A Most Unusual Wedding
Because the bridegroom couldn’t be found
the bride was driven continually around.
Dickie and Melanie were marrying in style;
the first chimpanzees to walk down the aisle.
A reception at the classiest hotel Torbay,
followed by a honeymoon in Zimbabwe.
The best-man also named Dickie was with the groom,
but in a nearby hospital waiting room.
Earlier that morning there had been an accident,
which left the groom’s legs broken and bent.
The best-man phoned Melanie to let her know,
so off to the hospital she did quickly go.
With both legs now in traction and suffering with pain,
Dickie the groom did his best to explain.
He also suggested that the wedding should go ahead
and she should marry the best-man instead.
Abhorred by what her beloved fiancé had said,
she exclaimed, 'that chimp', she would never wed.
However, by the time he had finished to explain,
she accepted the proposal as simple and plain.
She went outside and put it to the best-man,
and he reluctantly agreed to the plan.
They returned to the church and spoke to the vicar,
who agreed to a proxy without a bicker.
The wedding and reception went without a hitch
but the trip to Zimbabwe had to be ditched.
At the reception, the bride explained the situation,
and thanked the best-man for his co-operation.
The proxy groom stood up and nervously said,
that he would’ve swopped the ceremony for a hospital bed,
and that one of the things in life that he was always dreading
was the thought of being a spare Dickie, at a monkeys wedding.
poem by Orlando Belo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
A Jewish Wedding
Jane Doze - A Jewish Wedding
By JaneDoze
Hi, I'm Jane Doze and I have a story to tell you...
I have not been to many weddings. This one was pretty funny. My brother had poison oak and his face was swelled up so big he couldn't see out of his eyes. He had to walk around with an ice pack on his face all day. He was in the groom’s party so; he was wearing a tuxedo too!
My uncle was confused and said to me during the ceremony, ' I didn't know we were Jewish? ' I had to tell him that we aren't.
It all went by pretty fast actually. The Rabbi had the Bride and Groom sign the papers and then everyone had to pose for pictures.
I reflected how weeks before, I had helped one of the maids of honor make the party favors.
She took Hershey’s kisses and taped them together to make roses. They turned out really good. There was one on every plate in the reception room. I was so proud to have helped.
When the pictures were finally over, we all were so hungry and happy to go inside. As we approached the reception room, someone came out into the hall and said to the Bride, ' The Rabbi has eaten all the party favors! '
The Bride said to the Groom, ' See, I told you something bad would happen. It always does, even after all the wedding planning! '
She was a pretty good sport. The Bride had someone escort the Rabbi to his car, while her bridesmaids went and tried to arrange what was left of the party favors. They placed them into vases, a few here, and a few there.
Then, the Bride and Groom cut the cake to the music of the mission impossible theme. They even wore goggles and bibs. It was an awesome day even though my brother couldn't see a thing.
Moral to the Story: Never leave a Rabbi in a room full of temptation
poem by Patricia Dobrosipearson
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Always The Bride, But Not The Groom
Always the bride, but not the groom
that is what I became
when I went to a Wedding in October.
We went to the wedding,
then along to the reception.
I stood talking to a couple of friends
and the bride rushed in and said to me.
“Dave look after these for me“
She then commenced to hand me
her bridal bouquet and handbag.
One of our friends Donall
gave me a hug and kiss
and asked me to marry him.
His partner Janice grabbed her camera
and took a photo of me,
bridal bouquet in one hand, handbag in the other
and a lopsided smile from the mouth ulcer I had.
Right there and then I became a bride, but not the groom.
20 November 2008
Author’s note:
I dedicate this poem to:
Janice Windle (who took the photo)
Donall Dempsey (who planted the kiss)
Tara (the real bride for dropping me in it.)
poem by David Harris
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An Old Fashioned Wedding
Interpolated in 1966 revival]
[FRANK:]
We'll have an old-fashioned wedding
Blessed in the good old-fashioned way
I'll vow to love you forever
You'll vow to love and honor and obey
Somewhere in some little chapel
Someday when orange blossoms bloom
We'll have an old-fashioned wedding
A simple wedding for an old-fashioned bride and groom
[ANNIE:]
I wanna wedding in a big church with bridesmaids and flower girls
A lot of ushers in tailcoats, reporters and photographers
A ceremony by a bishop who will tie the knot and say
"Do you agree to love and honor?" Love and honor, yes, but not obey
I wanna wedding ring surrounded by diamonds in platinum
A big reception at the Waldorf with champagne and caviar
I wanna wedding like the Vanderbilts have, ev'rything big, not small
If I can't have that kind of a wedding I don't wanna get married at all
[Coda:]
[FRANK:]
We'll have an old-fashioned wedding
[ANNIE:]
If it's not a big wedding I don't wanna get married at all
song performed by by Irving Berlin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Utilitarians
You mislead me into believing that I am invited to this
Wedding party, I do not demand that i be furnished a copy of the wedding invitation
With my name on it, trusting you that the invitation is true,
So when I handed my gift to the bride and the groom
their
Eyes ask for my name and well,
thank me for the gift
When the truth is you are only interested for the free
Ride that I have given
for all three of you, liars!
the bride and groom do not even know my name
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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The First Miracle (Bible Poems for Children)
The wedding party had begun,
Mary looked for Jesus, her
son.
They had ran out of wine,
The wedding party could not
dine.
She asked Jesus, solve this
somehow,
He simply said, my time is
not now.
His mothers face was all
gloom,
As he looked across the room.
Six empty jars in corner sat,
Jesus said. fetch me that.
Fill with water, bring to me,
New wine for the crowd to see.
The bride grooms father, first
to taste,
He told the crowd in haste.
The best wine I've ever had,
The bride groom was, no longer
sad.
The wedding party lasted all
night,
The bride and groom, smiled in
delight.
poem by Heather Burns
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The Mouse Wedding
The Bride holds her flowers and straightens her veil
The Groom cleans his whiskers and straightens his tail
The Tiny biscuit box church is full of light
The bells chime loudly, the sun shines bright
The two families of mice sit either side
As the groom mouse waits for his bride inside
She arrives making the wedding complete
Dress that’s a white sock with holes for her feet
The priest mouse continues, being well versed
The rings are passed over as had been rehearsed
A mouse in the pews can’t stop her cough
So she is quickly, quietly lead off
The kiss is taken the crowd all cheer
So joyful that this day is here
The couple leave and all pile outside
A stretched white roller skate for a ride
Then at the reception with all the relations
Forgotten the days stress and frustrations
Shaking their tails on the dance floor
Begging the DJ to play some more
A buffet of nibbles, the most they could make
And three tiers of cheese form the wedding cake
Whatever the animal from human to mice
Sharing your life makes it twice as nice
poem by Flying Lemming
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The 'Poem A Day' Project ~ Day 148
The Bride holds her flowers and straightens her veil
The Groom cleans his whiskers and straightens his tail
The Tiny biscuit box church is full of light
The bells chime loudly, the sun shines bright
The two families of mice sit either side
As the groom mouse waits for his bride inside
She arrives making the wedding complete
Dress that’s a white sock with holes for her feet
The priest mouse continues, being well versed
The rings are passed over as had been rehearsed
A mouse in the pews can’t stop her cough
So she is quickly, quietly lead off
The kiss is taken the crowd all cheer
So joyful that this day is here
The couple leave and all pile outside
A stretched white roller skate for a ride
Then at the reception with all the relations
Forgotten the days stress and frustrations
Shaking their tails on the dance floor
Begging the DJ to play some more
A buffet of nibbles, the most they could make
And three tiers of cheese form the wedding cake
Whatever the animal from human to mice
Sharing your life makes it twice as nice
poem by Flying Lemming
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Renaissance Wedding
Standing where I am
With the many lords and knights
As well as the many ladies and mages
We all smile, nod, and understand
For we know for this couple
This time's now for them
And something full of blessing is waiting
As they walk, this place is their rightful stage
It's a Renaissance Wedding
And I'm proud to be for this occasion, a knight
My costume stops at my knees
With my boots going from my feet to my knees
The cape I wear sways in the breeze
The bride and the groom say their vows to one another
The service then crowns them
And as such
The bride and the groom are now a king and queen
The king and queen thank us, the audience
For turning out to commemorate
For making everything pleasant
And so we begin to celebrate
With a great feast by the gate
All in all
It was a beautiful Renaissance Wedding
poem by Justin Gildow
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Bride's Entry Is A Storm
The entry of the bride to the groom's house:
Mother moved closer than before to the groom.
Sisters showed extra concerns to the groom.
They are nervous about the bride's influence.
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Wedding
By the country road I was going silent.
It was deserted and long in the view.
The accordeons had started playing suddenly,
And the silence waved her hands, being confused.
And there was wedding, wedding, wedding singing,
And was dancing.
And wings were carrying it far and far.
And there was a little place to wedding funning!
Was not enough place in the earth and sky!
Under play of the rural orchestra the wind joked
With the bride's white veil trying to twine.
The bridegroom was so serious, the bride was
Inconceivably, amazingly young.
The troikas passed by with the sound ringing,
* troika - three horses, harnessed together
And I felt the breath of spring, fresh and new.
I was going alone and unmarried,
And regretted of me being not a groom.
Somewhere was wedding, wedding, wedding singing
And was dancing.
And wings were carrying it far and far.
And there was a little place to wedding funning!
Was not enough place in the earth and sky!
poem by Robert Rozhdestvensky, translated by Lyudmila Purgina
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A May Wedding
A May Wedding
As a bride who has the long veil around her head
The dogwood has white petals and they hide branches on the tree.
When it is time for her to kiss the groom
And the petals fall gently.
They become a white cloth spread neatly.
This looks like a wedding dress with a long train behind her
As she is walking down the aisle in the room
The wedding bells are ringing until she is out of sight
The wind appears and I see white doves in flight.
poem by Meg Harrison
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A strange e.mail from the Devil!
A groomsman is one of the male attendants to the groom in a wedding ceremony. The term usher is more common in the UK while the term 'groomsman' is considered somewhat lower-middle- class and used by those who have adopted the term from America.[citation needed] Usually the groom selects his closest friends and relatives to serve as groomsmen, and it is considered an honor to be selected. From his groomsmen, the groom usually chooses one to serve as best man.
For a wedding with many guests, the groom may also ask other male friends and relatives to act as ushers without otherwise participating in the wedding ceremony; their sole task is ushering guests to their seats before the ceremony. Ushers may also be hired for very large weddings.
In a military officer's wedding, the roles of groomsmen are replaced by swordsmen of the sword honor guard. They are usually picked as close personal friends of the groom who have served with him. Their role includes forming the traditional saber arch for the married couple and guests to walk through.
[email protected]
You'll be surprised Pen-pusher!
How I found your e.mail address,
Specially I collect bard's whereabouts
As I am very fond of poetry!
I read your profile and that's why
I am sending this invitation.
My one and only daughter marries soon
And the Bridegroom's party suggest you as a Groomsman
Because he knows you since in the Army.
Please reply us soon your availability.
-Devil de Morales
I replied him in brief.
Many thanks indeed for your valuable selection
But I have some regrets of my old Gabardine suit
Recently I wore for the Royal Wedding!
I have few rich relatives here
But they are not in good terms with me
As I am poor?
Otherwise I could have borrow one of their best suits and a Limousine!
With best regards,
Poor Pen-pusher!
for the silent bard couple Alison & Jerry!
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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The time
Wedding was over;
Brought home was the bride,
With whom came a maid,
To serve her as an aid.
Days rolled;
As honey, appeared the bride;
As savour, moved about the maid,
As a rule, in a household.
Time lapsed;
The bride shed her charm
And the maid ruled calm
In their wait at the groom.
Event happened;
The groom went blasé
With the honey in use
And the savour was in wait for use.
Fate played;
The bride in the race ran first
But the maid ended first.
The bride was aghast.
It is a game;
The diminutive waxes;
The gigantic wanes
In the field of time.
07.04.97
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Lonely Groom
The family will forever remember
This day, a sunny morning
The family have gathered
The music is playing
The breadwinner of the family
Dressed in black suit
And a crystal white inner
A perfect groom waiting
For a perfect bride
Where is the bride?
There is no bride for
A motionless body
The lonely groom lay still
Laughing is replaced by weeping
The lonely groom takes away
The happiness that once
Bestowed upon the family.
poem by Duku Akwasi
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The Wedding List
No, Ill never give the hunt up,
And I wont muck it up.
Somehow this is it, I knew.
Maybe fate wants you dead, too
Weve come together in the very same room,
And Im coming for you!
Do you think Id ever let you
Get away with it, huh?
He swooned in warm maroon.
Theres gas in your barrel, and Im flooded with doom.
Youve made a wake of our honeymoon,
And Im coming for you!
All of the headlines said passion crime
newly weds groom shot dead
mystery man. God help the bride
Shes a widow, all in red,
With his red still wet. she said--
Ill put him on the wedding list!
Ill put him on the wedding list!
Ill get him and I will not miss.
Now, as Im coming for you,
All I see is rudi.
I die with him, again and again.
And Ill feel good in my revenge.
Im gonna fill your head with lead
And Im coming for you!
And when its all over youll roll over
The butt of my gun:
One in your belly, and one for rudi.
You got what you gave by the heel of my bootie.
Bang-bang--out! like an old cherootie,
Im coming for you!
All of the headlines said passion crime:
newly weds groom shot dead
mystery man. God help the bride!
Shes a widow, all in red,
With his red still wet. she said--
She sure got him on the wedding list
Ill got him on the wedding list!
Ill got him and I will not miss.
Ill put him on the wedding list!
And after she shot the guy,
She committed suicide.
Im coming, rudi!
And later, when they analysed,
They found a little one inside.
It must have been rudis child.
I shot, I shot, I shot him honey!
Never mind, she got the guy.
He hit the ground, rudi!
An eye for an eye.
Ashes to ashes...
Eye for an eye.
I hit him, hit him
Rudi!, rudi!
Im coming coming coming honey
Eye for an eye.
Rudi!
song performed by by Kate Bush
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dickie Macphalion
I went to the mill, but the miller was gone,
I sat me down, and cried ochone!
To think on the days that are past and gone,
Of Dickie Macphalion that's slain.
Shoo, shoo, shoolaroo,
To think on the days that are past and gone,
Of Dickie Macphalion that's slain.
I sold my rock, I sold my reel,
And sae hae I my spinning wheel,
And a' to buy a cap of steel
For Dickie Macphalion that's slain!
Shoo, shoo, shoolaroo,
And a' to buy a cap of steel
For Dickie Macphalion that's slain.
poem by Andrew Lang
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The Wedding
The father who sired her handed her over
the crack-handed orchestra played
The bride and the groom stood shoulder-to-shoulder
as the ill-starred wedding was made
She lifted her veil as the groom gently kissed her
and all did appear to be well
But the limousine driver heard every harsh whisper
as they drove to the country hotel
In the Grand Hotel ballroom the guests were assembling
the champagne like tapwater flowed
The men wearing top hats, and fop coats and top coats
the women in bustles and bows
The bride? jealous sister sat alone in her place
and sneered as the couple came in
The maitre-de coughed and said ?lease take your places,
the Banquet is about to begin?
The street doors burst open and an army of footman
swept in bearing salvers and trays
Fiddlers and clowns went from table to table
amid black smoke and cigarette haze
Noone saw the best man as he secretly winked
at the bride? jealous sister it seemed
And then cried out ?aiter, Bring me more drink
and more Marilyn Monroe ice-cream?
When the wine had been poured and the tables were cleared
the toasts and the speeches began
The bride and groom cut the cake, everyone cheered!
then all eyes fell on the best man.
He climbed off his chair, and he licked his cracked lips
and declared in a voice cold and dry
??he tricked and hijacked him, with guilt she trapped him
this day is a sham and a lie?
Herfather leapt up with a curse and a roar
and slew the best man in the head
The groom cried ?laggard!?and with a flash of his sword
his father-in-law fell down dead
The bride ran screaming in floods of bright tears
and collapsed at the foot of the stairs
Where her sister was waiting with scissors and shears
and hacked off every inch of her hair.
Up on the roof sat seven fat crows, the moon rose low in the west.
the groom was arrested still in his wedding clothes
And hanged in his pants and his vest
the bald-headed bride bought a ticket to Spain
And eloped with a wig-makers son
while her jealous mad sister, riven with shame
Became a nun!
song performed by by Waterboys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Bare Facts.
.
The bride was totally undressed
The groom too had thought it best
To be nude on his wedding day.
The bride carried a small bouquet,
The best Man wore a beaming smile.
The bridesmaids too were in the nude.
Nude weddings have a certain style.
A very modern attitude.
The vicar too correctly dressed.
He wore a large pectoral cross.
We were all suitably impressed,
he had permission from his boss.
No need to buy a wedding dress
nor yet to hire a morning suit.
So the wedding cost much less.
Their economies had borne fruit.
They could afford a honeymoon
Though where they chose they would not say.
Bar that it cost a small fortune.
The savings they had made would pay.
The first wedding I have been to
Where nobody was overdressed.
and I have been to quite few.
I rate this as one of the best..
To prudes all nudity is rude
and so they chose to stay away.
Perhaps because they understood
their presence there would spoil the day.
Forgive me for this platitude.
They are entitled to their view.
I have a different attitude.
I was content to be bare too.
I wonder what the prudes conceal
Behind their vaunted piety.
What is it that they daren’t reveal.
Some hidden impropriety?
I do not think that being bare.
Is something that one should not do
I did not find it hard to bear
when everyone was naked too.
Each to his own I must suppose.
Whatever makes you comfortable.
Though usually I do wear clothes.
Sometimes nudity’s suitable.
Wednesday,17 March 2010
http: // blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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A Girl Named Fred
Once upon a time not many years ago
a girl named Fred fell in love with a boy named Fran.
Although the names seemed an odd combination
and could easily be confused by people who did not know
that Fred was a girl and Fran was a boy.
They made the perfect couple as everyone agreed
and when their wedding day arrived,
the priest who was standing in
did not know about the names
only that he was marrying a Fred to a Fran.
Turning to Fran he said,
Fred with you take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should be husband.
The priest looked up a bit dismayed, but just carried on.
Turning to Fred said Fran will you take this man
to be your lawful wedded husband.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should wife.
The priest’ eyes rolled around in his head
very dazed and confused.
The silent sniggers in the congregation began to grow louder
as peels of laughter not bells rang out within the church.
The poor priest was now in utter disarray
and after blessing the rings;
he handed them back the wrong way about.
Then the poor priest red faced said
to whomever I pronounce you man and wife.
Just to make things more riotous
someone switched the Wedding March
to Rock Around The Clock,
which sent the bride and groom bopping down the isle,
and the poor priest he had a nervous breakdown
saying he would never perform
a wedding ceremony again.
He would stick to funerals
as there was only one body involved
and they wouldn’t talk back to him.
poem by David Harris
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A Perfect Day, September 18,2010
Wedding vows of devotion are spoken
on this day… a day witnessed happily
The beginning of a glorious life of harmony
celebrated with close friends and family
A fine reception is planned to honor the pair
a radiant bride and groom… giving opportunity
for all who are gathered to rejoice and mingle
A time to share laughter and toast to unity
Guests are assembled and anxiously await
With spontaneous applause… hearts gladden
Here's the couple and their wedding party…
wearing black tails, gossamer lace, and silky satin
'It is all like a fairy tale… everything is perfect, '
said the proud mother of the bride… beaming
Wishing that the celebration could go on forever…
as the last dance concludes a splendid evening
The vibrant colors of the day have faded away
Still the sounds of joy continue to reverberate
With eyes closed, gilded thoughts are absorbed
into a pillow of unseen dreams that slowly sedate
9/20/2010
poem by Theresa Ann Moore
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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