer!
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing tv offer!
(call our toll-free number,
We'll make you such a deal.)
Aw, help me!
Mr. popeil. i want it!
(mr. popeil.) well, i need it!
(mr. popeil.) i got to got to got to have it!
Mr. popeil!
Mr. popeil!
Hey!
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Money Back Guarantee
By: jimmy buffett, michael utley, will jennings
1983
One day youll be glad I came around
I may be the best thing you have found
Aint much you can count on in this town
I swear Im speaking from my heart
And I want let you down
Chorus:
My love is guaranteed
Youre never going to see the end of me
Ive got all you need
Like a ginsu knife or a bamboo steamer
Late-night t.v. hawk-eyed screamer
Youll be the coffee Ill be the creamer
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaranteed
I just do my best to stay alive
Got a junked out car but you should see me drive
Racing down st. charles avenue
Aint got much but what I got
Will sure be good for you
Chorus:
My love is guaranteed
Youre never going to see the end of me
Ive got all you need
Like a ginsu knife or a bamboo steamer
Late-night t.v. hawk-eyed screamer
Youll be the coffee Ill be the creamer
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaranteed
Flyin down the highway of my dreams
You will find my crazy love
Is always what it seems
Chorus:
My love is guaranteed
Youre never going to see the end of me
Ive got all you need
Like a ginsu knife or a bamboo steamer
Late-night t.v. hawk-eyed screamer
Youll be the coffee Ill be the creamer
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaranteed
Im money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, (money back) money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaran...
Im money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaran...
Money back, money back guaranteed
Money back, money back guaran...
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Illuminations
Smith is a loyalist good and true,
And a lad of the 'whole hog' class:
And yesterday, when he went to view
The Royal procession pass,
He'd flags in his buttonhole, flags in his hat,
Flags all gaudy and gay;
And he splintered the welkin from where he sat
With many a loud 'Hooray!'
Last night when the town was a blaze of light
Smith was still on his way;
And I saw him pass thro' the brilliant night,
Gaudy, vociferous, gay;
He was still in the fashion and going strong,
And I gather he'd been to sup
For he chortled a song as he went along,
Thoroughly well 'lit up.'
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Weasel Face
Twenty four hours ago
No one could help me
I'm alone in life
No where to go
So I picked up the phone
Called out for help
Some one please help me
I'm afraid and alone
Weasel face
Weasel face
Weasel face
It's way past midnight
T.V. set is on
It's my only friend
One crisis after another
Ain't no loser or quitter
It's all or nothin' baby
'Cause we fought so hard
For our piece of this world
Weasel face
Weasel face
Weasel face
song performed by by Ramones from Halfway To Sanity
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Burning Flags
they're burning flags again....
sit down stand up protesting,
cracking heads like eggs,
yolk running down on hallowed ground....
they're burning flags again...
soldier boys coming home
to no work, living in cars,
no help, without a country...
they're burning flags again...
your sister died giving birth.
your brother-in-law cant get work,
making meth in the tub...
crying at night 'neath a picture
of Jesus hanging on the cross....
they're burning flags again...
small town football heroes
in prison cells learning
to live outside the law....
they're burning flags again....
and the words of Jefferson
fall in the empty rooms
where justice and equality lived....
they're burning flags again!
poem by Eric Cockrell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Gots A Weasel
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah pleazel -- got a weasel
Jumped in.....
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah pleazel -- got a weasel
Said somethin to show me the blimp, babe
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah pleazel -- got a weasel
I got me this big weasel out!
Weasel, teazel pleazel pleazel
Got a weasel its a teazel mah pleazel
Got a weasel teazel my pleazel got a weasel
Got a weasel its a pleazal mah bay!
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah pleazel -- got a weasel
It come through the roof in a blimp!
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah pleazel -- got a weasel
Weasel flying upstairs in the air!
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah weasel -- got a weasel
I got the weasel jumped in the air!
Weasel, teazel pleazel pleazel
Got a weasel its a teazel mah pleazel
Got a weasel pleazel my pleazel pleazel weasel
Got a weasel its a pleazal mah bay!
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah pleazel -- got a weasel
Weasel flyin around up in the ceiling!
Got a weasel -- its a teazel -- mah pleazel -- mah pleazel -- got a weasel
He jumped upstairs and down again!
Yeah!
song performed by by Ween
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Loved A Man
(elton john/ george martin - lyrics based on the works of dylan thomas )
Producers for bonnie: george martin
Recorded in 1988 for george martin's production of dylan thomas's play 'under milk wood'. bonnie guested with a host of other welsh stars, including anthony hopkins and tom jones. lyrics taken from careful listening.
I loved a man who's name was tom
He's strong as a bear and two yards long
I loved a man who's name was dick
He was big as a barrel and three feet thick
And i loved a man who's name was harry
Six feet tall and sweet as a cherry
But the one i love best, awake or asleep
Was little willie wee, and he's six feet deep
Oh tom, dick and harry were three fine men
And i'll never have such loving again
Little willie wee who took me on his knee
Little willie weasel was the man for me
Now men from every parish 'round
Run after me and roll me on the ground
But whenever i love another man back
Johnny from the hill, or sailing jack
I always think as they do what they please
Of tom, dick and harry who are tall as trees
But most i think when i'm by their side
Of little willie wee who downed and died
Oh tom, dick and harry were three fine men
And i'll never have such loving again
Little willie wee who took me on his knee
Little willie weasel was the man for me
Little willie weasel was the man for me
(the following is a reprise featured later)
Now when farmers boys on the first fair day
Come down from the hills to drink and be gay
Before the sun sinks, i lie there in their arms
For they're good bad boys from the lonely farms
And i always think as we tumble into bed
Of little willie wee, who's dead, dead, dead
song performed by by Bonnie Tyler
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bamboo Bimbo
Well he caught his first whiff in the jungles
Ofnam
That slant-eyed catfish tasted better than mom
Now every single night she drops her big bomb
Cause hes a bamb00 bimbo
Those hook marks really show
Cause hes a bamboo bimb0
He went for it now everyone knows
Hes a bamboo bimb0
He caught his first glance in field and stream
That salt water taffy was a fishermans
Wet dream
Now every single night hes still gettin
That big ream
Cause hes a bamboo bimb0
He fell it and everyone knows
Hes a bamboo bimbo
Just a monkey with a ring in his nose
Hes a bambo0 bimbo
Cant say I never told ya so
Hes a bamboo bimb0
It go on and on and on
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The bird sleeps in the bamboo grove
It is night.
The moon glows above the grove. There is another moon too in the pond.
The stars too glow, scattered all over the expansive sky.
It is a cool night.
The bird is asleep.
The bird rests on a bamboo branch with thick leaves.
And the night whispers to the bird:
'sleep gentle soul
that sings for delight;
sleep kind heart
that nature fashioned;
sleep while sister moon watches over you
sleep while the stars bless you
with starlight, starlight;
O sleep gentle soul
that sings for delight
sleep all night
in bamboo embrace'
poem by Raj Arumugam
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Intro
Sunrise, sunrise
Looks like mornin' in your eyes
But the clocks held 9:15 for hours
Sunrise, sunrise
Couldn't tempt us if it tried
'Cause the afternoon's already come and gone
And I said hoo...
To you
Surprise, surprise
Couldn't find it in your eyes
But I'm sure it's written all over my face
Surprise, surprise
There was something I could hide
When I see we made it through another day
And I said hoo...
To you
Now good night
Throw its cover down
On me again
Ooh and if I'm right
It's the only way
To bring me back
Hoo...
To you
Hoo...
song performed by by Norah Jones
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Night Woman
Shes a night woman of my dreams
And I saw her glidin on a moon beam
Silver stardust in her eyes
In the way she leaves her sighs
Last night I fell asleep
Thought I heard her voice begin to speak
My mind is in distress
On my cheek I felt her breath
I could feel her bodys warmin glow
My frozen blood begn to flow
Shes a night woman of my dreams
And I saw her glidin on a moon beam
Comes, stays, then disappears
In the morning sun my vision clears
I could smell the roses in her hair
But when I awoke she was not there
Oooh, oooh, night woman of my dream
Oooh, oooh, night woman of my dream
Oooh, oooh,shes a night woman of my dream
Oooh, oooh, night woman of my dream
song performed by by Nazareth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sleeping Mouse
Sleeping Mouse
In front of me, on the track that leads into the bushes, a tiny field mouse.
Picked it up and put it in the palm of my hand. The mouse was brown and
white, absurdly cute when it curled up and fell asleep in the morning light.
Eyes, lungs and heart, like me, so what’s next? I couldn’t stay here with my
hand outstretched waiting for it to wake up from its slumber, nor could
I take it home. Behind me I heard the shepherd with his sheep and dogs,
Put the mouse in my pocket. When dust had settled and the baaing stopped
I put my hand in pocket to pick it up, only it wasn’t there anymore. To have
a mouse in the palm of my hand, is one thing, but to have it crawling about
inside my pants? I took my trousers off. I took my shirt off. I stood there
naked as Adam in Paradise, no mouse. As I slowly dressed, butterflies flitted
making the woods enchanting.
poem by Oskar Hansen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Star outside my window
It was late
I couldn't sleep
The moon lit night was seaping through my window seam
i quietly rolled over on my tummy
as i gazed out at the starry night
i felt so small and weak looking at the millions of stars
just then one star caught my eyes
It was the biggest most spectacular star in the sky
at first i thought it couldn't possibly be a star
i sat still for minutes staring at it
it didn't move
not once
so i closed my eyes in the dead of night
and carefully made my wish to the star outside my fogged up window
i layed back down my eyes blinking shut
a smile on my face
i fell asleep with the sweet though that it might actually come true
that star still shines outside my window every night
my wish never came true
poem by Deja Noelle Rupp
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Gardening At Night (Acoustic 2)
I see your money on the floor I felt the pocket change.
Though all the feelings that broke through that door
just didn't seem to be too real.
The yard is nothing but a fence the sun just hurts my eyes.
Somewhere it must be time for penitence. Gardening at night is never where.
Gardening at night. Gardening at night. Gardening at night.
The neighbors go to bed at ten.
Call the prayer line for a change.
The charge is changing every month.
They said it couldn't be arranged.
We ankled up the garbage sound, but they were busy in the rows.
We fell up, not to see the sun, gardening at night just didn't grow.
I see your money on the floor, I felt the pocket change.
Though all the feelings that broke through that door
just didn't seem to be too real.
Gardening at night. Gardening at night. Gardening at night
Your sister said that you're too young.
They should know they've been there twice.
The call was 2 and 51.
They said it couldn't be arranged.
I see your money on the floor, I felt the pocket change.
Though all the feelings that broke through that door
just didn't seem to be too real.
We ankled up the garbage sound, but they were busy in the rows.
We fell up not to see the sun, gardening at night just didn't grow.
Gardening at night. Gardening at night. Gardening at night
song performed by by REM
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Devils & Dust
I parked my car on Parsons Lane
Walked a mile to my father's front gate
He sat on the porch out of the rain
It's always too early but never too late
Talked until the stars fell asleep
Little time when the years run fast
Lots of creases in my shirt to keep
Lots of streets full of devils and dust
Called it quits around mid mornin'
Went inside to get somethin' to eat
Pa's asleep on the porch and snorin'
Dreamin' about the sons he wanted to meet
Slump back in my chair and watch the cars roll by
Endless roads and neigbourhoods
Engines in need of oil and fixin'
Devils and dust under the hood
song performed by by Bruce Springsteen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Love is like Heaven but it can Hurt like Hell
Your deep voice
Went straight to my heart
You must feel so smart
Your kisses
That made me dizzy and light
It felt so right
The big hugs you gave me
Like you were a big grizzly bear
I could never share
All those secrets
You never kept from me
Still, I couldn't see
I love you so much more
Yet, i still don't want to let go
You put on such a great show
You couldn't just have one
There was to many to just have me
We were all blinded, I truly didn't want to see
I sill fall asleep to that CD, It never seems to fell
Cause when I get to the course of our song
I let the tears fall from all gone wrong
Every night little streams of crystals
Fall onto my pillow
For I cry like the weeping willow
poem by Samantha Bell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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These Knives
Why walk around with a knife in your pocket?
Are you afraid of yourself? !
Or, do you want to kill somebody around you?
It is a shame that you have a knife in your pocket,
But stop this act of negativity and live and let us live;
Like the satus-quo of Romeo and Juliet.
You claim to go to church but,
There is a knife in your pocket!
Infact, this act will not take you to heaven.
So, do learn for the better than stabbing somebody with these knives.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Always Late
Hello honey, I just missed the train
My watch must have stopped I guess
Dinner is cold and the kids are asleep
I didnt mean to get you out of bed.
Always late (always late)
Yes, its always the same
Procrastination is my middle name
But the rest of the world is ahead of the game
And thats why Im always late.
Wont somebody give me a ride
Ive been out of gas for hours
My mother-in-laws flying in from the coast
Shes probably in an ambulance by now.
Willie, its time to get up
Willie, you get out of that bed,
Youll be late for work again
Willie, willie!!!
Come on honey, give me a chance
I promise to mend my ways
Lets go out for an anniversary dance
You say our anniversarys yesterday?
song performed by by Utopia
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The significant sun
The glow grows by day
And the plants make food
Flowers bloom
Lovers meet
Nighttime heat
The sun shines not at night but
But by day
The birds of the air
Chirp a melody
Whistling and fooling
For the curious to see
Why they play
The sun shines not at night
But by day
He hides his glow
Cause he cannot bear to see
The fright of the dark night
And the rays are no more there
Instead cold, musty air
Cold as the heart of the night
Brought about by no light
The sun shines not at night
But by day
Joyful laughter emerges faces
Greeting the bright mourning
Leaving the eerie night behind
The sun brings hope
The night brings fright
And the innocent hearts
Too fragile to bear the sight
Closes its eyes and wishes
For light
The sun shines not at night
But by day
poem by Rachael Hardy
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Pastors
'New Vision Party' led by Pastors,
They are now into the political race to stand for a President;
But what have they done to the collection plates? ! !
Of the genealogical history of the heavens,
Of the genealogical history of the earth,
The light is day and the darkness is night;
So try to gain wisdom on this issue before it is too late!
For the collection plates are not even enough for these Pastors.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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