0034 Poem with which to start a Poetry Reading
Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is my first poetry reading
and I’m very nervous
and nearly cancelled tonight
but I spoke about this to
a friend who’s a therapist
and he said,
this is what you do,
you imagine the audience
in front of you
all in their underwear
(as you probably are; but
without the outer layer)
with the men
wearing the most idiotic
flowered Hawaiian
two sizes too large
boxer shorts
and the ladies
in the frumpiest
underwear
you can imagine
apparently it works
so if I look at you, ladies and gentlemen,
somewhat strangely
from time to time
or giggle uncontrollably
or my eyes rest on you personally
as if we’re sharing some huge
x-ray joke,
please forgive me
and understand
that’s it for your benefit
as well as mine
and that you will have put your outerwear
back on
in the interval
before the next poem
I hope this is OK with you
and nobody’s too embarrassed
in fact you could do the same trick
with me if it’s
any help
and now
I think I’ve said enough as
I’m OK now
how about you?
(For maximum effect, pause noticeably at the end of each line)
(with thanks to Ernestine for the idea)
poem by Michael Shepherd
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Feel The Girl
[Intro Timbaland (Ms. Jaded)]
Ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen
(Ms. Jade) Lay lay lay ladies and gentlemen
(Ms. Jade) Ladies and gentlemen
(Ms. Jade) Ladies and gentlemen
(Ms. Jade) Lay ladies and gentlemen
(Ms. Jade) Skrip skirt skrip lay lay
(Ms. Jade) La la la lay
Earr err err
[Verse 1 Ms. Jade]
Ms. Jade's the name comin' to ruin the game
Bringin' the thunder and rain
song performed by by Ms. Jade from Girl Interrupted
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Come Get Me
And as a special treat this evening
I have asked America's foremost young poet
to read his latest poem for us
[scratching by DJ Premier:]
"ladies and gentlemen.."
"Na-Na-Na-Nastradamus"
"Everybody watch him"
"ladies and gentlemen.."
"Na-Na-Na-Nastradamus"
"We-we-we came a long way"
"ladies and gentlemen.."
"Na-Na-Na-Nastradamus"
"Everybody watch him"
"ladies and gentlemen.."
"Na-Na-Na-Nastradamus"
[Nas]
Yo..
Yo.. yo..
Power and crime
song performed by by NAS from Nastradamus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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We are a bunch of hooligans and anarchists but we do clean up nice. … Look around, ladies and gentlemen, because we all have stories to tell and projects we need financed. Don't talk to us about it at the parties tonight. Invite us into your office in a couple days, or you can come to ours, whatever suits you best, and we'll tell you all about them. I have two words to leave with you tonight, ladies and gentlemen: "inclusion rider".
quote by Frances McDormand
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Sonnet 23
Be aware gentlemen I dare say
For all those sugar coated lies
Ladies will have it their way
No matter what they can be sly
Be aware all gentlemen kind
The secrets are not in her kiss
Such confusion you will find
You'll never be sure of this
Be aware gentlemen or regret
Those gentle words and woes
Never once show her neglect
For such pain you will know
Be aware gentlemen and wise
Ladies come with many surprise
poem by Suelynn Walters
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Nightflight To Venus
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the starship boney m
For our first passenger flight to venus.
Ready for count-down: 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 - ignition - lift off
Nightflight to venus
Way out there in space
Nightflight to venus
Our new favrite place
Nightflight to venus
All systems are go
Nightflight to venus
The sky is aglow
Ladies and gentlemen, weve had a successful
Take-off on this first nightflight to venus.
Our flying time will be 8 hours. well be travelling
At a speed of 2183 miles per second.
Nightflight to venus
Nightflight to venus
Captain - unidentified object at 8 oclock - 2 million miles away.
Stand by for emergency manoeuvre.
Object coming closer at the speed of light. we have 8 more seconds.
Change course by 4 point 6 degrees.
Order admitteted.
Ladies and gentlemen, in a few minutes we are going
To be landing on venus, push the button on your left side,
The safety mechanism will do the rest for you.
We hope you enjoyed the worlds first nightflight to venus,
Have a good time there.
song performed by by Boney M.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Goodnight
Good night now ladies and gentlemen
Good night now ladies and gents.
That's the end of the show, now it's time to go.
Good night now ladies and gentlemen
Good night now ladies and gents.
That's the end of the show, now it's time to go.
Would you like to do a number with me?
Would you like to do a number with me?
Would you like to, would you like to,
Would you like to do a number with me?
(repeat 1x)
Cheap trick says goodnight!
song performed by by Cheap Trick
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Happy Birthday Ernestine
While I was at Stratford last year,
I met a number of pretty young ladies
while I was there.
I say young ladies
as they were all young ladies to me
and Ernestine was one
of those young ladies I met there.
I got and gave a hug,
and I am hoping for the same this year,
but for now, it is your birthday.
My how time does fly around.
Happy Birthday and I hope
it will be remembered
as being one of the best
with a gathering of family and friends
around to help you see it through.
This little Birthday poem
comes from me to you,
to wish you a super Happy Birthday Ernestine.
May the happiness of today
be with you all the year through.
Happy Birthday Ernestine
Love and Hugs
David aka Dodgy Dave and Vera
xxxx
25 March 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Ladies Pay
All the sailors theyre all home from leave
And everybodys waiting for them to try to deceive
The storekeepers have drawn their lace curtains bare
And all the women and the wee young girls all waiting there
Oh, but how the ladies pay
Oh, if they only knew how the ladies pay
Yeah now, how the ladies pay
Oh, when the men theyve gone away
Nobody is standing on upon the door
And nobody is feeding any of the poor
The poor sick soldier lies in bed beside his girl
Thinking of another place on the other side of the world
Ah
How the ladies pay
Oh-oh, oh, how the ladies pay
When the men theyve gone away
Oh, I wish I knew how the ladies pay
Day and night, night and day
How the ladies pay
Day and night, night and day
How the ladies pay
Day and night
Night and day
Day and night
Day and night, night and day, ladies pay now
Night and day, day and night
How the ladies pay
Day and night, night and day
How the ladies pay
Day and night now
Night and day and now
How the pay now
Oh, how the pay now
Ladies pay, ladies pay
Ah, ladies pay the way now
Ladies pay, ah, ladies pay
Ah, ladies pay
Night and day, night and day, night and day
Oh, how the ladies pay
Oh, night and day, night and day, night and day
Oh, how the ladies pay
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hero
Outside, confidence is king
I am all that you're projecting
Inside feel the rising tide
And the revolution's deafening
I was trying to hide my opposing side
Trying to reconcile my Jeckyl and Hyde
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me find someone else
(Why'd you want to bother find yourself another)
Sometimes you put all of your desires in an object of affection
But in time because you idolise there is only disappointment
I was flying so high in your perfect sky
But I needed to fall cannot have it all
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me find someone else
(Why'd you want to bother find yourself another)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open parts of me are broken)
Do yourself a favor
Save yourself
Don't pick me for someone else
(Why'd you want to bother find yourself another)
Don't need to compromise
I don't need to occupy the floor
There's a danger in boxing in my sin
And all that I am..
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(No, I am not open parts of me are broken)
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(Why'd you want to bother find yourself another)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open parts of me are broken)
It's too much pressure
I'll only let you down again
(No, I am not open parts of me are broken)
Ladies and gentlemen listen up please
I don't want to be your hero
(No, I am not open parts of me are broken)
song performed by by Darren Hayes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ladies Man
Well, Ive heard of heartbreakers
But you take the cake
Ladies man
You could charm the diamonds
Off a rattlesnake
Ladies man
Ladies bring it on over
When you give em the glance
They dont stand a chance
First, you unfold them
Then you pigeon-hole em
Ladies man
Well it sure takes a lot of
Good natured self-control
Ladies man
When Im so hot for you and
Youre so cold, so cold
Ladies man
Why do you keep on trying to
Make a man of me
Couldnt you just love me--
Like you love cocaine
Cocaine head games
Cross my heart I swear
Im not trying to trick you
No tricks
Ladies man
Its just a straight ahead feeling
I have for you
Nothing slick
Ladies man
I guess you learn to refuse
What you think you cant handle
Youre acting like a vandal
Wrecking the dream
At the first bad scene
Ladies man
Ladies man
Ladies man
Ladies man
song performed by by Joni Mitchell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ladies Man
(myles goodwyn)
Published by goody two tunes, inc. - bmi
Last night, what a scene
So cool, a gypsy queen
Some crashed, the talk of the town
So shy, when Im around
Thats right, Im a ladies man, yes I am
Some girls wont let go
Most girls cant say no
First glance, I could see
Your next move was up to me
Thats right, Im a ladies man, yes I am
Come and get it, Im all yours tonight
Theres no reason to be shy
Theres no sittin wonderin why
Cause Im a ladies man
Come and get me, Im all yours tonight, yeah
High heels, crimson shoes
Slow down, lovers groove
Just right, not too fast
Good times were meant to last
Thats why Im a ladies man, yes I am
Come and get it, Im all yours tonight
Theres no need to wonder why
Theres no sittin bein shy
Cause Im a ladies man
Come and get it, Im all yours tonight
Yeah yeah yeah, Im a ladies man
Come on girl, Im a ladies man
Its alright, Im a ladies man
Come and get me, Im all yours tonight
song performed by by April Wine
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ladies and Gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen,
Welcome to the queen city of Babylon
And the seven hills of ancient Rome.
Welcome to that great city, that mighty city!
For in one hour is thy judgment come.
Welcome to the geographical center of evil
Of the Earth, nay the universe.
Welcome to everyone's home town
No matter where he's from.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Cincinnati!
poem by Bob Evenson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I am in crazy in love with Girls
It amazing how life is transformed sometimes
I don’t know whether it because of the changing of the season
But let me tell something interesting
When I was young I could pay no interest that there are people who are beautiful
As soon as I grew up I had people talking to me
They say what a beautiful child am I.
But today I am old
As long as I could see I could see that there people who are beautiful
Next to me I sit along a beautiful girl both left and right
Even the room where we are is beautiful
That is the way why I offer a smile to each and everyone for the first time
I can see the reason why I lick my finger no more
It because such nice people give a warm welcome baby
Yes they can say what ever wrong to me but I think I must forgive them
It because they are beautiful –ladies
Beautiful ladies
It because they are beautiful –ladies
Beautiful ladies
It because they are beautiful –ladies
Beautiful ladies
It because they are beautiful –ladies
Beautiful ladies
Wooo hhooh woo huhu hugh
poem by Mthokozisi Ntokozo Maphumulo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Sugar Shack (Skit)
Woo, yeah yeah [laughs]
This beautiful, beautiful evening
We are inside the wonderful, the wonderful Sugar Shack
Here in beautiful Jackson, Mississippi
I am your host for the evening, the one the only...
Oh, I see you shorty, what's up? How you doin', baby? Woo
We gon' do it real, real nice, for you ladies and gentlemen tonight
I've got a fine treat for you tonight, for you fiften people in here tonight
Settle down, settle down
What I got for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen
Here at the Sugar Shack, is the one, the only, the beautiful, the talented,
Miss Ashanti
song performed by by Ashanti
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Underwear
I didn’t get much sleep last night
thinking about underwear
Have you ever stopped to consider
underwear in the abstract
When you really dig into it
some shocking problems are raised
Underwear is something we all have to deal with
Everyone wears
some kind of underwear
Even Indians wear underwear
Even Cubans
wear underwear
The Pope wears underwear I hope
The Governor of Louisiana wears underwear
I saw him on TV
He must have had tight underwear
He squirmed a lot
Underwear can really get you in a bind
You have seen the underwear ads for men and women
so alike but so different
Women’s underwear holds things up
Men’s underwear holds things down
Underwear is one thing
men and women do have in common
Underwear is all we have between us
You have seen the three-color pictures
with crotches encircled
to show the areas of extra strength
with three-way stretch
promising full freedom of action
Don’t be deceived
It’s all based on the two-party system
which doesn’t allow much freedom of choice
the way things are set up
America in its Underwear
struggles thru the night
Underwear controls everything in the end
Take foundation garments for instance
They are really fascist forms
of underground government
making people believe
something but the truth
telling you what you can of can’t do
Did you ever try to get around a girdle
Perhaps Non-Violent Action
is the only answer
Did Gandhi wear a girdle?
Did Lady Macbeth wear a girdle?
Was that why Macbeth murdered sleep?
And the spot she was always rubbing -
Was it really her underwear?
Modern anglosaxon ladies
must have huge guilt complexes
always washing and washing and washing
Out damned spot
Underwear with spots very suspicious
Underwear with bulges very shocking
Underwear on clothesline a great flag of freedom
Someone has escaped his Underwear
May be naked somewhere
Help!
But don’t worry
Everybody’s still hung up in it
There won’t be no real revolution
And poetry still the underwear of the soul
And underwear still covering
a multitude of faults
in the geological sense -
strange sedimentary stones, inscrutable cracks!
If I were you I’d keep aside
an oversize pair of winter underwear
Do not go naked into that good night
And in the meantime
keep calm and warm and dry
No use stirring ourselves up prematurely
‘over Nothing’
Move forward with dignity
hand in vest
Don’t get emotional
And death shall have no dominion
There’s plenty of time my darling
Are we not still young and easy?
Don’t shout.
poem by Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Goodnight Ladies
Goodnight ladies, ladies goodnight
Its time to say goodbye
Let me tell you now
Goodnight ladies, ladies goodnight
Its time to say goodbye
Now all night long youve been drinking your tequilla
But now youve sucked your lemon peel dry
So why not get high
Goodnight ladies, ladies goodnight
Goodnight ladies, ladies goodnight
Its time to say goodbye
Goodnight sweet ladies, ladies goodnight
Its time to say goodbye bye bye
Oh weve been together for the longest time
But now its time to get high
Come on lets get high
And goodnight ladies, ladies goodnight
Oh, Im still missing my other half
Ah, it must be something I did in the past
Dont it just make you want to laugh
Its a lonely saturday night
Oh, nobody calls me on the telephone
I put another record on my stereo
But Im still singin a song of you
Its a lonely saturday night
Now if I was an actor or a dancer who is glamorous
Then you know an amorus life would soon be mine
But now the tinsil lighted starbreak is all thats left
To play my heartbreak
At eleven oclock I watch the network news
Oh, wow, wow, something tells me that youre nearly gone
You said we could be friends but thats not what I want
Ah, anyway my tv dinners almost done
Its a lonely saturday night
I mean to tell you its a lonely saturday night
One more round
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ladies In Waiting
So you been to the market
And the meat looks good tonight
And the ladies in waiting
Will show you what its all about
Their selection is inviting
They sure look hot tonight
And the ladies in waiting
Will show you what its all about
And so you move on down the line
All the ladies are lookin fine, so fine
Ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting
So you move on down the line
All the ladies are lookin fine
Their selection is inviting
They sure look hot tonight
And the ladies in waiting
Will show you what its all about
And so you move on down the line
All the ladies are lookin fine, so fine
Ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting
Ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting
Ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting, ladies in waiting
Ladies in waiting
song performed by by Kiss
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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All The Lovely Ladies
All the lovely ladies in their finery tonight
I wish that I could know them one by one
All the handsome gentlemen with loving on their minds
Strolling in to take the ladies home
Bless you all and keep you on the road to tenderness
Heaven can be yours just for now.
All the gentle strangers who by nature do not smile
To everyone who cannot hold a pen
To all you heavy rounders with a headache for your pains
Who dread the thought of going round the bend
Bless you all and keep you on the road to better things
Heaven can be yours just for now.
To all the lovely ladies in their finery tonight
I wish that I could kiss you while you knit
To all the ones who learn to live with bein second-guessed
Whose job it is to give more then to get
Bless you all and keep you with the strength to understand
Heaven can be yours just for now.
To all the little dreamers with a dream that cannot last
To all the sleeping giants who must wake
To every man who answers to the letter of the law
And all the rest imprisoned by mistake
Bless you all and keep you with the faith to let it pass
Heaven can be yours just for now
To all the lonely sailors who have trouble beeing seen
To all of you with heartache that remains
Maybe sometime later you might swim back into shore
If someone could relieve you of your chains
Bless you all and keep you all on the land or on the sea
Heaven can be yours, just for now
song performed by by Gordon Lightfoot
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ladies First
Pamela Purse yelled, 'Ladies first,'
Pushing in front of the ice cream line.
Pamela Purse yelled, 'Ladies first,'
Grabbing the ketchup at dinnertime.
Climbing on the morning bus
She'd shove right by all of us
And there'd be a tiff or a fight or a fuss
When Pamela Purse yelled, 'Ladies first.'
Pamela Purse screamed, 'Ladies first,'
When we went off on our jungle trip.
Pamela Purse said her thirst was worse
And guzzled our water, every sip.
And when we got grabbed by that wild savage band,
Who tied us together and made us all stand
In a long line in front of the King of the land-
A cannibal known as Fry-'Em-Up Dan,
Who sat on his throne in a bib so grand
With a lick of his lips and a fork in his hand,
As he tried to decide who'd be first in the pan-
From back of the line, in that shrill voice of hers,
Pamela Purse yelled, 'Ladies first.'
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Gentlemen of Dickens
The gentlemen of Dickens
Were mostly very poor,
And innocent of grammar,
And of parentage obscure;
But rich or poor or thriving,
Of high or lowly birth,
The gentlemen of Dickens
Were the grandest on the earth.
The gentlemen of Dickens,
They wore no fancy names—
Like Reginald or Percy
Fitzgerald or FitzJames;
But names for fools to laugh at,
That sound like hob-nailed boots,
Like Newman Noggs and Knubbles,
Toodles and Mr Toots.
They’d little save their kindness,
Their honesty and truth;
They mostly came embarrassed,
And stammering and uncouth;
But the gentlemen of Dickens,
Their women and their girls,
Could speak their minds if need be
To ladies and to earls.
But one who wore a title
A lesson, too, could teach:
Lord Feenix—Cousin Feenix
Of wandering legs and speech.
O he might teach a lesson
A gentleman could give,
Where he stands by his “lovely
And accomplished relative”.
The gentlemen of Dickens
Were gamblers now and then
(And looked upon the ladies,
No doubt, like other men);
And some of them were drunkards,
It cannot be denied;
But one washed all their sins away
When Sidney Carton died.
The gentlemen of Dickens
Are round us here to-day,
For their self-sacrificing
Brave spirits live for aye.
They cheer my heart and lift it,
They set my blood aglow,
For I was once a gentleman,
Though it was years ago.
poem by Henry Lawson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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