Actually, There Is Still No One There....

it is when all of you
had left
this room when i am finally alone
that i
feel what departure must be

departure is synonymous with
loneliness

when it begins stabbing your peace
distance is prolonged

it is light embracing finally
the tunnel of darkness

you hear a tinkering bell
from a saffron monk

you peep from a leak of this
structure

still, there is no one there.

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Concealing That Nocturnal Existence....

you realize that there is nothing that you keep
or can

at night a stranger of the house talks about
a departure

you listen as he is putting music to his flute
it is a sad one

it is like the sonorous sound of the rain at night
it is windy

the departure shall be early before the sun comes up
you never sleep

anticipating the excitement of the departure
there are only two of you

before the sun comes up between the two hills
both of you have already dissolve in the distance

blend with the trees, walk on grasses,
there are no traces, the two of you never exist

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Lilywhite Lilith

He stands by a middle-aged woman, with a very pale skin who is quietly talking to herself. he discovers she is blind and asking for a guide. whats the use of a guide if you got nowhere to
Uot; asks rael. Ive got somewhere to go, she replies if you take me through the noise, Ill show you. Im a creature of the caves and I follow the way the breezes blow.
He leads her across the room and they leave the crowd, who dismiss their departure as certain to fail.
The chamber was in confusion - all the voices shouting loud.
I could only just hear, a voice quite near say, please help me
Through the crowd
said if I helped her thru she could help me too, but I could
See that she was wholly blind.
But from her pale face and her pale skin, a moonlight shined.
Lilywhite lilith,
She gonna take you thru the tunnel of night
Lilywhite lilith,
She gonna lead you right.
When through the door, the woman leads rael down the tunnel. the light of the chamber soon fades and despite her confident step rael often stumbles in the darkness.
After a long walk they arrive in what rael judges to be a big round cave, and she speaks a second time asking him to sit down. it feels like a cold stone throne.
Rael, sit here. they will come for you soon. dont be afraid. and failing to explain any more she walks off. he faces his fear once again.
When Id led her through the people, the angry noise began to grow.
She said let me feel the way the breezes blow, and Ill show
You where to go.
So I followed her into a big round cave, she said theyre
Coming for you, now dont be afraid.
Then she sat me down on a cold stone throne, carved in jade.
Lilywhite lilith,
She gonna take you thru the tunnel of night.
Lilywhite lilith,
She gonna lead you right.
A tunnel is lit up to the left of him, and he begins to shake. as it grows brighter, he hears a non-metallic whirring sound. the light is getting painfully bright, reflecting as white off the wa
Ntil his vision is lost in a sort of snow blindness.
She leaves me in my darkness,
I have to face, face my fear,
And the darkness closes in on me,
I can hear a whirring sound growing near.
I can see the corner of the tunnel,
Lit up by whatevers coming here.
Two golden globes float into the room
And a blaze of white light fills the air.

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A Lovely Evening

when you finally give up
and put the ring on the table
and you shed some tears
and say a goodbye and when
i am finally left alone
staring at the darkness
when the moon is covered
by the storm when i cannot
hear anything because the
typhoon begins to rage
i can decide and always
say upon myself that despite
all these things
i can still look forward to
another lovely evening

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Chrismas Is Here

From infinite darkness we finally see you there

At first we hide your presence because we see you far

Your essence we start to feel from the first

Mas your structure has no room for a quest

Thou you last for twenty four hour

Your impression last till the other

In you some do wed out total isolation

And in you we have one of a kind creation

You are the only one I know the sun do pray for

And the wind and the moon constantly adore

Mas your dark is better than a billion light

And a million days is of no use to your night

People if you cannot see talk or hear

I know you know that chrismas is here

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White Hair

i let the years pass on my busy days
this and that
those and there and here
contemplation is a monk and he has not come
my door is open
and the crowd came in. Leaves of years keep
falling like it is caused by the cyclone
of my moving forward onward
this and that and those and there and everywhere
until one moment when the last white hair fell
and then i shudder
to all these and that and those and there and here
and nowhere
and nothing, until the monk in saffron cloth came
asking me
if i am finally going.

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twas The Twilight

'twas the twilight
that we hate during
those moments
of our secret tryst
beneath the trees
when darkness and
light fuse and
then dismember
it is the departure
that begins to put
the tinge of pain
the bitterness of having
to say
when.

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The House Of My Neighbor

no one lives there anymore
all left for good
there is so much fuss about
almost anything, a mess
of who must own it finally,

at night, a man with a striped
red and blue shirt climbs the fence
and enters the room
without breaking the glass window

the moon wants to scream
but it is ruled by its code of silence
there is tinkering bell
and tonight someone touches it
shakes it
to make a noise

the moon wants to scream again
but this time the black clouds come and
with their hands
the moon is gone.

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I Finally Found My Way To You

So many people tried to help me on my way
So little time and theres still so much left to say
Theres no explaining all the things that Ive been through
But Ive finally fount my way to you
I finally found my way to you
Now the day is endhing and the night begins to fall
Sometimes I wonder if Ill make it back at all
I gave up everything I had and ever knew
But I finally found my way
Finally found my way
I finally found my way to you
Remember how we used to hide away
Wed share the secrets of our souls
Turn down the lights and dance the night away
Wed dance the night away
Wed dance the night away
Remember how we used to hide away
Wed dance the night away (x 4)
And now Ill hold you like I never have before
Ill let you go just long enough to lock that door
The words I whisper come so late and overdue
But I finally found my way, I finally found my way
I finally found my way to you
To you baby.

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Darkness And Light

i would like to arrive not at the point
when darkness and light
chase and fight each other

when they grapple with who's right
and who's fit to survive
on the cycle of life

i like to arrive at the time when
they stop and arrive at a compromise
to live in peace together
not that the light stays on the right
not that darkness stays on the left

for that would still be divisive
i like them fuse into a certain hue
so pleasing to the eyes of all confused men

dusk, dawn, a dawning light, grey
the coolness of twilight, midway, between coming and departure

standing still, a gaze of the star and the coming of a new day.

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While I Was Driving The Car Back Home

while i was driving the car back home
the town suffered a
blackout, and all that i can see before me
is a sea of darkness but i am not frightened anymore
for i have light within me
or the car perhaps is well conditioned to travel
the tunnel of darkness
without people or in places where everyone is asleep,
somehow
i begin to think what if i am the only one left
in this world
where everyone finally left somewhere to a place
where i have never been to....

and then i begin to think about you.
how can i be so cruel to forget such a lovely person as you?
how could i be so indifferent?

and then i stopped the car and veered my way
back home to you.

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For B...

so you have felt finally
that you are alone: your brother after he married
built a wall around his wife and
daughter

you can hear their exclusive laughter in the other room
and when the light there is finally turned-off
you can hear even the whispers of love
that you have not met
before

the hands of love
drive you away

you turn off too
the only light in your room
and the war within you begins

there is that regret that mocks you
there is the passing time that appears like those leaves
blown away by the last month's typhoon

you feel like a tree robbed of all those leaves
with some twigs bent
to the utmost you feel that pain
of being
uprooted

moments reversing themselves
like the back pages of the
book
with a vast topics
arranged alphabetically
which of course
you have no desire to
carefully read

you feel this horror of all horrors
loved ones
abandoning you
with their bags full of
clothes

those thicker walls that suck their conversations
like water siphoned by
a thick cloth
oh, how you detest each layer
of indifference

the whole night you never sleep
but for now
you are a little bit triumphant in this exhaustion
these eye bags
must posses a noble purpose
perhaps to educate you more
for the coming days
of more empty rooms
of chairs that accumulate dust
of carpets that accommodate more ticks
of those breakfasts
left untouched
on the table with unchanged covers

no more tears in this war
between you and your hidden self
as you wait
for the promise that soon
there will be a harmony
between loneliness and
survival
between the fingers of time
and the slippage
that you do not care to account
anymore

well, you assure yourself
'outside i still have my own secret garden
it is mine and mine alone
my brother's children cannot enter
now, his wife in truth
is not my sister
and what i must remember
truly
must only be my name
yes, i am',

you write it.

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What Drives You To The End

tears of pain and sorrow continue to fall for what seems forever
no hope of light or happiness can be seen in the distance
only the endless cutting into the heart till it is split open
little possibility of removing the cold sharp knife that cuts on
then light starts forming cracks in the endless tunnel walls
only enough light to leak hope into the dark soul but
not enough to light the tunnel so that it's possible for sight
more and more light leaks into the soal and the pain disapates
warmth and happines fills the body and soal till nothing else matters
then the shadows sneak up while there is nothing blocking it anymore
evil and darkness surrounds the light and blocks it from the sole
the light withdraws back into the cracks and leaves only darkness
darkness that fills the soal and rips up all that is good and continues
the endless dripping pain the pain that reveals that the dark tunnel will
continue on forever a choice is made and the knife is thrust deeper till
all is still and the bleeding stops all together all of it stops forever

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For A Reason Always...

every event happens for a reason
the comings and goings

departures for instance are always
on time and
always reasonable and those who are left
sometimes wonder
only to understand later
comparing what welcome was
and what departure
has become...

soon they may tell you
we have seen the light, we have seen darkness too.

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Last Night I Was Talking To Myself

last night i was talking to myself
asking and making answers
like the way i make a knot and
then untie them from a cemented
post at the port
so that the wooden boat
may finally be let loose
and be free to sail
to its chosen destination

the sea was so wide
like all seas that you have seen
but the night was so dark
like no other

last night i was formulating solutions
to a very common problem
like how to cure a cold
with just a glass of water
like how to appease the coldness
of a room with nothing but
a piece of a woolen blanket
and curling feet and
hiding hands in my pocket
so i can have the exact warmth
so i may finally have my much
needed sleep and
dream about the peace
between the clouds
and the stars

last night i could not sleep
and you are beside me
last night i opened the window
of our room while you
were there snoring
last night i was silently
talking about the absence of
stars the loss of the moon

and then the rain fell
heavily on the roof of this house
and then i closed the windows
and then i listened to every sound
and then i noticed a faint light coming
from a leak of these walls

i know
another morning has finally
come
it is broken they say.

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Bertrand Russell

Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention, largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves.

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All About Me

i'm confused
it makes it hard to think straight
i've finally figured out what i want to do
it's a scary thought
everything seems clear now
and instead of wondering what the future holds
i find myself making plans
- for the future
i feel a little more free, a little less scared
i like this feeling
i don't feel like i'm wondering around aimlessly
it feels like my path has finally revealed itself
i'm finally getting structure in my life
i'm excited about the future now
not scared shitless
maybe i'll even start smiling
(not likely)

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The departure lounge.

Many times,
I have been near the departure lounge.
Never knew the how or why.
Only too near tears to cry.
Time to leave.
Cliches on your sleeve.
Ready to be 'sold'.
Like cards up, an armful ready.
The departure lounge.
What is this place?
The only sensible option!
Many times,
I could have gone
Rather than see and play out-
Bitter endings.
The departure lounge!
A better place to be looking at
From a comfortable view
Than actually arrive at.

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an Ode to Loneliness....

Loneliness need not be feared.
IT is one of the most common guests in your house.

If you fear it, it will tease you and prolong your
agony.

If you, however, meet it at the gate, and welcome it to your house,
give it some drinks, feed it well, and offer it your room, ask it to sleep with you
for ten days,

Then it will look at you from the tip of your hair to the tip of your toe and say, ' This man knows me, and has a deep thinking, he knows how to nurture me,
and take good care of a bleeding heart'

And then it will have second thoughts in deciding to stay in your house
and sleep with you in bed

It has lost its use and finally arrive at the conclusion ' You are a strong man,
you know how to live. You talk to God, and compassionate about
the pain of silence'

And then without saying goodbye
sans the note or words of departure, it leaves you and your house
looking for those who are still living on their closed houses,
on shallow waters

For indeed, Loneliness also chooses those who deserve it
Now you smile, you close the door because it is already dark,
close the windows because there is no moon,
and somehow you think about it,
honestly, you miss
what you have become so familiar about
it has become dear to you
and clearer now
it has become a part of you
like a key inside your
pocket.

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She Sobbed.

He wept.
Finally, he left.

She couldn't believer it.
She had doubts.
And her doubts finally devoured her.
Hook, line and sinker.
She is gone too.

But i finally hear the sobs.
On air. There is no one there. It seems.
But i know. It is her.

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386

if there is no place that can accommodate
your sadness,
i know how sweet is the
feeling of departure

you are prepared to spread your wings
but your heart is still as heavy as the weight
of your legs
but then you have the right to fly away
from sorrow
to drift away from lament

happy trip my friend
i send you my blessings
i wish you all the luck to finally reach your destination
happy flying with your wings
but before you finally go
let me know
the secret of your having grown
those pair of big and strong wings
tell me which part of your body
are you hiding your hands
for soon if i have some
i may fly away from
sadness too.

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