Another ******* rant...
Emotion recollected in
Tranquillity? Not.
British Telecom has this time
added to my modest bill
£4.50 ($ 9, right?) for
‘processing’ my payment.
That’s 10% of my modest bill..
the bloody nerve.
So what about the cost to me
of ‘processing’ my bill?
The costly stamp I’m lucky
if I’ve got; the mental effort
of having to spell out the figures
on the cheque, in case someone
alters them; the walking to the postbox..
what makes them think I’m not doing this
in my expensive working hours, for which
I charge a consultation fee?
I see they’ve even set up
a separate company to ‘process’…
bet that was cheap… Though of course
I could follow their ‘complaints procedure’
and phone them… ‘ we are sorry but
our lines are Very Busy…your phone call
is important to us…please hold the line…’
So tell me, why shouldn’t I… charge them? …
poem by Michael Shepherd
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Cut Price Bloody Flights
I fancied going on holiday,
So I searched the Internet,
I tried out various airlines,
Just to see what I could get.
As I'm on a real tight budget,
The price had to be the best,
Nothing fancy, there and back,
Costing less than all the rest.
I then came across a company,
Their seats were really cheap,
A no frills airline that would do,
My debts wouldn't go too deep.
When I searched their website,
I was amazed at what I found,
A flight to where I want to go,
For just a single pound.
I then went on to pay the bill,
So I used my credit card,
What they charged me for using it,
Has left me feeling scarred.
Then before the bill was finalised,
When I thought I could relax,
They told me I then had to pay,
Something called airport tax.
But now on to the airport,
As I checked my baggage in,
They said it should be done on-line,
Otherwise you cannot win.
I paid another surcharge,
By this time I was running late,
Another charge for that said she,
I thought this is bloody great.
As you didn't print your tickets off,
I'm afraid that's even more,
This is sheer and utter madness,
But our terms you can't ignore.
She said your bags are far too heavy,
that will cost you more again,
I was running out of money,
This was driving me insane.
Eventually when I boarded,
They left me so surprised,
They made me pay for an extra seat,
Saying I was oversized.
I thought that I had seen it all,
Then I asked them for a meal,
Thirty pounds for micro chips,
Is not the greatest deal.
I also bought a drink of juice,
My micro chips to soak,
The price they charged me for it,
Would have made an elephant choke.
Then I visited the toilet,
This caused even more ado,
They even charge an entry fee,
To use the bloody loo.
Eventually when we landed,
I asked where we were at,
She said in Spain I don't know where,
But at least the ground is flat.
I eventually got a taxi,
The driver was full of smiles,
I found out why when I got the bill,
We had travelled two hundred miles.
If you want to travel cheap,
Make sure you read their rules,
Or the consequences you will reap,
They use complicated tools.
Now as I sit here bankrupt,
I wish had studied my rights,
I'm living proof there's no such thing as,
'' Cut Price Bloody Flights ''
I Must Have Said Something Wrong?
What you're saying to me makes no sense at all.
My utility company hired your telehone center,
To call my home to convince me,
I can save money by using a discounted service...
That will provide me a lower rate on my electric bill?
There is only one thing that troubles me about this.
Why would they hire your company,
Which is located on the West Coast.
And I live on the East Coast?
When all they could have done,
Is not hire you at all to save them on phone calls...
With an additional lowering of my bill!
Plus...
Those I know that have been laid off,
Because of the lack of jobs...
Would love to get paid for just a walk to my home,
Announcing the good news...
That the local utility offers because of their concern.
And...
IF they have that kind of money to throw away?
They can pay my entire bill monthy...
AND buy me a new car.
Hello?
Hello?
I must have said something wrong?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Anna Hazare’s Crusade against Corruption in India
Anna wants a Lokpal bill strong
Anna wants a Lokpal bill fast
Anna wants a Lokpal bill full
Anna wants a Lokpal bill now
Anna wants a Lokpal bill by fast
Anna wants a Lokpal bill first
Anna wants a Lokpal bill for all
Anna wants a Lokpal bill – his call
Anna wants a Lokpal bill now
Anna wants a Lokpal bill without delay
Anna wants a Lokpal bill, come what may
Anna wants a Lokpal bill even if it means death.
There is no turning back
There is no giving up the fast
There is no fear of arrest
There is no worry about death
For,
India needs an anti-corruption bill
India is monetarily seriously ill
India needs the honesty drill
India has its wealth outside but inside will
Bring the bill
Heed people’s will
Give them the fill
Heal those hearts ill.
Victory to India; victory to Lokpal Bill; victory to Anna!
Copyright by Dr John Celes 22-08-11
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Am Bill!
I like to drink and I love to smoke
Which sadly though is not a joke
I even like to take an occasionally pill,
So I now have a really bad heart
Which is to blame on my part
So now, you can call me Bill.
I am not at all very tall
Others say that I am very small
Men are mountains I am just a hill,
I have no hair upon my head
So my head is covered or it would be red
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I have myself this one daughter
Whom says she has no father
That statement makes me feel so very ill,
It makes me feel also really sad
I cheated on her mom so she is mad
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I ride myself a motor bike
As it reminds me of my other trike
I ride it to impress women and others with a thrill,
I want people to think I am rough
But I am coward and I am not at all tough
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I have myself a girlfriend
She is just like me till the very end
She’ll do anything for me even against her will,
She has cheated and she has also lied
Threw away her dignity and also her pride
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I don’t have a job so I never go to work
Other persons call me lazy but that’s a perk
As now our government pays for all of my bill,
They also paid me to go to school
I used the money but I am still a fool
So of course, you can call me Bill.
I am jealous what other men own
As I have nothing living inside a broken home
So from others I like to rob and also steal,
It is hard to see me while I prowl at night
Where I cower in the shadows away from light
So of course, you can call me Bill.
When my life comes to an end
And I go to meet GOD with all my sin
Then finally I will know what in life was real,
I shamefully will walk to GOD in my platform shoes
While covering my head so he wont be amused
And I will say I am sorry; but of course, I am Bill.
Randy L. McClave
poem by Randy McClave
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The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill
Hey, bungalow bill
What did you kill
Bungalow bill?
He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun
In case of accidents he always took his mom
He's the all american bullet-headed saxon mother's son.
All the children sing
Hey bungalow bill
What did you kill
Bungalow bill?
Deep in the jungle where the mighty tiger lies
Bill and his elephants were taken by surprise
So captain marvel zapped in right between the eyes
All the children sing
Hey, bungalow bill
What did you kill
Bungalow bill?
The children asked him if to kill was not a sin
Not when he looked so fierce, his mother butted in
If looks could kill it would have been us instead of him
All the children sing
Hey, bungalow bill
What did you kill
Bungalow bill?
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Hate My Phone
Have you ever had a phone?
That you couldn’t stand?
If you have, you are not alone.
My phone doesn’t like to follow my command!
My phone hates me!
I hate it!
I would love to throw it in the sea,
But, my life would be gone I have to admit!
I hate my phone!
What can I do?
If only another one I could own.
Another phone I need, but it should be new.
If I get a new phone it will need,
A camera that pictures and video it takes,
Unlimited texting is what we agreed.
I have no time for mistakes!
Also, I would need free long distance,
In case there is someone I want to call that is not where I am,
No, I don’t need any assistance.
For my new phone, all I have to say is DANG!
My new phone will be the envy of everyone,
Everyone will want mine,
To bad that they don’t get it, I’m the only one,
There is no need to whine!
Go Ocean, Go Ocean, Go Ocean!
That’s what they’ll be saying!
I and my phone will be all the rage and commotion!
Everyone will be around me and no, nobody will be playing!
I hate my phone,
I need a new one,
I know I’m not alone,
To have the greatest and newest phone would be fun!
Go Ocean, Go Ocean, Go Ocean! ! ! !
I still hate my phone!
Ha, this poem is long because of a motion!
Ha, I got many problems, luckily I’m not alone!
I Hate My Phone! ! !
poem by Ocean Myranda
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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But I always seem to finish a book and then think, oh God, I've got to pay a tax bill, so I'd better write a novel, so I tend not to stop and learn word processing.
quote by Jilly Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Another rant and a wicked suggestion
Spent one hour plus on the phone
trying to book a routine visit
from the power company;
innumerable options,
given seven further phone numbers;
it was booked; they never turned up;
round the circuit again...
Suggestion: get a numbered invoice pad printed,
charge everyone who does this to you
'For professional attention: x hours @ $/£ xxx = $/£ xxx'...
Bet some of them pay you...
Have fun.
poem by Michael Shepherd
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Railroad Bill
Railroad bill were gonna railroad bill
He never works and he never will
Im gonna ride on a railroad bill
Im gonna ride on a railroad bill
Railroad bill he was a mighty bad man
Kill anybody that he think he can
Gonna ride old railroad bill
Gonna ride old railroad bill
Im singin railroad bill,
Im talkin railroad bill, uh-huh-huh
He never worked and he never will
Im gonna ride on railroad bill, yeah
(cmon) Im gonna ride on railroad bill
Well old railroad bill he done stole my wife
Im gonna check him down Im gonna take his life
Gonna ride on railroad bill
Gonna ride railroad bill
Im singin railroad bill
On a railroad bill
He never worked and he never will
Im gonna ride on railroad bill
Im gonna ride on railroad bill
Railroad bill he was a mighty bad man
Kill anybody that he think he can
Gonna ride old railroad bill
Gonna ride railroad bill
Im talkin railroad bill
I love him railroad bill
Uh-huh-huh
He never worked and he never will
Gonna ride on railroad bill
Yeah, gonna ride on railroad bill
Well Im goin up the mountain
Yes Im goin out west
I got a mighty big pistol
Stickin out of my vest
Gonna ride old railroad bill
Gonna ride (alright)
Railroad bill, I love that railroad bill
Uh-huh-huh
He never works and he never will
Im gonna ride on a railroad bill
Im gonna ride on railroad bill
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One More Payment
Aint that the way the luck goes
Seems like it never can be found
Break my back to make those bank notes
Payin on an almost always broken down
Fix that car nine ways to sunday
And it wont start again when monday rolls around
Aint that the way the rent goes
Seems like its never goin down
And that bankers bound to foreclose
At this rate, Ill lose my interest in this town
Paint the walls mend the windows
bout the time the roof comes crumblin to the ground
Ive been footin the bill for some time
Stretchin my credit out of line
Well I may not get ahead but now I wont be far behind
Ive got one more payment and its mine
Were gonna swing it
Aint that the way the heart goes
Seems they just attack without a sign
My minds been on vacation
And my bodys been workin overtime
But Ive done all that I can do
Theres just one more balance due before its mine
Ive been footin the bill for some time
Step by step and line by dotted line
Well I havent bought the farm yet
But Im not that far behind
Ive got one more payment and its mine
One more payment and its mine
One more payment and its mine
One more
One more
One more
song performed by by Clint Black
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lonesome Cowboy Bill
(reed)
Lonesome cowboy bill
Rides the rodeo.
Lonesome cowboy bill,
You got to see him yodel ay-hee-ho!
Lonesome cowboy bill
Rides the rodeo.
Ever since he was a little lad,
Loves the rodeo.
Bucking broncs, yeah, sipping wine,
You got to see him go,
And all the ten-gallon girls
Love to hear him yodel ay-hee-ho!
Because
Lonesome cowboy bill
Rides the rodeo.
Lonesome cowboy bill,
You got to see him yodel ay-hee-ho!
Oh, lonesome cowboy bill,
You still ride the rodeo.
Up round the colorado shore,
Down by the ohio.
Sometimes even new orleans,
Down by the mardi gras,
And all the ten-gallon girls
Love to hear him yodel ay-hee-ho!
Hes lonesome cowboy bill, he rides the rodeo.
Just a lonesome cowboy bill,
You got to see him yodel ay-hee-ho!
You got to see him in the rodeo
When hes ridin, goin too darn fast.
You got to hear the people scream and shout
They call him,
Lonesome cowboy bill
Hes a
Lonesome cowboy bill
He goes...
Lonesome cowboy bill
Rides the rodeo.
Lonesome cowboy bill,
You got to see him yodel ay-hee-ho!
I said,
You got to see him yodel ay-hee-ho!
Oh hes a lonesome cowboy bill, lonesome cowboy bill...
song performed by by Velvet Underground
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Had To Phone Ya
Had to phone ya
Had to phone ya just to talk to you
Had to phone ya just to tell ya I was missing you
It lifts my spirits every single time
Sometimes youre busy for awhile
But when you get through
It makes me smile
A-when I phone ya
Californias not so far away
Youre not alone ya know Im only just a dial away
I visualize that youre looking fine
Feels so good when you come on the line
You (you) you (you) you (you) you (you)
You (you) you (you) you (you) you (you)
You (you) you (you) you (you) you (you)
You (you) you (you) you (you)
Come on
Come on and answer the phone
Come on come on
(I hope your home)
Come on and answer the phone
Come on come on
(I hope your home)
Come on and answer the phone
Come on come on
(I hope your home)
Come on and answer the phone
Come on come on
(I hope your home)
Come on and answer the phone
Come on come on
(I hope your home)
Come on and answer the phone
Come on come on
(hello, hey brian!)
(I hope your home)
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If It Aint One Thing Its Another
(bobby carmichael/ tony stampley/joe stampley)
I got up this morning tried to get off of work
I couldnt even find not one clean shirt
There was no hot water when I jumped in the shower
I know my boss is gonna dock me an hour
The older I get the more I discover
If it aint one thing its another
I got the car, I tried to get motivated
Now Im stuck in the traffic, all Im doing is waiting
The fool behind me keeps blowin his horn
I got my top laid back and its coming up a storm
The older I get the more I discover
If it aint one thing its another
Light bill phone bill water and gas
Pay day comes and it goes so fast
Theres no way out and Im telling you brother
If it aint one thing its another
I got to the job and I tried to explain
The boss said you wont have to do that again
I called home just to tell her the news
She said bye bye baby Im leaving you
She took the kids and shes gone to her mothers
If it aint one thing, its another
Light bill phone bill water and gas
Pay day comes and it goes so fast
Theres no way out and Im telling you brother
If it aint one thing its another
If it aint one thing its another
song performed by by Randy Travis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There are things you just can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he's ready to see you, and you can't go home again.
quote by Bill Bryson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doolin-dalton
They were duelin, doolin-dalton
High or low, it was the same
Easy money and faithless women
Red-eye whiskey for the pain
Go down, bill dalton, it must be gods will,
Two brothers lyin dead in coffeyville
Two voices call to you from where they stood
Lay down your lay books now
Theyre no damn good
Better keep on movin, doolin-dalton
til your shadow sets you free
If youre fast, and if youre lucky
You will never see that hangin tree
Well, the towns lay out across the dusty plains
Like graveyards filled with tombstones, waitin for the names
And a man could use his back, or use his brains
But some just went stir crazy, lord, cause nothin ever changed
til bill doolin met bill dalton
He was workin cheap, just bidin time
Then he laughed and said,Im goin,
And so he left that peaceful life behind
Mm...
song performed by by Eagles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Leaders should be collaborative, modest, and generous.
quote by Bill Bradley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If any sort of error is inexcusable, it's an incorrect phone number. One of the cardinal rules of copy editing is that every phone number published must be checked.
quote by Bill Walsh
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fire Bugs
Look 'ere. I'll bet a 'arf-a-crown
To anythink you like to name (said Bushy Bill),
If country fellers went to town,
An' burnt a few big buildin's down,
An' quids an' quids went up in flame (said Bushy Bill),
Do you suppose, by any chance,
You'd put it down to ignorance.
An' let 'em go their dilly way
To do the trick some other day? (Said Bushy Bill).
No fear. You'd take that crim'nal lot
An' likely lynch 'em on the spot.
Fine sense of property you got (said Bushy Bill).
Yet city coves come up this way,
Shootin' or goin' campin' out (said Bushy Bill).
But are they careful blokes? Not they.
An' when their camp fire gets away
They wonder what it's all about (said Bushy Bill).
They sling their matches round the place,
An' carry on a fair disgrace
Wise coots they are, all in the know,
Who reckons country coves is slow (said Bushy Bill).
But when two hundred thousand quid
Goes up, they dunno wot they did.
They can't think 'ow that green scrub caught
They never knoo. They never thought.
Look 'ere. IT'S TIME YOUS BLOKES WAS TAUGHT (said Bushy Bill).
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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I like Bill a lot. As Bill is presented, I mean you don't ever see Bill blow her head off? You know? And I think what Quentin has done is he created a monster.
quote by David Carradine
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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We have been through a period where we see power leaching away from Washington. Who is more important in the world today: Bill Clinton or Bill Gates? I don't know.
quote by Peter Jennings
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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