Handy Man
Well on a Monday I'll be slingin' hash Tuesday I'll be collectin' trash
And on a Wednesday I might be tendin' bar
Thursday I'll be the guy who parks your car
On a Friday I might be teachin' school a Saturday finds me hustlin' pool
I got a whole lotta talents in demand that's why they call me Handy Man
Pow-pow-pow-hum all the neighborhood girls and boys
Pow-pow-pow-pow they come to me to mend their toys
Ta-ra-ra-ra their daddys call me to mow their lawn
And their mama's all horny when their daddys are gone
I can drive a tractor or wheel a truck I can deal a hand at poker with exceptional luck
And I can chop down a redwood usin' just one hand
That's why they call me Handy Man
Pow-pow-pow-pow-hum yeah you know if you need me for emergencies
I can come round you know work around the house
Or the backyards or somethin' not too taxin' no
Yeah on six in the morning I'm out pickin' fruits 8:45 I'm back pressin' suits
Twelve o'clock you'll see me shinin' shoes the coctail hour I'll be a servin' booze
I can wash your windows or walk your pet
Get your color reception and on a black and white set
Yeah I can play concerto on your baby grand cause I'm a huh Handy Man
Pow-pow-pow-hum all the neighborhood girls and boys
Pow-pow-pow-pow they come to me to mend their toys
Ta-ra-ra-ra their daddys call me to mow their lawn
And their mama's all horny when their daddy's not at home
I save my evenings for a brand new faces
Weekends are reserved for a emergency cases
I tell you babe you gotta understand that I'm a handy man
I mean a handy man you know what I am I mean a handy man
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Handy Dandy
Handy dandy, controversy surrounds him
He been around the world and back again
Something in the moonlight still hounds him
Handy dandy, just like sugar and candy
Handy dandy, if every bone in his body was broken he would never admit it
He got an all girl orchestra and when he says
Strike up the band, they hit it
Handy dandy, handy dandy
Bridge #1:
You say, what are ya made of?
He says, can you repeat what you said?
Youll say, what are you afraid of?
Hell say, nothin neither live nor dead.
Handy dandy, he got a stick in his hand and a pocket full of money
He says, darling, tell me the truth, how much time I got?
She says, you got all the time in the world, honey.
Handy dandy, handy dandy
Bridge #2:
Hes got that clear crystal fountain
Hes got that soft silky skin
Hes got that fortress on the mountain
With no doors, no windows, no thieves can break in
Handy dandy, sitting with a girl named nancy in a garden feelin kind of lazy
He says, ya want a gun? Ill give you one. she says, boy, you talking crazy.
Handy dandy, just like sugar and candy
Handy dandy, pour him another brandy
Handy dandy, he got a basket of flowers and a bag full or sorrow
He finishes his drink, he gets up from the table he says,
Okay, boys, Ill see you tomorrow.
Handy dandy, handy dandy, just like sugar and candy
Handy dandy, just like sugar and candy
song performed by by Bob Dylan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Handy Man
Hey girls, gather round
Listen to what Im putting down
Hey babe, Im your handy man
Im not the kind to use a pencil or rule
Im handy with love and Im no fool
I fix broken hearts, I know that I truly can
If your broken heart should need repair
Then Im the man to see
I whisper sweet things, you tell all your friends
Theyll come runnin to me
Here is the main thing I want to say
Im busy 24 hours a day
I fix broken hearts, I know that I truly can
Come, come, come
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Come, come, come
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Theyll come runnin to me
Thats me
Im your handy man
song performed by by James Taylor
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Your Ole Handy Man
I have to mow the lawn
And i have to wash the car
And i'd just like to know
Just who you think you are
I'm gettin' tired of wagging
That old heavy garbage can
Your woman's gettin' tired
Of being your ole handy man
I have to run your water
And i have to wash your back
And i have to scrub the tub
After you have had your bath
You're as helpless as a baby
But i love you, understand
I'm just gettin' tired
Of being your ole handy man
Your woman's gettin' tired of being your ole handy man
Now i know you've got ten fingers
But where's your helpin' hand
I've just made a decision
I've stood all i'm gonna stand
Your woman's gettin' tired of being your ole handy man
I do everything for you
You never help yourself
An' i think i'd die from shock
If you raised a hand to help
Well, i'm not gonna keep it up
That's what you got planned
Your woman's gettin' tired of being your ole handy man
Your woman's gettin' tired of being your ole handy man
Now i know you got ten fingers
But where's that helpin' hand
I've just made a decision
I've stood all i'm gonna stand
Your woman's gettin' tired of being your ole handy man
Tag:
Your woman's gettin' tired of being your ole handy man
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Daddys Gonna Pay For Your Crashed Car
Youre a precious stone, youre out on your own
You know everyone in the world, but you feel alone
Daddy wont let you weep
Daddy wont let you ache
Daddy gives you as much as you can take
A-ha, sha-la, a-ha, sha-la
Daddys gonna pay for your crashed car
A little uptight, youre a babys fist
Butterfly kisses up and down your wrist
When you see him coming, youre licking your lip
Nails bitten down to the quick
A-ha, sha-la, a-ha, sha-la
Daddys gonna pay for your crashed car
Daddys gonna pay for your crashed car
Youve got a head full of traffic
Youre a sirens song
You cry for mama, and daddys right along
He gives you the keys to a flamin car
Daddys with you wherever you are
Daddys a comfort
Daddys your best friend
Daddyll hold your hand right up to the end
A-ha, sha-la, a-ha, sha-la
Daddys gonna pay for your crashed car
Daddys gonna pay for your crashed car
Sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturdays alright
song performed by by U2
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Spanked
Heh!
Im all feed up, watchin tv
Some place to feast my eyes, oh
I always drift on commercials, yeah yeah
This one blew my mind, oh
Hey, tell me who youre gonna call, when you need that affection
You got to have it quick (got to have it quick)
There just aint no love line in her direction, oh
All you bad bad boys - call her up on the spank line, ah yeah
All you bad bad boys - call her up on the spank line, uh, whoa, aw
Three dollars, first minute, gosh, man, after that, it cost ya four
And shell be up for negotiations, if you call back for more
Now who youre gonna call when you need that special (special) little something
You can say what you like, its all confidential, oh
All you bad bad boys - call her up on the spank line, huh
All you bad bad boys - call her up on the spank line, whoa
(solo)
Hey!
All you bad bad boys - with your mind blown
All you bad bad boys - got one man horny, spanked
All you bad bad boys - call her up on the spank line, ah, hey
All you bad bad boys - call her up on the spank line, uh
All you bad bad boys - yeah, its a spank line, ha ha ha ha
All you bad bad boys - just call her up, call her up
One man horny, spanked
All you bad bad boys - one man horny, spanked, bad bad bad boys
All you bad bad boys - just call her up, its a spank line
song performed by by Van Halen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
quote by W.C. Fields
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.
quote by W.C. Fields
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
quote by W.C. Fields
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Beulah Needs Another Man
Beulah needs another man who'll take
the garbage out at dawn and not
bring it back again at midnight, something
Jasper's done many nights for years.
Beulah knows when Jasper's found
another woman but she never says a word
because Jasper always mows the lawn
and rakes the leaves and fixes
things around the house unlike
Homer who was never handy.
But yesterday the doctor said Jasper has
six months to live so Beulah wants to meet
another handy man at Jasper's wake.
She met Jasper at a wake the day
he dropped the lid on Homer's coffin.
poem by Donal Mahoney
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Handy Andy
"Handy Andy" (He's nicknamed):
A guy who builds homes n' fixes stuff
"No jobs too big or small" it's proclaimed
This hands-on guy is "No cream puff"
Let's not argue, and let's not bandy
Need something done?
Call "Handy Andy"
ROTMS
View ROTMS writings, images and video at;
rotms.blogspot.com
poem by Ray Lucero
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Saturday Night
(chuck cannon/jimmy stewart)
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y, night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y
I gotta get out of these coveralls
Theyre throwin a dance at the union hall
I just got paid so I got a little cash
I been workin all week gonna have me a blast
Monday, tuesday, humpday, wednesday, thursday, friday
Take up all of my life, and that aint right
I get my rest on sunday
But I have a little fun on saturday night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y, saturday night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y
Im gonna wash and wax my truck
I got a date with lady luck
She gonna wear her dancin shoes
And we gonna get just a little footloose
Monday, tuesday, humpday, wednesday, thursday, friday
Take up all of my life, and that aint right
I get my rest on sunday
Then I have a little fun on saturday night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y, saturday night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y, saturday night
Saturday night
Saturday night
Saturday night
Well the band just played their last song
But me and my baby gonna party on, you know thats right
Gonna find another place with a neon light
Cant go home its saturday night
Monday, tuesday, humpday, wednesday, thursday, friday
Take up all of my life, and that aint right
I take my rest on sunday
Then I have a lot of fun on saturday night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y, saturday night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y, saturday night
S.a.t.u.r. all dressed up saturday night
S.a.t.u.r. ready saturday night
S.a.t.u.r.d.a.y all dressed up, ready to go, come on baby lets hit the road
song performed by by Lonestar
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Alphabet Street
No!
I'm going down 2 Alphabet Street
I'm gonna crown the first girl that I meet
I'm gonna talk so sexy
She'll want me from my head 2 my feet
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yes she will
Yeah, yeah, yeah (Yeah)
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm gonna drive my daddy's Thunderbird (My daddy's thunderbird)
A white rad ride, '66 ('67) so glam it's absurd
I'm gonna put her in the back seat
And drive her 2 ... Tennessee
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Tennessee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, drive her
Excuse me, baby
I don't mean 2 be rude
But I guess tonight I'm just not, I'm just not in the mood
So if U don't mind (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would like to...watch
Yeah, yeah, yeah...can I?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah (Can I, can I, can I, can I)
We're going down, down, down, if that's the only way
2 make this cruel, cruel world hear what we've got to say
Put the right letters together and make a better day
Yeah, yeah, yeah, better days
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's O-O-K
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Maybe it's the only way
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cat, we need U 2 rap
Cat, we need U 2 rap
Don't give 2 us slow
Cause we know U know
New Power Soul
Gotta gotta gotta go!
Talk 2 me lover
Come on tell me what U taste
Didn't your mama tell U
Life is 2 good 2 waste? (Put your love down)
Didn't she tell U
That Lovesexy was the glam of them all?
If U can hang, U can trip on it
U surely won't fall (Put your love down)
No side effects and
The feeling last 4-ever
Straight up - it tastes good
It makes U feel clever (Put your love down)
U kiss your enemies
Like U know U should
Then U jerk your body
Like a horny pony would (Put your love down)
U jerk your body like a horny pony would
Now run and tell your mama about that!
And while U're at it tell your papa about this
Yeah-yeah
Put your love down there when u wanna get shot
No! (Yeah, yeah)
Put your love down there when u wanna get shot
Put your love down there when u wanna get shot
Put your love down there when u wanna get shot
Put your love down there...
Get home, Alphabet Street
No!
L-L-L-L-Lovesexy
Yea, Oh, Alphabet Street
Yea, Oh, Alphabet Street
A B C D E F H I love U
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Daddys Back
You. . .hiding in shadowy blue
Somebodys come for you.
Youre due to come alive
I. . . Im getting you ready to fly
Tell all your friends bye bye
Youre leaving here with me
You better believe
Bring it outside
Gonna go for a ride
Cause Im back, babe
I can see an end to daddys days as a rollling stone
Hold on my dear
Well be breezing from here
Cause Im back, babe
Good days are here again
Your daddys back again
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Darlin weve finally come true
Tell em how its just me and you
And its near I feel it comin
Dear lets keep it comin on yeah, yeah
Bring it outside
Gonna go for a ride
Cause Im back, babe
I can see an end to daddys days as a rollling stone
Hold on my dear
Well be breezing from here
Cause Im back, babe
Good days are here again
Youre daddys home again
Good days are here again
Your daddys home again
Good days are here your daddys back oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh
Hold on my dear
Well be breezing from here
Cause Im back, babe
I got everything that you need
Lover stand by me
I come back, babe
I come back, babe
Daddys oh yeah
I come back, babe
Daddys back, babe
Daddys back
Repeat and fade
song performed by by Kenny Loggins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Me So Horny Edited
Oh, so horny....ohh, so horny....ohh, so horny.
Me love you long time.
Oh, so horny....ohh, so horny....ohh, so horny.
Me love you long time.
Me, so horny....so, so horny...me, so horny.
Me love you long time.
Me, so horny....so, so horny... me, so horny....
Me love you long time.
Sittin at home watchin arsinio hall, so I got my black book for a freak to call.
Picked up the telephone and dialed the seven digits.
Said yo this is marquis baby, are you down with it?
I arrived at her house, knocked on the door.
Not having no idea of what the night had in store.
Im like a dog in heat, a freak without warning.
I have an appetite for love cause me so horny.
Oh, me so horny....ohh, me so horny...oh, me so horny.
Me love you long time.
Oh, me so horny....oh, so, so horny....oh, me so horny.
Me love you long time
Girls always ask me why I buck so much.
I say whats wrong baby doll, with being a mutt?
cause my nature is rising and you shouldnt be mad.
I wont tell your momma if you dont tell your dad.
I know hell be disgusted when he sees your clothes all messed up.
Wont your momma be so mad if she knew youve just been had.
Im a freak in heat, a dog without warning.
My appetite is love, cause me so horny.
Oh, so horny....ohh, so horny...oh, so horny.
Me love you love time.
Oh, so horny....oh, so, so horny....oh, so horny.
Me love you long time
You can say Im desperate.
Even call me perverted, but youll say Im a dog when I leave you lost and deserted.
Ill play witcha your heart and will show no shame.
Ill be blowin your mind cuase youre lame to the game.
Im just like that man they call georgie puddin pie.
Ill break their girls hearts and I make them cry.
Im like a dog in heat, a freak without warning.
I have an appetite for love cause me so horny.
Oh, so horny....ohh, so, so horny....oh, so horny.
Me love you long time
Oh, so horny....oh, so, so horny....oh, so horny.
Me love you long time
Ohh, so horny....ohh, h so horny....oh, so horny.
Ohh, so, so horny....ohh, so horny.
Me love you long time
Its true you were alone until you met me.
I was the first to dress you up and made you sexy.
You tell your parents that were going out.
Never to the movies, just straight to my house.
You said it yourself. you like it like I do.
Put your arms around me and squeez me too.
Im a freak in heat, a dog without warning.
I have an appetite for love cause me so horny.
Oh, me so horny....ohh, so so horny....oh, me so horny.
Me love you long time
Oh, me so horny....ohh, so so horny....oh, me so horny.
Me love you long time.
song performed by by 2 Live Crew
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No Call U
Girl, I'm goin' crazy, I'm lonely and I need your kiss
My body wants 2 call U but my ego says I got 2 resist
Come and stop it if U want 2 but I ain't playin' second 2 none
U got 2 put your arms around me and tell me I'm the only 1
No call U, U call me (Ooh wee)
If love is true, I will see
Come on, mama
No call U, U call me
If love is true, I will see
No call U, U call me
If love is true, I will see
No call U, U call me
If love is true, I... I... I will see
Yeah! (No call U)
No call U, U call me
If love is true, I will see
No call U, U call me
If love is true, I...
Alright
Yeah
No call U, U call me
Mama, I know U want 2
But I won't call U, U will have 2 call me
Ooh wee, yeah
U... U call me
I called U in the summer
Whenever I'd call your ass up on the phone (No call U, U call me)
Yeah
Yeah, ooh
song performed by by Prince
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Candy Bags
Relationships shouldn’t be like love heart candy,
Open up wrapper and eat what sounds handy,
Its dandy how Mandy gets stuck in her holes,
Holes she dug herself, she dug like a mole,
The good ones taste bitter the bad ones taste nice,
The one that said I love you, you’ve eaten twice.
It’s just a love bug,
Yeah love is a drug,
It’s a nice warm hug in the sheets,
It’s an ice cold hand crafting deceit.
Chew them up just dip your hand in her mix up,
Cola bottles are now beer bottles making tricks up,
You could eat too much and end up sick,
Oh shagging brings new meaning to a sherbet dip,
Savour the taste or just chew them very quick,
Bad behaviour baby let him taste your cherry lips
Your heart is as black as your teeth,
Too much indulgence of things so sweet,
Give her a taste of what you’re holding in your pocket,
You know girls like their meat as well as chocolate.
Relationships shouldn’t be like love heart candy,
Open up wrapper and eat what sounds handy,
Yeah love is a drug,
It’s a nice warm hug in the sheets,
It’s an ice cold hand crafting deceit.
poem by Gaz illionaire
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Bushman's Song
I’M travellin’ down the Castlereagh, and I’m a station hand,
I’m handy with the ropin’ pole, I’m handy with the brand,
And I can ride a rowdy colt, or swing the axe all day,
But there’s no demand for a station-hand along the Castlereagh. +
So it’s shift, boys, shift, for there isn’t the slightest doubt
That we’ve got to make a shift to the stations further out,
With the pack-horse runnin’ after, for he follows like a dog,
We must strike across the country at the old jig-jog.
This old black horse I’m riding—if you’ll notice what’s his brand,
He wears the crooked R, you see—none better in the land.
He takes a lot of beatin’, and the other day we tried,
For a bit of a joke, with a racing bloke, for twenty pounds a side.
It was shift, boys, shift, for there wasn’t the slightest doubt
That I had to make him shift, for the money was nearly out;
But he cantered home a winner, with the other one at the flog—
He’s a red-hot sort to pick up with his old jig-jog.
I asked a cove for shearin’ once along the Marthaguy:
“We shear non-union here,” says he. “I call it scab,” says I.
I looked along the shearin’ floor before I turned to go—
There were eight or ten dashed Chinamen a-shearin’ in a row.
It was shift, boys, shift, for there wasn’t the slightest doubt
It was time to make a shift with the leprosy about.
So I saddled up my horses, and I whistled to my dog,
And I left his scabby station at the old jig-jog.
I went to Illawarra, where my brother’s got a farm,
He has to ask his landlord’s leave before he lifts his arm;
The landlord owns the country side—man, woman, dog, and cat,
They haven’t the cheek to dare to speak without they touch their hat.
It was shift, boys, shift, for there wasn’t the slightest doubt
Their little landlord god and I would soon have fallen out;
Was I to touch my hat to him?—was I his bloomin’ dog?
So I makes for up the country at the old jig-jog.
But it’s time that I was movin’, I’ve a mighty way to go
Till I drink artesian water from a thousand feet below;
Till I meet the overlanders with the cattle comin’ down,
And I’ll work a while till I make a pile, then have a spree in town.
So, it’s shift, boys, shift, for there isn’t the slightest doubt
We’ve got to make a shift to the stations further out;
The pack-horse runs behind us, for he follows like a dog,
And we cross a lot of country at the old jig-jog.
poem by Andrew Barton Paterson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Friday I'm In Love
I don't care if monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and wednesday too
Thursday i don't care about you
It's friday i'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's friday i'm in love
Saturday wait
And sunday always comes too late
But friday never hesitate...
I don't care if monday's black
Tuesday wednesday heart attack
Thursday never looking back
It's friday i'm in love
Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday wednesday stay in bed
Or thursday watch the walls instead
It's friday i'm in love
Saturday wait
And sunday always comes too late
But friday never hesitate...
Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's friday
I'm in love
song performed by by Cure
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Trouble With The Sweet Stuff
(wanna give it up
Gotta give it up
Cant give it up)
Oh mama oh oh
The moneys run out
And Im a hungry man
Oh mama oooo
You see
I--Im a--hurtin man
I was just a boy
When they told me
God love ya
Youre insane
Here I am
Pistol in my hand
Judge and jury
One the same
I got
Trouble with the sweet stuff oh yeah
I got
Trouble with the sweet stuff oh yeah
And Im never ever gonna shake it
Shake it
Trouble with the sweet stuff
Trouble with the sweet stuff
Bang bang
They shot me down
Caught me
Robbing the bank again
Say Im crazy
Im a desperate man
Nah right (cmon)
Daddys in the junk shop
Alley babe
Tryin to some that stuff
I said
I cant believe it (ooh give it up)
Trouble with the sweet stuff oh yeah
I got
Trouble with the sweet stuff
And Im never
Ever gonna shake it
Shake it
Dont wanna give it up
Dont wanna give it up
Yeah
Shake it
Gotta give it up
Dont wanna give it up
Dont wanna give it up
Trouble with the sweet stuff oh yeah
Mommys in the graveyard
Pushed her oh so long
Baby aint cryin
Cradles cold, long gone
And me mama, mama
Yes when the situation
Breaks down
Youve got trouble trouble
Bang bang
They shot me down
Caught me robbin d bank again
(are you crazy)
Baby oh yeah
Im a desperate man
Daddy, in the junk shop
Alley babe
Tryin to smoke that stuff
And me
Never gonna shake it
Baby yeah
(ooh give it up)
Trouble with the sweet stuff oh yeah
I got
Trouble with the sweet stuff oh yeah
Trouble with the sweet stuff
Baby
And Im never
Never, never, never, ever
Gonna shake it
I want
(dont wanna give it up)
Trouble with the sweet stuff yeah
(laugh) believe me babe
(shake it
Cant give it up
Come on and shake it)
Yeah
(daddys in the junk shop alley babe
Tryin to smoke that stuff oh yeah)
Yeah, gonna shake it
(cant give it up
Cant give it up)
Do you feel pain
The same way I feel pain babe
(give it up)
Breathe the same air
I gotta give it up
(wanna give it up
Cant give it up
Gotta give it up)
Give it up
Give it up
song performed by by Billy Idol
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Do You Want To Play House
Call me ready, call me ready or not
And Ill say yeah! yeah! yeah!
Give it all I got
Call me in the morning, when Im half asleep
Rivers runnin high on the mountain deep
Call me deadly, call me deadly serious
And Ill say yeah! yeah! yeah!
I couldnt care enough
Call me when you want to control the vice
Ill defend your honor when you roll the dice
Do you want to play house,do you want to play house
Playin in the house of love?
Do you want to play house,do you want to play house
Playin in the house,playin in the house of love
Call me over, call me over the top
And Ill say yeah! yeah! yeah!
Never wanna stop
Call me on hire when youre in your shell
Wanna be your fire, wanna ring your bell
Do you wanna play house, do you wanna play house
Playin in the house of love
Do you wanna play house, do you wanna play house,
Playin in the house, playin in the house of love?
Call me never, call me never say die
And Ill say yeah! yeah! yeah!
Take me alive
Call me undercover when you bake your bread
Wanna be your lover, wanna make your bed
Do you waana play house..........
(rankin, agnew)
Bob n weave music (dunfermline)
Copyright 1992 nazareth (dunfermline) ltd.
song performed by by Nazareth
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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