The Belt

The man in charge pulled out his belt
His mean eyes turned grey green
It pleasured him to whip her
But she would not say a thing
His angry insecurities
With silence she would mock
So he'd beat her even harder
In her mind she'd take a walk
He‘d say, 'This hurts me more than you'
She knew it wasn't true
'Be good and take your medicine'
And spank her black and blue
Yet she would never let him know
While he was raging mad
Contrary to what he believed
Reverse effect it had
It woke her sleeping spirit
On the edge of dying doom
As universes spun around
The ghostly darkened room
Her frozen heart became unthawed
And suddenly ALIVE!
She'd hold on for dear life
And not allow herself to cry
And when he was all finished
He would always be in shock
When she'd look at him and grimly say
'Is that all you have got? '


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Patrick

Back then, when life was green among the curly ferns
And it was happy as the height of crystal night
My brother was my younger treasure
And we would daily play
by climbing trees and building forts with skinly knees
We were milky soft
Our eyes, they shined
And there was no such thing as watching time


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Der Liebesbrief

How have you been? My dear, my dear
You have not written in nary a year
Oh really? It's only been two or three months?
Whatever, whatever, it feels like a bunch
You think that it's funny, that's verdantly clear
Don't worry, I'm gone so there's nothing to fear
But I thought that I'd write a few lines so you'd know
I've moved on just as you writing poems as I go
And like you I'm a cynic so why should I care?
That you left me without having shed any tears
And those days that my heart feels it's tourniquet choke
I ignore with a whiskey, TV and a smoke

Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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My Prison

I don't know half as much as you
I won't pretend to
I just know what I know
Shut up, God told me so
Go on and have that argument with
Yourself
I'll wander room from room under impressed
While you are hell bent
On educating me with your divinity
You don't notice I'm not listening
Do you like the sound of your own voice that much?
Was this a CONVERSATION of such?
Strange to me when once upon a time
I was enthralled
But
Then my admiration grew
Creating a monster on his mountaintop
Without a clue
Making me to run
In opposite direction
The very thing that once fueled my desire
Has now become my prison


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Shallow Girl

I saw you in the marketplace
You cast a downward eye
Pretending to buy produce
And not notice I'd walked by
I wanted to say something
As you studied Bartlett pears
Cause in my mind I knew you knew
That I was shopping there
How difficult would it have been
To smile and say hello?
Not lingering to say too much
So grass would therefore grow
Under our feet except that we
The niceties had met
Required in society
A simple, easy debt
But all along you acted like
Most people always do
Like you had never seen me
Superficial and untrue


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Piper's First Bath

I saw you in dream-filled sleep
I could see behind your eyes the golden haze of heaven
Unfolding into a room paved with diamonds
Sparkling so brightly they almost burned your skin
The angel beckoned you to come a calling
To their Wisdom Room
“Fare thee well Piper. Stand strong.
Be as brave as ten men when life gives you a black eye
Until we meet again…”
Piper smiled at the angels
She had known them ten thousand ten thousand years
Even though she had left home
She knew her Earth mother loved her
As powerfully as God himself
I saw her smile behind the veil that separated us from
The Wisdom Room
And the room where I was rocking her
Her father had painted a wise old owl on the wall
Signifying her future
Signifying her destiny for all divine goodness
Evidenced by her most precious face
Evidenced by her most precious manner
The angels stopped talking for the moment
Piper opened her eyes and looked up at me
I wanted to explain the inexplicable world
That she had come to briefly visit
I wanted to hold her for her whole lifetime but
It was time to give her
Her first bath


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012


NOTE: Written for one week old Piper. The daughter of a beloved friend.

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Rebecca Berkowitz

She writes love on her arms
Drips it on pages
Goes to the bathroom
to
pick her nose
Then
worships the sages
Don't look now
She's playful


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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High School Sweetheart

I surprised myself by googling his name
What a shame I thought,
what a shame
Life was bliss and why would I?
What did I have to gain?
I had no reason at all to be interested
in where he was
or how his life had turned out
But wonder got the better me
So there I was and suddenly
There he was.
The letters of his name sitting side by side
as if he had been there all along
And they laughed at me
This is no small miracle
It's heaven sent
A foolish lie I told myself
before I went to bed
So I lay there
starting to remember the outline of his face
He was just a boy back then
A kid, that long ago made my heart skip beats
in the moonlight as his lips pressed mine
And he would lay his arm around my shoulder
And I would will the clock to stop time
before we would have to say goodnight
I never really knew him
like I wanted to
But, he was mine
Even when he left we were tied together
like immortals
I just knew I'd never feel that way again
But young love is always just a foggy dream
A lovely pleasant piece of fiction
And now, with one mouse click
he's gone again

Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

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The Voice

Hey you
talking to me with your forked tongue
Go ahead
Keep telling me your lies
I can spot deception a mile away
You don't fool me
Just when I think you're gone for good
you show up again
putting me into a state of confusion and chaos
by saying what you think I want to hear
A constant tease that makes me
feel like a tangled mass of nerves
First you say you love me,
I turn around, and then you hate me
never seeming to make up your mind
Why do you do this to me?
Two faced bastard
I can't take this anymore
I won't listen
Get out of my head or you're dead


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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The Rendezvous

The lines of her dress were classic
She was curvy and tall and thin
She’d blood red shiny fingernails
Estee Lauder was under her chin

It was dark in the room when she entered
Except for a candle and chair
And a man with a handful of flowers
Expectantly waiting there

He wanted to be romantic
He wanted to be interesting
But she knew what he really was there for
In spite of the left handed ring

Yet she let down her hair with a flourish
Even though he had lied like a bum
She had lied to herself and she knew it
Cross the hundreds of miles she had come

They both knew there’d be spiritual fallout
They both knew someone surely would tell
They both knew there was no common sense in it
They both knew they would both burn in hell

But without thought or fear they went through with it
And when it was finally done
They were left with the shame and disgrace of it
Saying nothing before they ran home

So be mindful and always remember
If you find you've succumbed to their lot
There is never a happy conclusion
And your treachery's all that you've got


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Overflow

I don't need ritualistic liturgy
To know God lives inside of me
No holy water on my head
A rosary my fingers thread
He makes up every single ounce
Of my being
My heart overflows
And my voice wants to scream
Till I burst into tiny microscopic beams
Of light and fire and sparks
That gleam


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Goodbye

Turn off the light
Let darkness come
Like some long dead blank being
Just drown yourself in all of it
Remembering not a thing
When we are young the hands of time
Move not and all is golden
When we look back
Our hearts the same
But body pained and broken
Just close your eyes
Before you die
As God puts out His hand
Goodbye green earth, Goodbye my lambs
It's time for my rebirth


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

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My Death Wish

Carve me like a pumpkin
With a cap upon my head
Scoop out my brains to mix with yeast
And knead them into bread
Cut out my eyes so I can’t see
The evil everywhere
And use them to play pool with
Doesn't matter
I don’t care
Snip off my hair to knot and braid
A rope that I can use
To tie around my woeful neck
And end it none to soon
And with what’s left
Chop, blend and mix
A tonic that will grow
A crop of red tomatoes in
The Summer you might sow


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Junk

I know I cant compare
To Maya Angelou or Baudelaire
You will not find me
On the shelf
With them or those that make you
Feel
You want to rent your clothes
With such despair and weep
With grief you cannot bear
I am replete
With simple diction tight and neat
My poems are junk
Someday be buried with me
Meek
Like Hallmark cards
Not fit for lounge rats in a bar


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Watching Mother Die

Class is almost over
And the bell's about to ring
As she slips away to darkness
Praying 'What's next? Anything? '
And she asks for God's forgiveness
Drawing in her last frail breath
Sill at least the pain is over
Though He might not plumb exist
And I wonder if she's lonely
And I wonder if she's scared
To let go of all the ego
Eighty years that she has carried
But I'm too afraid to ask her
Her last thoughts before she goes
Does she think she'll be transported?
No one's been there, no one knows
Then I cry to think who I'll become
When her soul finally leaves
And I hate myself for wondering that
It isn't about me

Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Red Hawks

Red hawks dive and swoop and soar
High above me-Could I ask for more?
I envy their majestic wings
Their view encompassing everything!

The sky is their domain no doubt
With sunlit clouds and wind about
Circling for prey with greedy eyes
Danger and beauty combined in the skies

Marvelous curiosity fills my mind with awe
Such willful defiance of gravity I never saw!
Godly miracle, the slotted wing
Unstable air to it, a minor thing

I declare these birds the Kings of Flight
Intelligent and regal in my sight
Watch them yourself and you'll believe
Seeing you there, your heart will sing


Written by Sara Fielder © 1997

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Nobody Wants To Lonely

There you are
In a darkened room
And youre all alone
Looking out the window
Your heart is cold and lost the will to love
Like a broken arrow
Here I stand in the shadows
Come to me, come to me
Cant you see that
Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry
My bodys longing to hold you
So bad it hurts inside
Time is precious and its slipping away
And Ive been waiting for you all of my life
Nobody wants to be lonely so why
Why dont you let me love you
Can you hear my voice
Do you hear my song
Its a serenade
So your heart can find me
And suddenly your flying down the stairs
Into my arms, baby
Before I start going crazy
Run to me, run to me
Cause Im dying
Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry
My bodys longing to hold you
So bad it hurts inside
Time is precious and its slipping away
And Ive been waiting for you all of my life
Nobody wants to be lonely so why
Why dont you let me love you
I want to feel you need me
Just like the air youre breathing
I need you here in my life
Dont walk away, dont walk away
Dont walk away, dont walk away
No, no, no, no
Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry
Nobody wants to be lonely
I dont want to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry
I dont want to cry
My bodys longing to hold you
Im longing to hold you
So bad it hurts inside
Time is precious and its slipping away
And Ive been waiting for you all of my life
Nobody wants to be lonely so why
Why dont you let me love you
Why dont you let me love you
Why, oh why, why, why, why, why
Nobody wants to be lonely
I dont want to cry
Nobody wants to cry
My bodys longing to hold you
So bad it hurts inside
Nobody wants to be lonely
I dont want to be lonely
Nobody wants to cry

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Snake Dance

I was at the table eating God with little white asters
As carefree as the smell of salt
And time was as seamless and sane as an ocean breeze
I looked out the window carelessly
Where Babylon performed her snake dance
And promised me lies you would not keep
She said you loved me yummy
And would stay until I was full and warm
And trembling I dove into the glass
Where all my winters turned to spring
The poppies along the way glowed
Like the sparks from chimneys
Tomorrows turned into yesterdays
When we were young and sleepy
And dreams dripped thick honey on us
While bees hummed around my mail skirt
But lo, we both died fools departing
Where isolation mocks us now
At the end of each day in moonlit sonatas


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Know it All

How does it feel to know it all?
I'm curious, do tell
To be so arrogant enough
The rest can go to hell
It must be nice up on your throne
You intellectual snob
To think the worlds so black and white
And we are but it's dogs.

It must be nice to know it all
Forgive, but I must ask
Ever lose an argument?
No, no. There's not a chance
When others bow and kiss your feet
The hem that trims your robe
Does your huge ego jump for joy
On top but all alone?

It must be nice to know it all
The rest of us so small
We'll just pull weeds
And mind the sheep
And drink the bitter gall
We'll just sit back as best we can
Obligingly and nod
Yes yes, your'e right, of course you are
Let's not forget you're God


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

NOTE: This poem was written about my husband after a disagreement.

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Words

Words on this paper
Words in my head
Words while I'm texting
Computing
Unsaid
Words between people
Words on the phone
Words upon words
Even when I'm alone
Words from the Bible
I question
Don't mesh
Words from pornography
Making them flesh
Words with flat letters
Written in black
Good words and bad words
You cannot take back
Words that are shallow
Words that are deep
When they're too many
They put me to sleep
Words that I'm writing
And rhyming you read
Whatever I'm saying
There's prolly no need
Words from the alphabet
Words that can't be
When you are blind
And it's Braile that you see
Words that are worthless
And said on the fly
My words or your words
Are most likely lies
Words in a sentence
Wise words or fair
The only words earnest
Are those said in prayer


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

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Cemetery Yard

It takes me fifteen minutes walking fast, but not that far
Three rights, a left, then straight ahead to Cemetery Yard
It sits upon the corner of Macarthur and Fleet Streets
I go there every Wednesday to see ghosts I like to meet

The entry is medieval with it's gated ironwork bars
But there hasn’t been a gatekeeper for many, many years
So I walk right in and I can have a conversation with
The Captain Robert Cunningham or wife of Mister Smith

And who these dried up people were back then God only knows
For their tombstones only have their names and some don't even show
But I speak to them like they’re alive or maybe I am dead?
But either way I'm speaking to them all within my head

Captain Robert Cunningham says 'Thanks for coming here
'Cause back in eighteen sixty five it was the very year
I was in a bluish uniform when under an attack
I was aiming for confederates when shot straight in the back'

At which time I find I'm lacking in appropriate reply
Over all the awe that I now feel about his sacrifice
'Well Captain, not that much has changed and I can’t really lie
The question is not who we were, but how it was we died'

And the grave of Mrs. Smith next to him quietly there sits
Calling out for my attention, so attention I do split
And she tells me that one Christmas Eve while milking in the barn
Two red faced angry Indians strode in and she was harmed

Though she did whatever she could do to put up a good fight
They stuck a knife right through her on that territorial night
'Sara tell me, please, please tell me, am I right or am I wrong?
Do my children lay beside me, or did they live on and on? ”

But the courage isn't in me 'cause the tombstone dates don't lie
'Mrs. Smith, it isn’t if we lived, but how it was we died'
And a couple hours later when it was time to go back home
And I felt that they were satisfied with being left alone
I turned around and looking down I asked them with a sigh
“You have all of the experience…How is it one should die? ”


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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