The Great Stealth-burger Caper
A head cold had settled in with a vengeance.
After a couple of days at home I felt stir crazy.
Was it time to go somewhere, maybe a movie?
A quick glance at Arts & Entertainment section
and we made our choice of movies playing at our
favorite theater.
We jumped in the car and headed to the cinema.
“Haven’t eaten all day lets get a burger” I said.
“We don’t have enough time to stop to eat, lets
get something at the theater” Laureen replied.
“Nope, too expensive and the food is crappy anyway.
Let’s get some burgers to go and sneak them into the theater”
“What? ” You know they don’t let people take in food”
“Yeah, so they don’t need to know, right? ”
We wheeled into “Cruisers” a 50’s throwback diner.
You know the kind with old pictures of Elvis and Marilyn,
hanging on the walls and black & white checkerboard floors.
Cruisers make great burgers cheap (volume...Over a zillion sold) .
Thin patties, shredded lettuce, onions, tomatoes, pickles
and fresh sesame buns. Burgers better than the guys
with the “Golden Arches” or “flame broiled” belly busters.
It was 30 minutes before show time, but we were in luck.
Things were going well because we arrived 15 minutes before noon.
The movie gods were with us…
Just as we placed our order, people started lining up behind us.
“Two regular burgers with the works and mustard dressing please”
“Want fries with your burgers”
“Nope” I said hurriedly.
Laureen placed her order,
“One regular burger with everything except onions and an order of fries.”
“Do you want curly, regular, tatter tots or steak fries? ”
“Uh, I’ll take the steak fries please”
“Anything to drink? ”
“No thanks, just a cup for water (she wasn’t about to let me drink from her water bottle) .
We looked at each other as we sat down holding
our plastic tent with a black number 3 on it.
“Uh, how are we going to smuggle in that much food”, laureen asked.
“In your purse” I answered with a clueless grin on my face.
“Are you kidding, it’s already full and besides my water bottle is in it”
“I’ll put the water bottle in my back pocket”
“That’s still not enough room”
The waitress called our number.
We walked over to get our order then ran to the car
and zoomed off to the theater.
Laureen opened the bag and looked inside.
“Maybe we better eat the fries because they have a strong odor from
the deep fryer and they may not get by the ushers.
They take up a lot of room anyway”.
“Ok…get em out” I answered.
She set the white bag full of steak fries out and proceeded to pour ketchup on them from a few of those troublesome, sparsely filled plastic packets.
“Mmmm, pretty good I said as I stuffed a couple in my mouth.
I glanced at the bag and said, “Oh what the Hell, hand me a burger”.
By the time we arrived at the theater the burgers and fries were gone.
So much for the stealth burger caper…
We comfort in knowing that we’d smuggled in our whole lunch in our bellies and who likes to eat in the dark anyway.
poem by Ray Lucero
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Related quotes
Lunch
America’s corporate souls
have just finished eating
at the buffet trough, ingested
noon day blues. In their bellies
burgers and fries acidify
into atomic shit particles
to be gassed out into commodes
into bayous and oceans
to feed fish which get ground up
to feed other fish and then cows
hormonized to make more burgers and fries.
Yesterday a postal clerk said to me
as she reloaded and unloaded her glock,
“I’ve given these SOB’s my ovaries
but they will not have my soul,
not my soul. I am a woman
not some damn fish.”
poem by Charles Harvey
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Fries On The Side (#2)
o the tune of Dylan's 'God on our side'.....
And now we have breakfasts
Of chemical dust
If eat them we're forced to
Then eat them we must
One push of the button
A new menu worldwide
You can't beat a MacDonalds
With fries on the side.
I used to hate salads
And vegetables too
I would never eat them
Do you know what i'd do?
I'd wait for a moment
Then move them aside
Right under the table
With fries on the side.
But now at McDonalds
They've got healthier food
I think that it sucks
And i'm not being rude
It may even taste better
You'll have to decide
For all i want is a burger
With fries on the side.
poem by David Keig
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Jesus Burger
Feeling spiritually hungry,
I stopped by at an
Internet writers' joint,
Where I was served with
A Jesus burger, well done,
On a mystic Sufi bun,
With kosher pickles,
Kabbalic lettuce and
Shamanic tomatoes,
With that secret Zen sauce
And transcendental Maya,
With a large order of
Wicca fries and a bottle
Of flavored holy water,
And I ate it all up
Hook, line and sinker
Until I got a heartburn
From all the baloney -
So I started writing
My postmodern Marxist
Slogans that New Age
Consciousness is the
McDonald's of the masses.
March 26,2006
poem by Alexander Shaumyan
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My Brother Julian.
my brother julian is weird,
but hes not one to be feared,
burgers and fries is all he eats,
loves video games
but he always cheats,
sleeps all night sleeps all day,
he goes to church but i never heard him pray,
but his nose is special it could smell food a mile away,
he gets crazy and physco thats why i call him violent j,
he loves food like they aint no tommorow,
he eats so fast i sometimes wonder if he swallowed,
hes always first in line to order,
hes favorite food is the ultimate cheeseburger,
hes cool but mostly rude,
but show him your food and violent j will druel.
1/05/2008
Copyright ©2009 Jose Murguia
poem by Jose Murguia
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Bull Session With The big Daddy
Well are we on?
Yeah well were kinda on
We just introduce earl leaf so
Earl tree
Hi fig
Food
You get my cheese sandwich?
Gimme
Uh huh they had ham
Did you get a malt?
Didnt bring any malts
Whatd you get us?
A burger I mean cheese heres cheese
Oh its mine
Did you order one?
No Im kidding
Whatd you get me?
Mike Im gonna take a bite pretty quick
Oh thank you
I wouldve rather had that
No thats all wrong
Hey theres onions on this so I hope all you guys dont mind
Hi earl
Heres some french fries you can all split
Oh theres kosher pickles
Thank you for the french fries Im really uh
Everythings gonna be alright marylin
Thank you
Oops okay why dont earl talk to brian
You stepped on my french fries
Now after the concert in paris
Concert?
Which was a blast
You mean that that big ol thing
That was a musically
I loved that conce that was the best concert
I had a lot of fun
It was great
I thought it was our best show we ever played
Its great
I thought it I liked it almost
First show I only made three mistakes
I still havent made a mistake my whole career
Were keep waiting for you to make a mistake brian
Where was this place we had the lamb wherever it was
Oh that banquet we had
Yeah
Yeah they brough in this big ol lamb and dennis and I had to sit there
Holding it up
Yeah but it had its you know they cooked the whole lamb and put its raw
Head back on
Yeah thats right
They didnt take the they didnt even burn the hair off it
Its sitting looking at you like
Well the whole european
Franch bread
Of all of europe the only thing that stuck out in my mind is the bread
I you know you know who was a great help was dick reising, capitol
Records representative over there, one of the greatest guys Ive ever met
In my life
He sent us a telegram
Hey uh hey carl
Yeah get out of here
What uh what was the most fascinating experience you remember? what
Whats the highlight?
Gee I dont know I think rome it sticks out in my mind. it was such a
Beautiful place I mean the colosseum, Ive never seen anything like that ever
Looks like it
When in rome
You know I love england
The t. v. work is great there
If you notice like shindig orhalibalu a lot of these t.v. shows are
Going after it
Theres about six of them now
Or well all of the t. v. shows are all going after this sort of thing
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Burgers Or Fries
The little sparrow
doesn't cadge a feed
earns it by wile
watches the mechanical doors
open and shut
follows people
in or out
dines on a smorgasbord
of burgers and fries
for the little sparrow
no hunger pain
tomorrow he'll do it
again
my last feed
came out of a bottle
as soon as I walk in
the staff
shoo me out.
poem by Vince Gullaci
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Dave’s Restaurant
Smell of sizzling steak in the air,
people talking and laughing everywhere.
Football game on big flat screen t.v.s,
fans watching and screaming happily,
while eating hot Grilled Worth Wings.
You can order Buffalo chicken, shrimp or gator,
you can order hand cut fries or side of taters.
Dave’s has pastas with or without fish,
he even has the Islamorada fish sandwich.
Now Dave’s has a bar with cool looking stools,
you can order beer or a smoothie to stay cool.
Kid’s can even have a bite to eat,
Dave’s has kid’s menu with chicken tenders and grilled cheese.
Captain Morgan Burger, steaks and fajitas are great,
Prime rib, Mojo Pork Platter are a delicious plate.
When downtown walking on Lake Ave.,
Stop at Dave’s Restaurant for the fresh food you can have.
Written by Suzae Chevalier on October 15,2011
www.puppetpoems.com
poem by Suzae Chevalier
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Answered Prayers?
... my day continues
after stopping for a burger,
fries and a coke
I drive to the nearest bookstore
and purchase
three new books
in Chile
they are picking out bodies
out of earthquake rubble
the west coast and Hawaii braces
for a string of tsunamis
my day continues
in Afghanistan yesterday
seventeen died
in a car bombing spree
I walk across the parking lot
enter my car
share the rest my fries with my dog
rub his ears, kiss his head
my day continues
like a disinterested god
I go on with my day
as others die
the rest of the world
always goes on
with its day
and we expect answered prayers?
poem by R. James Sterzinger
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Saturday Night in Dill City
We had a night I’d like to tell about
Consisting of an extraordinary meal
The food was simply delicious
With a down-home country feel
The place in which I ordered my food
It was one it’d never have expected
It was at the Fire Extinguisher
I was not even really directed
The food was oh, so scrumptious
Hamburger steak cooked on the grill
Caramelized onions plopped on top
I can taste that flavor still
Crispy fries and freshly made salad
With dressing fit for a king
Perfect for a party
Or out for a Saturday night fling
Yes, we had a wonderful time
If we hadn’t it would have been a pity
But we did find this restaurant on
Saturday night in Dill City
poem by Marilyn Lott
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Fast Food
How about making a run for the border
How about me deserving a break today
How about getting some fries with my order
How about finally letting me have it my way
Thank you burger king
Thank you dairy queen
Thank you, thank you kfc
Thank you pizza hut
Thank you taco bell
Thank you so much wendys
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If French Fries Were Fat Free
Will I need a miss of my life
Each time I went left, I should've gone right
And love's no exception to this rule
Cause I turned around I lost you
Now I'm feeling lonesome and blue
Just the way I expect to
But there's something that I could use
To help me deal with this abuse
If French fries were fat free
And you still love me
If French fries were fat free
And you still love me
What a wonderful world this would be
If the whiskey really helped me
Forget your memory
I'd wear a smile endlessly
If French fries were fat free
And you still love me
You know the more I think about you
The more sense it makes
Cause grease and love both cause heartache
So I raise my glass and toast
These things I want the most
Though I probably never see
I can't help but believing
That if French fries were fat free
And you still love me
What a wonderful world this would be
If the whiskey really helped me
Forget your memory
I'd wear a smile endlessly
If French fries were fat free
And you still love me
Oh if French fries were fat free
And you still love me
song performed by by Alan Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Lovely Couple
The Lovely Couple
In a café I hadn’t been to before I ate an omelet with
french fries, it was flat, boring the fries were re- heated.
Near me sat an old couple reading the paper together,
when he got and up walked outside for a smoke, she read
the obituary page, but just before he came back in she
folded the paper back to the page he was on before
leaving. He was interpreting to her what he had been
reading, something about the new president in the USA,
she knew of his views, she had heard them before,
she was listening to his voice, as they were old and near
the end of a blessed lane they had walked together.
Close they sat she held his arm and now they looked young.
It is odd to think if they knew they would live forever they
may have postponed their happiness indefinitely.
poem by Oskar Hansen
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I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, ""I'd like some fries."" The girl at the counter said, ""Would you like some fries with that?""
Sliders, Addicted I Am
Something so small and square, edible
Be so good and addicting
Travel 100 plus miles for them
Do they call our name or brain wash us
The small square buns so soft and warm
They could be dinner rolls
The grilled square patty cook so well
Juicy and delicious, the right amount of onions
I am so addicted to them
Not just one, maybe two, or go for the six pack
They play with my mind
I see the signs as i drive down the Interstate
They must know when I am near
I feel a magnetic pull
I crave them bad, can't get enough
Ole the White building is in site
Do I stop or do I pass
My stomach says yes, the heart no
I do stop almost always
Those burgers are my life
Ole to the White Castle Burger
They took my heart and stomach
I need to go to Sliders Anonymous
The addiction is bad, very bad
It takes over my mind
I go to dangerous places just to get them
The fixation is so over whelming
Ole to the Slider, My true love food
So juicy, so small, so good
My body will pay later, now that I am Full
Sliders, Sliders, My mind dreams of eating you
One more time, Do I stop, or do I pass
White Castle, a Addict I am
People beware the Sliders are addicting
Give me more, My tummy is bursting
Just one more before I go
Sliders, I love you So
poem by Michael Peterson
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Fast Food Hell
Everyday I am forced to sell,
Fast food in this fast food hell,
Greasy burgers with ingredients unknown,
I’m behind the grimy counter, all alone.
Little kids with whiny voices,
Line up for the kid meal choices,
Soccer moms with mini vans,
Men with ‘blackberries, “Look no hands! ”
Everyone from everywhere,
They all come to jeer and stare,
At I, the unfortunate employee,
Trapped in burger hell, and never free.
poem by Amity Willows
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I was ecstatic they re-named 'French Fries' as 'Freedom Fries'. Grown men and women in positions of power in the U.S. government showing themselves as idiots.
quote by Johnny Depp
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Lettuce And Burger Address.....[LONG; Humor; Capitalism]
Four months and seven days ago me an' my brother Joe here
brought to 'yas' a new diner with both sugar AND Equal, and
catsup for all.
Our competition (ha ha) cut prices to pressure us, but we countered with a new menu.....and topless waitresses.
There have been some skirmishes as some 'a' 'ya', our customers know.
But Joe and me are diner veterans and 'in for a penny, in for a pound', as Mom used to say.
Remember not all diners, meaning businesses, are created equal to US, but all diners, meaning people, ARE equal to US, and we plan 'ta' come out on top.
Many 'a' 'yas' been good and loyal customers for weeks, and
Joe and me got our Grand Opening Week, comin' Sunday through Saturday.
As always we got free medium sodas and coffee, one per customer.
And for those with five holes me or Joe punched in your loyalty cards,
you each receive a free dessert 'wit' purchase of any entrée (17 dollars or more) .
How 'da ya' like that folks? Pretty swell, huh?
Tuesday and We'nesday we got live music, Jazz Tuesday and Blue Grass We'nesday.
In the future we might get live music all the time; free for loyal customers; three bucks a head for them without cards. Nice, huh? You betcha!
Remember loyalty cards is always available from our lovely wait staff. Take a LOW bow girls. Nice!
Burgers and hots will still be our featured items on the menu.
We got six kinds 'a' burgers and three kinds 'a' hots.
All them come with fries or onion rings and coleslaw or ‘tato salad;
hot sauce me and Joe got for 'yas' too. Nice, huh?
But Joe and me (we're buddies as well as bro's 'ya' know?) plan 'ta'
expand the choices to please our customers even more. That's you folks.
Fish and chips, cold sandwiches, and chili and takeout are maybe comin'.
We plan a great run here, Joe and me, see, as we continue to serve 'ya', our friends.
We might branch out to other locations as our competitors (ha ha) wise up and go belly up.....'fore they owe too much dough 'ta' ev'ryone.
(That's when they know they can't beat me and my brother here.)
There's been talk ‘bout lawsuits ‘bout our girls' attire (or lack of it) but Joe and me got the city boys in our pockets. (ha ha)
Never forget we love all 'yas', our loyal customers.
And don't forget our new address here: 1200 Oceanside Avenue..this place here.
Tell your people about our great food. Thanks a bunch. Lunch too.
(Nov.2012)
poem by Bri Edwards
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Who I Am
If I’m over six feet tall with blue eyes…
That’s not who I am.
If my extra weight is hard to disguise…
That’s not who I am.
If I have all that money buys…
That’s not who I am.
If I’m smart with powerful allies,
That’s not who I am.
If I’ve seen the world as far as a plane flies…
That’s not who I am.
If I love cheese burgers and French fries…
That’s not who I am.
I am a comfort when someone cries…
That’s who I am.
I loosen painful, sorrowful ties…
That’s who I am.
I offer consolation when someone dies…
That’s who I am.
I am a help for each who tries…
That’s who I am.
I’m happy even under cloudy skies…
That’s who I am.
I love in spite of faults and lies
Or anyone who doubts or denies…
That’s who I am and as you see
That is who I will always be.
poem by Gregory Huyette
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Waiting For Hours
Not a clock heard ticking with a tock,
Is doing it slower at one's advantage...
To block the stopping of procrastination.
However...
Nothing prevents a hand to reach out,
For a muffin to stuff a mouth.
OR a burger with a side order of greasy fries,
To find its way to satisfy taste buds.
And people can be seen waiting for hours,
Patiently...
To get their hotdog topped with sauerkraut.
Not a clock heard ticking with a tock,
Is doing it slower at one's advantage...
To block the stopping of procrastination.
And yet...
People give more time in the doing of it,
But will stand in line for days without a single complaint...
To pay to entertain themselves with an array of nonsense.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Punks Rock
I want my french-fries, I need my french-fries
I want my french-fries, I need my french-fries
I want my french-fries, my french-fries, my french-fries
I want my french-fries, french-fries
I want my ketchup, I need my ketchup
I want my french-fries with the ketchup, and salt and salt and ketchup
I want my french-fries, french-fries
song performed by by P.O.D.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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