That's a Bit Too Kinky
Your cookies sought,
Does not release the thought of nookie!
The moment I feel the sweetened heat,
Of your oven...
There is a temptation,
To have my hands on your buns as well.
Just the smell of it quickens my rise!
Are you surprised,
I am stripped and appear butt naked?
I have been practicing that all day!
What are you getting ready to do...
With that spatula,
You hold in your mittened hands!
That's a bit too kinky for me.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
(Kinky Friedman)
You uppity women I don't understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
You'd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning you're out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your Maiden Form for Lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman that's ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin' him that he's wrong.
Eve said to Adam, ?Here's an apple you horse?
And Delilah defoliated Samson's moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
And your coffee makes my hair turn green.
So damn emancipated in your mind and your body,
Gonna have to cancel all your lessons in karate.
If you can't love a male chauvinist
You'd better cross me off your shopping list.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Get Your Biscuits In The Oven & Your Buns In The Bed
(kinky friedman)
You uppity women I dont understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
Youd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning youre out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your maiden form for lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman thats ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin him that hes wrong.
Eve said to adam, heres an apple you horse
And delilah defoliated samsons moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Mean-hearted harpies are breaking all the laws
Tearing up their girdles and a-burning up their bras,
Now the air is dirty and the sex is clean
And your coffee makes my hair turn green.
So damn emancipated in your mind and your body,
Gonna have to cancel all your lessons in karate.
If you cant love a male chauvinist
Youd better cross me off your shopping list.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Could Arrest You For Disturbing The Peace
What's going on?
What is this all about?
And why is that guy standing,
With his hands above his head
Butt naked?
And why are there two groups of people,
Arguing with one another?
'Officer.
I want these people out of my store.
They are ruining my business.'
Has anyone stolen anything?
'No.
That guy naked,
Came into my store.
And said he had 'had' it.
He wanted me to call the police.
I told him he committed no crime.
Then I said
Sir,
Even if you stripped butt naked
With your hands above your head,
That would be indecent exposure.
I could have you arrested for that!
Well.
I called 911.
While I was explaining what was going on.
Those people standing over there,
Thought he was not indecent.
That other group over there behind you.
Decided that he was
And then he started screaming,
~What difference does it make if I am circumcized or not?
I am the one requesting to be arrested.
So.
What is it you want me to do?
'GET THESE PEOPLE OUT OF MY STORE! '
I can't.
Aren't those people still in the middle of their debate?
When did debating become a crime?
Now I do admit,
This situation is most unusual.
But calm down.
And I 'hope' you have a permit for that gun.
I could arrest you for disturbing the peace,
And threatening your customers.
I'll have to call for backup.
Are you the owner?
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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H o p e
my little hands are always looking for you
my little hands always want to hold you
my little hands will never let you go
I want to walk and be comfortable
together in your grasp
while my little hands have not been able to conquer the world
but at the moment my little hands into a future force
hands that will always hold you
and will not let you go
smile and my little hands is hope
who will take care of you
someday - is my devotion to you
He Sits Beside Her
when he sits beside her
she knows what she wants
him
and she pretends that she is just
nothing but a girl
whose hands are too tiny and so fragile
and he of course
will be tender & gentle to any kind of girl like
her
but she is more than a girl now
that
he must know
she knows where to touch him
what weak spot
and tell him
you are sitting beside this
woman
he takes a look some more
her eyes are are inviting
not innocent
he begins to see the eyes
of the woman
he made love before
she wears the smell of a beautiful
full-grown woman
ready for any sweet seclusion
or inclusion shall i say
a seduction just to be exact in some ways
this physical smell
of warm flesh and smooth skin and luscious lips
of a woman
now she looks at him again
a lingering stare
ready to take him in
only if she understands
the changes in her taking place in this moment
in such a magical moment he does not see the same little girl
whose hands he thought
are innocent
and so fragile
he understands fully the begging hands of time
now the fruit is ripe for the picking
the tree is waiting
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Face Of Ponder
the classic one
naked, butt on a rock
legs extended
body sits and hands
supporting the jaw
like a pillar
to a cellar
got one today
with my glasses on
i stare to the sea
amidst the storm
with my window
open
i am not naked
nay,
i am fully dressed
without any plan of going
to any place
my hands hold the frame
my feet rooted on the floor
my soul like water inside a glass
overflowing
i am emptying
because i am full.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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You Needn't Switch Your Cookies
You needn't switch your cookies.
To offer them to someone else...
With a giving to me of a preferred substitute.
Your cookies are good...
But they have not seduced.
I was the first to taste the flavor to savor them.
Now you believe the chocolate in your cookies,
You can addict somebody else with to lick...
As you sit back to enjoy the doing.
Who came to turn up the heat in your oven?
My sensitive tongue is unlike any other!
And this you will discover...
When you realize this and come to your senses.
Only I supplied the ingredients you used,
To make your cookies taste as good as they do.
You needn't switch your cookies on me,
To offer them to someone else.
The whipping done on these you give,
With the added spice has been overdone.
And not as good to my tongue as the other ones.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Spatula City
Announcer: theres just one place to go for all of your spatula needs
Random voice #1: spatula city
Random voice #2: spatula city
Announcer:
A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. and because we eliminate the middle man, we can sell all our spatulas factory direct t
. where do you go if you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?
Random voice: spatula city
Random voice: spatula city
Announcer:
And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale. buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny. dont forget, they make great christmas presents. and what better
O say I love you. than with the gift of a spatula?
Random voice: spatula city
Random voice: spatula city
Sy greenblum:
Hello, this is sy greenblum, president of spatula city. I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company.
Announcer:
Spatula city - seven locations; were in the yellow pages under spatulas.
Neighbor: my, where did you get that lovely spatula?
Singers: spatula city: we sell apatulas, and thats all
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Visitor
Her little face is like a walnut shell
With wrinkling lines; her soft, white hair adorns
Her withered brows in quaint, straight curls, like horns;
And all about her clings an old, sweet smell.
Prim is her gown and quakerlike her shawl.
Well might her bonnets have been born on her.
Can you conceive a Fairy Godmother
The subject of a strong religious call?
In snow or shine, from bed to bed she runs,
All twinkling smiles and texts and pious tales,
Her mittened hands, that ever give or pray,
Bearing a sheaf of tracts, a bag of buns:
A wee old maid that sweeps the Bridegroom's way,
Strong in a cheerful trust that never fails.
poem by William Ernest Henley
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Drop Your Buns Aunt Betty
Drop your buns Aunt Betty,
And that package on your back.
We ate your baked cookies,
And they went rather fast.
Drop your buns Aunt Betty,
We know they are delicious
Since they're made with cinnamon.
We're not a bit suspicious
Of the love that's in them.
Drop your buns Aunt Betty,
And grab a little snack and relax.
You owe us that!
Drop your buns Aunt Betty,
And that package on your back.
We ate your baked cookies,
And they went rather fast.
Drop your buns Aunt Betty.
Would you like a bowl of soup,
To boot that mood that has you pooped.
From all that mixing in the kitchen fixing food that you do.
There's some noodles with onions and peppers in it too!
Drop your buns Aunt Betty,
And that package on your back...
And relax.
Drop your buns Aunt Betty,
We know they are delicious
Since they're made with cinnamon.
We're not a bit suspicious
Of the love that's in them.
Drop your buns Aunt Betty,
And grab a little snack and relax.
You owe us that!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Too High
Oh your bones are brittle
Inside you
Wrap so soft your blood is running
Ill be there
If youre moving slowly
Will you still get there
Ill be there
Such a strong desire
Hunger
All you need
To hope you keep your head yeah
As the slow hand quickens
What youve done with all those around you
Hope for always that someone
Will come and see you
Well Ill be there
To watch you saltry turning
Seething
Ill be there
Minutes hold on to hours
Gets you twisting
All you need
To hope you keep your head yeah oh
The slow hand quickens
Howd you leave it
With the love you lost
You made them crawl to be without you
The slow hand quickens
Yes
Sand is empty
In the hourglass
Ill be there
To turn it over and over
In your head
So you keep the hope
You get your day yeah oh
As the slow hand quickens
Oh you see
Too hard to break
Too cold to burn
Afraid your chance is gone
The wires are crossed
Your mouth is lost
You fear youve left it far too long
The minutes pass
The hours are gone
So hard to find your way alone
As the slow hands quicken
The slow hands quicken
These slow hands quicken
song performed by by Dave Matthews Band
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Peace on Earth
Peace on earth not by chance,
Let faith love and charity
Spread the desire to melt the ethnic stance.
Hold hands together we are all the same,
Hold hands together we are all to blame.
You can feel it in the global heartbeat,
As you hold a babies hand
You can see it in a child’s eye,
As it reflects pure faith in its protected land.
You can see it in a dropp of rain
As it splashes on the growing grain.
Hold hands together you Muslims and Jews,
Hold hands together you Christians and Catholics.
All you Hutu’s and Tutsi, Sunni and Shiites,
Asian and African come on, come on,
Join the bands, hold your hands.
Don’t let the human’s race to destroy this place.
Hold hands together we are all the same
Peace on earth it can be done,
For our divine kingdom come.
Hold hands together we are all to blame,
Hold hands together as we are one,
Then thy will be done
By Christ, Mohammed, Budda and
The Rising Sun
Amen.
poem by Ken e Hall
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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These Hands
Given by God -are these hands!
One can do many things -with these hands
With love one can help a strangers' hands-
Allay and comfort the elders' gnarled hands
Clean sweep and mop with these hands
Decorate and embellish with these hands
Cook and serve food to all with these hands
Clasp a loved one with these hands
Applaud one with pleasure with these hands
Dig the soil and form a garden with these hands
Hold a book to read with these hands
Write and post a card with these hands
Type a poem to cheer someone with these hands
Draw a picture and sew clothes with these hands
Paint a beautiful scene to amuse with these hands
Play a game of volley ball or cricket with these hands
Swim the waters and row a boat with these hands
Pick the harvests and fruits with these hands
Feed the animals and birds with these hands
Seek the warmth of dear ones with these hands
Feel the soft petals of a flower with these hands
Fold the palms to pray with these hands
Given by God - are these hands!
poem by Chandra Thiagarajan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Texture
It is not important,
What it does.
How it does it.
Or if it is viable,
To those who deem it as a need.
If it feels good.
And the texture of it is right...
It will be made to be in demand.
Felt and caressed between one's hands...
Before the stock market is closed!
With the booting of buns.
Whether they are tightly held or not!
'You mean 'bonds'? '
Buns, bonds, balls...
Whatever.
This is about texture!
The feel and the description of it!
Not what they are called.
But how they feel!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Flora of the Eden: Antwerp
Eyes that sought my eyes, an-hungered, as a fire;
Hands that sought and caught my hands in their desire;
Hands and eyes that clipt and lipt me as a hungering fire!
But I turned away from your ecstatic eyes,
But my heart was silent to your eager sighs,
But I turned to other eyes from your imploring eyes.
Hands that I rejected, you were fain to give;
Eyes that for their moment loved me, as I live;
Mouth that kissed me: Flora of the Eden, O forgive!
poem by Arthur Symons
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Bacon Biscuit Blues
Put your biscuits in the oven
Honey, put your buns in bed
I wanna come inside your kitchen
Wanna taste your shortening bread
I want to jump into your skillet
Honey, tickle your home fries
I gotta hambone working fill it
Wont you try it on for size
Uh uh uh uh uh
Baby ask me no questions
Ill tell you no lies
Put your biscuits in the oven
Honey, watch my dumplin
Rise up - early in the morning
Rise up - late at night
Rise up - gotta get me a warning
Rise up - gonna whet your appetite
Gonna shake and bake you honey
I want a catcher in the rye
I wanna sop up all your gravy
From your deep dish apple pie
So open up your menu
I wanna slice your honey dew
I love it honey when you
Do me like you do
Uh uh uh uh uh
And if you ask me no questions
And tell me no lies
Put your biscuits in the oven
Honey, watch my dumplin
Rise up - early in the morning
Rise up - late late late at night
Rise up - giving me no warning
Rise up - gonna wet your appetite
song performed by by Aerosmith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Oh! Oh! ...The Speed Increases
I want to touch.
I wish,
That you did too!
I get a 'rush'.
Thinking 'bout what we two,
Can do!
Smacking butts naked in the sack.
You say I say don't stop that!
Getting what we give right back.
And doing what we please...
Without the need for teasin'.
Oh! Oh! ...the speed increases.
Oh! Oh! ...the sighs release.
Oh! Oh! ...the sweat is sweetened.
Oh! Oh! ...the screams decrease to moans.
I want to touch.
I wish,
That you did too!
I get a 'rush'.
Thinking 'bout what we two,
Can do!
And,
Oh! Oh! ...the speed increases.
Oh! Oh! ...the sighs release.
Oh! Oh! ...the sweat is sweetened.
Oh! Oh! ...the screams decrease to moans.
And,
Oh! Oh! ...the speed increases.
Oh! Oh! ...the sighs release.
Oh! Oh! ...the sweat is sweetened.
Oh! Oh! ...the screams decrease to moans.
And we...
Smack butts naked in the sack.
You say I say don't stop that!
As we...
Get what we give right back.
And doing what we please...
Without the need for teasin'.
Oh! Oh! ...the speed increases.
Oh! Oh! ...the sighs release.
Oh! Oh! ...the sweat is sweetened.
Oh! Oh! ...the screams decrease to moans.
Oooooowww...
Those moans now slow to groans!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Silent Are My Whispers
You I wish to touch and hold near.
It is you in my mind and heart,
I consume with a desired taste.
But I fear you will object to the heat of my passion.
And since I am old fashioned...
And hesitate to waste a movement embraced,
Sought to be taken without a moment in wait.
To make a later date.
Silent are my whispers!
Although quick,
I wish...
For you to accept my probing hands.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful
Each day I live
I want to be
A day to give
The best of me
I'm only one
But not alone
My finest day
Is yet unknown
I broke my heart
Fought every gain
To taste the sweet
I face the pain
I rise and fall
Yet through it all
This much remains
I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity
I've lived to be
The very best
I want it all
No time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance
Here in my hands
Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity
You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine
Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free
song performed by by Whitney Houston
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Gathering Pecans
fond childhood memories
of gathering pecans
from beneath the pecan tree
linger on
the sweet smell
of mother's sticky buns
baking in the oven
poem by Faith Elizabeth Brigham
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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