Der Liebesbrief

How have you been? My dear, my dear
You have not written in nary a year
Oh really? It's only been two or three months?
Whatever, whatever, it feels like a bunch
You think that it's funny, that's verdantly clear
Don't worry, I'm gone so there's nothing to fear
But I thought that I'd write a few lines so you'd know
I've moved on just as you writing poems as I go
And like you I'm a cynic so why should I care?
That you left me without having shed any tears
And those days that my heart feels it's tourniquet choke
I ignore with a whiskey, TV and a smoke

Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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My Death Wish

Carve me like a pumpkin
With a cap upon my head
Scoop out my brains to mix with yeast
And knead them into bread
Cut out my eyes so I can’t see
The evil everywhere
And use them to play pool with
Doesn't matter
I don’t care
Snip off my hair to knot and braid
A rope that I can use
To tie around my woeful neck
And end it none to soon
And with what’s left
Chop, blend and mix
A tonic that will grow
A crop of red tomatoes in
The Summer you might sow


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Junk

I know I cant compare
To Maya Angelou or Baudelaire
You will not find me
On the shelf
With them or those that make you
Feel
You want to rent your clothes
With such despair and weep
With grief you cannot bear
I am replete
With simple diction tight and neat
My poems are junk
Someday be buried with me
Meek
Like Hallmark cards
Not fit for lounge rats in a bar


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Rebecca Berkowitz

She writes love on her arms
Drips it on pages
Goes to the bathroom
to
pick her nose
Then
worships the sages
Don't look now
She's playful


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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The Rendezvous

The lines of her dress were classic
She was curvy and tall and thin
She’d blood red shiny fingernails
Estee Lauder was under her chin

It was dark in the room when she entered
Except for a candle and chair
And a man with a handful of flowers
Expectantly waiting there

He wanted to be romantic
He wanted to be interesting
But she knew what he really was there for
In spite of the left handed ring

Yet she let down her hair with a flourish
Even though he had lied like a bum
She had lied to herself and she knew it
Cross the hundreds of miles she had come

They both knew there’d be spiritual fallout
They both knew someone surely would tell
They both knew there was no common sense in it
They both knew they would both burn in hell

But without thought or fear they went through with it
And when it was finally done
They were left with the shame and disgrace of it
Saying nothing before they ran home

So be mindful and always remember
If you find you've succumbed to their lot
There is never a happy conclusion
And your treachery's all that you've got


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Overflow

I don't need ritualistic liturgy
To know God lives inside of me
No holy water on my head
A rosary my fingers thread
He makes up every single ounce
Of my being
My heart overflows
And my voice wants to scream
Till I burst into tiny microscopic beams
Of light and fire and sparks
That gleam


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Im Not Sure Why It Took So Long

I'm not sure why it took so long
Making up my silly mind
To take that one step forward
And leave loneliness behind

I thought that it meant weakness
And I thought it'd take away
My hard won independence
Throw me in the "human" fray

I'm not sure why it took so long
For me to finally leave
The only thing I'd ever known
The sea, my boat, and me

But I suppose that I was stubborn
Vain with pride mixed in there too
And I never wanted you to think
That I was just like you

Secure on land, combined with all
The population's foam
For I had always thought that I
Was better on my own

I'm not sure why it took so long
To trade it for your face
How could I not? I finally did
And left my salty place

And now it's all so perfect
In our comfy, cozy home
Even though there are some days that I
Am wandering round alone

Upon the sea that's in my head
‘Cause there will never be
Replacement of that special part
That lives inside of me


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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The Belt

The man in charge pulled out his belt
His mean eyes turned grey green
It pleasured him to whip her
But she would not say a thing
His angry insecurities
With silence she would mock
So he'd beat her even harder
In her mind she'd take a walk
He‘d say, 'This hurts me more than you'
She knew it wasn't true
'Be good and take your medicine'
And spank her black and blue
Yet she would never let him know
While he was raging mad
Contrary to what he believed
Reverse effect it had
It woke her sleeping spirit
On the edge of dying doom
As universes spun around
The ghostly darkened room
Her frozen heart became unthawed
And suddenly ALIVE!
She'd hold on for dear life
And not allow herself to cry
And when he was all finished
He would always be in shock
When she'd look at him and grimly say
'Is that all you have got? '


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Patrick

Back then, when life was green among the curly ferns
And it was happy as the height of crystal night
My brother was my younger treasure
And we would daily play
by climbing trees and building forts with skinly knees
We were milky soft
Our eyes, they shined
And there was no such thing as watching time


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Watching Mother Die

Class is almost over
And the bell's about to ring
As she slips away to darkness
Praying 'What's next? Anything? '
And she asks for God's forgiveness
Drawing in her last frail breath
Sill at least the pain is over
Though He might not plumb exist
And I wonder if she's lonely
And I wonder if she's scared
To let go of all the ego
Eighty years that she has carried
But I'm too afraid to ask her
Her last thoughts before she goes
Does she think she'll be transported?
No one's been there, no one knows
Then I cry to think who I'll become
When her soul finally leaves
And I hate myself for wondering that
It isn't about me

Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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The Screamy Meanies

Each night the screamy meanies come
To kick me wide awake
They spit on me and yank my hair
Poke me with three pronged stakes
They torment without mercy
Till I’m drenched in my own sweat
They think it’s rather funny
And they live under my bed
One’s name is Anorexia
One’s name is Latex Sex
One’s name is You’re a Loser and one’s
Pills That You Ingest
One’s You’re a Dirty Liar and one’s
Your Extremely Vain
One’s You Like to Play with Fire
Till it Burns you With it's Flame
One’s You Should Read Your Bible More
One’s You Are Such a Fool
The One whose names Judgmental
Thinks he’s consummately cool
They all are very vengeful
And none of them are the same
Thank God in a few hours they
Go back from whence they came


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Hello

Yesterday each step smelled like perfume
Plumeria and harvest rose in bloom
In present moment
Dreams
They look ahead
No fear of future fate
No future dread
We don’t look back, we only look ahead
Until the end
And we are nearly dead
And emptiness ‘round corner comes to view
Or with some luck
Perchance there’s something new
And with one kiss
We say to earth Goodbye
And hope our fleshly pains
Are but mellow
And when at once we meet that Godly eye
We can embrace with heartfelt love
Hello


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Perhaps My Poems Have Already Been Written

PERHAPS MY POEMS HAVE ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN

Perhaps my poems have already been written
Perhaps it is all now senseless repetition
Perhaps I should just stop
And go on if I can to some other form of writing
God gives us what we have
We strive to go beyond ourselves
We can to a certain point
But then we have done what we have done
We can live a million years more
And write a million more poems
But what we have to write
Is done
Perhaps my poems have already been written
And small and poor and awkward as they are
Less than the truest poetry
They are what I have and am
Good-bye myself
I cannot go home.

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Alankar(Decor) -71

The Passionate Nuisance(Pantoum) -

a Malay verse form consisting of an indefinite
number of quatrains with the second and fourth lines
of each quatrain repeated as the first and third lines
of the following one.Permissible, but less common, to use the L1 and L3
of the 1st quatrain in the same order as
originally written to end the poem with L3 of the 1st quatrain.
Rhyme Scheme: abab bcbc cdcd dede eaea

'I feel fatigued, I want to stop writing'
No sooner than I felt so, just born next
A spark tempting me not to stop writing
Between my mind and my heart a conflict

No sooner than I felt so, just born next
A pantoum to twist me tangled of lines
Between my mind and my heart a conflict
Many times twisting me tangled of lines

A pantoum to twist me tangled of lines
Never I thought I would be caught in one
Many times twisting me tangled of lines
Just help me come out well o'my dear one

Never I thought I would be caught in one
What a passionate nuisance you are dear
Just help me come out well o'my dear one
Do not break my heart to cry o' my dear

What a passionate nuissance you are dear
A spark tempting me not to stop writing
Do not break my heart to cry o' my dear
'I feel fatigued, I want to stop writing'

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Words

Words on this paper
Words in my head
Words while I'm texting
Computing
Unsaid
Words between people
Words on the phone
Words upon words
Even when I'm alone
Words from the Bible
I question
Don't mesh
Words from pornography
Making them flesh
Words with flat letters
Written in black
Good words and bad words
You cannot take back
Words that are shallow
Words that are deep
When they're too many
They put me to sleep
Words that I'm writing
And rhyming you read
Whatever I'm saying
There's prolly no need
Words from the alphabet
Words that can't be
When you are blind
And it's Braile that you see
Words that are worthless
And said on the fly
My words or your words
Are most likely lies
Words in a sentence
Wise words or fair
The only words earnest
Are those said in prayer


Written by Sara Fielder © 2011

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Poem of the Ageing

A simple poem I wanted to write
The words were so clear in my mind
But my fingers were numb and sore
Lift a pencil they can't at all
Before a few lines write I could
With my signpen wrestle I should

I tried to read what I've written
And asked my self how did I fare
The words I saw were all in blur
And were in badly crooked lines
I have but lost my metering
And all my lines did hardly rhyme

My next poems shall not be written
And in my thought will just remain
Be unrecited as they may
Till in my mind they fade away

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Walking on Land

Who she was exists no more
Moved ahead and closed the door
But neer shall she forget those days
They haunt and linger, hardly stray

She was a lassie who from birth
Cherished the sea with joy and mirth
Treasuring it's beauty above all else
All of it's water, sand and shells

Out of the channel she'd sail her rig
Her heartbeat dancing a little jig
The ocean her lover and she it's bride
She'd plow it's depths so blue and wide

At home on her ship she'd search for air
Driving it outward as hard as she dared
Her happiness growing with every mile
Never a sorrow, only a smile

But all good things will meet their end
Changes come and you must bend
For nothing is ever meant to last
You roll and play the die that's cast

So when you find a chapter ends
And melancholy your best friend
Don't think upon it as Goodbye
Till memories fade or your have died

Written By Sara Fielder © 1998

NOTE: This poem was written when I moved from Hawaii to the mainland USA after having been accustomed to living on a sailboat for 15 years.

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There Are Days No Poem Can Be Written

THERE ARE DAYS NO POEM CAN BE WRITTEN

There are days no poem can be written
Grief and worry frighten the poem away
Yet the poem lives hidden
For our darkest moments our loneliest fears
Too need their poetry.

Poetry is a way of saying all we need to say
It is our deepest feeling most deeply expressed
It is all we are
The whole of our being
In words.

When a poet dies
Words die
When I will die
All I am will no longer be able to write
One more poem.

How afraid I am in the night
And how dark in the early morning before I rise
But now that I am here
Writing this
A bit of hope begins in me
And I can dream that
When I walk out the door
a few minutes from now
A new day will begin.

How many days I have left
How many poems to write
I do not know.

It is not light yet
And the darkness is still here
But I will feel the morning again
This morning
Thank G-d
You have given me so many poems.
A few small words
help me believe
I truly am alive.
.

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Shallow Girl

I saw you in the marketplace
You cast a downward eye
Pretending to buy produce
And not notice I'd walked by
I wanted to say something
As you studied Bartlett pears
Cause in my mind I knew you knew
That I was shopping there
How difficult would it have been
To smile and say hello?
Not lingering to say too much
So grass would therefore grow
Under our feet except that we
The niceties had met
Required in society
A simple, easy debt
But all along you acted like
Most people always do
Like you had never seen me
Superficial and untrue


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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Valentines Day

Once a year a day comes
On the calendar of time
That marks just one of many
I would hope to make you mine
For most it conjures visions
That begin only in part
Of Cupid slinging arrows
Through his intended victims heart
It's candy, cards, and flowers
That are touched by morning dew
And other sweet surprises
Full of love they might renew
It's pink champagne and candlelight
And gazing at the moon
A kiss with all the passion
That would cause a girl to swoon
It's all these things and many more
And what they're meant to be
But none nearly important as
The words that you love me
And in return I promise you
Through good times and in strife
I'll give you all my heart can give
My love, my soul, my life


Written by Sara Fielder © 1998

NOTE: This poem was written for my husband many years ago.

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The Voice

Hey you
talking to me with your forked tongue
Go ahead
Keep telling me your lies
I can spot deception a mile away
You don't fool me
Just when I think you're gone for good
you show up again
putting me into a state of confusion and chaos
by saying what you think I want to hear
A constant tease that makes me
feel like a tangled mass of nerves
First you say you love me,
I turn around, and then you hate me
never seeming to make up your mind
Why do you do this to me?
Two faced bastard
I can't take this anymore
I won't listen
Get out of my head or you're dead


Written by Sara Fielder © 2012

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