Under Microscope
Doctor Hammond...
I think you should look at this.
The research team seems to be deadlocked,
In disagreement!
Some of us have counted 632 hairs,
On his left buttocks.
While others...
Performing the same task,
Have located 745 on the right.
Clearly in violation,
Of our 'equal hairs on each cheek' policy.
Plus...
There are seven,
And not the 3 moles on his right thigh...
As was earlier reported by the media.
However...
And 'this' is the biggest disparity,
That has dumbfounded us all!
His birth date!
And where that 'had' occurred?
That poses to be the biggest dilemma!
And heightens with suspicion...
Those gnawing questions raised!
And...
There is not a single baby footprint,
Anywhere that can be found.
But listen...
This is the clencher!
Under microscope...
None of us can determine,
If the 'H' in Hawaii had been lower case...
Before it had been changed into the higher.
Since the ink used in the printing of his birth certificate...
Appears to be a bit easy to lift when water is applied.
Apparently not water soluble.
AND 'not' on 100 pound bond!
See how it smudges and spreads?
The paper?
Is not 'water marked' although notorized.
Also...
A '10' font was used!
Shouldn't that have been an 'eleven'?
And Doctor Hammon...
No one on either side of this team,
Can say,
Whether or not...
The doctor who performed the delivery,
Had been a practicing Buddist...
Orthodox Jew,
Southern Baptist from the Bible Belt...
Or,
Drove a Volvo!
Which further criminalizes this absurdity,
From our 'detailed' point of view!
I believe we have enough evidence,
To conclude our investigation.
And announce that the newly elected president,
Is NOT truly a naturalized citizen of this country!
As has been widely reported.
And...
We are going to review our findings,
And present them to the Supreme Court.
Based upon the findings a slew of irregularities,
Discovered.
And using the best scientific methods to date!
Based upon our conservative standards...
As we proceed to seek DNA,
From any playground where he played.
And/or diaper anyone may have been kept,
As a souvenir!
'If only we could uncover samplings,
From the womb...
To conclude our efforts! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Change 'Premise' To 'Promise
The premise is there,
Based upon certain assumptions...
To us given.
Although the promise to deliver,
What had been expected is missing...
It would be in our best interest,
To conclude our investigation to be complete.
'But to move forward on a premise,
Leaves what is needed left circumstantial.'
There are the same letters in the word 'premise',
As there are in 'promise'.
Exchange the 'e' for the 'o'...
And no one would ever know the difference,
If the evidence is based upon circumstances...
That concludes our investigation.
Or if assumptions accepted as proof was used.
'So...
No one would ever know,
The evidence we have collected...
Is actually inconclusive? '
Look...
No one here is attempting to prove,
We are scholars or rocket scientists.
Change 'premise' to 'promise' and that's it!
There is no need to be bogged down,
With specifics and details.
This is not that kind of case.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Hand That Feeds
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please, doctor, doctor, please
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Feel like an old diseace
Get your sweet ass off the floor
Doctor, doctor, doctor
I cant refuse any loose harted lady anymore
I scream your name into the crowd
You feel the flame, but yo aint proud
Mabye your attitude aint right
So all thats left for me to do is bite
The hand that feeds me
Feeds me
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
All things you put me through
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me
In the middle of, with a spittle of
Et tu like birds of a feather
When another day, love another way
Push, shove, make love, play
Never never, never ever
Never ever, never ever
Na, na...
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Please do a-what you can
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Would you please give my life a hand
All the things you put me trough
What the hell you want me to
Do all the things that uncle john needs
I aint the dog that bites the hand that feeds me, yeah
Doctor, doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, please
(repeat)
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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He Presents Himself With Such Intelligence
He presents himself with such intelligence,
They are 'still' making attempts...
To find his birth,
Not natural enough for them to be convinced...
That he is a bona fide naturalized citizen.
Since nothing else to them makes sense.
He is almost over qualified to be president.
If they could they would take fingerprints,
From the womb he grew.
So desperate are they to find...
A way to dissect and undo his mind!
With hopes to uncover evidence,
He is not of the human kind!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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1985 Food Medley - 02 - Doctor
[parody of doctor! doctor! by the thompson twins]
Woah, cause hes my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Im feelin pretty dismal.
Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Wheres my pepto bismol?
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor’s Day,2010
Doctor, doctor, carer of sick!
Doctor, doctor, healer on earth;
Doctor, doctor, noble is thine field;
Doctor, doctor, serve thine brethren well!
Doctor, labor all the more;
Clean and dress the chronic sore;
Let no person taint thine name;
Never forget thine great aim.
Doctor, let not wealth allure;
Doctor, lead a life all pure;
Doctor, try to always cure;
God will bless thee on earth, sure.
Dear Dr.B, K, Padmavathi M.D.,
‘Happy Doctor’s Day,2010! ’
From the Dean and staff of IRT, PMC
Copyright by Dr John Celes 7-1-2010
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Old age, when?
At what designated point,
does society consider a citizen old?
Is one chronological period designated?
Positive productivity ceases contributing?
What then shall be done with this issue?
Should an elder's creative contributions,
conclude not, but continue beyond established point?
Is it therefore acceptable, to re-examine protocol?
Is the gift of Wisdom, as well?
One's acquired ability,
to accept facts and standards.
Conclude and present, before all, no matter when?
23Nov10
poem by Kurt Hearth
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor Doctor
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh the mess Im in
She walked up to me
And really stole my heart
And then she started
To take my body apart
*livin, lovin, Im on the run
Far away from you
Livin, lovin, Im on the run
So far away from you
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, Im goin fast
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, Im goin fast
Its only just a moment,
Shes turnin paranoid
Thats not a situation for a nervous boy
Doctor doctor, please
Oh, the mess Im in
Doctor doctor, please,
Oh, the mess Im in
But you look so angry
As I crawled across your floor
Shes got the strain,
And I cant take any more
*repeat
*repeat
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Boat Is a Lever
After my student went to the doctor to
Check out the rash speckling his
Right hand and found out he had
Leukemia, that the cancer had spread
Into his lungs, then where did he go?
I've called his number several times.
Flat-bottom boats light in water.
Brown brack and mud smell,
Stumps like chewed-off candles,
Cypress knees, knock and small
Talk floating over water, a motor
Chuffing off, a small blue cloud of excess
Gasoline spreads an ugly
Rainbow on tan water.Every
Thing rests on its proposition
Including smooth isobars along the bay.
Since collective thought cannot exist
As thought it passes into things.
Chemo takes a few gray hairs.Mustard
Cruises the bloodstream under a blizzard
Of white cells.Subdued by the arbitrary,
Suspended, the one in the boat still needs
To row it -- to direct the muscles, to
Maintain equilibrium with air
And water.If water is waveless
Then the boat reads by leading marks.
There is nothing more beautiful
Than a boat.
poem by Ralph Burns
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Dr. Detroit
Don't you stop
Don't you wonder why
Life itself pops in
And takes you by surprise
Don't you try to run
It gets you from behind
Like a common cold
It takes you for a ride
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
Call me doctor (repeat)
No need to look
He's not in the book
The doctor's not an m.d.
What he does this time he does for free
Now is the time
To call me doctor
This is a serious case
There's not much time
Now call me doctor
They love to watch him operate
It comes and goes
So call me doctor
They need a special technique
It grows and grows
Now call me doctor
Calling doctor, doctor detroit
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor Robert
Ring my friend, i said you call doctor robert
Day or night he'll be there any time at all, doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
If you're down he'll pick you up, doctor robert
Take a drink from his special cup, doctor robert
Doctor robert, he's a man you must believe,
Helping everyone in need
No one can succeed like doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
My friend works for the national health, doctor robert
Don't pay money just to see yourself with doctor robert
Doctor robert, you're a new and better man,
He helps you to understand
He does everything he can, doctor robert
Well, well, well, you're feeling fine
Well, well, well, he'll make you ... doctor robert
song performed by by Beatles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Doctor
Johnston/Midnight/Schwartz
I'm a man who lives in the city
I'm a man who lives in the street
From F.L.A. to Frisco Bay
And everywhere in between
Coast to coast there's a question
Everybody's always askin' me
People want to know everywhere I go
What can the answer be
Music is the doctor
Makes you feel like you want to
Listen to the doctor
Just like you ought to
Music is the doctor of my soul
Well it seems that when I travel
And I'm out there on the road
The freedom I need is the freedom I leave
In my good time rock and roll
There's a healing in those guitars
And a spirit in the song
No matter what condition your rhythm is in
The message goes on and on
Music is the doctor
Makes you feel like you want to
Listen to the doctor
Just like you ought to
Music is the doctor of my soul
If you ever wonder
How to shake your blues
Just follow this prescription
And get the cure for what's ailin' you
Music is the doctor
Makes you feel like you want to
Listen to the doctor
Just like you ought to
Music is the doctor of my soul
song performed by by Doobie Brothers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Doctor
Johnston/midnight/schwartz
Im a man who lives in the city
Im a man who lives in the street
From f.l.a. to frisco bay
And everywhere in between
Coast to coast theres a question
Everybodys always askin me
People want to know everywhere I go
What can the answer be
Music is the doctor
Makes you feel like you want to
Listen to the doctor
Just like you ought to
Music is the doctor of my soul
Well it seems that when I travel
And Im out there on the road
The freedom I need is the freedom I leave
In my good time rock and roll
Theres a healing in those guitars
And a spirit in the song
No matter what condition your rhythm is in
The message goes on and on
Music is the doctor
Makes you feel like you want to
Listen to the doctor
Just like you ought to
Music is the doctor of my soul
If you ever wonder
How to shake your blues
Just follow this prescription
And get the cure for whats ailin you
Music is the doctor
Makes you feel like you want to
Listen to the doctor
Just like you ought to
Music is the doctor of my soul
song performed by by Doobie Brothers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Closer To Fine
Im trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing youve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all
Yeah
Well darkness has a hunger thats insatiable
And lightness has a call thats hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
Im crawling on your shores
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as Id been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
Yeah we go to the doctor, we go to the mountains
We look to the children, we drink from the fountains
Yeah we go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
song performed by by Indigo Girls
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bad Case Of Loving You
(john moon martin)
Whooaaaaa
The hot summer night fell like a net
I've got to find my baby yet
I need you to soothe my head
Turn my blue heart to red
Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I've got a bad case of lovin' you
No pill's gonna cure my ill
I've got a bad case of lovin' you
A pretty face don't make no pretty heart
I learned that, buddy, from the start
You think i'm cute, a little bit shy
Momma, i ain't that kind of guy
Doctor, doctor, give me the news
I got a bad case of lovin' you
No pill's gonna cure my ill
I got a bad case of lovin' you
Whooaaa
I know you like it, you like it on top
Tell me, momma, are you gonna stop?
You had me down, 21 to zip
Smile of judas on your lip
Shake my fist, knock on wood
I've got it bad, and i've got it good
Doctor, doctor, gimme the news
I got a bad case of lovin' you
No pill's gonna cure my ill
I got a bad case of lovin' you
song performed by by Robert Palmer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Closer To Fine
Im trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life afterall
Well darkness has a hunger thats insatiable
And lightness has a call thats hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
Im crawling on your shore
I went to the doctor
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children
I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance
He said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free
I went to the doctor
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children
I drank from the fountains
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as Id been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity.
I went to the doctor
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children
I drank from the fountains
We go to the doctor
We go to the mountains
We look to the children
We drink from the fountains
Yeah, we go to the bible
We go through the workout
We read up on revival
And we stand up for the lookout
Theres more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
song performed by by Jewel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Looking for Water
Still the leaves are spinning 'round
Take my hand as we go down, and down, and down
Looking for water
Well, our light's gone in a New York minute
Don't know about you, but my heart's not in it
(Looking, looking, looking)
I'm looking for water
I'm looking for water
(Looking, looking, looking)
I can't breathe the air, can't raise a fact
'Cause all we've got left is a beat in the night, and I'm
(Looking for water)
Looking for water
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
Take my hand as we go down, and down
Leave it all behind, nothing could be found
(I'm, looking for water)
I'm looking for water
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
(I, looking for water)
Looking everywhere
(Looking for water)
Looking here and there
(I'm looking for water)
I'm looking for water
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I can't live in this cage, I can't eat this candy
The edge of the earth to the spin in my head
The look in your eyes and never means never
The dawn's early light, baby, dark is forever
(Looking, looking)
(Looking, looking)
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for water)
(Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for watter)
Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for watter)
Looking, looking)
I
(Looking for water)
(Looking for watter)
song performed by by David Bowie, music by David Bowie, lyrics by David Bowie from Reality
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dr. Luther's Assistant
Everything seems so tranquil
Home movies with no subtitles
Don't you wish you knew what they were sayin'
When the film keeps playin', playin' ?
Oh, he's doctor luther's assistant
He'll close in when he seems so distant
Doctor luther's assistant
He'll get on top of you when you lower your resistance
Some say he is just a lackey
Changing words while the ink is still tacky
He's absolutely indispensable
He keeps the other boys in suspense
Oh, he's doctor luther's assistant
He'll close in when he seems so distant
Doctor luther's assistant
He'll get on top of you when you lower your resistance
Luther is locked in a broken-down cinema
Watches his wife with his video camera
Sees his best boy makin' her grin
Out of the kitchen, she's gone with the wind
Oh, doctor luther's assistant
He'll close in, when he seems so distant
Doctor luther's assistant
He'll get on top of you when you lower your resistance
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Doctor
Pay some attention
Want to get it right
Ooo-how about you
Minds under pressure
Happens every night
Ooo-let it go
(pre-chorus)
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Lay your hands on me
I prescribe a pill
Ooo-how about now
Tensions a buildin
Need to let it out
Ooo-let it go
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
I make house calls
In the middle of the night
Ooo-to get you right
Come a little closer
Is it pleasure is it pain
Ooo-Ive got the cure
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
(solo)
Love is like a knife
It cuts deep and wide
And i-i-i oughta know
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
Call me the doctor
Makes you feel good
Make it feel better now
Everybody should
Its my own opinion
Its my point of view
If you really need it now
Call me the doctor doctor feel good- hey
song performed by by Cheap Trick
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Shot (intro)
phones ringing babies crying]
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
nurse: Doctor's office could you hold please? Yes sir can I help you?
white guy: Yes I have a four o'clock appointment I'm here to get my shot.
nurse: Okay come right with me.
white guy: This isn't gonna take too long is it?
nurse: Here we are here have a seat right here.
white guy: Oh great thanks thanks.
nurse: The doctor will be right with you, and can I get you anything?
white guy: Uhh maybe a glass of water would be great.
nurse: Okay great.
[door shuts]
white guy: Damn, what is taking so long?
[door creaks open, funky music in the backround]
doctor Ice Cube: Yo wussup?
white guy: Hi how ya doin' ?
doctor Ice Cube: Alright, let's see what we got here uhh, Mr. White huh?
white guy: Yes sir that's me.
doctor Ice Cube: heh, I heard you don't like shots do ya?
white guy: No I sure don't.
doctor Ice Cube: Aww you're a big boy uhh this won't hurt a bit,
jus' uhh turn your head...
white guy: Let's get this over with.
doctor Ice Cube: yeah uhh, rub a little alcohol on there, right here,
for you, and uhh brace yourself!
[click]
[BANG
song performed by by Ice Cube
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Just A Little Bit Of You
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
I told my mama how I feel about your power
Your love can heal, cant no doctors remedy
Ever do what you do for me
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Eeny weeny teeny bit of your love
Baby its all I need, its all I need
Since the day Ive been loving you
I cant catch a cold, I cant catch the flu
The sweet loving youve been giving me
Has become my daily need
Just a little o your love, every day
Its all I need, thats all I need
Just a little bit baby
Thats all I need, thats all I need
So dont send no doctor to my door
cause doctor john been here before
Dont you send him, just come yourself
Bring your loving and nothing else
Ooh just a, just a,
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
Just a little bit of you every day
Will surely keep the doctor away
song performed by by Michael Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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