Seige

'I can't believe it, ' murmured old Valette, in toney Italian.'The nerve! '
His secretary's quip was earthier. He revered the old man and his crazy bravery.
'Who does she think she is? Thanks for nothing. Can she think of noone's interest but her own? A chip off the old block. Scandal! '
And so on...
'Oliver, she's your sovereign.'
Oliver said nothing. True, he didn't like siding against his queen. Say naught, regret naught. But he wanted his loyalties clear.

Looking out the corbelled window, across the harbor toward the ruins of St Elmo's, old Valette watched the crumbled western rampart and the stone-filled moat and the searching figures of the engineers on top. Like ants. He remembered the battle-those long, awful, bloody summer hours and days he would rather forget, but couldn't.
He thought of the men-how bravely they fought, how gladly and horribly they died. Looking nearer, he saw the ochre fronts of cliff-borne palaces. Like graceful outcroppings of the limestone they rose from.. Both turned fiery gold in the low sun. The in-between expanse of dozing water seemed an overspill for descending angels to bathe in. It turned back the sun's rays. Magnificent.

'As it always would be, ' he thought. Thanks to him. Anachronism, indeed.

But he didn't really think that last part. He just felt it.
Turning from the window and limping to the fireplace, he swore an expletive in Italian that must have sounded mild to Oliver's ears. Without doubt, English was the language of expletives.
On the great...

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Seige ll

On the great, Marquinia table, inlaid pink and orange, he tossed the mockery bearing the English queen's seal with its manifold stamps and fancy ribbons.
'Thanks. Thanks, thanks. Much indebted... Thanks for...thanks...thanks, thanks...etc.'
-Of course. Don't mention it.
The envoys, who delivered the parchment but couldn't read it, were feasting on plaice and drinking Sicilian wine in the hall, below.
But the sea was bristling with ships, sailing placidly to Genoa, Marseilles, and faraway Valencia, bearing wheat and spices from the Levant and slaves to London.

'Good riddance. And the vile language! Barbaric.

Well, there was lots to do. Old horrors fade before fresh triumphs.
Across the harbor the new city was rising fast. He, himself, laid the first stone. Would he live to see it done?
He doubted it. Not the way he felt. But, God willing, he would.
On the mantel the clock chimed six. Along the peninsula, from every little belfrey, swung a bell on its rung. Soon there were many, a chorus. They rang a whole minute, then ceased.
Old Valette liked the sound of the bells. He would have a little dinner, then go to bed.
'And, Oliver-'
'Yes, sir? '
'Go to bed.'

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Didnt Know

Didn't know what you had
Until you lost it
Didn't know what you own
Until you got it
Didn't know of your sins
Until you fought it.
Didn't know what you needed
Until you sought it.

Didn't know your lies
Until someone spoke them
Didn't know of the truth
Until someone wrote them
Didn't remembered your dreams
Until someone awoke them
Didn't know they died
Until someone chocked them.

Didn't know you had guilt
Until you cried
Didn't know you felt sadness
Until you tried to hide
Didn't know you felt shame
Until you lied
Didn't know you believed in GOD
Until you asked him why.

Didn't know you felt sorrow
Until you shed a tear
Didn't know that you were scared
Until I saw your fear
Didn't know that you hated
Until you were near
Didn't know that you were unhappy
Until you looked in a mirror.

Didn't know who you truly were
Until your ways you sewed
Didn't know that you were evil
Until the truth was showed
Didn't know you did this before
Until I saw all of your woe
Didn't know who you really were
Though I wished then I did know.

Randy L. McClave

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Window

I was staring out the window
The whole time he was talking to me
It was a filthy pane of glass
I couldn't get a clear view
As he went on and on
It wasn't the outside world I could see
Just the filthy pane that I was looking through
So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me
I was never focused on just one thing
My eyes got fixed when my mind got soft
It may looked like I'm concentrated on a very clear view
But I'm as good as asleep
I bet you didn't know
It takes a lot of it away if you do
So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me
So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me
Because the fact in fact
Whatevers in front of me is covering my view
So I can't see what I'm seeing in fact
I only see what I'm looking through
I had to break the window
It just had to be it was in my way
Better that I break the window
Then forget what I had to say
So again I've done the right thing
I was never worried about that
The answer's always been in clear view
But even when the window's clean
I still can't see for the fact
That when it's clean it's so clear
I cant tell what I'm looking through
So I had to break the window
It just had to be
Better that I break the window
Than him or her or me
I had to break the window
It just had to be it was in my way
Better that I break the window
Then forget what I had to say
I had to break the window
It was in my way
Better that I break a window
Then forget what I had to say
Or miss what I should see
Or breaking him or her or me

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Oliver's Army

I could talk all night
my mind was sleep walking
While I'm putting the world to rights
Call careers information
Have you got yourself an occupation ?
Oliver's Army is here to stay
Oliver's Army is on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
But here today
There was a Checkpoint Charlie
He didn't crack a smile
But it's no laughing party
When you've been on the murder mile
If you're out of luck or out of work
We could send you to Johannesburg
Oliver's Army is here to stay
Oliver's Army are on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
than here today
Hong Kong is up for grabs
London is full of Arabs
We could be in Palestine
Overrun by a Chinese line
With the boys from the Mersey and the Thames and the Tyne
But there's no danger
It's a professional career
and it could be arranged
With just a word in Mr. Churchill's ear
If you're out of luck or out of work
We could send you to Johannesburg
Oliver's Army is here to stay
Oliver's Army are on their way
And I would rather be anywhere else
but here today
And I would rather be anywhere else
but here today

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Nothing

Pain
All consuming
Like a fire
I can't breathe
There's nothing left
What have you done?
My hands are shaking
I can't sit still
My mind is racing
My heart is breaking

Strangled gasps
Heart races
It's all a blur
Where am I?
What happened?

Who are you?
You stole my breath
My mind
My heart
My body
Are you a thief?
Are you a liar?

Who is it that can do something so small,
Yet so large
That I have nothing left
Only pain
Only rage
Only hurt
Only tears
Only blood
Only fears
Only death

Have you stolen everything?
Or is my life still left?
I hear naught
I see naught
I feel naught
I smell naught
I taste naught

Am I nothing?
Are you nothing?
There's nothing left
I sense nothing
I know nothing
This must mean I am nothing
It must mean you are nothing
Am I nobody?
Like a myth
Like a legend
Like a story

Does this make everything I've said
And done
And felt
Unreal
Like a dream
Or a story
Or a thought


So it never happened?
You didn't make me love you?
You didn't hurt me?
You didn't make me cry?
Make me bleed?
Make me suffer?

You didn't leave me there
On the street
On a sidewalk
So I could bleed out?

You didn't hold a knife?
You didn't violate me?
You didn't kill me?
You didn't walk away?
You didn't lie?

I didn't exist meaning
You didn't exist so
You must not have
Meaning
I am not dead because
I just never existed
And you are not alive
Because you never existed
We are just nothing

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Alone

I was running, running scared
When I realised you no longer cared,
Something had made you change your mind,
Your eyes were cold, your heart turned blind,
You never spared a single thought
About the money or the gifts I'd bought,
I didn't want your gratitude,
No, not at all, but your attitude
Surprised me and I wondered why
I couldn't do anything else but cry.
I'd always been a lonely man -
It just turned out that way - I didn't plan
My loneliness, it simply came
And there wasn't anyone I could blame,
But when we met I thought at last
That solitude would be a thing of the past,
I was so happy, I felt more joy
Than I'd ever felt since I was a boy!
I didn't understand love could end,
That I would be left without a friend.
At least you might just say 'Goodbye'
Even if you won't tell me the reason why.
But your heart is harder than a stone,
Indifferent as an old, dry bone,
I know you won't answer if I phone
And I understand I am ALONE.

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My Special Birthday Card to You

No words could be found that could
tell you how delighted I am spending
this special day telling you how lucky
and privileged I am to be sharing this
day with you, my husband!

I could find no words in the store that said, “you’re
My friend in good times, my rock in
times of sorrow-my reason for all the
wonderful yesterdays, and my promise for tomorrows!

Too, I found no words that said to you: “honey
I feel the same love for you today, your birthday,
that I felt for you the many days before-even
before becoming your wife, and promise to make
this year, and every year the best in your life!

I couldn’t even find final words to tell you: that this year’s
betters and worst, pains and sorrows, we stayed by each
other’s side sharing the laughter and tears through
those uncertain hours and days. Still not knowing
what the future has in store for you and me,
but this I know, without a doubt, the best is yet to come.

Happy birthday, my dear sorry I didn’t have a birthday card
Lying on your pillow when you awaken-but sometimes, we must “have our say”
Here, wishing you a Happy Birthday! We’ll celebrate this weekend!
Perhaps, it wasn’t such a great idea getting married on your birthday. LOL


By
Almedia Knight-Oliver

November 7,2011

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This Life Of Mine

Thought about it all day long
Wanted to so bad but couldn't get the courage or the strength
To pick up that knife to mark on me one more time
But I didn't I haven't seen scars from a knife in a long while

Felt like something was holding me back
All my courage just went away
And all my strength just turned into weakness
How I wanted to and needed too just to feel alive

Spending most my days wondering my life away
Wishing to be whole when all I ever wanted was a dream come true
Behind my eyes lye broken dreams
Dreams that I know I won't ever fix

But that's over and done or is it
I'm lost and confused about everything
Trying to figure out where I stand
And I'm on a emotional roller coaster and can't get off

So alone and filled with pain from head to toe
Deep down my soul is screaming
And my heart is bruised
My whole body is broken everywhere

Sometimes I wish I could go to the land of no return
Maybe then I wouldn't hurt near as bad
Maybe then I wouldn't be filled with pain or broken all over the place
Wish I knew where to begin with this life but I can't even find the starting line

March 9,2008

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An Epiphany In The Car

The gathering black clouds-eerie feeling-
spread over blue sky, putting me in a pensive mood.
Not long after, dark clouds commence
raining and slowly seceded from the rest and leaving
open to view, a silver disk setting in distant west.
Being overcome by flaring orange- red
then and there, the sun falls into the warm arms
of the fiery glow.

Looking into his face, hints of grey down the side that,
seemed to further the water flow down window panes and eyes:
Childhood days were recalled from distant memory of
walking out the sun right into the cool rain.

Too, raindrops on window sounded like Momma's ever whipping tune:
'I told you…beat, beat, beat...not to play in the rain…beat, beat, beat…
'OUCH, 'her lyrics and beating continued hours, it seemed.
Still, we sat in car looking out on the rain, I felt the warm
sunsets and the years of Momma's missed presences.

Closing distance between then and now, still in awe, of blazing
sun to the right, clouds raining tears from distant sky on my left,
and with much effort futhering my own sunset.

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Illustration Of A Picture

'A SPANISH GIRL IN REVERIE,'

SHE twirled the string of golden beads,
That round her neck was hung,---
My grandsire's gift; the good old man
Loved girls when he was young;
And, bending lightly o'er the cord,
And turning half away,
With something like a youthful sigh,
Thus spoke the maiden gray:--

'Well, one may trail her silken robe,
And bind her locks with pearls,
And one may wreathe the woodland rose
Among her floating curls;
And one may tread the dewy grass,
And one the marble floor,
Nor half-hid bosom heave the less,
Nor broidered corset more!

'Some years ago, a dark-eyed girl
Was sitting in the shade,--
There's something brings her to my mind
In that young dreaming maid,--
And in her hand she held a flower,
A flower, whose speaking hue
Said, in the language of the heart,
'Believe the giver true.'

'And, as she looked upon its leaves,
The maiden made a vow
To wear it when the bridal wreath
Was woven for her brow;
She watched the flower, as, day by day,
The leaflets curled and died;
But he who gave it never came
To claim her for his bride.

'Oh, many a summer's morning glow
Has lent the rose its ray,
And many a winter's drifting snow
Has swept its bloom away;
But she has kept that faithless pledge
To this, her winter hour,
And keeps it still, herself alone,
And wasted like the flower.'

Her pale lip quivered, and the light
Gleamed in her moistening eyes;--
I asked her how she liked the tints
In those Castilian skies?
'She thought them misty,--'t was perhaps
Because she stood too near;'
She turned away, and as she turned
I saw her wipe a tear.

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Dream

Look at you now you really haven't change
Still as beautiful as first day we met
But something's different doesn't seem so long ago
Amazing how the years can go
When we wanted different things
You wanted a family I was chasing my dream
I didn't know what I had back then
How could I go off through the growing pains of being a man?
I really didn't understand
I took you for granted
Now it's out of my hands
Now I wish I had it too do all over again

(Chorus)
Cause all I do is dream about the times we had together
We used to think that day would last forever
But who've thought it be my fault we didn't make it
And when I'm missing you so much that I can't take it
I just close my eyes

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August 05

M) The month of August
In the summer of 2005
In June I turned 18
My best friend moved back in state
In April I got a girlfriend since our first date
I met her last August
Later that year went to dust

H) I received a call on a hot summer day
The mood went a different way
She sounded like she cried
Like someone or something died

M) We started to change
Said I had become strange
We started to change
Hands against the wall

H) You wanted to escape
Cried, a victim of rape
I offered my help

M) What happened to the past?
A time that didn’t last
We changed too fast

H) You wanted to die
Then started to cry
I said I would help

You fought against the pain
Didn’t let your life dwain
You didn’t go insane
You won against the pain

M) Close to one year
Faced another fear
I broke your heart
I tore us apart

You chose a different fate
Tried to save us too late
I know there is nothing to save
I will bare this to my grave

H) M) I failed and succeeded
Helped you through his crime
We died in our prime
We are separate now
We were not meant to last
And you excepted your past

August 31,2005

My problem= M) helping her=H)

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My Dream Come True Just Turned Out To Be A Dream

Had Many Dreams
of Course you and I.
But my Dream Come True,
Just turned out to be a dream.

Badly did I want it to come true..
But it is really true,
True that
My Dream Come True,
Just turned out to be a dream.

We Dreamt of it Each Night,
Thought of it Each Day
My Dream Come True,
Just turned out to be a dream.

We Bickered With it all day
Through out our ways
But we still remained,
Remained unaware that
The Dream Come True,
Will just turn out to be a Dream.

We imagined us there
But we truly couldn't bear,
Bare that
Our Dream Come True,
Will just turned out to be a dream.

Up the Mountains,
Did we wish to go...
To the land of streams and snow
Did we wish to go…
But we didn't ever know,
Know that,
We'd sacrifice a soul…
Give it up as a whole

I wished we hadn't done that
So did all…
But we never ever knew
That the pass to enter the mounts,
Was to sacrifice a soul....

Mountains and rivulets,
Kept beckoning us…
The days faded away...
And at last
Towards them we made our Sway!

We called ourselves lucky,
Without knowing we weren't.
We Beamed with Pride
Over flowed with Joy.
But we stilled remained Unaware
That we'd sacrifice a soul.
And
Our Dream Come True,
Will just turn out to be a dream.

UP the divine land,
We were to be.
But couldn't we ever think,
Think one of us would reach Far Above
And Above to the Heaven.

We didn't imagine
She'd fly without us
FLY SO HIGH
High to the Heaven.
To make our dream come true
Just turn out to become a dream
And just a Dream

Mourning her removal from the Earth
Praying for her Placement in the Heaven,
We slid down the Mountains…
Being one less
One less than how many arrived

Our Dream Come true
JUST Turned out to be a DREAM!

It is Really True,
True That
Our Dream Come True,
Just turned out to be a dream.
A Dream Unforgettable…

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The Star outside my window

It was late
I couldn't sleep
The moon lit night was seaping through my window seam
i quietly rolled over on my tummy
as i gazed out at the starry night
i felt so small and weak looking at the millions of stars
just then one star caught my eyes
It was the biggest most spectacular star in the sky
at first i thought it couldn't possibly be a star
i sat still for minutes staring at it
it didn't move
not once
so i closed my eyes in the dead of night
and carefully made my wish to the star outside my fogged up window
i layed back down my eyes blinking shut
a smile on my face
i fell asleep with the sweet though that it might actually come true
that star still shines outside my window every night
my wish never came true

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Forgetting About You

I always thought I could do anything I put my mind to, but back then it didn't seem to be true, because the one thing I could never do was truly forget about you

I knew nothing could happen, I knew our love was forbidden but back then I was so young and naive I couldn't help but be smitten

Now a days I think about what could've been and what I sometimes still want to be, but I know I'm not fooling anyone not even myself you see, because there never really was a YOU AND ME

There were days when my heart ached for you and days where my head told me to wait for you

But those days are over and I've got things to do, I've got goals to reach, that I won't reach if I'm still sitting around crying broken hearted over you

I haven't thought about your smile in a long, long while or reminisced about the moments we shared, or spent all night worrying about if you ever really cared

I always thought I could do anything I put my mind to, and that to this day holds true, because I did the thing I never thought I could do

I Finally Forgot About You

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Thursday to Sunday

On Thursday she told me she was leaving
she wanted to get out of my sight.
She didn’t want to waste words talking about it
no discussion would put things right.

She asked me to book a flight to England
where she would make a life on her own.
It was clear that I no longer figured in her life
and she certainly made it known.

For the rest of the day she never spoke to me
and tried to avoid me in every way.
She wouldn’t listen to any of my questions,
this was a silent treatment day.

I said that this was no way to be parting,
we should talk and reach a compromise,
but she threw reasoning back into my face,
slammed doors, and much more besides.

Her mood was set for the next two days,
she never once spoke a civil word.
I had accepted what seemed inevitable
even though I thought it absurd.

I sent emails and letters to friends and family,
explaining that we had come to an end,
she had decided to break up the partnership
and didn’t want to part as friends.

At three thirty on Sunday morning
she asked if I was awake.
I said I had just woken up at that moment,
but what was so urgent that couldn’t wait.

She wanted to say something important,
so I said say what you’ve got to say.
She was sorry for the way she spoke to me
and her words weren’t intended that way.

All she wanted was to be alone for a while
and to get away from the day to day stress.
She then whispered that she still loved me,
and could I forgive her this terrible mess.

For a few minutes I thought and said nothing.
She then said, “Well, is forgiveness in your heart?
I’m sorry that the words I said came out wrong,
I do love you and don’t want us to part.”

I explained the position that she had placed me,
and that I’d made plans for a life on my own.
I’d made the arrangements to live without her,
because she insisted on being alone.

“So that’s it, ” she said, “you can’t forgive me? ”
I said, “I couldn’t go through all this again.
What’s stopping you repeating the performance? ”
She said, “I won’t it’s caused us too much pain.”

Gently, she placed her arm around me,
and I thought hard and long.
I then turned and placed my arm around her
and said, “I hope my decision’s not wrong.”

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Never fair

I used to be such an idealist, believed everything goes well when you do well
I used to think that babies were born to parents that always loved them
I thought justice would be served for every injustice suffered
I believed if you really loved you couldn't lose
I used to think sex was just for pleasure
Until one day, just one, the tables turned

And me the passionate lover of love was lying in a hospital bed
Thick blood oozing down my legs soaking everything with my guilt
One moment of pleasure had turned the tables on me
That one moment of pleasure turned me into a mother only at sixteen
He was nowhere to be found, He that had said he couldn't live without me; He was nowhere to be found
Vanished with the summer breeze as my winter started
A child I desperately wanted to die couldn't die; somebody had arrived just on time
And here we were mother and child, both safe
I safe because for my treason I couldn't go to prison for the life I had
Attempted murder would have been my charge
But somebody I didn't know and I couldn't care for saved my life

Now justice had to be served
The more I tried the more I realized justice is a hoax
He got away with paying a mere 300 every month till she was eighteen
I didn't care about child maintenance
I wanted justice served, for breaking my heart I wanted him to pay
But that's all the judge thought it was worth,300 Pula and that wasn't even for me
So I settled with that bitter taste of reality, Life is not fair

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I Didn't Think I Had The Strength To Love Again

I thought I didn't have the strength to love again! ! ! !  
I didn't believe in the power of love until you came in my life and loved what I thought was was gone in me. 
The person who became covered with seasons of unwanted stuff and I felt like I gave so much of me that I became empty.
And it was at that place that I just wanted to give up on love because I felt that love  didn't love me no more, and was sent to drain my heart to the very core.
But when I first saw you, you help me see that I was  giving so much of me away that I  didn't save anything nothing. And a tear fell from my eyes and in time I truly felt your love poured back into my life! ! ! ! when I thought I didn't have the strength to love again! ! ! !

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Kevin Costner

I enjoy sports. I get a real joy from playing sports but I don't look for those movies. Oliver Stone wanted to know if I would do Any Given Sunday and it just didn't appeal to me.

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I Had To Die

(5/6/12)

I had to die inside so that I could live
I had to see so that I could give
I felt your strength enter my soul
I felt you - make me whole.

I felt the spirit soaring within
I felt my heart start to spin.
I was lost in this troubled world
And turned my back on family and friends
No more ears would I lend.

I expected them to get me out
of the hell that I created
And when they didn't I was devastated.
Why wouldn't they help me - I then asked
Then I remembered my heartless past.

My soul had became cold as ice
And my eyes as blind as can be
And I thought that I was free.
Then night came upon me like
Death upon a battle field
That was when I began to heal.

I saw all the harm that I had done
As I saw the rising sun
Opening my eyes to all the beauties
That GOD had given, and why
Life was so worth living.

Now I see as clear as day
That there is no other way
But to follow the steps of my lord
And my previous life I had to abort.
I asked for forgiveness from all that I had hurt
for my spirit had given new birth.

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