The Voice

Hey you
talking to me with your forked tongue
Go ahead
Keep telling me your lies
I can spot deception a mile away
You don't fool me
Just when I think you're gone for good
you show up again
putting me into a state of confusion and chaos
by saying what you think I want to hear
A constant tease that makes me
feel like a tangled mass of nerves
First you say you love me,
I turn around, and then you hate me
never seeming to make up your mind
Why do you do this to me?
Two faced bastard
I can't take this anymore
I won't listen
Get out of my head or you're dead


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Hello

Yesterday each step smelled like perfume
Plumeria and harvest rose in bloom
In present moment
Dreams
They look ahead
No fear of future fate
No future dread
We don’t look back, we only look ahead
Until the end
And we are nearly dead
And emptiness ‘round corner comes to view
Or with some luck
Perchance there’s something new
And with one kiss
We say to earth Goodbye
And hope our fleshly pains
Are but mellow
And when at once we meet that Godly eye
We can embrace with heartfelt love
Hello


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Grandad and Hannah

Oh how he loves Hannah
It surely does show
From the top of her head
To her tee-niney toes.
She'll sit on his lap
And won't she be glad
When he asks who she loves
She can say 'You Grandad! '
Then Hannah leans over and gives Burb a kiss
But makes sure it's something that Grandad won't miss
It's part of the game
To taunt and to tease him
But deep in her heart
She knows it to please him
Then Grandad looks wounded
'Don't waste kisses! ' he'll shout
'Save 'em all up for me! ', then he puffs up and pouts
But she giggles and gives him a sweet sideways glance
Revealing the love that makes his heart dance
And we round the table can just watch with wonder
'Cause their love is stronger than lightning or thunder


Written by Sara Fielder © 1996

NOTE: This poem was written about my father in law and his niece Hannah when she was 2 years old.

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Overflow

I don't need ritualistic liturgy
To know God lives inside of me
No holy water on my head
A rosary my fingers thread
He makes up every single ounce
Of my being
My heart overflows
And my voice wants to scream
Till I burst into tiny microscopic beams
Of light and fire and sparks
That gleam


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Rebecca Berkowitz

She writes love on her arms
Drips it on pages
Goes to the bathroom
to
pick her nose
Then
worships the sages
Don't look now
She's playful


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Junk

I know I cant compare
To Maya Angelou or Baudelaire
You will not find me
On the shelf
With them or those that make you
Feel
You want to rent your clothes
With such despair and weep
With grief you cannot bear
I am replete
With simple diction tight and neat
My poems are junk
Someday be buried with me
Meek
Like Hallmark cards
Not fit for lounge rats in a bar


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Watching Mother Die

Class is almost over
And the bell's about to ring
As she slips away to darkness
Praying 'What's next? Anything? '
And she asks for God's forgiveness
Drawing in her last frail breath
Sill at least the pain is over
Though He might not plumb exist
And I wonder if she's lonely
And I wonder if she's scared
To let go of all the ego
Eighty years that she has carried
But I'm too afraid to ask her
Her last thoughts before she goes
Does she think she'll be transported?
No one's been there, no one knows
Then I cry to think who I'll become
When her soul finally leaves
And I hate myself for wondering that
It isn't about me

Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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My Death Wish

Carve me like a pumpkin
With a cap upon my head
Scoop out my brains to mix with yeast
And knead them into bread
Cut out my eyes so I can’t see
The evil everywhere
And use them to play pool with
Doesn't matter
I don’t care
Snip off my hair to knot and braid
A rope that I can use
To tie around my woeful neck
And end it none to soon
And with what’s left
Chop, blend and mix
A tonic that will grow
A crop of red tomatoes in
The Summer you might sow


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Rap Poem

You think you're cool because your mouth
is like a garbage can?
I think you're stupid and you
prolly need a CAT scan
You go to school,
but you haven't learned the one thing
To be a man you have gotta
keep your mouth clean
What goes inside,
must come back out
and if you're listenin' to that trash
you're lost there's no doubt
So pay attention,
and have I mentioned?
When you have kids that are your own
they will not listen!
Are you a sheep?
Are you asleep?
What makes you think the emphasis
should be on bleep bleep?
What makes a man?
It's not your clothes
It's not the fact you wear gold chains
and have ten white ho's
You want 'Real talk'?
I'll give you some
You are a phony and at night
you suck your own thumb
There is a verse
that you should learn
It comes from Matthew Twelve
that you should really rehearse
It goes like this
Be justified!
by all your words and then someday
you'll finally take pride!

Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Cemetery Yard

It takes me fifteen minutes walking fast, but not that far
Three rights, a left, then straight ahead to Cemetery Yard
It sits upon the corner of Macarthur and Fleet Streets
I go there every Wednesday to see ghosts I like to meet

The entry is medieval with it's gated ironwork bars
But there hasn’t been a gatekeeper for many, many years
So I walk right in and I can have a conversation with
The Captain Robert Cunningham or wife of Mister Smith

And who these dried up people were back then God only knows
For their tombstones only have their names and some don't even show
But I speak to them like they’re alive or maybe I am dead?
But either way I'm speaking to them all within my head

Captain Robert Cunningham says 'Thanks for coming here
'Cause back in eighteen sixty five it was the very year
I was in a bluish uniform when under an attack
I was aiming for confederates when shot straight in the back'

At which time I find I'm lacking in appropriate reply
Over all the awe that I now feel about his sacrifice
'Well Captain, not that much has changed and I can’t really lie
The question is not who we were, but how it was we died'

And the grave of Mrs. Smith next to him quietly there sits
Calling out for my attention, so attention I do split
And she tells me that one Christmas Eve while milking in the barn
Two red faced angry Indians strode in and she was harmed

Though she did whatever she could do to put up a good fight
They stuck a knife right through her on that territorial night
'Sara tell me, please, please tell me, am I right or am I wrong?
Do my children lay beside me, or did they live on and on? ”

But the courage isn't in me 'cause the tombstone dates don't lie
'Mrs. Smith, it isn’t if we lived, but how it was we died'
And a couple hours later when it was time to go back home
And I felt that they were satisfied with being left alone
I turned around and looking down I asked them with a sigh
“You have all of the experience…How is it one should die? ”


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Shallow Girl

I saw you in the marketplace
You cast a downward eye
Pretending to buy produce
And not notice I'd walked by
I wanted to say something
As you studied Bartlett pears
Cause in my mind I knew you knew
That I was shopping there
How difficult would it have been
To smile and say hello?
Not lingering to say too much
So grass would therefore grow
Under our feet except that we
The niceties had met
Required in society
A simple, easy debt
But all along you acted like
Most people always do
Like you had never seen me
Superficial and untrue


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Words

Words on this paper
Words in my head
Words while I'm texting
Computing
Unsaid
Words between people
Words on the phone
Words upon words
Even when I'm alone
Words from the Bible
I question
Don't mesh
Words from pornography
Making them flesh
Words with flat letters
Written in black
Good words and bad words
You cannot take back
Words that are shallow
Words that are deep
When they're too many
They put me to sleep
Words that I'm writing
And rhyming you read
Whatever I'm saying
There's prolly no need
Words from the alphabet
Words that can't be
When you are blind
And it's Braile that you see
Words that are worthless
And said on the fly
My words or your words
Are most likely lies
Words in a sentence
Wise words or fair
The only words earnest
Are those said in prayer


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

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That Voice Again

I want to be with you
I want to be clear
But each time I try
Its the voice I hear
I hear that voice again
Im listening to the conversation
Judge and jury in my head
Its colouring everything
All we did and said
And still I head that sharp tongue talking
Talking tangled words
I can sense the danger
Just listen to the wind
I want you close I want you near
I cant help but listen
But I dont want to hear
Hear that voice again
I want to be with you
I want to be clear
But each time I try
Its the voice I hear
I hear that voice again
Im hearing right and wrong so clearly
There must be more than this
Its only in uncertainty
That were naked and alive
I hear it through the rattle of a streetcar
Hear it through the things you said
I can get so scared
Listen to the wind
I want you close I want you near
I cant help but listen
But I dont want to hear
Hear that voice again
What I carry in my heart
Brings us so close or so far apart
Only love can make love
I want you close I want you near
I cant help but listen
But I dont want to hear
I hear that voice again
I want to be with you
I want to be clear
But each time I try
Its the voice I hear
I hear that voice again

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Der Liebesbrief

How have you been? My dear, my dear
You have not written in nary a year
Oh really? It's only been two or three months?
Whatever, whatever, it feels like a bunch
You think that it's funny, that's verdantly clear
Don't worry, I'm gone so there's nothing to fear
But I thought that I'd write a few lines so you'd know
I've moved on just as you writing poems as I go
And like you I'm a cynic so why should I care?
That you left me without having shed any tears
And those days that my heart feels it's tourniquet choke
I ignore with a whiskey, TV and a smoke

Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Patrick

Back then, when life was green among the curly ferns
And it was happy as the height of crystal night
My brother was my younger treasure
And we would daily play
by climbing trees and building forts with skinly knees
We were milky soft
Our eyes, they shined
And there was no such thing as watching time


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Goodbye

Turn off the light
Let darkness come
Like some long dead blank being
Just drown yourself in all of it
Remembering not a thing
When we are young the hands of time
Move not and all is golden
When we look back
Our hearts the same
But body pained and broken
Just close your eyes
Before you die
As God puts out His hand
Goodbye green earth, Goodbye my lambs
It's time for my rebirth


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

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The Screamy Meanies

Each night the screamy meanies come
To kick me wide awake
They spit on me and yank my hair
Poke me with three pronged stakes
They torment without mercy
Till I’m drenched in my own sweat
They think it’s rather funny
And they live under my bed
One’s name is Anorexia
One’s name is Latex Sex
One’s name is You’re a Loser and one’s
Pills That You Ingest
One’s You’re a Dirty Liar and one’s
Your Extremely Vain
One’s You Like to Play with Fire
Till it Burns you With it's Flame
One’s You Should Read Your Bible More
One’s You Are Such a Fool
The One whose names Judgmental
Thinks he’s consummately cool
They all are very vengeful
And none of them are the same
Thank God in a few hours they
Go back from whence they came


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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She'd Lie

She'd lie
Without cause or reason
Don't ask me why
Every chance she got she'd lie
It was pitiful really
A small exaggeration first
Only to be magnified
And wound into an elegant fraud
To be like Them
I wouldn't get mad
I was simply bewildered
They say to tell the truth is easier
But too ordinary for her I suppose
Not grand enough and so
The People wore clothes by Ralph Lauren
And all of their children went to Penn
And she'd rubbed elbows
With Who, What, Where, and When
Some names were dropped to emphasis this point
So that you'd know she was the square peg
In the square hole
Except she'd lie
Did it really matter what car they drived?
Or that they lived in Century Heights?
The longer I'd listen the sadder I became
For I could see she'd told so many lies
In her mind she'd become who she wanted to be
Forget that these were made up tales she told
And that she'd really grown up in
A house with rat holes
And if that were not sad enough
She did not know I was looking down on her
Instead of up


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

NOTE: This poem was written about my mother.

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Walking on Land

Who she was exists no more
Moved ahead and closed the door
But neer shall she forget those days
They haunt and linger, hardly stray

She was a lassie who from birth
Cherished the sea with joy and mirth
Treasuring it's beauty above all else
All of it's water, sand and shells

Out of the channel she'd sail her rig
Her heartbeat dancing a little jig
The ocean her lover and she it's bride
She'd plow it's depths so blue and wide

At home on her ship she'd search for air
Driving it outward as hard as she dared
Her happiness growing with every mile
Never a sorrow, only a smile

But all good things will meet their end
Changes come and you must bend
For nothing is ever meant to last
You roll and play the die that's cast

So when you find a chapter ends
And melancholy your best friend
Don't think upon it as Goodbye
Till memories fade or your have died

Written By Sara Fielder © 1998

NOTE: This poem was written when I moved from Hawaii to the mainland USA after having been accustomed to living on a sailboat for 15 years.

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The Bottle

I swam out to an island once
It wasn't that far off
A mile, perhaps a little more
For sure it twas enough
I went to see if I could find
A place upon the sand
Where I might sit in silence
And seek out the great I Am

And all the blues and all the greens
Began to come together
I wanted to take hold of it
And no not leave, not ever
For there are spaces in our lives
When doubt is held at bay
And just for half one second
Understanding comes our way

When He is me and I am Him
And heavens in our lungs
That measurement of great or small
Is equal cause we're One
And we can visualize a place
Where love is so divine
And hate and war and grief and death
Are tossed like sour wine

And just when I was at that place
Where God was in my hand
There came a wayward bottle
I could see and in it had
A rolled up peice paper
With a tiny rubber band

I didn't want to open it
Disturb this litte vase
But what if this was meant to be
Gods rightful time and place
So straight away the cork came off
And I began to wonder
Was it written by a castaway
Or some forlorn lost lover?

And on the piece of paper
Dated 1942
Was the story of a soldier
In a place called Vanatu
And while on base he missed his love
And he was feeling blue
And hoped the waves would make it drown
Till reading made it new

And on this little island
Where I went to find a cure
I realized all the time that'd passed
And he was dead for sure
I took the glassy capsule
With much thought to what'd occurred
And in my mind I saw myself
Pretending I was her


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

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The Belt

The man in charge pulled out his belt
His mean eyes turned grey green
It pleasured him to whip her
But she would not say a thing
His angry insecurities
With silence she would mock
So he'd beat her even harder
In her mind she'd take a walk
He‘d say, 'This hurts me more than you'
She knew it wasn't true
'Be good and take your medicine'
And spank her black and blue
Yet she would never let him know
While he was raging mad
Contrary to what he believed
Reverse effect it had
It woke her sleeping spirit
On the edge of dying doom
As universes spun around
The ghostly darkened room
Her frozen heart became unthawed
And suddenly ALIVE!
She'd hold on for dear life
And not allow herself to cry
And when he was all finished
He would always be in shock
When she'd look at him and grimly say
'Is that all you have got? '


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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